After taking a long look at his flyer for the forty-third time, Professor suddenly exploded with maniacal laughter. It was finally perfected. He adjusted his tie and made his way outside of the HQ trying to gather the few random people that were walking by.

Good news, everyone! The time has finally come. What time you might ask? It's simple really, we have seen in these streets all sorts of different boxing and wrestling competitions in efforts to try and figure out who truly is the toughest mafioso roaming around. You kids with your fancy jalopies and fighting techniques. I am proud to be the first to bring the great sport of indian leg wrestling to these shores. Lets really get to the bottom of finding the toughest S.O.B. around. 

It takes nothing but sheer strength and a little luck to be successful here. What is indian leg wrestling you may ask? I am not entirely sure. For the sake of the rules, we will pretend I know what I am talking about. Each match will consist of a 1v1 random pairing. Each contestant will lay down on their back side by side in a reversed position. Raising their leg closest to their competitor, they will then lock the corresponding legs. The first person that is able to force the other leg down, wins. As we have seen in other competitions of the sort this too will be a single elimination tournament with only one victor standing at the end. So, do you have what it takes?

The fragile looking old man forcefully jams a piece of paper into your chest before you're able to get a word in. You hesitantly grab the flyer, uncrumple it and have yourself a look. 

The Inaugural Indian Leg Wrestling Championship

• All entrants are welcome. (Except for hot-blooded latinas)
• Whether you're a Civilian or a Godfather, you're able to join and rank won't play into the outcome.
• Usage of LEGS ONLY. (Foreign objects will lead to an abrupt DQ)
• No tag teams allowed, this is a solo event.
• Prizes will include cash, credits and perks to the top 4 placed wrestlers. 
• Entry is completely FREE of charge to you. Just sign up, and the ILW board will take it from there.
• Everyone must congratulate Illuminatiated even if he loses during the first round. (He probably will)

You finish reading the underwhelming flyer and glance over at a bewildered Professor pacing back and forth.

Hrm, what am I doing again? Oh, yes, yes, that's right. Something about native american limbs. Well, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Why not have a go at it?! I am hopeful to get a minimum of 4 people to join so I can give these items away. If we are lucky enough to get more than that I will only be taking the first 16 entrants. Best of luck to those of you brave enough to put your own legs at risk. You all deserve something but unfortunately a man has to eat too. So you losers will instead get a swift kick in the ass and maybe an insult hurled your way from the audience.

Professor puts up a sign up sheet and continues handing out flyers to every passerby he can. 

Disclaimer:

*Professor and those affiliated with the ILW are NOT responsible for the injuries to the wrestlers physically as well as their egos.

Balls finds a flier on the sidewalk and sees Professor talking on the street corner. He listens intently as Professor speaks.

"Thank you, Professor, for this great event. It’ll be a smashing show! This show of Native Martial Arts will be a new experience for us all. I will surely find some time to enter and of course, encourage all of Philadelphia to find quality entrants to this."

"I will begin my own preparations too, as an entrant. I will work my legs. I will lift things with my knees and not my back. I will squat for long periods of time. I will kick walls down, and I will be a champion in this event of yours. I welcome any challenger to come up against me. I do have one opponent I fear in the ring though. I have heard tales of Illuminatiated’s legs. They are famed around the world, and utterly gorgeous. Beyond their utility in the ring, their beauty is a great distraction. I can imagine them oiled up now."

Balls drifts away in his own mind for a second before snapping back to reality and hastily clearing his throat and acting like nothing happened.

"I will be there ready to win though, and I will do my best to not be lured by distractions, such as those delicious legs."

Balls goes back to his HQ to begin his exercises.

Dixie read the flier. Then, he read it again slowly as his lips formed a smile. By the third time he read it, his smile was wide and he was flexing his hamstrings in an alternating cycle. First his left, then his right. 

An Indian Leg Wrestle you say? Which one of my three am I to use? 

Dixie flexed them all, one by one. Surely the world of Mafiaso would not last very long with Dixie. He stood tall and strong amongst his peers. But they weren't really peers, were they? They were softer, shorter, less muscly than he - at least he hoped so. But confidence was half the battle. As Dixie pondered how this competition would work, and what the act of leg wrestling even looked like, he suddenly had an urge to show everyone how thick his leg was. 

You there! Thinking of signing up? Take a look at THIS!

He flexed with all his might. He flexed until his face turned red and until he was getting light headed. Swaying on his feet, he spat out a few more words...

Sign me up. And to anyone who thinks they can compete? With this? Bring it ON.

He relaxed his legs a fraction of a second before passing out. He regained his balance, brushed off his shoulder and walked away, beaming with pride of showing everyone what he had.

BlackBetty had been shuffling through Balls mail, it was a tedious job, especially filtering out all the love notes from Shaft. Noticing a flyer from Professor, a wry smile crept across her face.

Hmm...leg wrestling?

Betty glanced at TomRawrdy with glee. Having successfully competed in a recent toe wrestling contest she was on a high at her triumph and figured this was a natural progression in her repertoire. Snapping her fingers sharply at Tom she started to dictate a shopping list to him. He dutifully grabbed his crayons and scribbled some drawings of the things Betty wanted.

Alright, for starters, get me some balloons, large rubber bands and some chalk.  Call to the grocers and put in an order for watermelons, to be delivered daily. When you have done all that, go and inform Professor that I will be taking part in the competition.

Making her way back to her own office, Betty leaned against her desk and began rocking to and fro on her heels and her toes, limbering up her little legs and imagining taking home the prize.

Waking up from his daily nap Professor was a little startled at the sudden influx of people standing in front of his sign up sheet. He nervously motioned to one of his most trusted BG's to ensure his financials were in order to continue with his dream of curating the first ILW Championship. His loyal companion gave him a nod confirming the senile old man was, indeed, still wealthy.

I had almost lost hope! Alas, we have some entrants! Come one, come all! I will leave registration open for a few more days yet with hopes of other Indian leg wrestling connoisseurs throwing their hat into the ring. Don't be afraid to try your hand...erm I mean leg in this wild competition of ours.

Pivoting and doing a quick 180, the old man had to shield his eyes from the glistening legs of the entrants that had already signed up. Knowing the spectators were in for a treat, a slight smirk began to take over Professors face. Then reality set in and he turned back around in an attempt to find Zoidberg.

Ian couldn't help but be intrigued by the sudden commotion surrounding this most unorthodox event. He moved closer through the throngs of people to the front of the mob where the old Professor was standing.

"Hello Professor. I must say this is quite the unique event you have concocted. I can't help but feel there's some spurious undertones in wanting to see so many legs entangled but we won't dwell on that right now."

He opened his jacket and drew a large wad of money out, without so much as a glance he handed it to the Professor and nodded to one of his bodyguards who retrieved a briefcase from a waiting car and brought it forward. He handed it to Ian who opened it to display it brimming with bank notes. The old competition (and possible pervert) creator, was a bit taken aback. Ian smiled.

"I am a little reserved for such antics but I'd like to add a million to the pot and help boost the prizes for this source of inevitable hilarity."

There was a smattering of applause and a few forced smiles.

"I'd also like to nominate my right hand man ImportantBusinessman, as a contestant in the event. To represent our family. I know he may look every inch the awkward bean counter but believe me when I say, he is spectacularly wriggly. You only have to witness the acrobatic marvel that is his daily resistance to bighead's attempts to tackle him in the headquarters. I honestly have never seen anything quite like it.

Now I'm sure he'll be resistant to this idea but I've been telling him he needs to get out more. So don't take no for an answer. He will participate, regardless of his willingness to do so."

Ian shook the Professor's hand and the turned to pay his respects to the other Philly luminaries and the Godfather  Chairman, Balls.

ScreamingButterfly read the flyer and thought this was just the thing she needed. She had wondered how she was going to leave a legacy in this thing of ours, since she was mostly pretty useless, and figured leg wrestling might just be the thing she could excel at.

Sign me up! I will kick some butt!

Cork had been doing an odd amount of leg days lately... between that and his usual habit of wandering up and down Hollywood Boulevard he'd developed some pretty great legs. 

Well Mr. Professor, with this star studded group of entrants how could I pass up a chance to compete? Count me in!

Maneuvering his way through the sea of legs, Professor finally gets to the front of the rambunctious group of people that had been patiently waiting. He gets a head count and almost runs out of fingers. Despite the name, math had never been his strong suit. After attempting to clear his throat an unnecessary amount of times Professor started to speak.

Good news, everyone! It is inching closer and closer to the start of our great event. I will no longer be accepting any entrants after Aug 13th 23:59. So, if you're wanting to get your hands on some of the riches that are to be had... you better get on with it! The clock it ticking. Once the deadline has passed, the ILW committee will come up with a randomized first round of pairings which will be made available here. I am hoping to see the competitive juices flowing and the legs flexing. Stay tuned!

Trying to hide the intimidation he felt from the size of some of the contestants thighs and quads, the old man headed straight for his limo. No babies were kissed, no hands were shaken. 

Camie Utsushimi's eyes land on a colorful flier that catches her attention while she's going about her day. The flier announces an Indian Leg Wrestling competition, a unique event where participants engage in a battle of strength using only their legs. The prize money is prominently displayed, sparking Camie's interest.

Curiosity piqued, Camie takes a moment to read the details and requirements of the competition. The idea of showcasing her physical prowess in a non-traditional way intrigues her. She envisions the challenge and the sense of accomplishment that would come with mastering the art of Indian Leg Wrestling.

With a determined smile, Camie decides to seize the opportunity. She signs up for the competition, eager to test her skills and potentially win the prize money. Her excitement grows as she envisions herself participating in the event, embracing the unique nature of the competition.

As she prepares to enter the world of Indian Leg Wrestling, Camie's determination to excel shines through. She embraces the challenge with enthusiasm, ready to showcase her strength and determination in a way that's different than usual for her. She bounces on her feet to loosen up a bit and then  begins to stretch her limbs. Scanning the room she begin to check out potential first round matchups, curious as to who she’d end up against. 

You take notice of what looks like a blur, catching your eye the blur starts slowing down and takes focus, it's the Professor. You had never seen an old man move with such velocity, speed and momentum. You start to feel a sense of relief that this wiry old man is running the event instead of participating. Taking a step back you hear the coordinator of the event start to speak.

Good news, everyone! The time we have all been waiting for has finally arrived. Eight brave contestants are willing to lock legs in order to find out who has the most cunning calves, tantalizing thighs, AND superb shins. The ILW committee has worked diligently in an attempt to bring you the best possible match-ups we could. We are proud to present to you the first round of our splendid event! Here is our fight card...

ROUND 1 

Outkast vs Camie

A battle between two wiseguys, may the best (wo)man win. 

Dixie_Rect vs ScreamingButterfly

An intriguing match-up, lets hope the bout is as good as their names are. 

BlackBetty vs Teyla

Two hands go at it, too bad they'll be off limits. 

Balls vs Cork

Last, but certainly not least we have two CLs going head to head. Trust me when I say there is no bias for my own GF. (there might be)

 

After mumbling a few words to himself Professor slaps the fight card up and gives his nod of approval. Glancing around trying to gauge the thoughts of those that were signed up to wrestle as well as those there just for the entertainment. Before heading off he once again opened his mouth in an attempt to formulate some sort of invigorating speech. 

Well, there you have it folks! Quite the first round of pairings to start off our event. I for one am excited for the enticing angles these folks have signed up to put themselves in. Results will be posted in here the next few days, best of luck to all contestants! Let the trash talking commence!