Jerk Official Friends and Family Awards.

The Jerk O.F.Fs if you will. A prestigious event designed to bring the entire community together through competently and unceremoniously recommending your nearest and dearest for an award. BIG prizes will probably be available if your nominated competitor wins! I could stand here all day proclaiming the health benefits of being a Jerk O.F.F. Better skin! Better cholesterol! Reduced risks of death, but I don't want to do that! I don't want to shower you with the spunk coming out of my mouth.

Let's not beat around the bush, suck a fisherman's friend and dive right into the categories!

The categories are:

• Biggest Jerk O.F.F! The award for the person you think is the most deserving jerker in town! The kind of guy who when friends and family see thinks "Wow, jeez, that guy is HUGE stain on society. Favorite: ImportantBusinessman
• Smallest Jerk O.F.F! For the guy who wants to be part of Jerk O.F.F without being fully equipped! Favorite: @Chewbacca
• Most Dangerous Jerk O.F.F! The Danger Jerk O.F.F Award is reserved for competitors who are not afraid to live dangerously. The kind of competitor who will gladly stand loud and proud in the middle of the streets for all to see. Favorite: TomJoad
• AND MANY MANY MORE JERK O.F.Fs to be announced in the coming days!

So step right up, proudly proclaim who you wish to receive these prestigious awards. 

DON'T BE A JERK. BE A JERK O.F.F

Disclaimer:

This event is not part of the Corrupt Competition Commission umbrella, and instead is funded separately by another entity entirely. As such, our prizes are WORLD beating and ASTRONOMICAL and other such space terms, Asteroids. JUPITER. THE MOON.

All prizes may be fictional and may not be paid out. Circumcised Jerkers Inc. is not responsible for any hurt feelings for competitors and nominees alike.

Donations are accepted and encouraged

For legal clarity please contact StandbyJudgeHarold

Chewbacca was walking the Streets, looking for a beauty salon. He really needed to cut his fur and wanted to do something stylish. He then noticed a big commotion. Someone was up on a big stage speaking about The Jerk O.F.F. awards while a lot of people gathered up to listen. Chewbacca didn't even know that such awards were a thing. He decided to grab some blue milk and stay, perhaps there would be some kind of party later that he could crash. He looked around, trying to find someone he knew amongst the crowd, when the host mentioned Chewbacca's name. Apparently he was a favorite to win the Smallest Jerk O.F.F. prize! He then walked up to the stage while some people awkwardly clapped. Someone gave him a microphone.

"RRuuuuuuuRrru! RuuaaaaGhhhhhAaa ruuuurrhhgaaawaa ruauarg! Rrruuuauaaghheah wruuuaahru wuuuurhwuh!!! Ruauh, ruuuRRRUuuhhh ruRRRRRuuuR (Thank you! It was a huge surprise for me, i never imagined myself standing here right now and having a shot at winning this prestigious award. First, i want to thank my Crew Leader Fluffy_Tummy for always supporting me. Second, i want to thank my biggest Jerk O.F.F. inspiration, MrChaChaSlide, he teached me all i know. And last, but not least, i want to thank Corky for accepting me and my non existant package into her heart. She loves me even if im not a fully equipped Jerk O.F.F." He then roared in joy "Please, vote for me! Thank you!")

I must admit that I am a little confused on the ruleset of this not-competition.

How does one enter? I wouldn't want to end up as a non-entrant and miss my opportunity for claiming a prize.

Also: I would like to nominate big-jason for the Biggest Jerk O.F.F award. I think his name speaks volumes for why he should win this award.

And who is funding this competition by the way? Inquiring minds (and journalists) would like to know.

kukus,farehams and harolds have been the biggest jerkoffs for years long before this award cermony developed

StandbyjudgeHarold, the funds are very private, but very real people. From the outstanding Private Enterprising Nameless Investing Society. A great gaggle of chaps. From what I've heard of you I have no doubt you are very, very familiar with them?

MeyerLansky is that a formal nomination for all of those terrible and friendless bloodlines? I have a particularly disdain for Harold and his alleged newspaper and will second that nomination if so.

In college, we used to sit in a circle and jerk each other off all the time. Is that what this is all about? Where am I? 

I might look like a simple level 5 Gangster, but I'll have you know I'm actually level 7. My left hand is actually in a bandage right now from shattering a glass with my bare hands. I could crush your shell like it was dust, if it was socially acceptable to publicly threaten to crush other members of the Mafia world.

MeyerLansky, write your own newspaper and I'll listen to your complaints. Until then your words are as insignificant as the bagel I ate for breakfast this morning.

Fluff had been standing at a street corner and watching the 2 footed giants lumber on and squawk about something intelligible to him. He wondered what made them so interested in a contest. Was it perhaps filled with good prizes? Like big chunks of Jerk Chicken, he loved jerk chicken especially the ones that didn't make his mouth burn for hours but with the proper catnip dosage even those were manageable. He told his bodyguard to check it out and hear back what was all this commotion about, they better had chicken!! Otherwise, he'd have to ask aqua_tofana again, she never seemed to run out of chicken!

Hearing back about the content of the speech, he was very disappointed, no food, only vaguely promised rewards. He was so annoyed, he decided to just hop up on the soapbox next to the speaker and did a quick number 1 before he jumped off and left without thinking twice about this again.

The competition is unfortunately cancelled due to no shows from some usually fantastic Jerk O.F.Fs, and the huge unprecedented prize will rollover to the next event, The Jerk O.F.F Biscuit competition! Popular gopher, GordonGekko likes his soggy, but how do you like yours?!

Do you think that might have something to do with your disavowal of the Competition Commission as an oversight function? People aren't stupid, and usually are not suicidal. I'm calling bullshit on this one. Send me my fucking prize.