You notice a new gigantic structure covered by a huge fancy pink curtain set up in the middle of the streets. Warmonger stands peacefully on display wielding a beautiful bouquet of flowers along with the widest grin. The team had put a lot of effort into today and he was nothing short of ecstatic. Finally it was happening. South Philly had recently done a lot in their quest to give back to the community, but Don Warmonger's excitement about this plan far exceeded anything they'd done before. Being such a peaceful man, he couldn't understand the need for so much animosity. The guilt was weighing on him. He had tried his best to mimic Godfather Transistor. It just wasn't him. He was a softer soul. Gentle. Peaceful.

A crowd was beginning to form but Warmonger remained perfectly still. Motionless. Just holding his flowers and flashing his grin in pure tranquillity. Suddenly a rhythmic drumming from beyond the curtain. The chatter of onlookers hushed down. As silence overtook, Warmonger burst into life, lifting his arms above his head and giving the flowers a shake.

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for stopping by!" He breaks into a giddy jig for a moment before continuing. "Oh it feels good to move! AN ENTIRE HOUR I've been stood there like that!" He faces the curtain for his complaint before turning back to the crowd. "Anyway... Enough about me. Sorry, it just feels so good to be off the leash and capable of speaking without Tyrant Transistor first permitting me, you know?"

"Okay, serious faces on, people. This is actually a very sincere moment. There's been a lot of talk back in our HQ about these homeless folk who keep attacking the boss. And rightly so - it angers me too, believe me. But - it has regretfully led to a growing amount of bloodshed. Now let me first tell you - I am loyal as a dog. I love my boss, my family, my district, my city... Fuck it - I love everyone. But one thing I do not love is violence." Warmonger shakes his head in disappointment. "There has to be another way, right? What about kindness? And love? What about peace, man?"

"I understand more than anyone just how needy and pathetic the homeless can be, trust me... There's this one guy... Never mind, I won't go into details. The point is... Maybe these people are... You know..." He points to his head, rattling his skull and wiggling his eyeballs around. "Nuts, yeah? We can't all be high performing mobsters businessfolk, unfortunately. For the elite to exist, so must... the others."

"So here's the plan... We're going to HELP the homeless. You know... Clear up our streets a little, hopefully. Take a little pride in where we live."

The Don skips through the crowd to a rough looking fellow asleep in a nearby doorway. He halts for a moment as his nose acclimatises to the stench of piss, but proceeds to nudge the scruffy bundle of rags. "Hey... Wake up. Pssst." He turns to face the crowd whose attention are fixed on the bum in the doorway. "Hey dude... I really hope you're not dead, there's a lot of people here... It's gonna look real shitty if I'm poking a dead guy in the streets! What will the papers say about that?!" Warmonger gives the bum a harder shove causing him to stir abruptly. The stench of piss rushes Warmonger's nose again forcing him to his feet and a step back as the tramp begins to flail his arms about. He mutters incoherently - something, something, Leader of the Streets or some shit... Poor, crazy bastard.

"Morning, sir... Well actually it's evening. Are you with us?" The peaceful Don smiles softly. The crazy dude just rambles in return. "Okay, sir. Well I hope you've had a good rest. I'm Warmonger - I brought you there." He places the flowers beside the floor dweller and leans in to speak hushed. "And when you're ready, we'll have some refreshments over here... Shh, they don't know yet, but make sure you come eat, okay little buddy? Coffee's fresh." Warmonger grins and skips off to his original position in front of the curtain.

"Isn't it just dreadful? That is someone's son, you know... Maybe even someone's Father." He shudders at the thought... Warmonger's Father was one crazy man, but at least he had a home... Family... Love - even if he didn't deserve it half the time. He shakes off the thought and skips over to the rope beside the curtain before addressing the crowd once more.

"Ladies and gentlemen..." He pulls on the rope, drawing the curtain open to reveal an entire kitchen under a large tent, with a beautiful display of cakes laid out in front on a large table. Many different shapes and sizes, all home-baked and hand-decorated. "Welcome to South Philly's 'Help The Homeless' Cake Sale!" 

Warmonger skips gleefully over to the group of people under the open tent, all of whom are familiar faces to you. He places his arm around Don Gladius and presents him to the crowd.

"Meet our Head Chef, the one-and-only Culinary (Grampa) Gangsta Gladius! All of the recipes were his idea and they're all delicious, I must admit! Warmonger taps his belly before continuing. "If I had to recommend one though, it'd have to be the Prime-apple! Now THAT'S a cake!"

"Now please don't misunderstand me... The Culinary Gangsta didn't do all of this alone - most certainly not! We've got a whole crew of people here supporting the cause! We've got Don Alexa, Don Sisu, Consigliere Ruffian, Boss @GeorgeConstanza. We've all been hard at work. Not Transistor so much... He's been busy all day. I'm not sure he'd much appreciate us spending the entire day baking and selling cakes only to give the money to the homeless anyway..."

The gang of chefs begin muttering amongst themselves before rowdy Ruffian speaks up. "What do you mean, give the money...? I don't work for free!"

Warmonger peers back at the group. "Oh, I guess I didn't tell you yet, huh? Any money raised today is going to help the homeless..." He pauses, gulping before he delivers the second half of the news. "Okay, so... This is kind of crazy. But hear me out..."

"In light of that weird Kuku fella finally beginning to pay his debt back to Godfather Transistor, I think we should cut him a little slack. He only owes $79m now. That's a huge improvement since yesterday... He really seems to be trying, you know? Maybe we should try too..." 

The gang stare at him, gobsmacked, confused and betrayed.

"Guys, I'm not saying invite him back to our HQs... The guy's clearly batshit, but this could be good for us..." The gang remain silent. "Alright, just listen to the rest of my plan... and then tell me what you think."

Warmonger hurries over to a nearby fleet of vehicles. "Alright fellas - come join us!" The many doors of the vehicles all begin to open at once, followed by several large men appearing from inside. They're all dressed identically, looking freakishly familiar to one another in their appearance and features. Like a group of inmates, they form a single-file line and make their way to the side of the cake display, standing shoulder-to-shoulder, facing the crowd.

The Don turns to the congregation. "So this here is what we call inventory. Specifically our inventory of bodyguards. We've got an entire system running in South Philly, this is no two-bit operation, let me tell ya! We're serious business over in Philly. Anyway - here's the deal. You step up to the stall, you buy a cake and you take a bodyguard home. It's that simple! Bonus prize - you're helping the homeless!"

Warmonger dashes back to the gang, addressing them directly. "Come on guys... I'll sort it with Transistor. Don't worry about that. You've all worked so hard... Let's just sell the cakes, eh?" He smiles softly. "Whatd'yasay?"

I say yes, a thousand times, yes! Step right up folks and get your cake with complimentary beefcake. She says as she eyes up the crowd of large and imposing men.

One per customer, get em while they are HOT!

She gets serious for a moment, her brow furrowing.

This is for all the homeless, and those with massive debts. We will get you all back on your feet. She begins to hand a cake to each of the men. Please form an orderly queue. Thank you!

Ruffian was working in the kitchen along with everyone else waiting for Warmonger to introduce them. They had almost finished making this huge feast and all that was left now was to enjoy it. Ruff saw Warmonger coming and everyone put on their fake smiles and pretended to care about the homeless. They even hid their dirty spoons which they were using to eat all this delicious food which they made all for themselves while only giving out a cake for the homeless. If there’s anything Ruff loved more in this world than his precious 8-hour sleep, it was good food. And he did not go with none of that vegetarian stuff. Ruff preferred meat. His logic was, if it isn’t meant to be eaten then why does it taste so damn delicious. But this day was focused more on the cakes. Not as fun but at least they had egg in them so that was something.

Anyway, as Warmonger finally came to them to introduce the whole kitchen crew to the crowd, they all pretended to be happy and generous and cheerful. Right up until Warmonger finally blurted out the truth about how this event was a charity and they were giving away all the proceeds from today. You see everyone in the HQ was led to believe this was a for profit event and we were going to keep all the money we make today all for ourselves. It was one of the brilliant ideas of the scammer Ruff to scam the general public but Warmonger seemed to have changed things a bit.

Needless to say, everyone was disappointed but they couldn’t do much to Warmonger in front of this huge crowd. Or could they? Ruff let Warmonger finish his speech and make all these big gestures, while he thought of things he could do to Warmonger.

Ruff thought to himself “Maybe I should put some laxatives in his cake, or maybe I should put some laxatives in his drink. Oh! Wait, no I got it! I am going to put laxatives in his cake AND in his drink”

For some weird reason all of Ruff’s ideas to get back at Warmonger revolved around laxatives. But that was just a start. Ruff has bigger plans for this betrayal he was dealt by his Dear Warmonger, and Dearmonger WILL pay for this betrayal.