Gillian and Kuku - The Stunning Similarities.

KILLING PRO-WACKERS

Gillian woke up this morning, got herself a gun, and then killed her pro-wacker, HeathroGordon.

Poor Heathro.  

Kuku once accidently shot and killed an allied pro-wacker - the late, great Weezer.

STREET PRESENCE

Whilst there is a vast difference in quality, popularity, cohesion, subject matter, and audience participation, Gillian and Kuku are both well known on the Streets.  Only one of them has been nominated as Street Orator of the Year, but we shouldn't let that hinder Gillian's ambitions.  The tragic talent gap that exists between them does hinder Gillian's ambitions, but perhaps, upon learning of the similarities between them, she'll stop mouthing off in cafes that we have spies in about how much she wants to kill me.

DISCUSSING SINGLE SEX ATTRACTION

Let's keep this one succinct.  A relative of Kuku, Big Ape, spoke often about his prison experiences.  Gillian is quite open about her preferred method of insufflating cocaine.  And she doesn't use a mirror like most people.

LEADERSHIP ABILITY

Another commonality between Gillian and Kuku is the complete lack of leadership ability.  Kuku gets round this by working in the background with trusted allies, including a few of Gillian's trusted allies.  Gillian keeps trying, bless her, but is widely considered as a "nutter."

So that's all for now.  What other similarities can people find between Gillian and Kuku?

Both have noodle arms.

Both have previously been sanctioned by the legendary Competition Commission. A nearly unheard of feat in the Commission's nearly 100 year existence. A true rarity and probably the greatest honor anyone could receive. 

Gillian was having a drink at a shitty greasy pub, when she noticed a commotion outside. She went out, whiskey glass in hand and listened to the young man's speech. Surprised it was about her, she said:

KILLING PRO-WACKERS

"Indeed, i will explain this better. I was unaware there had been a war in the dawn, as i was sleeping after one of my infamous benders and nights filled with hookers butts, cocaine and booze. I woke up in a sorry state, not managing to reach my little boob-shaped mailbox. I happened to look at the window and saw it had been shot and i saw an Earner outside, looking at it. My first instinct and hungover as i was, was to shoot him. After almost dragging myself downstairs and reaching the mailbox, i realized the mistake i've made. I tried helping him, but it was too late. I hurriedly sent letters through my trained pigeon to people i thought should know, even to HeathroGordon's kin, explaining what happened and apologizing. I made sure his kin received my condolences and enough money and some other stuff that would help him have a good life." She wiped a tear "We have seen this kind of mistake before, and i always laughed and said it would never happen to me. But it did."

STREET PRESENCE

Gillian drinks a sip of her whiskey and continues:

"MisterKuku i never wanted to be Street Orator of the year. I dont remember the last time you were too, you haven't written or said anything decent in a very long time. I also don't want to kill you. I wanted SaddleFlashing dead, though. I didn't shoot him, indeed, there are procedures that must be respected. But in the end, i was happy and in the end, i got what i wanted. He's dead, isn't he? Boo, hoo."

DISCUSSING SINGLE SEX ATTRACTION

"I have a boob-shaped mailbox. I think thats all what need to be said about it."

LEADERSHIP ABILITY

"To be completely honest with you, i don't know if i would be a good leader, specially because i was a Crew Leader only once, and even if it was fun, it was a funny disaster. We mostly just gambled, got drunk, go on benders and lost our HQ. My rule was to HAVE FUN. So i dont have much experience, i dont think one time is enough. Also, i dont want a leadership position. I don't have the time, you see, i spend my days occupied with snorting cocaine off of hookers asses, so i dont have time for managing a crew. I dont know about your leadership skills though, i never saw you achieve much more than a Wise Guy."

Gillian keeps trying, bless her, but is widely considered as a "nutter."

"You couldn't be more right. Everyone thinks i'm a nutter, because thats exactly what i am."

She finished her drink and heads back inside. The pub was starting to get crowded, she saw Ginger and RufusWatchdog enjoying some drinks and joined them.

"Whats up guys?! What do you say we go find some nice hookers? I know some, i promise they're STDs free!"

Heathro Jr briefly flicks over the article and decides to comment.

Though short lived my father's time here was thought to be Impactful. Humans make mistakes and he seemed to have gotten himself into the wrong place at the wrong time. I don't wish upon any bad blood.. Though next time can we avoid doing this on my birthday. :L  

Heathro, have you heard of a man named  Weezer?

Both have run a newspaper, of varying levels of success.

I wonder if Gillian will start this morning by killing an allied pro-wacker?

Good morning friends. I have returned to this wonderful street corner with a new sense of purpose and energy to succeed. After hearing much about Gillian’s morning routines I decided to try it out myself and see what all the fuss was about; and let me tell you something, it is an absolute deal breaker. 

I have never felt more refreshed and ready to take on the day. It really changed my life, made me a better person and even gave me the energy I needed to get the milk and smokes so I could finally return home to my son. Granted I did have to make a few adjustments so it was able to fit more manageably into my lifestyle. 

Ginger spins around as if to show off his outfit. A coffee stained white shirt and ripped blue jeans; homeless-chic as they would call it. 

As soon as you wake up you have to take a shot. I like to use honey, but I hear some people prefer alcohol and bullets, but to each their own right? Anyway, immediately after you down your shot, you set up a few lines. Any lines will work, I usually read a few lines of the Bible, because through Christ anything is possible. Once you feel the Lord’s power (or cocaine) coursing through your body you’re ready to get out there and make a difference. 

Now you’re probably wondering why any of this matters, and I’m getting to that point but first a counterpoint. 

Why do we ask, “why the chicken crossed the road” and never “Why did my wife leave me for that son of a bitch Todd, she worked with?” The answer might surprise you. She’s always been with Todd. This isn’t your house, they aren’t even your kids. You don’t even live in this city. You followed a duck onto a bus and just ended up here. 

So there you have it, I think I laid out all the evidence and properly articulated for you all to come to your own conclusions. I’d like to extend a personal thank you to Rufus for giving me the sound advice I needed in order to speak on this subject. 

Anyway, I digress. There is an old saying, “You can’t compare apples to oranges.” I’ve never really agreed with this idea. There are many comparisons you can make between two things that are seemingly very different. Some people prefer apples to oranges and others oranges to apples. Some people couldn’t give two shits and ignore both of them, and others think both are great to have around. 

Just because people say “Theres so big different between so I rest my case fast” it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try and celebrate the things that make us the same. There isn’t such a need to be negative about it. So the next time someone says two fruits can’t be compared, just remember; Ginger is the best. 
 

I wanted SaddleFlashing dead, though. I didn't shoot him, indeed, there are procedures that must be respected. But in the end, i was happy and in the end, i got what i wanted. He's dead, isn't he? Boo, hoo."

This isn’t exactly an accurate account of the conversation though, was it. I believe you demanded SaddleFlashing’s head, were denied, and instructed to stand down, and you obeyed begrudgingly. You only know of ‘the procedures’ because esteemed leaders like Sylence, Ketamine, and Transistor graciously wasted a great deal of time trying to explain it. You could just feel the rest of the room’s frustration in dealing with you.  As an aside, usually people grasp this concept very quickly and it doesn’t take three people multiple attempts to explain it. 

So yes, in the end SaddleFlashing died. In the end we all die.  And no doubt you were indeed happy to see him meet his demise. But to even imply that you “got what you wanted” is total crap. You argued, moaned, and made a fool of yourself only to still be denied. The disrespect even continued further when you were sent anonymous threat messages from someone in your own circle of friends, much to the amusement of everyone in the meeting except you. The way I recall the discussion ending was with you crying out to SpikeS and then exiting in a rage. 

Not sure how you keep score, but this does not sound like a Gillian win to me in my book

"You're mostly right, BillCorsica. That was exactly what happened. But in the end, i will repeat, i got what i wanted. Just took a little time for it to happen, as i decided to not waste my Don career by shooting a maggot and waited for the strings to be pulled. And the strings were pulled. Again: boo, hoo. You should know, one way or another, i got what i wanted. And boy, did i want Saddle to die. Have a nice day, little thug." She tips him 20 grand and walks away.

And boy, did i want Saddle to die. Have a nice day, little thug.

Any specific reasons why?