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Every radio in every Family across the world is now tuning there radios to 420 to catch the Daze Craze.
Static with a tune in the background begins to come in and as you adjust the dial it becomes more clear.
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"You have tuned in to the Daze Craze with StonedSilent and, well who the fuck knows?"
Music plays
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Boy: "Mom what is Daze Craze radio?"
Mom: "That's just stoner talk hunny and what do we say about marijuana?"
Boy: "Do it too much you'll go blind?"
Mom: "No sweetie, that's what Grandma told you about the other habit you're adopting. We say, "Marijuana is a drug and drugs are the devils work!"
Boy: "Then Mom? Why does Dad smoke it?"
A woman's voice seductively takes over the frequency
"You're now a go Mr. Silent. Knock em dead you sexy stoner you."
StonedSilent: "Thank you Julie. I would say the same if I could actually see you. Welcome everyone to the returning of Daze Craze radio on channel 420. I am totally stoked about doing this in memory of my great Grandfather BuddahBear. Though famous, he didn't watch his diet. Poor man adopted the munchies and was hit by a bullet eating a donut at the local market. Poor guy, but hey without him he wouldn't have paved the way for people like I to do what I am doing this very moment."
Sound of paper being ruffled in the background
StonedSilent: "Ah there is it. Why can't I ever find anything when I need it. The other night I couldn't find my under garments, I lost them in RoseTyler's apartment when her old man came home. Funny outcome but that's for another time. But right now, I mean right this moment it's time for some entertaining radio what do you think?
The same recording of claps as any other radio show played
StonedSilent: "Can we please get something new for next episode? This isn't your mom's cooking show, this is good shit, so let's get the good stuff already."
What sounded like an Elephant mating with a pig played
StonedSilent: Ok someone is getting fired for that one.
The same claps as before play once again.
StonedSilent: Very funny. Ok let's get down to business shall we? So here we go. Yes Daze Craze is back, but we are missing something aren't we? A host you say? Your absolutely correct? So to fix that problem I'm on the hunt for the next radio VJ to be by my side to bring our lovely communities a source of educational and self gratifying material. Yeah fucking right, how about a eargasm of a fucking show! Damn that has one hell of a ring to it.
A deep voice comes through the speakers
"Stay tuned Daze Craze with StonedSilent and, well who the fuck knows will be back in a moment."
Are you tired of the same ol shit on a daily basis? Routine's the same? Well look no further because that shit will never change. Thank you and have a good evening.
Tommy was a young man who hated walking the dog. Even when his parents threatened to whoop his sorry little ass he just refused to walk little Geoffrey.
Father: Tommy will you please take Geoffrey out before his pisses in your mothers house shoes again for the third time this week?
Tommy: No Dad, I have friends to go hang out, and ladies to chase.
An audible slap followed by a young man's screams
We here at humpAbitch4nothing industries have come up with a solution. Wendy the hot waitress at the burger shop replica made just for those moments. All it takes is a few simple steps:
One, pay for the damn thing.
Two, sacrifice your lungs to blow the damn thing up.
Three, place the damn thing across the street.
Four, tell your lil Tommy about the hot girl across the way and how interested in him she really is.
Problem solved!
Father: Thank you humpAbitch4nothing industries! Not only will Tommy walk the dog for hours, but now all I have to do is peek out the window before crawling into bed with my wife to improve the sex experience!
Also comes in hot construction worker Andy. Pride not included
Music begins to play then suddenly fades to the voice of StonedSilent
StonedSilent: "Welcome back ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for not going anywhere and supporting your local Chimp Conservation. As I was saying before the break. I am going to need a partner. No not in the sexual sense your perverts but as in a partner in crime, radio VJ! That's right you get your chance to take a shot at being famous. Now let me inform you, this is not an easy task. I put a lot of work into the production of this show so that certain someone has to do the same. If putting in time just isn't for you then I apologize, it just won't work out.
Stoned pauses and you can hear the man sipping out of a glass then clearing his throat
StonedSilent: The selection process is going to be as follows. Just let me know if your fucking interested or not! Simple really. That and a slight contract stating at any point you begin to slack or just can't find time, I get to embarrass you live on radio for the world to see, or should I say hear and paint a metal image of. Yeah, so if you want to be a sidekick on Daze Craze drop me a line! Now I just got news that there is a contest going on here at the studio, it goes a little something like this. I need a jingle. You know something to maybe spicin' things up a bit during the intro. Here are the rules from what I have gathered.
Paper shuffles in the background
StonedSilent: You have to go to the Streets and title your presence with (Your name)'s Jingle. I shall visit such appearences and give my humble opinion. Once the deadline hits I will select the winner. I'm not going to put any stipulations on the jingle, just do what you think the audience would die for. No not literally, sometimes I have to remember to tell myself I'm broadcasting to a world full of Mobsters. Anyhow simple really! Not only will your Jingle be played before each and every showing but you will also be the winner of a cool One Million Dollars! Yes I had to say that in my creepy voice. It just sounds cool. Anyways, if you're interested do it! If not, then be a Million less rich and continue about your ways. Ok so lets get on with our first segment shall we?
"That's right bitches it's time forrrrrrrrrr RANDOM INTERVIEW WITH THE MONSTER DOWN THE STREET TIME!"
The lame ass clap segment is played again
StonedSilent: "Oh fuck you."
Steve: I use to have problems with snoring at night. It would keep my wife up all night.
Wife: It was horrible. It sounded like a couple giraffes chasing tail through my bedroom.
Steve: But then I was introduced the S.T.F.U. It's a program dedicated to helping me sleep at night without those unbearable snores.
Wife: I boned the instructor.
Steve: Yes she did.
Both sounding off together: Thank you S.T.F.U!
Wife in a whisper: and thank you Mr. Instructor.
StonedSilent: "Welcome back and for this segment I'm going to to play a random interview with the first Mobster that passes the glass window in front of the studio. Oh and I think I found the first victim."
You hear doors open and then shut in the background
StonedSilent: "Excuse me Sir, but may I ask how you are on this fine day?"
PoisonousJelly: "I'm not to bad thank you. How're you?"
StonedSilent: "Doing my live radio show as we speak wondering if you mind answering a few questions?"
PoisonousJelly: "Excellent! Hit me with it man."
StonedSilent: "Well here we go then. Chicken or pasta?"
PoisonousJelly: "Chicken! Definitely Chicken."
StonedSilent: "Honestly, do you often choke the Chicken yourself?"
PoisonousJelly: "Every other day. My magazines are sticky."
StonedSilent: "Honesty is always key and I highly appreciate that. No matter if it's about a sticky situation or not. Much like Lilac and VinceNoir's bedsheets. So about honesty, you have a wife, you go to the local Bordello. Tell her where you were or state you were enjoying a little goat on goat action at the local meadow?"
PoisonousJelly: "If you can't be honest with your peers then you most certainly can't be honest with yourself my dear friend. I most definitely have to say I was enjoying a little goat on goat action at the local meadow. It's just who I am. Where I am from. It's in my blood!"
StonedSilent: "See ladies and Gentlemen. We can learn something today. Honesty is always key! Thank you very much for your time my friend!"
PoisonousJelly: "Not a problem Mr Silent. Enjoy!"
StonedSilent: "So there you have it, a man of pure honesty, Ok now for my next intriguing individual. Hey there. How are doing on this fine day?"
Batman: "Hey doing good how about you?"
StonedSilent: "Not too bad thank you! I'm StonedSilent from Daze Craze radio. Doing our first airing live as we speak and would like to ask your a few questions if you don't mind?"
Batman: "Good to hear. Right sure go ahead and proceed with your questions."
StonedSilent: "So we all know how damned sexy Bunny is right? Do you think she prefers a manly man, or more of a "take it anyway you want it" kinda guy?"
Batman: "Sorry but what was this for again? That's some random stuff but anyways I will still answer your questions. Judging from the way she gives that flirty look in her picture? Defo a manly man. But a, "take it anyway you want it" kinda girl, could probably do as well too. But again, the question was about her preference and I'd go with manly man."
StonedSilent: "Being a fan of Bats do you feel you're a manly man? I mean sure they are creepy and live in caves, pretty hardcore if you ask me, but do you think you could stand up to the daily whippings she dishes out?"
Batman: "I'm no fan you fool, I'm the real thing! And what are these questions suppose to relate to anything worth interviewing about? And I think she wouldn't stand a chance taking me on."
StonedSilent: "Well thank you for your time! Enjoy the rest of your day. Very interesting indeed! Hmm, let's see. Hey you there! Come here for a second please. Hi there how are you doing on this fine day?"
Oscar-Meyer: "Pretty good how are you doing on this fine day?"
StonedSilent: "Oustanding thanks for asking! Now I know your a hand for Detroit, but I'm going to ask something and would like an honest answer. What do you think of Grilled Cheese sandwiches?"
Oscar-Meyer: "Well to be honest I think there fuckin Delicious, specially with some tomato soup and crackers!"
StonedSilent: "Hell yeah buddy!!! Now if you were able to breed any two animals, and it was possible, to make the coolest looking species what would they be?"
Oscar-Meyer: "Hmmm two species breeding to make one badass species? I'd have to say I'd breed a siberian tiger, bred with a bald eagle! Yea that'd be pretty friggin interesting to see if you ask me!"
StonedSilent: "So what would you call that exactly? Teagle? And how would that work exactly? Would it shit egg's and regurgitate carcass to it's young?"
Oscar-Meyer: "Yea Teagle sounds bout right! Thinking it would have talons on his back legs but regular tiger legs on the front! Not sure how that'd work. Thinking tiger head but with a eagle beak, so yea it'd have to regurgitate to it's young!"
StonedSilent: "Sounds kind of familiar. Have you heard of a Snowball before? It's fairly similar although it's kindly like regurgitating someone's young. Is that something you may be a fan of?"
Oscar-Meyer: "Ummm, yes i've heard of it before! But no you disgusting shit, I wouldn't be a fan of it!"
StonedSilent: "Well fine just walk off then! I didn't want to talk to you anyways! So anyways listeners, get your best Jingles written and don't forget to drop me a line expressing your interest! Now onto the weather so we can wrap this up."
Man's voice comes blasting through the radio
"Chicago is fucking windy. New Orleans is bright as shit. Boston is gloomier than a depressed women after being dumped by a Blond with Blue eyes from the local night club. New York is cloudy as hell. Philly is raining fucking midgets and mice, because cats and dogs are overrated. The rest well who gives a shit. Detroit is just fucking horribly cold. Now back to you asshole."
StonedSilent: "Thank you non excited weatherman. So this is StonedSilent signing out for tonights first airing. It will only get better as time goes on so make sure you stay tuned for the next airing of Daze Craze radio on 420!"
A jingle would play, but there isn't one!
Silence streams through the radio's
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