Dread Pirate Pickles hobbles up to the crowd on crutches with bandages on his head and hands.

Listen up everyone, and let me tell you how I earned my battle wounds in the latest war in loyal service to Vaticus!

Pickles settles onto a chair and begins his tale of heroism.

It was war!  Several of the NORCo hitters ran up to the armory and got their shiny new guns and bullet proof vests.  I stood out front trying to sell them a couple of 47 Enterprises© Novelty Bullet Proof Vests™, after all, war is good for business.  Sadly, JM Browning was the only one to buy one.

Anyway, there I was, making hot chocolate in the crew kitchen when the phone rang.  It was Vaticus.  “Pickles,” he said, “Go check the mail!  I’m expecting my latest issue of Faberge Egg Fancy and Rubber Duck Digest.”

Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it.  First, on my way out of the HQ, I came to the reinforced interior doors.  The problem is, Vegeta likes to drink and put peanut butter on the door knobs.  I don’t know what his problem is, but I managed to get through.  Then I walked to the reinforced front door, which was jammed again like always because Cash like to penny the door for fun.  When I finally pulled the door open, I smacked my head on it.  Then, I had to get past seven, count ‘em folks, seven perimeter walls, just to get to the barbed wire fence!  Now, I’m pretty sure Vaticus would have my head on a silver platter if he knew I was giving away NORCo secrets, but  . . .

Pickles whispers

He used the lowest bidder to make our defenses.  Those idiots forgot to put a gate in the barbed wire.

Pickles resumes normal tone

So, I had to jump the first barbed wire fence.  Which isn’t too bad, I’ve been working out.  But, as I was grabbing the next fence to pull apart the wires to squeeze through, I was reminded that the fence is electrified!  Great!  Now, I always taste copper and I think my fillings are picking up radio transmissions from Canadian spies!

Finally, I make it to the reinforced front gate when I realize I forgot the key inside the HQ.  What do you think I did?  Well, I turned around to go back when the guard dogs started growling at me like they haven’t been fed in days!  I thought that was Lovey’s job!  Well, with the hounds unleashed I was extra inspired to leap that electric fence in a single jump.  Landing . . . well that was different.  Mother Pickles will probably never have grandchildren.

And, wouldn’t you know it, Gazputin locked the front door.  I rang the door bell.  Silly me, I forgot I replaced it with a 47 Enterprises© Novelty Door Bell™ which squirts water on my face!

So, at this point, I’m thinking I might try to crawl through a window, but of course they all have bars on ‘em.  I guess Vaticus is just trying to get his crew used to the inside of a cell.  So, I sat down on the front stoop, when I remembered the hidden escape route!  If you can get out, you can get in.  So, I followed the bright neon signs showing the way to the hidden escape route, and I pried the door open, but there was that girl still in there.  Vaticus promised to call her back, but never did.  So, I couldn’t go through there, obviously. 

So, electrocuted, bitten, and scratched, I sat back down on the stoop, and then looked up . . . . it started to rain!  Then, the mail man walked up to me and handed me the magazines and walked away.  The moral of the story is, if the phone rings, don’t answer it!

Bloody cowboy builders!

I had nothing to do with the lead from the roof going missing though, I swear.

Bahahahhhhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahaa

 The moral of the story is, if the phone rings, don’t answer it! hahahaha < Well ,This was nice story

I don't know about this Penny the door business, but I do know about throwing some pennies at show girl dancers. I like to make it hail with my CASH MONEY goodness.

CASH snickers.

Honestly, I can't even really comment on what you just said. I stopped paying attention after I heard the part about myself.

She beams a smile.

Though, if I'm doing something and it in turn hurts you. I'm properly pleased with myself.