Finishing up a short conversation with his right hand Mr. McHannon, Carl makes his way past a selected group of Chicago family members to be on stage as the roast takes place. The audience and participants were still making there way into the auditorium. Taking there seats one by one, the smoke was flying and the drinks were being passed about. Eventhough Carl was just a young man with so many adults in the building he figured he could get away with drinking a little bit himself so he kept his moonshine in the sippy-cup any no one seemed to notice. As the last few took there seats, Carl took that as his time to begin the ceremony. Taking a final drink from his cup, shaped like a giraffe, and turned to his audience to welcome them!

SpaceCowboy sat in the center of the stage with a throne for him sit on while under the microscope.

Hello, welcome to the Roast of SpaceCowboy!

Carl waits for what seems to be an unusually long cheering and celebrating period before he could continue.

Wow, looks like everyone here tonight is either as excited as I am to get a chance to finally tell me boss what an ass he or my lovely audience is extremely intoxicated already. Either way it looks like everyone is going to have a good time so lets get this started people. I Carl will be your host for the roast this evening. Getting the opportunity to work as SpaceCowboys right hand gave me a birds eye view into his day-today life. Tonight, I am here to air all dirty laundry and leave no stone unturned! I'm sure if I miss something along the road we will have someone else find it. That is why I brought some of my closest family along with me here tonight, but I know that won't be enough for this Space Outlaw.

I urge everyone to get involved, once I am finished it will be an open mic. We're making sure we usher in my leaders 356th day in this life of ours the right way, in style(abuse). For Christ sake, the man has either worked for each and everyone of us in our bloodlines. Wether it was just working in the same family or city, I'm pretty sure if anyone has gotten around the block it's this guy. I mean this guy could be going senile already, I'm sure you have all noticed. He gave me, a 9 year old with pistols holstered on each side wearing a cowboy hat a set of keys to his own headquarters. We have worked together for a long period of time, I am just thankful he never stopped to check for my identification.

It is bad enough I catch him rummiging through my dirty laundry wearing an astronaught helmet constantly taking five thousand dollars from me in the middle of the night. The air must really be that thin in space, because I think he drives a short bus and tries to pull it off as a "spaceship". I heard how your dating game went, two out of the three contestants were women and you picked the male.

Carl shakes his head and looks over to his family eagerly anticipating there turn to roast there city leader.

Nuff said, I'm done here. Thank you for being here tonight, let's get this party started!

<---- This guy here, enough said. I mean come on. I beat out two girls...

Well done Spike, make sure he takes you somewhere nice. He always made me order off of the childrens menu.

He was trying to get me to pay for it. What a gentleman.

Grins and laughs trying not to fall off his throne

Fall off your throne , you should be trying not to fall off your spacecowgirl!

When I heard the one year anniversary of SpaceCowboy was coming, I must say I was slightly nervous. I figured as the singularly coolest person in Chicago, I'd be asked to say some words to the public  about the accomplishments and leadership ability of SpaceCowboy. Well...here we are and I've realized two things: 1) nobody gave two shits to ask me for my words and 2) even if they did, I couldn't think of a damn thing to say to paint this guy in a positive light.

The truth is, SpaceCowboy is a benefactor of a particularly lucky set of circumstances. I mean, let's be real here. FOUR different cities, SIX different leaders and all the man has done is take nearly 365 days to achieve the rank of Don. And the impendening rank of Godfather? Well, thank GOD that Phil_Steak came along!

Digging into the diary of my father who worked with SpaceCowboy, I found some interesting facts about the man who  now represents Chicago. Decent earner? Sure, why not. Dedicated Hand? Meh. Mentor and and leader by example? Pfffsh. Can you imagine how hard it was for the upper structure to promote rank progression with this joker holding a prominent position? Puuhh-lease!

All in all, SpaceCowboy leading Chicago isn't such a bad thing. I mean, consider this: with his (lack of) motivation and dedication, how hard could it possibly be to plan and execute and internal takedown? The man could be BG waved for days before he noticed, allowing even the weakest of guns to take the final shot. Oh yea, we're in real great hands. 

I guess I can close by saying congratulations on your 365 days of being....well, just being. May you continue to breath and reap the benefits from those around you! 

Raoul steps up applauding as he goes. He smiles and waits for the rest of the rabble to pipe down in front.

Just two minor points before I start Carl. The first is, is it really his 356th Day? Are we doing this thing 9 days early? Yeah I know, stop busting your balls, it was only a slip of the tongue. Well a slip of the tongue is the difference between really good oral and a rim job.

And speaking of rim jobs, are you really only 9 years old? My you are a well developed young lad for 9. Perhaps after the celebrations you can come up to my room and help me organize my World Series Baseball cards? No? I have Ice cream too. Ok well fair enough, the offer stands if you change your mind...

Anyway we're here to talk about SpaceCowboy, and not work on my love life. Its only since the death of my former lover, Timothy Petrov that I got to know Spacey. You see, it was only with the ascendency of Lilac Delaney, that I finally got promoted to chief Rent Boy. Which is when I came to the attention of Spacey, came and attention being two of the words he liked best about me. You see, I'm not saying Spacey is a bit of a man whore, but he definitely gets around. NY, Philly, LA and Chicago, he has had quite the life. In essence, SpaceCowboy, Godfather apparent, the most powerful man in Chicago, lay on his back and rode his way to the top. He has developed some unique tastes along the way, which is why my services where needed. I'm telling you now Spike, you are in for a hell of a date. So as its my job to ensure the big man, and he really isn't that big if you know what I mean, gets his rocks off, he made sure that I got a position of power in his new regime. Wanderer was a trifle pissed when he got kicked out on his ear, hence why he doesn't lube up anymore, but I feel as if I have settled in well as Lilac's Left hand and Spacey's any hand.

So here's to you boss, Millionaire, philanthropist, misogynist, and all round sexual deviant. Happy Birthday.

Raoul blows SpaceCowboy a kiss and returns to the crowd.

"Ohhh this has been a long time coming. When I first approached SpaceCowboy he wearing one of the most unusual suits I have ever seen. It was sooooooo fucking bad that I actually passed him up to talk to a few more CL's I thought would be more mentally stable. After thinking I should at least give the guy a chance, I looked at him again and he was already in another weird fucked up suit! No lie, two suits in a matter of 10 minutes. Who the hell does that? Then my destiny was signed, I wanted whatever drugs he was on. He was obviously on some shit that made him feel like he was back singing in the Beetles Era.

This guy is so old, that he has out lived 3 of my family linage now and the guy still can't get Don. Here we are a year later and he is still waiting to get Godfather! Can we say Jono repeat?

He is obviously attracted to SpikeSpiegel more then LadyFighter and CASHMONEYMILLIONAIRE.... True love finds itself blind!  Also to note that he has been in a family in just about every city this world of ours has had.. How does he exactly live through these wars you ask? Sending nudies to the opposing side, it has been confirmed. He whores himself to live. Then the CL he works for dies until he finally seen the day to get his own HQ! Finally that curse came to an end... oh wait shit, Phil Steak had to save your ass again! Besides leaning on every CL he has ever had and being the 'Godfather Whore' passed around more then EAforAA's mom, he hasn't been THAT bad.

And yes, I am going to go here because it needs to be done! Rayden, ex lover and auth by Squidmatser.... Hold on... Ex lover... Authed by SquidMaster... Seems someone beat you to it bro!

Sometimes I will open my mail to daily anime porn that he has been looking at the night before and thought I might want to take a look at it also. It is disturbing I know, but it got worse with Clown Anime Porn. Now that is somewhere.... only SpaceCowboy dares to enter.

Did I meantion he can make a mean ass taco? At least there is one good quality in my city leader! We can always make a run to Mexico and be able to make a decent living with those cooking skills."

Raoul wonders if an Ass Taco is like the Horse Bugers and Lasagne they've been selling in the UK lately...

RoseTyler walks up to the microphone clapping for her fellow mobsters that have endured SpaceCowboy, grabbing the microphone and twirling it in her fingers before drawing her attention to her boss.

Oh SpaceCowboy, where do I start with you? I came to your city with a few of my fallen comrades because you seemed like you were a genuinely nice guy, and you had more than enough room in your family. I should have taken that as my first hint. 

Your obsession with children's cartoons worries me a little, I must admit. One day you're running around the headquarters drunk as hell in a space helmet, and the next you're donning tights and a cape humming the Batman theme song. I mean really, which one is it? Cowboy Bebop or Batman? Multiple personalities, perhaps? Both the age of a 10 year old.

And how about your choice of right hands? Out of all the possible options, you choose a ginger. I think that's all that really needs to be said there.

I am however, sad that I missed out on the festivities of your dating game. I would have loved to laugh at you in person. You have two lovely ladies as options, and you go and choose the other dude. Good job boss, good job. I think you choosing SpikeSpiegel as your date really just tells us all about your incessant need to play with yourself.

But in all seriousness, I've enjoyed being in your family. And you must have at least a little sanity left in that head of yours if you made me your left hand. Someone's got to whip this crew in to shape!

iGoBerserk raise his head from the table when he heard RoseTyler finish her speech

To tell you the truth i never found a leader that walks to his headquarters that wear a space-helmet, a cowboy jacket and a tights while going to your back and whisper to your ear What you doing?

after saying this words iGoBerserk goes back snorring in the table.

RoseTyler really hit the nail on the head there. You picking me was all about wanting to play with yourself...

But yes, I think the biggest problem is that your spacecowgirl wasn't in the running. You would've chosen her from question 1 and onwards. Shame it didn't go down that way, but perhaps next year.

Speaking of going down Spike, how was your date?

It was okay. Lots of awkward jokes. He wanted to take me to places where it could feel like there were more of me/him/us. When he came in to hug me at the end, it was like a giant frozen lobster putting his claws around me, and I ran. I can only imagine what would've happened from there, but my guess is that he enjoyed his... alone time. 

'Scuse me, Spacey old chap, I'm a little late to the partay. Been busy chillin' with my bitches free of charge.

Anyway, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to roast you. At first, I thought the invitation referred to a spit-roast and was instantly reviled by the thought of a Raoul-Spacecowboy-CarlGrimes Sandwich; this, of course, was just my filthy dirty rotten mind working overtime. And I would totally have paid to see that.

It will come as no surprise to anyone here to learn that our very own Godfather to be is an outrageous hedonist. I have observed as he adopted many roleplay guises and made his way around the streets of Chicago asking random folk if they wanted to ''play''. I have had to have one of the spare rooms in my HQ fumigated after letting him spend the night following one of his intergalactic themed orgies. To this day, I do not know what the sticky green substance was, but I will say this: I went through three varieties of acid-based cleaning product to remove it from my carpet and I couldn't locate Raoul for almost a week.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to make a small announcement.

SpaceCowboy, I can no longer permit you to borrow my dresses for your own personal urges. You just don't have the boobs to carry off the look and I'm growing tired of scrubbing them with rubber gloves, a scourer and bleach. I will, however, agree to take you shopping for your own private wardrobe provided that you stop scarring your poor family with your cross-dressing habits. Keep it behind closed doors, lad.

Also, please stop stealing my underwear. I know it's you.

Having had my hand in young Carl's pocket today, I'd have paid to be in that Ms Delaney!