After walking up the mountain you see an old cathedral that’s been revamped, you decide to enter. It's a dark mysterious place. Candles barely light the way in the old place, but they seem to make a path through the building. Deciding to follow the candle path you walk up to what you believe to be a group of men standing by a wall. Upon getting closer you notice that they are in fact a bunch of statues, but oddly none of them seem to have faces. A plaque reads on one of them ‘Faceless Men’. Right away you know that you’re in the home of Godfather Jaqen H’ghar. Continuing down the candle lit path you approach another wall. This wall has a ton of plaques on it. At the very top of the wall reads ‘Valar Morghulis’ below that plaque are a bunch more plaques with names written on all of them. After reading a few of the names you decide to continue down the candle lit path. As you approach what appears to be another statue you notice that this one is moving a bit. With a bit more of a hurry in your step you approach the person.

You can make out that the person is wearing red robes, but nothing more than that. As you get closer to the person he turns around and with a smile says. “Welcome friend! I’m from one of the red temples in Braavos and you must be here to give your confession.” The man in the red robe slowly takes a candle and starts to walk towards you. Holding the candle up towards your face the man examines your face for a few moments before speaking again.

“We all have Sins that need to be confessed every now and again. I am here for you to do just that. The Braavosi has sent me to listen to any of your utter most disgusting or disturbing sins that you may have bottled up. Even those deadly ones that you are afraid will get you shunned out of your family.” Turning back away from you the red priest pulls out a book and places it on the table that is behind him. As he heads to the other side of the table and places the candle down he invites you to sit down as he does so himself. The red priest looks upon you and says "Maybe it’s time to confess those sins and who knows maybe something good will come out of it?"

MichaelLaMotta walks into the cathedral to repent his very own sins. Ashamed of them, he keeps his head low. The floor masks his sight and his attention as he walks into a table of lit candles. Knocking one over he mumbles, Jesus Christ! He looks around as he lifts his head up slightly, noticing people as they judge him with a tasteless manner. 

He quickly notices the Confessional and he awkwardly slides himself right into it...

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. My last confession was... two days ago. I don't know if you remember but my last confession involved an sexual orgy of all sorts. Involving gags, strap ons, midgets... I think a clown... oh yes and a few lightsabers! You said premarital sex was a sin in it's self. But I love the gags and the other sexual objects. The midgets really get me going father.

I just don't know if I can ever get over them... Anyways father I have sinned. 

Just on the way over here, I touched myself in a fit of lust. It was in my car. I had seen a dwarf looking Darth Vader walking up and down the street for the Comic Con convention. 

A sudden thump hits up against the confessional wall. 

Oh god! Another hard on!

Michael's head sits low than before.

I don't know what to do father... This love I have for the smaller versions of human beings has me trapped in a manner of naughtiness. 

Tinkerbell solemnly walks up towards the Priest. Her eyes downcast as she chews her lower lip. Not accustomed to admitting anything this was a new concept to her. Her wings trembled slightly until she stood before him. Following him to the Confessional and slips in.

"In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. My last confession was never." Her voice squeaks into high pitch on the last word. Getting herself under control she continues her confession in a hurry. "Well you see I've done something I am not proud of. I...I..I pick-pocketed Creep! It wasn't on purpose, I swear. I saw him sitting with a no name thug playing chess and I was curious if I could pull it off without his notice. I was clumsy, spilled my drink in his lap and my wings hit him in the face a few times while I took his wallet. Some reason he didn't notice."

Stopping for a quick breath and folding her hands into her lap she continues with her story.

"At least he never said he did. Now whenever I see him my wings flutter crazily and I knock everything over. I make amends. I try to send him money anonymously to repay what I took and I mailed his ID to him. I don't know how to make my wings behave properly! What do I do Father?"

Embarrassed, Tinkerbell flutters around the confessional.

Sanctionater walks into the church with a slight grin on his face, as if he is trying to be serious whilst holding in his laughter. He decides he has nothing to hide and strides towards the priest.

"Father!"

Sanctionater shouts, alerting everyone in the church.

"I want everyone to hear my confessions, I need to get this off my chest."

"In the name of the father, and of the son, and of the holy spirit, bazinga. The reason I feel that I should confess, is because today I upset a family members and I made him feel out of place. He is a small man that goes by the name of TyrionLannister. I got him seriously drunk and dressed him in a Darth Vader costume. I took him to comic con and watched people treat him like a little kid, I'm sure he felt very patronised yet I found it hilarious.

Sanctionater lets out a snigger as he tries to hold in his laughter.

"The best part was when we left, I am sure a man in his car was pleasuring himself whilst staring straight at Tyrion. Come to think of it, i'm not even sorry... It was hilarious and I just wanted to share this tale with as many people as I could! If god is watching right now father, I am sure he is just as entertained as me."

Satanta takes his place near the Red Priest, ensuring he is out of ear shot of everyone else. Taking a moment to compose himself, and swallow the last of the whiskey he had just swigged, it was clear that something was weighing on his mind, his heart and what little he had of a mind at that time.

"I must confess my sins. Before the old gods, the new gods, The_Red_God, the drowned god and every other sodding god, I must pay my penance and make amends. I have sinned, deadly sins." Satanta again sips from his whiskey, trying to summon the courage to put into words the unspeakable things he had done.

"Firstly, I must admit to listening to OttersPocket once. I can't understand why I would do such a foolish thing, but it happened. He suggested I do something and rather than slapping him on the nose with a rolled up paper, as is the common custom, I actually did it. I'm pretty sure this is unforgivable, but I shall sacrifice many goats and hope it can make ammends." The very thought of this sin left him feeling dirty and in need of a shower, but taking another swig of whiskey he managed to continue.

"Part B... as you can see I'm great with these lists and shit. I once wasted a full thingy of cream cheese. It was thoughtless and selfish, but after a drunken night on the town I completely forgot to store it correctly. It turned into FuzzyCreamcheese before our very eyes. BlackFog, who was also a drunken mess at the time too after a night giving out his man love Foggy hugs, even started talking to it. Though he did rename it IzzyCreamcheese for his chat. I'm sure the gods wouldn't take kindly to such wasteful antics, especially when it led to me feeding poor FuzzyCreamcheese to OttersPocket in a burger. Again I don't know if this can be forgiven, but I shall sacrifice a penguin and hope it pleases the gods." Taking another swig of whiskey, he finally felt it was time to get to the point and go for the big one.

"Finally, part iii. I'm not sure how it happened, or why, but it did! I can't believe I did it! Once I saw that smexy pink dress he was wearing, I just couldn't help myself. As he sat in the corner of his HQ, his mouth open and drooling on his pillow, I just couldn't help myself. The fairy godmother himself, DeadlySin, just lying there asking for it. 

Fighting the urges, I tried to avoid it but simply couldn't. The thought of teabagging the fairy himself was just too tempting. I'm not sure just how sick and twisted the old gods or the new might be, but I can't imagine that anyone who witnessed the act could be anything other than disturbed by it. Especially when Deadly started to gag and got sick on himself, that one even turned my stomach a bit... and left a horrid smell on me that I still haven't shifted. For this, I would be willing to sacrifice one hundred virgins. However, our world is filled to the brim with man whores, so I might struggle to find them. With that in mind, I shall offer up VincentVolaju as a symbolic gesture to return some good to the world.

Old gods, new gods and silly priest wearing that weird red dress thing, I am deeply apologetic for my actions. There is no excusing them, but I trust the sacrifices will show a genuine attempt to make amends."

Bowing his head in shame, Satanta goes off to find some goats, a penguin and Vincent to return to the path of righteousness. 

Artorem walks past the long line of people originating from the "Office of the Red Priest", cutting in front of someone as he steps inside and closes the door. He takes a seat next to the priest and begins his confessions.

Forgive me, for I have sinned. Last time I was in here, I made a lot of promises... a lot of promises about how I'd become a better person, if the God of Light commanded it. Well I don't think he commanded it, because I broke every single one of those promises; including when you made me promise never to come back. I couldn't stay away! My conscience was killing me.

The priest, visibly annoyed, allows Artorem to proceed.

Well, when I said "I swear not to piss in Heartless's coffee"... I didn't really mean it. It was an accident! I didn't... know it was his coffee... How was I supposed to know?! You can't just set a coffee mug on your desk and expect it not to get filled with urine!

The priest was confused. "You pissed in his coffee while it was at his desk? Was he at his desk?"

Of course. What kind of a message would it send if I wasn't actually there, delivering the message. You know, the message. The urine. The piss. The "lemonade" to flavor his coffee. The-

"I GET THE JOKE, ARTOREM. WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED TO CONFESS?"

Well... I made two other promises... Do you remember them?

"You said you'd stop masturbating to images from the German traveling circus, and that you'd never "one-two a fladoo", which I'm pretty sure isn't even a real thing."

Once again, total accidents. I'm just sitting there, minding by own business, having a wank with a image in my hand of a gorgeous paraplegic midget clown, and Jono walks into the HQ and tells me she's from a German traveling circus! Once again, how am I supposed to know that?! I mean, that paraplegic midget clown could have been from ANY-

The priest cuts him off again, fuming. "This confession is over with."

Ok, so me and iocaste each grab a pair of bellows, a lighter, and meet this girl in her bedroom. She sees the bellows and-

"GET THE FUCK OUT."

Artorem knows how to take a hint, and makes his way to the door. He takes a moment to prepare the next contestant.

Careful. Apparently the guy before me got  him in a really bad mood. Best not tell him anything too drastic. Never know what the Red God's gonna do next? Am I right? Uhh... I'll go now.

Cassistalker silently walks up the confessional with her eyes on the ground. After taking a seat she can hardly look up to speak. 

"Father it has been twenty minutes since my last confession and I come to you with immense guilt. I do not know if I even deserve to be here in this room with people so much better than my horrid self. You see Father, there is this woman who is the center of my world. And when she realizes how meant to be we are it will be fine but right now I am really concerned. 

"I made a terrible mistake. I asked a good friend of mine to visit in the hopes of impressing the lady I fancy. She came all the way from Germany with the circus she works for. But at the last second I was too swept up in seeing my lady that I got separated from my friend and now I have no idea what happened to her. I fear the worst, Father, and I don't what to do. I should go."

Cassistalker closed her eyes and stood from her seat. With a final glance around the room she walked out the door a little more self assured than she walk in. 

Governor follows the red robed man into the confession booth, and takes a seat next to the interior wall.

"I have come to confess my sins, please forgive me for them, Father."

"Go ahead, my son, confess your sins." the priest said.

The Governor began, "Well you see, I had once taken a sandwich that the priest of this very church had been eating, I took the sandwich and placed a few flattened bullets inside the sandwich, as the priest bit into it, it broke a few of his teeth. He went to the dentist and had to pay a few thousand dollars to get replacements."

...with no response from the confessional, the Governor continued,

"Then there was this one other time, I took some itching powder and let it dissolve in the Holy Water basin, then I watched the Priest bless himself with it every day for about a week..."

"Afterwards, there was this other time when I was at the park. I saw the Priest out walking his dog, so I went to the garbage can and pulled out a disposed baggy of dog poop and emptied it on the sidewalk and then told the bylaw officer it was the Priest's dog, and he got fined like a hundred dollars for not cleaning it up"

"Then like a week later, I put super glue all over the Priest's bible..."

Like lightning a pair of hands broke through the booth and had Governor by the throat, as the Governor struggled in panic and bit away a couple of the assailant's fingers, Governor barged out of the booth in panic, one of the many people waiting in line approached the Governor asking what just happened, Governor replied,

"I felt it, everyone! I felt the angry hands of the Braavosi!"

Governor begins running towards the exit "I'm getting out of here" he yelled, "before I get struck by a bolt of lightning!"

After a long night of whoring, drinking on other peoples tabs, and doing things that Alex usually did on a Saturday night, he awoke on the steps of the local church. A rather strange place to pass out he thought to himself. As he stood up and straightened out his suit, he saw a couple walking out the church, discussing how much better they felt after confessing their sins. A devious smile appeared upon his face, a devilish idea crept into his mind. Straight into the church and towards the confessional booth he went. He sat down, closed the curtain, cleared his throat and spoke.

'Forgive me father, for I have sinned' he paused for a moment, the father told him to go on. Alex could barely contain the grin on his face.

'Oh Father, I'm a married man, with lovely children running about, but yet I go out and whore every night. When I'm done with those whores, I move onto other whores. None of them can satisfy me Father. I feel so shameful right now

Laughter nearly exploded from his mouth as the nonsense he was spotting off, surely the father would realize this was a joke. He encouraged Alex to go on

'If I must confess more sins Father, I'm lusting after another lady. She's a powerful Godmother, I believe she's married and wouldnt give me the time of day. I'm plotting to make her mine father, is that wrong?'

Nothing was said for a moment, only the sound of pages in a book being turned. Alex sat quietly, trying to figure out what else to lie about next. The father then asked him if he had any more sins to confess.

Well father, if I really must confess to all my sins, I shot two of your fellas last week for not paying me a protection fee. No one in Staten Island makes money without paying the Godfather a vig. I threw their bodies in the river, that will teach em a lesson. I figured someone from the church would have been asking questions by know, but Ive heard nothing.

The mentioning of shooting two priest in a church started to make Alex feel uncomfortable, almost like it was wrong. As he stood up to leave he heard laughter from the other side. He stepped out, pulled back the curtain, and there stood his lackey Bidet

'What the fuck are you doing you worthless son of a bitch?' Alex was furious, and had been made a fool of. This useless associate would pay the price.

Bidet was laughing so hard, tears where rolling down his face

'You drunk bastard, we set this entire thing up early this morning. Bobtheastronut placed you by the door, Roksana whispered in your drunken ear about a confessional, I acted the role of the priest. We wanted to teach you a lesson about controlling your liquor'

Bidet cackled in delight as Alex looked stunned. It wasnt often his loud mouth asshole boss was left speechless!