Jono approaches th....  ahhh bull shit.

OI! YOU LOT! LISTEN HERE.

So, it turns out Don Sephiroth is having trouble with flights returning from his 'business' trip. Something to do with midgets and no air holes in some boxes or something... Anyway! Moving on.

In just a little over 30 minutes I will be holding the first poker tournament of todays events. If you wish to take part... here is what you have to do. You MUST have access to Pokerstars. (You can get it for completely and utterly free from www.pokerstars.com)

Once there please follow these instructions. 

You are invited to join my private poker club for Home Games online. If you don't already have it, download the free PokerStars software from www.pokerstars.com. Open the main poker lobby, then click on the Home Games tab, Click the 'Join a Poker Club' button<br>- Enter my Club ID number: 758896. Enter my Invitation Code: 1percentftw. That's it! Once I've approved your membership request, we'll be ready to start playing Home Games online together.

Once you have registered for the tournament it is important that you mail me with your name in Pokerstars so I can match them to your name here. I know how some of you lot like to go all incog on the poker scene. 

Good luck!

Just for clarification, is there any stake/entry fee requirements for this one Jono? 

There is none of the sort! 

Feel free to side bet!

Take 2!

After a great first event we shall be throwing another. This one is to start at 23:30 so if you want in, don't be late! 

The same goes for this one, follow the instructions above if you haven't already. Then register for the poker tournament in the schedule section entitled "DeadlySins one year GF 2". 

For those that have already registered for the club, please just register for the tournament. 

The winners were:

Satanta in 1st place - $5,000,000

The_Red_God in 2nd place - $3,000,000

CarlGrimes and T-Man in joint 3rd - $1,000,000 each. 

GET ON IT PEOPLE!

Joined the game that just finished, congratulations on the win, Satanta, and thanks for setting this up, Jono!

It was my pleasure to fill in Don Sephiroph's shoes when he couldn't make it. I hear those midgets were carrying a badly contagious disease of some sort. Anyway!

Second tournament finished up as follows. 

Satanta in 1st - $5,000,000

ribena in 2nd - $3,000,000

Countdown in 3rd - $1,000,000

Congratulations guys! All prize money has been sent out. Be sure to check out Jaqen_Hghar's speech across the street to find out if there is any more chances to get your hands on free money!

Fantastic work Jono, you did a superb job organising it. 

Great fun had by all, even if they did all suffer horrible beats to a lucky bugger like myself. Kudos good sir, kudos.

Artorem shakes his head as he hears the results of the Poker tournament.

Jesus Christ, Satanta. When you told me you'd win all the poker games, I thought you were bullshitting. That's insane.

When you hurl around as much bull excrement as I do Artorem, some of it is bound to end up true at some point. That, or it's just the luck of the Irish. Either is likely explanation. Ohhh, that, and I have nineteen aces up my sleeve for every hand. That helps too. 

Congrats Satanta on the wins friend, I got arrogant on one hand and lost to a slight 4% lose chance.. It seems i'm unlucky after all and the Irish really DO have the best luck!

Mudkip tips his hat and nods to the man who had won over 10 million dollars tonight just playing 'casual' poker with a load of mobsters, Mudkip was sad that he didn't win, but Mudkip knew his faults and knew he had no chance to win being so impatient and arrogant with poker

It was well played by everyone, I had fun.

Nothing arrogant about the way you played that hand Muddy, you were just crazy unlucky and got horribly rivered at the end.

I'd read you on a bluff of the flush and sitting with the same pair of Jacks I had, but with a lower kicker than my Ace, which was already retrieved from the sleeve at that point. I was shocked when you turned over the pair of ladies... and even more so when I hit the set of Jacks on the river. Not often I apologise at a table, but for a bad beat like that I always would. 

Having said that, the ol' four percent odds Countdown quoted you weren't your odds of losing. Those were just shy of twenty percent. He didn't factor in my overcard and only quoted the odds of that 'specific' way of losing in me hitting the set on you. Still a bad beat, but not as questionable as a four percent chance only. 

Aye, I just did the odds on that extra Jack falling ;P

Shame I passed out from over-bakedness during that last one or I'd have given you hammering! :P

You wish Countdown. The only thing that would have been different if you hadn't fallen asleep, is me going to bed earlier. Ribena smiles as she thinks playing poker with Countdown was like taking candy from a child.

Good game all. I had fun playing!