CHICAGO UNION-TRIBUNE

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Publisher: Ariadne                                             Issue 5

The Decimation of Detroit, Some say Haunted?

There’s talk of Detroit being cursed against the Mafia as the Godfather, Creep, and all the families housed in Detroit’s mean streets were decimated.  Rumor has it that conversations were overheard and the sweeping of the Michigan streets has resulted in a vacancy.  Thus far, the only people to brave the deserted streets there is the Detroit Dynasty, run by QuintenTarantino.  We will pray that Quinten’s family is enough to break the seeming curse.

Horoscopes

Aries- You are not wearing flavored toenail polish today so be careful not to stick your foot in your mouth.  You have a tendency to jump the guy so be aware of how you’re using your energy.  Make sure you have a good solid footing on the day before proceeding. 

Taurus -  You’ve made nice with those around you and are in very good standing; Opportunity awaits!  Use your power wisely and don’t abuse it and you’ll come out on top.  You’re feeling a bit more airy and less grounded than normal though.  Maybe you should hold off on buying that extra set of bodyguards for now and hedge your bets a bit.

Gemini – You’re feeling anxious today and are finding it hard to settle down.  You have a lot going on at once right now, and those irons you’ve got in the fire are all heating up at once.  Don’t panic!  Others may not be sensitive to your needs to be aware. Don’t let everyone else’s moods rub off on you.

Cancer –  You are Pollyanna today; spread your sunshine everywhere as it’ll be appreciated.  Focus on the good in people around you.  Someone’s going to show up in your HQ needed your help.  While you don’t need to drop everything to assist them, you should make an effort to help because it’ll help you both achieve great success.

Leo –  You’ve got traveling feet, Leo, you gypsy! You’re anxious to get the ball rolling on certain projects so you better grab those reins and get moving!  Be open to new ideas when other folks try to convince you that a different way is best.  You’ll be better for the knowledge and hey, sometimes change really is a good thing.

Virgo –  Emotionally you’re feeling threatened today.  An aggressive attitude could be making you feel inferior or unworthy of certain attention.  But! Wanting peace and harmony doesn’t make you a wuss…they are strengths, not weaknesses. Your finances are slowing down at this time; don’t panic though.  Use your imagination to come up with new ways to earn money.  Maybe you should consider opening up a shop downtown?

Libra –  All tasks are related in some way, whether we like them or not, Libra.  So, even though you have a lark of a time going through petties and felonies, you should make time for a business as well. Remember organized crime pays well also so don’t neglect the things you don’t enjoy. 

Scorpio – Details don’t really interest you but, because you don’t look closely at those details, you may realize that there’s a truly epic event unfolding, all without you knowing because you don’t focus on the minutiae.  Focus on details and find something totally new in your perception of reality.  Remember We all interpret reality in different ways, perhaps not as exciting as you hoped because of your interpretation.

Sagittarius-  You’re having desires to change professions, or maybe just your inner circle of friends. Thinking of changing your family? Your location? It’s trickier than you think’ you are drawn to what’s familiar.  Let yourself dream though, and find a creative solution to your current problem.  If you continue to use the same old methods, you can’t be surprised to get the same old results, so change it up!

Capricorn-  You always have a ready exit in any relationship, whether personal or financial.  You do this so you won’t feel trapped and can stand independently which is a necessity for you.  This is a strength, not a weakness but throughout the next few weeks you’ll be pushed to involve yourself more intimately in both sections of your life. 

Aquarius-  Pay attention in the near future to your psychic abilities.  Your gut is your greatest resource so if something inside is telling you that drug-front property is a bad investment, listen to it.  If something is screaming for you to pass up on that crime being run by Calamity Charlie and his band of misfits, heed the inner warning.

Pisces- You have some  soul searching to do this week, and you’re going to have to relate to the outside world and your loved ones at the same time.  Family could be distracting, do your best to communicate your feelings without getting defensive.  You may feel like a victim most of the time but you have the power to change things.  Take up those reins and show the world what you’re made of.

Recipe Of the Week

This week’s recipe is for a light, simple potato salad, perfect for your dad’s Father’s Day Barbeque.

Ingredients:

1 1/2 pounds small red new potatoes, scrubbed
1/4 cup mayonnaise
1 tablespoon finely chopped shallot
2 teaspoons lime juice
1 teaspoon smoked sweet paprika
2 teaspoons olive oil
1 large clove garlic, minced
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon chopped fresh cilantro

Place the potatoes in a large saucepan and cover by 2 inches with cold salted water. Bring to a boil, lower the heat and simmer until just tender when pierced with the tip of a paring knife, 15 to 20 minutes. 

While those are boiling, whisk together mayonnaise, shallot, lime juice and paprika in a bowl.  Heat the oil in a small skillet over medium heat.  Add garlic and cook, stirring until fragrant, about 1-2 minutes then set aside.

Drain the potatoes and let them sit until cool enough to handle but still very warm, 3 to 4 minutes. Cut the potatoes into wedges and add to the mayonnaise mixture. Toss to combine, season with salt and pepper, then drizzle with the olive oil and garlic mixture. Sprinkle with the cilantro and serve warm or room temperature.
 

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JakeLuciano grabs a copy of the paper 

"Who is this Pollyanna person, and what is she doing in my horoscope?" he muses 

Yet again a really good effort and a really good read. However, it’s a massive shame that these go, mostly ignored. People literally cry that the streets are baron, yet when someone puts in a sterling effort, such as this series of papers, people can not even muster up the effort to vocally reward your efforts.

A question, does it make it worth your while only getting a small amount of recognition for it? Do you feel affronted by such a lack of support from the very community, for a lack of better word, that run around the streets and coffee shops complaing at the state of our streets?

I appluad your efforts, i really do, its just a shame majority are to lazy/couldnt care to read and give the paper the reviews it deserves, good or bad, as we know, a publication such as this, can only survive by the word of mouth of others.

Solastalgia ran his hand along the paper of the Chicago Union Tribune as it was the first issue printed on high-grade, quality Dunder Mifflin newspaper; no ink smearing, mark prone paper was to be found in this issue.  Reading the issue from cover to cover, he folded the newspaper back and made a note of the recipe; perhaps it wouldn't explode in his bodyguard's face and send him to the hospital for third degree facial burns like last time.  Glancing at his framed copy of the first edition of The Long Island Enquirer, his mind began to wander again. Two papers under one roof wasn't something Solastalgia had envisioned, and while in the back of his mind he imagined that there would be source wrangling at some point, for the time being he sighed in content elatedness.  It wasn't like his paper had deadlines, anyway - it had practically transformed into a periodical.

Walking out of his office, he eyed his bodyguard, Oates.

"You.  Grab a large frame and have it in my office in ten minutes."

Walking down to the small office that was at the heart of Dunder Mifflin, he tapped on Ariadne's door; the smell of perfume mixed with tiramisu lingering outside of her door was an undeniable indicator of her presence.

"Another fantastic edition, my love, and I look forward to issue six.  Perhaps I'll be forced to bribe you to advertise my café at some point -- we've only just finished the repairs that a certain pair caused while I was out of town."

Sweeney awakes from his old Chicago home emptied out except with the sofa which he was laying on. He sits in the upright position with his elbows on his knees, wiping his face off to be awaken. Sits back on the sofa, he opens up his coat pocket and pulls out his pet from Mr. Albert out. Placing him on his leg. Smiling, he bends over slowly and picks up his black hat from off the floor. 

Picking up Mr. Albert off the floor he heads out the door to take flight off to Philly. Closes the door behind him as the Chicago wind picks up a cold breeze up on cheeks, the sun runs off a glare into Sweeney's eyes as he squints to reduce exposure. Putting Mr. Albert back in his coat pocket, he jump off the two stair set onto the sidewalk. He looks over to the left and the right and smiles at the fresh atmosphere around him. He positions his feet to the left and begins skipping down the Chicago Streets. "Maybe one more stop at the local diner wouldn't be so bad before I leave." He thinks to himself. "Maybe even get a muffin crum for Mr. Albert as well!" 

Skipping intensely to the local diner a few blocks from his old house, he arrives at the door. Looking through the glass window he smiles at the reflection of himself and the decorative furnishing inside of the building. Walking to the door, Sweeney places his hand on the door handle until he notices the edgings of the new paper strangling beside. Tilts his head to get a better look of the main title. "Chicago Union-Tribune" it reads. Placing his hand off the handle, he picks up the paper, and steps back onto an outside chair. Reading through the paper with horoscopes and local indentures; Sweeney was pleased that an art of literature--no matter how small was back in the streets of hard times. It's always great to show creativity and art in the world. 

Sweeney smiles at the paper and sets it down on the nearby table. Hoping for more of this in the near future, he sits back up and continues his day in the outward Eastern expansion. Funny to him--the opposite of Manifest Destiny. He chuckles at his own humorous thought and continues his day