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| We're Number One! | Started by: Drunky on Jun 16, '13 21:21 |
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I begin to brush off a bit of dust from my jacket, and smile at the futility of it all. Stopping mid-motion, I instead reach into my back pocket and retrieve my most valuable, most trusted, and dearest asset: my flask. The "water of life," as they say, seemed to trickle out in gushing surges of all-too-little liquid for my tastes. Still, it would get the job done, eventually, with enough persistence. I took another swig. Or, more accurately, I attempted another swig. Empty. Dammit. Wait, where the hell am I? I stumbled to the nearest intersection and attempted to deduce my location through the blurred lettering on the signs. Fourth... Ninth? Some numbered street. That's no help. Sixteenth ... or is it eighteenth? Avenue. Jesus, my location couldn't be more obscure if the city planner had decided to play tricks on me. Where the fuck am I? I stumble down the street for a few blocks, hoping to catch a glimpse of skyline or a familiar building, but then manage to find something better: a quaint little speakeasy hidden away through the back of a pool hall. Surely I could get some answers inside, so I stumble in and perch myself unsteadily at the bar. Hey, barkeep. I gotta queshun. How fast can you gimme a pair of whatever's on tap? I'll give you that wasn't the precise reason I had entered here. It was still a far more important question than where "here" was. The bartender immediately looked up and appraised me. The bar was crowded, but his eyes lit up as he spoke. Oh boy, I know your type. Chicagoan, I take it? For you guys it's on the house. He motioned to the sign over the doorway as he spoke. "Chicago: #1!" it said. What the fuck were we #1 at? Hell if I knew. Hell if I cared. It got me drinks faster and freer, so who am I to complain? I'm walking down the street again. How the hell did I get here? Wasn't I just in a bar a few ... Oh, right, free drinks. OK, so that's how I got here. What the fuck is this "Chicago: #1" sign doing hanging from my neck by a rope? Where the hell can I get another drink? So many questions swirled in my head as the world swirled around me in a multicolored rush of blurs that faintly resembled a chilidog with one too many toppings. Food. When had I eaten last? Fuck if I knew. There, in front of me... beside me? Somewhere within sight was what seemed to be a deli. I stumbled away from it, then I stumbled towards it with renewed purpose. What's a guy gotta do to get a burger’n fries 'round here, anyway, Joe? I said to no one in particular. Someone named Joe is always nearby. All my best friends were named Joe. Or at least they didn't mind if I called them Joe, which is close enough. Holy crap, a burger! Where'd that come from? A voice came out of nowhere, or everywhere, or behind me and in front of me at the same time. Some Angel named Joe was responding to me: For someone from your parts, those are on the house. Chicago is Number One, after all. You’ve heard the news, right? Those folks from Detroit thought they'd be Number One for a few days, but ever since then it’s been nothing but Chicago at Number One. Gosh, that feels good to say. "Chicago is number one!" Fucking angel-Joes, always talking in riddles. Wait. Number one. Dammit, I have to piss. Where's my burger? Did I eat it? Oh, a toilet's in front of me. How did I get here, now? Call Analia Walters for a good time. I like good times! Thanks for the suggestion, friendly bathroom stall. Your suggestions are way better than the ones that evil penguin gave me before he stole and ate the sun. Then again, I don't know why I listened to the suggestions of a sun-stealing blood-drinker like a penguin. What was I thinking? New York! I'm in New York! Analia Walters runs my second most favoritest business in the world out of New York! Cool, now I know where I am, sort of. How the hell did I get to New York, and why does everyone in New York love us Chicagoans so much? Wait, why am I thinking about this instead of dialing Analia? Time to find a phone. There's one! Hey Analia get one of your girls over here now. Yeah, from Chicago. What, everything is on the house? Oh, Analia, why would you operate your business at a loss like that? Oh. Damn straight, Chicago is absolutely number-fucking-one, I agree. Number one at what, though? A puzzled silence greeted me. I didn't press. Analia asked me where I was to send the girls. Corner of ... oh crap. Eighth Street and Fifteenth Avenue. No, wait, that says Eighth Avenue and Sixteenth Street. Or something. Just send girls to all the corners with eights and fives in them. And sixes. All those stupid numbers look alike. Some penguin must have written them. Whatever, Chicago is number one, so you can spare a few to find me. I'm back in a bar. Did Analia pull through? I'll assume she did, barring any evidence she didn't. Hey, look, a group of my friends! Oh, hay guys. Have you heard the awesome news? Chicago is Number One again! Feck if I know what that means, but I just got a free hummer and all the booze I can drink! You have any idea why everyone’s giving me free stuff and complementing our awesome city everywhere I go with these awesome "Chicago: #1" signs in every doorway? You'd think a bunch of us guys just went and won the War or something. I'll take it, though. Can't complain. |
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With a sense of purpose i walk into this unknown establishment, or rather glide, im so powerful these days its hard to tell what i am doing. nearly the entire world fears to even speak my name.... I am wearing the black robes that i am known for, my wand hidden in my sleeve.... " Nope. No Harry Potter here. Guess ill try the next place that comes to mind..." I muttered to myself, before walking out of this bar amidst all the staring and goggleing from these muggles. Then the urge hit me and it was to good to resist...i did it because i loved it, besides they werent pure bloods. They served no purpose.
" AVADA KADAVRA!" I shouted out of nowhere and 3 people fell dead, with no signes of foul play.... the cops would be hard pressed to find a cause of death. I turn around and walk out the door without even batting an eye. Fuckers didnt even know what hit them. |
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| Reply by: Voldemort at Jun 16, '13 22:19 | |
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JakeLuciano is on his way back from his monthly visit to the Elderly Care home, as his motorcade cruises down Main Street he spies a rather intoxicated looking Drunky, megaphone in hand. He instructs his driver to pull over. "Drunky, what on earth are you doing? You don't even have any pants on" the Don yelled, "Get in the car now" As Drunky clambered into the car, JakeLuciano glanced in the direction of the man dressed in black robes "creepy looking dude", he thought to himself. |
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| Reply by: JakeLuciano at Jun 16, '13 23:39 | |
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looking at the man in black robes he swirls his finger around thinking he is crazy and says to himself "he we go around the mulberry bush im walking past a looney" and disappears into the shadows |
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| Reply by: Vectre at Jun 17, '13 03:46 | |
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I'm glad to see us holding this position again! Let's hold the number one spot! Long Live Chicago! |
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| Reply by: -Satan- at Jun 17, '13 03:52 | |
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We are all just spokes on a wheel. Riding in whatever direction we are turned loyally. In a matter of moments.. anyone can be "#1". I don't believe in saying we are #1. We are populated and many good leaders and quality men and women of honor but longevity does not equal greatness. It's the quality of decisions and choices made on the city's behalf.
I don't minimize the achievements of anyone. Underestimating somebody is the first step in being on the receiving end of their pistol.
We are glorious. We are strong. We are proud.
~WideAwake </3 |
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| Reply by: WideAwake at Jun 17, '13 04:31 | |
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I lay on my back in what appears to be an absurdly posh, heavily armored automobile. My pants are gone. When did this happen? I will take this as further confirmation that missus Analia had delivered on her promise that in fact everything would be free today. Note to self: must go to the doctor sometime in the near future to determine if I have any newfound infestations and/or infections. Oh, hey boss. How you doing? I was just trying to figure out what the heck all of these “Chicago: #1!” signs were doing all over the place in New York, and why everyone is treating me so nicely. As far as I can gather, it’s some sort of “Congratulations, you’re our 19,382nd customer type thing, and I can redeem it on visit number nineteen ... err, whatever the next number is as well. All I know is that it feels awful weird wandering through a strange city and having all these folks know who I am. I mean, what did I ever do? Ok, well, aside that time with the two midgets and the banana peel soaked in amaretto. Or that time with the upside down barstool and the all you can drink margaritas. Or that time with ... oh, hell, maybe everyone will recognize me wherever I go. I guess there are worse things. Oh, hey, shit, this thing has a minibar? And moments later, I was back off in the blissful land known as “Tequila Sunrise.” Hey, wait, am I still missing my pants? Oh, nuts. Who cares when there’s a bar stocked like this. |
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| Reply by: Drunky at Jun 17, '13 04:44 | |
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"Woah, watch the leather!! I think you have had enough to drink Drunky" JakeLuciano scowls whilst handing Drunky a bottle of water, "this should at least keep you out of trouble until I work out what to do with you. |
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| Reply by: JakeLuciano at Jun 17, '13 05:07 | |
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I follow the limo at a distance....stalking that Drunk that that man pulled into the limo. Surely he has some info on where Harry Potter is and if he doesnt..... |
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| Reply by: Voldemort at Jun 17, '13 05:09 | |
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