I am Ritz. After trying to whack someone with no gun and losing several bullets (I like to think I made a finger gun, pointed at them, shouted "BANG!" a lot, and threw bullets away for realisticness), I robbed a bunch of old ladies. That is my story.

Cool story,bro.

Yeah. But the game is pretty fun when I'm not messing around with the features and shooting imaginary bullets at imaginary bodyguards.

I've been informed that most first posts by new players are much longer! Time to write a story!

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I walked out of an alleyway for some reason, I struggled to recall why. Oh yeah, I had just robbed Stupids R Us by making my fingers into a gun and pretending I was gonna shoot. Got some good money out of it, too. Heh. Idiots. Then, using a patented technique known to some as Insta-Petties and to others as Just-Going-Back-In-The-Stupid-Schlubs, I charged back in the establishment and shouted that I was given play money. They gave me real dough the first time, but hey, where there's more money to be made, a well-dressed mafioso Ritz cracker will make it. The cashier, clearly of the Brick-In-Head-For-Thinking type, threw his money at me and ran away. "Well," I thought, "This is gonna be easy."

I walked out over to the next Stupids R Us, obviously a popular business venture. Hey, maybe that'll be my drug front. Selling marijuana outta dumb shops. I walked in, took out my finger guns, this time shaped as shotguns, and started the cycle again.

This is the life.

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There we go! How's that?

So badass. So so badass.

Izzy chuckles at the young lad and watches him parade around finger in the air.

"McLuvin you should try that trick on the ladies eh?"

Thanks for the compliment McLuvin! Most people who've seen my work will agree, I'm a pretty good writer. By the way, I wrote that last night around midnight. Fun, fun, fun! Sleep deprived writing.