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| Swimming in Money | Started by: Drunky on Sep 16, '13 07:24 |
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Our story begins where it always seems to begin: Drunky sat at the bar. The sun was high in the sky, and there was not a cloud to be seen on this brisk fall afternoon. The moonshine flowed freely, and the alcoholic avenger threw back glasses of it as though it were water. Wait a minute. Isn’t there something I’m supposed to be doing today? The heavily inebriated man scratched his head. There was definitely something special about today. What day was it? The fifteenth. Not national beer day. No flag-flying holidays. Hmmm... Oh shit! Halfway through the month is parole-release day! I’m supposed to be getting my friends out of the slammer right now! Drunky swaggered over to his armored car. As strange as it sounds, he was going to jail. Willingly. Not to check in, but to get his friends. But the road seemed to shift beneath the car as he drove it. He swerved along the roadway and got lost a few times. Finally, he saw the prison’s chain-link fence ahead of him and knew he was almost there. KKRRRRRRRRRRch-chchch-kathunk thud BANG. Oh shit, who put the road through the fence? I’m the fuck out of here before those assholes with guns think I’m up to something. Right on cue, the guard towers open up on the armored car. Thankfully, Drunky’s inability to walk a straight line saves him once more: his weaving, meandering pattern proves inscrutable for the marksmen and they miss every shot. Drunky escapes the prison with his life, but his friends remain locked within. Whelp, there’s only one thing to do about this. I’ma grab another drink. And so Drunky found himself back at his favorite bar once again. He’s not exactly sure how he got there, since his car was gone and he started his journey miles away with police on his tail, but things always seem to work out that way when he’s properly lubricated. Hey, I’m looking for the drunk. The call came from the front door, and half the bar stood up. No, I said I’m looking for the drunk. I’ve got a message here from city hall for him. shitshitshitfuckdamn shit, Drunky mumbled to himself. This couldn’t be good. He was never on very good terms with city hall due to his tendency to run around like a maniac while intoxicated. But there was only one way to get it over with. Well, let’s get this over with. Whadda those suits up on the hill want, anyway? The man replied with great dignity. “We are pleased to announce that you have been the most spectacular failure of all on this day, the fifteenth of September. In honor of your outstandingly horrendous performance, which surely dishonored your family and shall bring you shame from now until the end of days, we would like to announce to the world at our awards ceremony just exactly what you have done. “That’s right, when charged with the simple task of delivering your own friends from prison, which they were already released from, you managed to screw things up and botch an illegal jail break in which no one actually escaped from prison. To top it off, you wrecked your own car and left all your illegal firearms on the premises for the cops to see. Truly, sir, you have made a stupendous, colossal failure out of yourself today. “Please seek professional assistance, may God have mercy on your soul, and accept this cash prize award of One British Thousand Dollars ($10,000,000) delivered immediately to the location of your choice.” The sot stared at him long and hard. Did he hear that properly? Was there some mistake? Hadn’t he just utterly botched anything and everything about what he was trying to do? Why in the hell was he getting some kind of standing ovation here? This absolutely had to be a joke, so like hell Drunky was going to let it stand without taking the piss out of it. Erhm. Well. I’d like that delivered in $1 bills, unfastened and non-sequential, to be dumped directly into my house’s swimming pool down the street. I’ve got a money-bath to go take. Drunky stumbled out of the room chuckling. Joke’s on them! Those ass-hats trying to ruin his drinking by highlighting his shame to the world would never get away with it. No one would seriously expect such a silly thing. Fucking ... What the fucking... Fuck. Who the fuck fucked this fucking... How did all this fucking fuck?! Drunky stood agape at the sight of it. His swimming pool, recently drained to prevent damage from freezing overnight, was now utterly filled with $1 bills. Money was piled straight up through the deep end, completely loose and with some of them drifting away in the breeze already. Oh snap. Looks like I’ve got a money bath to take! |
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Tony walks up to the drunk man who was swimming in a shit ton of cash. " Hey bro how about sharing the wealth with this poor mobster?" Tony produced to bottles of Moonshine, one gallon each and handed them to the drunk man. " This City is full of strange people. And i thought i saw it all back home in NY..." Thought Tony to himself as he lit a cigar and offered one to Drunky. "on second thought sir, you can buy me a few beers at the bar if you will..." |
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| Reply by: Tony_Accardo at Sep 16, '13 07:49 | |
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The drunkard splashes Tony_Accardo with what was probably a few hundred dollars. Jump on in, the money is nice and warm. Not because of anything dirty or anything. I've just been swimming in this stuff all night is all. Seriously, that's all. Why are people looking at me like that? |
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| Reply by: Drunky at Sep 16, '13 20:01 | |
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He had avoided Drunkys house usually, he always knew how easy it was to crawl into a bottle and forget the world for a few days. Though always great fun not knowing who or what he woke up with he made sure it was always female. or inflatable female. Crawling in to poke fun at his friend he smiled not knowing of his great reward. As he walked past the gate he noticed faces appearing and dissapearing out of the swimming pool and guessed the money was simply on top of the water. On closer examination he notices this was not the case as he heared no splashing. Wondering what the deal was he sat on a lounger and looked down curiously at Drunky and Tony playing in the pool, |
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| Reply by: BackToShootPeeps at Sep 18, '13 03:30 | |
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