"People generally take me as an odd ball. Rightly so. I am rather confused on my gender, well more so of the public being confused rather then myself. I know exactly what I am, one hell of a sexy beast. That's neither here nor there." 

"What I want to speak about is the underlying question you all have. You know that one question that pops into your mind over and over yet no one will step up and actually ask it? Well no longer fear. Today I shall ask it for you so here we go." 

Taking a deep breathe he/she gets ready to speak

"What the fuck is a crumpet and why does it go with tea?"

"You see I have been stumped over this for some time as well. You know you hear it from those who come to these shore from abroad but of course never seem to bring any with them. They may love to speak about them but they never really have physical proof. I for one always thought when someone said, "Damn mate I would love a crumpet and some tea right about now," that they obviously would like to get laid and enjoy a nice cup of tea afterwards." 

"So to settle this I have asked many people around the streets to find out what they thought a crumpet may be." 

UD: Sorry to bother you but this is for a survey, do you know what a crumpet is?

 

 Daylyt: Never heard of it...

 

UD: Sorry to bother you but this is for a survey, do you know what a crumpet is?

 

Whippie: Isn't it like a cookie ?

 

UD: Would you like my cookie?  

 

Whippie tilts her head

 

Whippie: Huh???

UD: Sorry to bother you but this is for a survey, do you know what a crumpet is?

 

Pammy: uhh. what is it?

 

UD: Apparently it's some kind a musical instrument. 

 

Pammy: I know of Trumpet. Never heard of Crumpet

 

UD: I think it's a crusty trumpet. 

UD: Sorry to bother you but this is for a survey, do you know what a crumpet is?

 

Husky: No sir am sorry my english is not my first language and never heard of it yet

 

UD: Oh well I heard you put it in your under garments to keep them smelling fresh. Was just curious if that could be right. 

 

Husky: hmmm I asked and find out that it is a cake

 

UD: Oh well I was way off then

 

Husky: Well it also say it is use for woman for sexual desire

 

UD: So like a crab cake then?

UD: Sorry to bother you but I'm doing a survey. Do you know what a crumpet is?

 

Pou: Some kind of food. Like biscuits? Not sure..

 

UD: Biscuits are fucking delicious. Great after sex snack, so I hear. 

UD: Excuse me kind weed smoker but maybe you can help me out. I'm doing a survey. Do you know what a crumpet is?

 

Laughing his ass off the pedestrian answers.

 

JonnyValiant: What kind of survey is that? Is it like a biscuit

 

UD: See people have told me it's a biscuit but I swore it was a type of penile infection. 

 

JonnyValiant: Haha that's a new one to me

 

UD: Like for instance, "Oh shit man, she gave me the crumpet!" Makes sense. 

 

JonnyValiant:  Being used that way could also be interpreted as some kind of sex act

 

UD: Ok now that is going to far. What kind of man are you!

UD: Sorry to bother you but this is for a survey, do you know what a crumpet is?

 

No: Yes. Very odd survey.

 

UD: Indeed. Just trying to straighten a few things out. Thank you!

 

No: It is usually Americans that don't know what a crumpet is.

 

UD: Someone said they are a good snack after sex. Is that true?

 

No: Not sure, I usually just have a cigarette and fall straight to sleep.

"A Crumpet is actually a British pastry. Kinda like a biscuit but only sweeter, kinda like Hotboxx after bathing in Hunny. I can only assume it goes good with Tea because well, Tea is fucking delicious."

Smiling he/she pulls out a cigarette.

"Thank you all for your time, now much like No does after sex, I'm going to go smoke me a fag." 

BrickTop had heard a rumor going around about crumpets being some sort of biscuit? He had to go and sort this out.

A crumpet (the edible item) is not a biscuit, and is certainty not a pastry. Most see it as a quick snack or a breakfast item, throw a couple in the toaster and smother them in butter, delicious. The recipe to make them is very similar to bread, they contain eggs, flour and yeast, along with other items and are a chewy spongy texture.

They go well with tea, (yet another specialty most of you have never tried) because they are a quick snack you can have in the afternoon too satisfy your hunger before dinner. (Now the dinner / tea meal debate is a whole new thing, lets not get into that one)

Biscuits gets dunked in your cup of tea, any Brit knows the failures or rich tea biscuits and the awesomeness of the stronger digestive biscuit when it comes to dunking, you most certainty do not dunk your crumpet in your brew, no thanks.

I hope i have enlightened you further on the realms of the crumpet, they are a beautiful little snack.

After listening to UD jumping around the streets trying to find out what a crumpet is and seeing he had it all wrong Lush decided to help BrickTop out with the explanation of what the beloved Crumpet actually is. She went back to the kitchen in her HQ and began to toast a big batch of Crumpets as the kettle was boiling to make some tea.

She got out a big silver tray and placed on there some cups & saucers, a jug of milk, a bowl of sugar and a few teaspoon. She got out a very luxurious teapot and placed in some good quality tea bags. Once the water was boiled from the kettle she then poured the water into the tea pot and placed on the lid. "Well there's the tea made" Lush said as she watched the Crumpets pop up from the toaster one after another. She then got a second tray and placed on a big plate and began to add the crumpets to it one at a time all buttered up nicely. 

Seeing that it was Sunday morning most of her family were sleeping so she summoned two errand boys she spotted outside to come help her. "You carry that folding table please" Lush said to one of them and then said to the other "And you carry the tray of Crumpets.. I will carry the tea as its hot!". Off they went back to the streets where she told the boy with the table to open it up and the other to but his tray of crumpets on to it with her putting the tea tray down too. Lush gave the boys a few pounds each and told them to be on their way with big thanks. 

She turned to UD and said "I seen you were so confused to what is a Crumpet that I have decided to bring you out some with some nicely brewed tea for you and your friends to enjoy.. do dig in" She witnessed UD's eye light up like fairy lights do on a christmas tree. "I hope you enjoy them as much as people like BrickTop and I do and see that they are exactly as BrickTop explained them to be" Lush said.

She watched UD move over and pick up a Crumpet .. carefully looking it over in all angles as the butter begins to run off it. UD finally took a bite and it was like a new discovery have been made. 

Lush smiled and just before she was about to go she decided to point out that the word Crumpet can also be used in a expression too.. "Your a fine bit of Crumpet" Lush joked to UD with a wink.

With that Lush gave into the temptation of snagging a Crumpet to walk home with.

After hearing the magic word "Biscuit" Husky stop and look directly to UndiscloseDisire with a glitters in his eye.

"Cookiesssssssss!!!!"

Husky runs fast towards UD and jump him to beg for the cookies.

"Husky property law no. 13 ALL COOKIES ARE MINE"

Husky leak the face of UB while wagging his tail.