Well, what the fuck have we done? How did he live this long? How many bullets has he dodged? How many crews did he go through to live this long? Did he orchestrate their deaths himself? Is he the puppet master of all the deaths and wars in this world?

These are all questions you might be wondering… But here he is on his year anniversary, the old man, DedShot. So, to move along with the festivities, I implore you all to share your fondest memories of him and even your not-so-fondest (if any such could exists!?!).

I won’t go into DedShot’s bloodline too much… but it is an illustrious and old one. We can keep it at that.

Let’s be more concerned with his current achievement, and perhaps someday if he can keep it up… he will bypass the late Peaches in age. Yes, it has come to this for DedShot’s line... Going for IA records… to be the last man standing… Kinda makes sense… Seems like a retirement home kinda competition.

Anywho, that’s about all I have to say before I try to leech money from DedShot... as our people do. 

Spike sets off a cannon shooting out pastrami and matzo bits.

Dedshot walked past the deli on 365th street and saw someone shove a Fressers Delight Deli Sammich in to a Wood Chipper and stopped right in his tracks.

O M G   FREE FOOD!

Dedshot dove to the floor and scrambled around collecting bits of stale matzoh and pastrami.

Looks up at the old man wearing the funny hat that is clearly just one of his old stripy socks...

Still here, huh?

Wonders never cease!

DedShot could be the new Solstagia ... Solastaglia .... Solastalgia .. I think thats the one! 

HOW IS YOUR WIFE?

What can i say my old friend, a great achievement in this business.  I am sure working as hard as cav has kept you alive and growing

raises a glass

MrSpikeS strolls out to make an announcement.

It is with great pleasure that I announce that this is DedShot's son's 365th day! Congratulations JustDed. There obviously has to be something wrong with this world for you to keep on surviving, everything. But keep on doing it! You're an inspiration to all.

And yes, this was a lazy speech. 

MrSpikeS skips away.

Curtis walked out of his office with a number of issues running round his head. He also had that sense he'd left the oven on. Not literally of course, he didn't cook, but the sense that he'd forgotten something. He hated that and it gnawed at him as he went through his morning business and met the various issues of the day. As he was walking down the street he noticed Spike skipping. Spike loved to skip, like no one else did that guy love skipping. Curtis walked over to see what skippy Spike was saying.

"Oh, fuck me that was it!"

In his haste to let everyone in New York know about JustDed's birthday, he just glanced at the billboard Spike was holding up and put down DedShot's name. The assistant Curtis had with him spotted the mistake and tried to alert him but Curtis was having none of it.

"Don't mess me around now kid, I've got a million things to do today and I don't have time to listen to our dreams of becoming a ballerina again. I don't care how much Barry and Batiatus smile and applaud when you dance for them. Get this mail to everyone before JustDed drags his lazy arse out of bed!"

Curtis watched Spike skip away and went on with his next meeting. About half way through that meeting one of the associates of the local business owner came up to him and asked who DedShot was. Curtis mistake hit him square in the face and he chuckled. He quickly wrote a rectified letter to all the members of New York and gave it to the associate.

"Please go and find that dotty dancing assistant of mine and give him this. Tell him to deliver it to everyone and tell him if he's quick about it I'll buy the wee fucker a tutu."

The assistant ran off on his errand and Curtis resumed his meeting, trying not to dwell on the fact he'd just mailed a whole city asking them to wish happy birthday to a long dead corpse. 

Who is JustDed? No seriously, who is he? Happy birthday I guess.

Raoul wanders off scratching his head.

I dont know about you Raoul, but if I see someone survive for a year on our streets.. I find it impressive. If I then learn their father survived over a year on our streets well then I'm ever more impressed.

Sure, some of it comes down to luck given that he has slept through many wars, but you need a little luck in this life if you want to get anywhere.

Sadly he has chosen to join Barry though and we know that Barry will meet with death before long. He's a bit of a dick afterall. So I only hope that JustDed manages to once again hop on over to yet another family at that point.

Sheldon heard about some bloodline that survived 2 time more than year,he was fascinate

so he decide to come and raise his glass and say few words

"congrats JustDed its big to survive 365 days in this way of life but it seams that you and your blood line

are experts for that,hope to see you alive in next birthday,cheers"

A truly impressive feat from the second most talented Consigliere in the crew.

I am pleased to have a wise head around the Warehouse to assist me in dealing with mouthy young whippersnappers like Slash. 

Keep up the fine work.

Oh don't get me wrong Slash, I have lots of respect for his achievement of staying alive for so long. I just haven't a clue who he is.

For instance:
 

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?”

“No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.” So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door and Tom Cruise shouts, “Dave! What’s happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!

Although impressed, Dave’s boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. “No, no, just name anyone else,” Dave says.

“President Bush,” his boss quickly retorts.

“Yup,” Dave says, “Old buddies, let’s fly out to Washington.” And off they go.
At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, “Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee first and catch up.”

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

“The Pope,” his boss replies.

“Sure!” says Dave. “I’ve known the Pope for years.” So off they fly to Rome.

Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican when Dave says,”This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.”

He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has passed out and is surrounded by paramedics.

Making his way to his boss’ side, Dave asks him, “What happened?”

His boss looks up and says, “It was the final straw – you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, “Who the hell is that on the balcony with Dave?”

JustDead grabbed his walker and shotgun and tottered out of his apartment to hollar at the damn punks in his yard who were making all sorts of noise, partying, drinking, shooting innocent bystanders and cat and worst of all, waking him up from his mid morning nap after less than 2 hours....

WHAT THE DAGNANITTARNATION ARE YOU DAMN PUNKS DOING IN MY STREET!!!!!!

Cocking his shotgun, he took careful aim at the ass of the closest thug and let go with a huge recoil of his 1905 Winchester.

As his finger hit the trigger, his aim was spoiled by MrSpike screaming something at him. 

DedShot motioned to Spike to hold on and yelled back "YOU DUMBASS FROG! I CANT HEAR A THING, NOT WEARING MY HEARING AIDS.  DedShot reached down, crammed them in to his ears and MrSpike yelled HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU OLD FARTING FUZZBALL and shoved a huge cup of prune juice in to his hand. 

AHHHH, WHATEVER..... and HIT ME ANOTHER TIME WITH THAT BOOZE!!!