Remy Gambit, Left Hand of the notorious Murder Inc. Family, has stated his opinion on gun control.

The mafioso whose business card reads: Remy's Restaurant Supplies, commented to Sinclair Kakapoo with Political Salad Bar Magazine that he is more than qualified to talk on the subject.

Remy The Pizzaman as he is known is the oldest of 22 brothers all adopted and all of them are involved in the family's restaurant supply business.

Remy boasts that his business is such a lucrative one that he recently purchased an $18 million estate, Casa le remy, which is located just outside of Poughkeepsie, New York.

He pointed out that it was a birthday present for his wonderfully patient, caring, considerate, and devoted wife lulu.

Remy said that lulu makes the best Fettuccine Alfredo on both sides of the Mississippi. He proudly divulged that her secret recipe has won her The Best Italian Dish Contest on the entire East Coast for the past 17 years in a row.

When he was asked by Mr. Kakapoo about his feelings on gun control Remy raised his eyebrows. He took a bite out of his pepperoni, sausage, and mushroom pizza and replied that he has been around guns ever since he was just 7 months old when his beloved mother Annunciata Gambit first taught him how to fire a .22 pistol.

He was quick to note that the saying that guns don't kill people - that people kill people is not exactly true.

He proved this by saying that in all his years as a member of the Murder Inc. crime syndicate that he has never once seen a pistol in headquarters.

 

Mafia boss, Michele Z. (name changed from Corky for legal reasons) has been found hiding in Hitler's bunker after being on the run for a few months.

The bunker was especially built for Adolf's visit to Naples in 1940 because he fancied a pizza or two. Hitler loved Italian cuisine and shooting their peasants in caves. He was also a great friend and ally of Mussolini who also was partial to a pizza or two (fat fascist bastard) and they often dined in the bunker whilst the SS and others were murdering and pillaging upstairs.

Michele Z rented the bunker because she felt certain affiliations with her infamous heroes especially when it came to murdering Italian Jewish shop owners and Jewish bakers, oops sorry, bankers. Also, extracting money and information from Italian peasants then topping them with a bullet in the back of the head.

Michele Z' was last seen hanging upside down in a well known Neapolese Piazza from a lampost with her dapper of a husband while the baying crowds were throwing rotten tomatoes at them.

More as we get it, arrivederci bella!

 

Underground syndicate boss Tank "the hunk" Gandalf has made it very clear to flight security that he is not going to be putting up with having his private parts caressed, groped, or even touched.

Tank speaking to local newspapers said that he has worked hard all his life, he pays his taxes, and he donates lots of money to every charity he hears about. Even the one for deaf children.

He grinned and said that he takes monthly business trips to Detroit, Chicago, and Philly, and that when he does he does not want to be bothered with having to go through no damn questionings or even worse have his groin dangler felt up by some pat down clowns acting like a couple of starved monkeys who are kicking each other's ass over a banana.

He told editor George Stephanopoulos that he has officially gone on record as saying "You toucha my salami, I feeda you to da fish."

Tank said that he is probably more of a dedicated, devoted, and patriotic American than the woman wearing nothing but an American Flag and praising the end times on 5th avenue.

He continued to say that the sweet little snowflake belongs in the kitchen baking some oatmeal raisin cookies for her man instead of jumping into clothed symbolism and blasting the hell out of unsuspecting Grandmothers walking their poodles.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Stephanopoulos later said that there was no way in hell that he was going to tell Tank that the women wearing the American flag was actually a man]