Zorya took final drag on her cigarette and threw it down to the ground, crushing it beneath her toe with a small sound of frustration.

"No luck yet, luby. But I'm villing to bet my bank account that it's that little monster that Philip calls a nephew." She glanced over to Telkin and smiled. "That vas not an actual bet, by the vay."

"I know!" Telkin said, giving her an annoyed glance but still looked slightly crestfallen at a missed opportunity. Zorya turned back to her own binoculars, scanning the preparations inside the church. As she watched the happily chattering people and caught glimpses of the bride in her gown, she couldn't help but feel small pangs of longing. She was certain all of her childhood friends were already married back in Poland. Even many of the young women she had met since coming to America were married or getting married. Zorya couldn't help but think the motherly advice that she had ignored: they won't buy the cow if they get the milk for free. Not that she was looking to be bought in the first place. Still, as she spied on another woman's happy day, she couldn't help but imagine her own...

That is, until the wail of anger apparently from Czernobog himself echoed off the surrounding buildings, quickly followed by a tinny bellow: "No! I don't wanna wear them and you can't make me! Get away!" There were sounds of a scuffle just out of their sight before a boy of about 10 years old ran into the church without any shoes on. Zorya held her head gently before releasing a short chuckle.

"That vill be our ring bearer. Charming little thing, no?"

Zorya chuckled and pulled out about four tubes of Necco wafers from her purse.

"Do I have candy? I only have the kid's favorite. One of these and you'll have opportunity to steal the ring off him. But for all these? He'll just give it right to us. Plus, I have a fake to switch it vith. The boy vill not no any difference, but they vill certainly know at the altar." She motioned toward the church. "Speaking of, I vould say that the best tactic vould be to simply go as ourselves. Maybe say ve vere a little early, apologize, say ve vill be at the diner down the road...but by the vay, vere can ve leave our gifts?" She grins to Telkin. "Capice?

Zorya sighed and rolled her eyes, but hurried the two into the church. She tracked down the little boy easily enough--she followed his screams for a while, then found him hiding behind a statue of St. Jude. She smiled and waved the Necco wafers just out of his reach.

"Remember me, Tommy? Auntie Zory? I brought your favorites, but you have to do something for me in return." The kid grinned and nodded eagerly. She gave him a wink and motioned to his front pocket. "I vant to take a look at the ring, Tommy. That is all."

Immediately, the kid looked suspicious. "Is this gonna be like last time I showed you my momma's jewelry, Auntie Zory? I got a real wallop after those pearls went missing." Zorya laughed uncomfortably and shook her head.

"No, Tommy, of course not!" Her face darkened. "And those weren't real pearls, anyway." Tommy shrugged and started handing over the ring box. Zorya did a careful exchange of two of the Necco tubes for the box. She popped the box open and showed Telkin, marveling over the stones' beauty as she switched it out with a paste ring she'd picked up at Macy's on clearance. As she slipped the real ring into Telkin's front pocket, she snapped the box closed. She smeared an ingratiating smile back on her face and handed it back with the remaining candy.

"Thank you, Tommy. Make sure you hand it to your Uncle Petey very carefully, all right?"

The kid was too busy stuffing his face full of the candy to do more than nod, but she had what she needed. She linked her arm through Telkin's and murmured in his ear, "The bride's family vill probably be in charge of the gifts. I suggest you find someone that von't remember you to ask vhere the presents are."

"During the ceremony, of course." Zorya squeezed his hand gently and gave him a sly smile. "Ve cannot have them realize that the ring is different. It looks similar enough that it vould fool someone at first glance, but they vill almost certainly notice it before the reception. Unless Philip is particularly thick. It vould not surprise me. And if I remember Rosalina vell enough, she has a good eye for jewelry to notice that it is paste immediately. Hopefully she vill be too concerned vith propriety to make a scene at the altar."

She bit her lip, scenarios of what could go wrong flitting around behind her eyes. She turned her head, trying not to let Telkin see her doubts, but motioned toward the pews. "Ve should take seats and vait for them to be a little more distracted." As she started to steer him toward the back of the church, she leaned into him with a clever grin. His awkwardness at calling her a "date" had hardly escaped her--nor had the faint blush that had crept onto his face since. "So, luby, how many dates vill this make for us?"

When he mentioned their last honeypot job, her eyes lowered and her mouth straightened into a flat line. She did not want to remember that bit of disgrace. He paused, and she turned her head slightly to give him a quizzical look. She thought she knew what he wanted to say...butterflies beat against her heart...and then the words seemed to drift off as the crowd buzzed around them. She gave a small sigh and was checking her wristwatch when he finished some kind of thought.

"You look gorgeous, by the way." She smiled and nudged him with her shoulder.

"Thank you, darling. And you are quite dashing, yourself! I am sure you could have any of those bridesmaids you vanted." She winked to him and glanced again at her watch. "The ceremony is scheduled to start in five minutes. Vill have Catholic mass, so there vill be plenty of time to slip out for presents." She narrowed her eyes and looked sideways to her companion. "You did read all the information I typed up about Catholic mass, yes?"

Gives you a 30 pots of coffee for your wedding gift