My childhood was like any other childhood, it involved a lot of camels, cursing, and fighting with chipmunks for my next meal - I was born in an orphanage, well, I wasn't born there, but my parents took one look at my oddly shaped head and decided to ship me off. Only problem is they shipped me off to Egypt, they claim it was an accident, but the crate was sealed pretty damn tight. I slept most of the ride anyways, I kind of enjoyed the solitude that being alone brought, and they left me a pickle. Oh I loved that pickle. Didn't take a single bite out of it. It stayed in my pocket the entire time, that glorious little guy. Then I arrived. A few weeks later I was back in America, but the experience changed my life - or did it? I have no idea. I was, uh... 3? I probably made this entire part up, but I was always told a good biography has a lot of that, or maybe that was for a good fiction? Whatever. I'm not perfect.

"'Ey, Fry. What are you doin'? Get the fuck ova' here." 

The man said in a lovely Italian accent, I think? I hope that was Italian, because the guy was pretty damn Italian. His name was Boobs, but not to his face. To his face, I called him Fat Charlie. He was like a really distant second Uncle that you invite to a party and then hide from the entire time to me. Nice jugs though.

"Sorry, sorry. I was doing something... give me a second."

I'm seventeen now, but that doesn't matter to him. He treats me as if I'm old enough to drink, and deliver illegal shipments of booze across State-lines. I've been doing these so-called jobs for months now, and I'm damn good at them. I'm so good at them, that I slowly have moved up the ranks in his little business, it was nothing big, I don't even think the official Mafia knew about it, but it made me a lot of fucking money and so I wasn't going to complain. 

"I have a delivery for you, two shipments of pumpkin pie to Ohio. They'll be expecting you two days from now, so don't take any fucking detours like last time. You hear?" 

I heard, but I pretended to be busy. I've done this kind of job a million times and only ONCE did I stop to look at the World's Largest Muffin, and I could have sworn they roads changed on me like magic. Ended up in Arizona almost a week and a half later, but life moved on and we got the shipment to the guys eventually. I nodded just to stop him from repeating, and then hopped up and walked towards the truck, a few guys were filling it up with the latest batch. I got into the car and waited for them to give me the go.

"Its safe to go, kid. Good drivin'"

"I always drive well."

"You remember last time."

"Yeah, I remember last time. I got this! Nobody needs to worry."

I slam on the gas and slowly move out, don't want to break the speed limit. Everything was going so great, I was well on my way to the destination, no hiccups at all, the sun was shining and not a single bump had been hit. It was the perfect drive... and then that fucking rabbit showed up.

Part 2 Coming Soon?!

Invidia was walking down the streets when she heard a man's voice speaking. She went in the direction the voice was coming from and saw a man she thought she recognized. They had never met, but she had seen him around. 

She thought he was telling a story, but as he continued she realized it must be about his own life. So she sat down on the bench right behind her and listened. 

She was compelled by the story and wanted to hear more, so as he finished talking she went up to him smiling and said:

That was a nice story, and I would like to hear more about what happened. What was up with that rabbit and did you get the shipment there on time? 

Invidia shook his hand and said she hoped he was gonna tell more. 

How do yall write all this shit hahah 

Shakes his head and walks away

Fry clears his throat after he has finished telling his whimsical tale of whatever the hell that was, as he notices a tiny crowd has formed around him, and when I say tiny - I'm not exactly downplaying the situation here. A dead soldier sits about a foot away from him, as he walked away he must have activated that rat trap Fry put out a few days ago, can NEVER have enough rats, you know? A woman stands about five feet further from that. She shakes his hand and asks for the second part to the magnum opus, and with a sigh Fry begins to speak...

"Well, you see. I had carefully thought about if I should open up on the next part of this story, its not exactly for the faint of heart and seeing that super tough soldier over there not even able to handle a little noxious gas doesn't bode well for the rest of you, I suppose, eh... well I suppose it won't hurt to tell a little bit more."

As Fry opens his mouth to speak something small and furry in the backdrop catches his eye, he nearly misses it, but oh it was there - and that poofy little tail is one he will never forget. His eyes widen and he clutches hard against his chest, making a loud and weird sound before collapsing to the ground and rolling around in agonizing pain before he realizes that he's in impeccable shape, no way this badass is having a heart attack. Fry leaps up in the air and yells out into the small, almost nonexistent crowd.

"I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE."

The lady gives him an awkward look as Fry realizes he has possibly made a scene, but he's used to that, so slyly playing it off he carefully stares into the dark alley beyond and begins to tell the rest of his story - albeit - slightly on edge.

"Well, you see, as I road down the long highway, listening to tunes and trying to keep my mind off of everything going wrong in the world, like the fact that they shut down Big Bertha's Pancake Bar, I noticed something strange behind me. I wasn't quite..."

Fry peers deep into the alley, trying to make sure that little bastard is gone for now and not going to come back and haunt him. Lurching his head forward he quickly looks left and then right, trying to cover every angle of the street. When he is mildly sure the coast is clear, the story begins again.

"Sorry about that, as I was saying! I wasn't quite sure what it was and I was half-asleep you see, I could swear it was a buh... a buh... a bunny. It was a bunny..."

Stopping the story yet again, Fry drops to his knees and begins to cry. Why won't it leave him alone? Why must it torture him even to this day? That damned monster could hardly be called a bunny, it was a hare at the very least. He thrusts both arms into the heavens and yells out one last time for the animal to come out into the light of day.

"I. KNOW. YOU'RE. HERE."

Hop.

Hop. 

Hop. 

Hop.

Fry shuts his eyes as heavy as they can be shut and within moments his pants feel lighter, the fucking bastard did it, he can't believe that the thing which he had sworn to protect was finally at an end. There was no way Fry would attempt to fight it this time, last time caused far too much pain. He shoves his hand into his pocket just to confirm what he already knew happened.

The pickle, it was gone...