The Luna Comedy Club

Welcome one and welcome all!

The Luna comedy club is now open for business!

Notice :

Please Take a moment to familiarize yourself with our facilities!

The stage and seating area is out back,

The bar is in the front lobby,

The VIP Seating is upstairs on the balcony,

Toilets are located in the lobby,

Poster

The club has been established to bring enjoyment and entertainment to all you hard working folk out there in need of a good laugh!

We will have open mich nights Sunday to Monday!

We challenge  anyone with a good sense of humor to step up to the mich and make us all giggle!

Saturday nights we will be putting on a big show for you all!

Club Rules

We ask that anyone who takes the stage to keep their set respectful, The club will not take any responsibility for any repercussion's of your gags while on the stage. 

Heckling is permitted, But we do request it is kept minimal.

Please make your way to the seating area, The show will begin shortly!

The lights in the Seating area begin to dim, The spotlights focus in on the microphone in the middle of the stage.
A man in a white tuxedo walks through the gap in the read curtains at the rear of the stage and approaches the mich.
He brushes his hand through his swept back hair and looks around the room at the audience, He glances up to the VIP balcony 
and gives a little smile. He clears his throat and begins to speak

Hello there everyone, Looks like we have a mighty fine turn out this evening. I would like to firstly welcome you all to our
club and introduce myself. My name is George Knottle and ill be you're host this evening. 

George removes the microphone from the stand and brings it close to his mouth while walking to the front of the stage

So folks id like to tell you a little about myself, I grew up in England. Didn't like it much there, So i moved to america 
and followed my dream of opening a comedy club. I'm a married man, Me and my wife were very happy for 24 years, and then we met and tied the knot!
We haven't talked in a while to tell the truth, its been about 6 months, I don't like to interrupt her!

No, but all jokes aside shes a lovely woman, she gave me a beautiful little boy and were all very happy. 
My son came to me last week and asked " Dad is it true that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
I told him,  son, That happens in every country!
You know they say that married men live longer than single men? it's not true, It just SEEMS longer!
They also say that the easiest way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once! 

George points to his wife in the audience

And now ill move on from the wife jokes, I'm getting that smile that's says "there's a rolling pin heading your way!"

I went to my high school reunion a few months back, and got chatting with some old friends. I noticed four men talking in the corner, They seemed quite classy
well except for one of them, he seemed like an average Joe kinda guy, anyways i listened in on their conversation as the average Joe guy walked off to the toilets
and it turned out the other three guys were pretty rich now, and boy did they like to talk about it!
The first posh guy was talking about his son, and how rich and successful he is "My son made millions over night on the stock exchange, hes so bright and clued in!
Last week he gave his friend $5,000,000 for his birthday!" the second posh guy chips in and says " well MY boy is an architectural genius! he owns his own company and builds homes
for movie stars! last week he gave his friend a mansion for his birthday!" The third posh guy cant help himself " well MY son owns his own airline! last week he gave his friend 
a private jet for his birthday!" i then noticed the average guy return to the group and ask what they were talking about. So the three posh guys turn to him and ask 
"So, What about you're son?. The average Joe guy says, " well, my son is a stripper in a gay bar" The three posh guys jaws hit the floor, One pips up and says 
"how ghastly! you must be so disappointed!?" The average guy shakes his head and says " Not at all, hes doing really well actually. Last week was his birthday
and his three best clients gave him a private jet, a mansion and $5,000,000!"

Unbelievable!

My friend paddy came over from Ireland to visit me a while back, i took him for a walk through a field on a nice day, i pointed to the verge of the forest and said "hey paddy,
isn't that a beautiful forest?" He turned to me and said "Where? I cant see! all them fecking tree's in the way!" Awwh, Poor paddy

George chuckles and briefly glances at his watch, He loosens his tie and returns the microphone to the stand and leans in to speak again

You know i often wonder, Do infants enjoy infancy and much as adults enjoy adultery? 
You must also know that light travels faster than sound? That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak!

I was in a bar drinking last night, when a man walks in and goes straight to the bar, he asks for two shots the bar tender says to him we have a deal going on right now.
 The man reply's whats the deal man? the bar tender says to him if you can drink this half gallon of whiskey in five minutes and keep it down for another five minutes,
 then go out back and pull the angry alligators tooth out and then lastly up stairs is a woman who has never had an orgasm if you give her one and do the other two things in that order
 you can eat and drink here for free forever. The man said that sounds tough but I will try it any way so he chugs the whiskey drinks it in time and keep it down then goes out back about
 twenty minutes go by and then we hear screaming and just pure pain the man walks back into the bar all tore up bleeding stumbling drunk and what not and looks over at the bar tender and says 
now where is that woman who needs her tooth pulled!

George gives a little chuckle and undoes his waist coat

Lady s and Gentlemen its been an absolute pleasure but the show must come to an end! i need a drink, I need the toilet. and i want to get to the car before my wife makes it 
through the crowed and gives me that black eye!
I hope you have all enjoyed you're evening and i hope to see many of you back here next week, but until then please all feel free to return to the club at your own pleasure 
and no doubt ill see you here myself, I hope some of you will take the opportunity to use the open mich nights and show us all some of the jokes your packing and spread the laughter!

If you would like to be a part of the next show please speak to me and i can give you the details, you'll be able to find me at the bar!

thank you all and have a great night!

George takes a bow and walks to the back of the stage disappearing through the red curtains as the lights begin to brighten

Lord Snow walks into the lobby of the comedy club and takes a look around the place, filled with mobsters from all walks of life accompanied by business partners and glitzy actresses from the movies. Sir! Can I grab your coat? Snow looks back and takes off his coat and hands it to the gentlemen behind him. Snow then walks over to the bar in the lobby and looks down the bar locking eyes with a lady at the corner of the bar! Can I have two drinks please? A Long Island Iced tea, and whatever that lady is drinking down there! Snow looks down the bar and walks over to introduce himself. Has a couple of drinks with the lady and walks towards the door of the comedy hall. 

I am looking for Knottle! He's on the stage tonight, a old friend...I have to be able to get close to the stage. The men at the door take Snow's tickets and let him in, getting him seated next to the stage. Snow takes a seat at the table next to the lady he had met at the bar, takes a sip of his drink and nods at her! Its showtime!!! Lets go Knottle!!!! The curtains open and show starts...out comes Knottle! 

Knottle looks at the crowd and starts to unveil his performance for the night. He sets up his first joke " I'm a married man, Me and my wife were very happy for 24 years, and then we met and tied the knot!". Snow picks up his napkin and laughs a bit in the direction of the lady sitting across from him. Then snow has another sip of his drink before "You know they say that married men live longer than single men? it's not true, It just SEEMS longer!" Almost coughs up his alcohol and looks a the lady shaking his head. Not gonna be us!!!! Cough! Cough! 

Snow enjoying the show, looks around and about to see if there is anyone in the crowd he can spot, but it was too dark so he calls over a waiter...orders another set of drinks and continues to enjoy the show! Just then someone walks in behind him and taps his shoulder. Hey! Remember me? We met at the train station the other day? Snow turns around to find a familiar face looking at him! HaHa! Look at you, you lil sneaky mofo. Snow pulls a seat for his guest and shakes his hand. This right here is...what's your name again sweetheart? Stacy! Thats right. Gorgeous eyes she's got no? The waiter brings the drink and the company of three start to look back at Knottle's antics! 

"Not at all, hes doing really well actually. Last week was his birthday and his three best clients gave him a private jet, a mansion and $5,000,000!" Get outta here!!! And he says he's a proud daddy!!! Guess he is! Haha!!! Snow continues to drink as he gets closer to Stacy whispering in her ear as the show goes on. 

Knottle comes out and takes a bow, the show ends...the curtains drop! Hey! You guys wanna meet that funny guy right there? I know him lets go back stage...bound to catch a laugh or two with that guy always. Snow walks around the back showing the way to the back...leading right to Knottle! Hey bud! How's it going? Great show tonight man! Snow gives Knottle a hug and a hand shake! This right here is Stacy....Stacy, this here is Knottle! The man giving alligators orgasm's and pulling women's teeth out....or was it the other way around!?!?! Haha! 

Awesome night man! Thanks for the laughs, the drinks were great...and company well! Snow looks at Stacy and winks! Always the best! So next weekend right? Same time? Knottle nods! See ya then bud!