Ode to Scumbag

Scumbag over there really does have it all in the bag,

Tons of beers, a good woman, and a sweet crew tag,

His outspoken voice makes the fools' bravery comes to sag,

When it comes to his roll he's got no need for any swag,

His own juice has got him set while he takes a deep drag.

Ode to Pole

Space-Pole is really a heavenly satellite,

He hovers over earth at a very great height,

People look up at him admiring his long flight,

A pole in orbit he is with with a fair bit of insight,

An experienced pole with lasers deadly bright,

An Armadillo's wish of his auth could only be right.

Ode to (Ano)Molly

JohnnyNoname has no lack of Clarity,

He pops pills with a certain savagery,

His gun triggers with frequent regularity,

The bullets hit harder than an entire cavalry,

After partying his aim never shifts just slightly,

This is why many find him to be an Anomolly.

Ode to Mako Mackin’

Mako macks on the women every day,

A smooth cat player like him has mad sway,

Bitches love Mako but some try to steal his pay,

He gets them drinks and they go away,

It makes them whores at the end of the day,

The good bitches are the ones with something to say,

Mako chooses his ladies from a wide array,

He always gets them ready to pray.

Ode to B. Widow

A widow of black but her face is so very bright,

In the dark, it could cause a startling fright,

The only thing to fear would be her own bite,

Those to feel it walk away drifting like a kite,

It is a pleasure to always have her in sight,

This blackened widow gives light to the night.

Sometimes requests can be considered, but for now I shall recite poetry from TouchOfEvil's notebook:

Ode to Clack

crab sits triumphantly on the beach clacking,
His big claws are bloodied from some smacking,
He cracks the soft shells of other crustaceans,
They always fear his claw's lovely flirtations,
By the sea is where you will find him living,
Under seaweed there's always a pinch for giving,
Claws of his that clack loudly in celebrations,
Whenever he is victor of good asphyxiations.

Ode to Jin's Corn Fetish

Jin is by far all about his dearest corn
It simply is all he finds himself to adore
People who sometimes give him a yellow kernel
Get some bit of love but it's not eternal
He teeths on a jaundiced cob like a newborn
The sweetest taste never is made outworn
Creamed, cobbed, or free make him infernal
With his lust, he stores it like a squirrel.

Ode to Hooves

Trixie has four wonderful shiny hooves,
With spots of black and white on her back,
She clatters on streets as she moves,
Hooves' tongue wags with some tact,
Until she roams the fields with some booze,
She'll down it all untill she's sacked,
yet in the morning she still goes off and moos.

I am now taking requests from patrons of the arts for my odes. If anyone is interested in a piece written for you, please let me know by mailing me or requesting here. Some poetry will be ridiculing, even if you're the one requesting it, but of course it will be playful and nothing too brash. 

This is a bit different from prior poetry, but here it goes:

The tita-Leopard Pounces

Beware young children sleeping in the night,

Hide your heads under your covers tight,

In case the tita-leopard might give you a fright,

Her stealthy paws will grab you fiercely and scrape,

And her salivating mouth will rip and tear at your nape,

In the morning, all that will be found is your pearly bones,

So hide yourselves wisely young ones from her clawed grasp,

For a glimpse of the reflection of the cold still moon in the eye

Of the silent and swift spotted tita-leopard might just be your last. 

Ode to Draven and Willow

Out on the playground beyond the sandbox,

Draven likes to be pushed on a swing.

Willow, her dog, is always curious of bones,

She might bring. With a few barks and a Draven-smicker,

They venture forth out into the full mooned night,

To hunt the dark forces that hide from the bright--

Sun. With the two, as a team, they find the targets well,

But as the daybreak shimmers across the horizon,

Draven is the one to always bring the enemy hell.

Ode to iocaste

iocaste is a great big giant lion,

by the bacon is where you’ll find him,

he’s got big claws and teeth like saws,

but he’s plenty tame should you mind him,

and the crowds cheer him on, should he,

after gulping down a slew of drinks,

put on a drunken playful show, 

Belgian beer, he would say is the way to go,

and never should a day come with him in links,

he is but just a lion that doesn't sink.

No fucking idea where this was going, but I thought Goodfellas would like it.

[Intro]

“Who’s that bitch?”

“What’s her name?”

“What?”

“Whatsername”

“Yeah, I asked that.”

“Whatsername”

“What-is-her-name?”

[Verse]

She’s Scarin, big bad and ballin’,

Swag son, Goodfellas is crawlin’,

They’ve got crab and he’s sprawlin’,

Claws jab and they’re fallin’,

If she’s mad, the guns blast,

And fists swing, bleeding bad,

all left swollen,

bleeding,

Bullet piercing and they’re dying,

Standing tall, godmother after a brawl,

Goodfellas brings 40’s in hand,

He’s not yet a man, just a baby,

But don’t think he’s lazy, in a crib,

But do give him a bib, because

When he comes around, the blood sprays,

In a mess, he’s bringing death, and

Y’all better watch the fuck out,

For when Swag comes to town,

Give him the wrong look, you’ll get

Knocked the fuck down.

Ode to WWI

WhereWasI hates hugs,

But everyone wants to hug him,

He feels wanted, but has a defense,

He’s always carrying a wrench,

So hug him but check your head,

Because a good crack of a wrench,

Might just leave you braindead.

Druulllz

Haiku for Telkin

Telkin likes batteries, but he loves Ride-The-Lightning

He gives a real charge. 

It's something, and you'll like it!

Look at me,

Look at me,

I can make random shit rhyme, 

Yet nobody really gives a shit. 

Asschicken, I applaud you. Your rhyme is clearly the best. 

Wow, you are mean,

So very mean,

...I mean, man you really are mean. Damn. 

Also that didn't even rhyme, 

But neither did mine,

Until that line. Ha.

Fuck, the ha ruined it.

Damn now I'm stuck writing lines of shit.

I can't stop myself, but once you commit its hard to stop.

I could probably have just taken the ha out and pretended like it never happened, but then that would be going back and I learned a long time ago to never look back. Unless of course you're looking back at someone and giving them a longing gaze, but then you look forward again just in time for them to look back. Neither of you know the other looked back and then you part your ways while sad music presumably plays in the background and everyone who watched feels a small knot in the back of their throats due to the whole humility of it all.

Now I'm even more sad.

Dang.

It's okay Sassafras. It's okay. The effort was not wasted.