$500,000 on Send Me a Screenshot old boy.

Roberto walked away, clicking his heels in delight. My God he was handsome. 

5 credits on Nobody's Refreshing Me.

HarryMorgan had recently had some luck getting involved with some mobsters from Staten Island. The art gallery robbery had gone to plan & he had money burning a hole in his pocket.

"Clive my man, Ill take $250,000 each way on falure. $250,000 each way on More Crews Than Sense"

Harry scratches his chin & with a cheeky smile says;

"I dare say you won't take the wager on credit? I'll have my associate Jimmeh leave you the cash in the usual drop spot"

"Roberto, good to see you taking time away from BlackWidow's office." Clive said with an acidic smile "Your $500,000 bet on Send Me A Screenshot to win @ 5/2 has been accepted." 

Your expected payout if Send Me A Screenshot wins will be $1,750,000."

Clive gives the man a receipt and then twangs his braces for good measure. He sees a haggard old broad with a walking stick sidling up him.

Eh, this isn't the bingo you kn- oh Pocket, it's you. What can I do for you?

Pocket looks at him from under her thick rimmed glasses and digs around in her purse with a clang of copper.

"5 Credits on Nobody's Refreshing Me" She wheedled. 

"Straight out of the old pension fund eh, alright, your bet of 5 credits on Nobody's Refreshing Me to win has been accepted. Your expected payout if Nobody's Refreshing Me wins will be 30 credits."

Clive hands the old dear her receipt as she scrapes away. She is quickly replaced by an eager looking HarryMorgan, who had an air about him that said he had money burning a hole in his pocket.

"Clive my man, I'll take $250,000 each way on falure." Clive quickly scratched the bet down "$250,000 each way on More Crews Than Sense" 

Clive scratched the second bet down as Harry rubbed his chin and flashed him a smile. "I dare say you won't take the wager on credit" Clive felt his bow tie tighten as his neck swelled. On credit? ON FUCKING CREDIT? That wasn't how the game was to be played. Before his rage spiraled too far out of control, Harry quickly added "I'll have my associate Jimmeh leave you the cash in the usual drop spot."

Clive counted to 10 under his breath. He has done business with the man before so he was confident he would get the money. He turned to one of his lad's and gave him a nod. Roberto had given him the very dregs of the OSE for the venture and it was showing. The little bastard wasn't even wearing a bow tie. Still, he ran off to collect the money and Clive gave HarryMorgan his receipt.

"Your bets have been accepted, Harry. Your $250,000 e/w bet on Falure has an expected payout of $1,750,000 if it wins and $500,000 if it places, calculated on the following basis:

$250,000 win @ 4/1 = $1,250,000

$250,000 place @ 1/1 = $500,000

Your $250,000 e/w bet on Nobody's Refreshing Me has an expected payout of $2,062,500 if it wins and $562,500 if it places, calculated on the following basis:

$250,000 win @ 5/1 = $1,500,000

$250,000 place @ 1.25/1 = $562,500.

Good luck"

Clive watches as Harry trots off with his bet safely in hand. Clive tucks his thumb in his braces and gives a nod to his lads. They immediately start shouting to potential punters.

"Place your bets on the Clive Hurdle, place your bets!"

The closing time for any bets will be 11:59 today and The Clive Hurdle will be contested shortly thereafter.

Make your way over if you want to have a shot at winning some money!

Clive tugged nervously on his bow tie. This venture had set him back a pretty penny, but he was confident it would be a success. It had to be or he knew he would be back in that basement working out which building represented the best return. 

He stepped into the marquee he had seen erected and was pleased with the quality of the furniture. He had been promised no sore bottoms and it seemed that the arm chairs provided would do the trick. They faced towards the drinks table where a finely dressed man was waiting, ready to pour the champagne for the victors.

"Drink, sir?" The man asked and Clive shook his head. He needed a clear head to make sure he stayed on top of the day. He had sent invites to all of the horse owners and had his lads out on the street putting the word out that the race would be played live over the radio for anyone who hadn't been able to make it to Abacus Downs. 

Clive looked around and triple checked the sound equipment to make sure everyone would be able to hear the race. When he was satisfied, he finally allowed himself a little sit down. He slumped into one of the chairs just as Roberto Carlos sauntered in.

"Sitting down on the job already, Clive?" he asked and Clive held back on his natural urge to write the man a disapproving note. 

"No" He wittily retorted instead. Way to go, Clive.

"I see. Well, if you would be so kind as to have your man bring me a glass of your finest, that would be super." Roberto said as he swaggered off to one of the comfy chairs.

"Hope your horse loses" Clive muttered under his breath as he went to the drinks table and got Roberto his champagne. By the time he turned around the other owners and punters had started to file in and mingle. Clive did he best to stay out of the way.

The champagne was flowing and the illustrious guests were starting to enjoy themselves. Numbers4Glory was telling dirty jokes and gesturing vehemently towards his crotch, with HandsomeRob unable to tear his gaze away from the same area. Roberto_Carlos was throwing out so much game at BlackWidow, Hasbro would probably be on soon for copyright infringement. 

Clive heard a faint murmur come through the speakers and began to tap a spoon against his glass to get everyone's attention. He had brought the spoon specially for this occasion from his Mum's house and he was sure she would be proud of her boy. He felt tears threatening to overwhelm him so he took a few deep breaths to regain control.

"Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention please!" Everyone ignored Clive but he clanged his glass again and eventually the gathering subdued "The race will be starting momentarily so if you can all please find a seat!" He announced.

"Fuck you, Bow tie!" Cried Roberto Carlos, drawing fits of giggles from Black Widow. He couldn't have looked more pleased with himself.

"Yes, quite." Clive said, struggling for composure "I wish everyone good luck and I'm sure the race will be on soon" He hastily said before quickly retreating to the shadows out of the way as the noise began to rise again.

A noise came from the radio and the conversations stopped. Clive watched the assembly as the commentator began to speak about the race, he was proud to see them all looking so excited about their chances.

"We're glad you could all join us today from Abacus Downs, where we have a new race taking place today, sponsored by one of our benefactors from the Old School Elite, Curtis I believe his name is." 

Roberto roared with laughter as the commentator fluffed Clive's name and his hatred for the man intensified.

"We'd like to thank Curtis for putting this piece on today and thank all of you for tuning it. It should be a high quality affair, run over 3 miles, meaning the winning horse will have to be a quality jumper and a stayer. Not surprising then that Send Me A Screenshot goes off as favourite for BADWOLF. He's well fancied for this and I can see why given his credentials. We've also been told of around $2,000,000 being places on Nobody's Refreshing Me, $3,000,000 for the erratic HOWTHAT owned by Sonrisa and even $400,000 for Top Of The 60 Second List who has more chance of falling than making it round in one piece..."

The commentator continued to preview the race as Clive met with one of his runners. He quickly tallied the count and realised around $10,000,000 had been staked on the race. He whistled to himself as he tucked his thumbs into his braces. It could be a good day or a very bad one. He just hoped Roberto_Carlos didn't win.

"...The horses are making their way to the line now and it won't be long until we see some racing here. Once again we would just like to thank Curtis for putting this whole thing together."

HandsomeRob walks towards Clive to shake the man's hand.

Congratulations on arranging such an admired event sir. I got the invitation from the scruffy looking ass thug of yours. I will be here to cheer on for my own horse, FALURE. A true, well bred animal.

Good luck to all!

"And they're off!" The commentator called as Clive shook hands with HandsomeRob. He was pleased to have such an esteemed OSE member in attendance, nothing like the debauched Roberto_Carlos who was holding BlackWidow's hand with his left and knocking back champagne with his right "It is a patient start with all of the field clearing the first without any trouble. It is Sexy In Slanties leading the way, followed by HOWTHAT, More Crews Than Sense and then Falure, a little further back as they go over the second is Top Of The 60 Second List and Pointless LHM, then Send Me A Screenshot taking note of those in front with Not Another District Comp from BG Wacking's Boring as the back marker. The field clears the third without any trouble and the early pace maker is still Sexy In Slanties-..."

Roberto_Carlos let out an excited wail and fist pumped the air. BlackWidow whispered in his ear explaining that he hadn't actually won and he quickly settled back down.

"...Nearest to the rail is Send Me A Screenshot and the much fancied favourite is moving forwards now, much to the pleasure of the punters here at Abacus Downs who greet the move with a mighty roar. But it is still Sexy in Slanties from HOWTHAT as they take the 6th, with 4 left to jump, More Crews Than Sense cracked that one and looks to be in trouble..."

At that moment Red_Pen threw his glass onto the floor and was hastily escorted out by Clive's thugs. Tyrion quickly stood on Red_Pen's seat to be the same height as all the other seated guests

"...Three from home now and the race is starting to take shape, Sexy In Slanties looks like he might be starting to tire and Send Me A Screenshot has moved into the lead, with Sexy In Slanties a narrow second and HOWTHAT going well in third. They approach the second last and it is Send Me A Screenshot out in front from Sexy In Slanties, HOWTHAT and then BG Wacking's Boring coming up on the outside, with Not Another District Comp and Falure well placed behind."

"COME ON FALURE!!" Called HandsomeRob from the marquee and Clive couldn't help but smile at the man's enthusiasm.

"....Send Me A Screenshot by a nose from HOWTHAT and Sexy In Slanties as they take the second last....but HOWTHAT has fallen, HOWTHAT is gone and that has impeded Send Me A Screenshot and Falure behind them!"

"MOTHERFUCKER!!" Cried Sonrisa as HOWTHAT hit the deck. Jeddy also looked crestfallen beside her.

"They are coming up to the last and Sexy In Slanties has a narrow lead from Not Another Distrcit Comp and BG Wacking's Boring. Nobody's Refreshing Me, then Send Me A Screenshot, Falure, Pointless LHM and Top of The 60 Second List."

Roberto Carlos squealed as his horse hit the front again. Clive hoped it would fall.

"Just one more to jump and Sexy In Slanties seems to have got a second window, leading now from Not Another District Comp and BG Wacking's Boring, Nobody's Refreshing Me, Send Me A Screenshot is going backwards as is Falure since that run in with HOWTHAT. They approach the last and Sexy In Slanties is safely over, Not Another District Comp and BG Wacking's Boring make it over too with a gap back to Nobody's Refreshing Me, Send Me A Screenshot and Pointless LHM, then Falure and Top of The 60 Second List...."

Two of the punters give a cry as the 25/1 shot is mentioned and hope for the best. Clive curses inwardly thinking how that would play for him.

"They charge up the hill and Sexy In Slanties is still in the lead, he's started from the front and is being given the whip towards the line, but here comes Nobody's Refreshing Me! He's found an extra ounce of strength and he's gone past BG Wacking's Boring and Not Another District Comp. Still it's Sexy In Slanties from Nobody's Refreshing Me, then Not Another District Comp, BG Wacking's Boring is falling away..."

Roberto is on his feet screaming "COME ON YOU LITTLE FUCKER, COME ON!!!" and Clive watches him with unabridged hatred. Please don't win. Please don't win.

"Can Sexy In Slanties hold on? They are neck and neck, but Nobody's Refreshing Me is starting to pull clear! It looks like Nobody's Refreshing Me is going to do it as they approach the line......"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Cries Roberto as he slumps down into his seat.

"YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!" Yells Clive, punching the air with his scrawny pencil-honed arms.

"...But Sexy In Slanties is rallying, he's rallying!! He's clawing back Nobody's Refreshing Me, they are neck and neck, neck and neck!"

"YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!" Screams Roberto jumping up from his chair.

"FALL FALL FALL" Simpers Clive as he puts his hands on his head.

"SEXY IN SLANTIES, NOBODY'S REFRESHING ME, SEXY IN SLANTIES who is going to win?!...........SEXY IN SLANTIES HAS DONE IT! HE'S HELD ON! HE'S HELD ON!..."  comes the voice of the commentator, but Clive can't hear it, Roberto is charging toward him, he's bouncing in Clive's face.

"I'VE WON, I'VE FUCKING WON. WIDOW. LOOK. I'VE WON!" His delight is all powerful and overwhelming, he punches Clive in the shoulder "Look Bowtie, look. I'VE. FUCKING. WON" He starts to flex and BlackWidow swoons.

Clive wants to die.

"It's Sexy In Slanties the winner, Nobody's Refreshing Me in second and Not Another District Comp has overtaken the fading BG Wacking's Boring for third, but what a race. What a race!"

Clive manages to plaster a smile to his face and walks over to his booth in the corner of the marquee. The lucky winners are starting to make their way over too, but none look quite so smug as Roberto fucking Carlos.

It was the morning after the night before. Roberto had woken bleary eyed and with a mouth drier than Ghandi's flip flop. He was slumped on the billiards table with nothing but his suit jacket covering his genitalia. He surveyed the room and saw some familiar faces. Numbers4Glory was slumped over the HQ bar with his trousers round his ankles. HandsomeRob seemed to be lifeless in the corner. Someone had drawn a fake moustache and glasses on his face, he looked a right bell-end. Roberto chuckled to himself. BlackWidow was making some breakfast in the pantry. Roberto could smell the food being prepared, it was just what was needed in this time of dehydration and pain. 

"How do you like your eggs RC?" She wailed. Roberto had a good mind to tell her exactly how he liked his eggs, but thought best of it considering the present company. As Roberto stood up, he pulled on his pants and threw his fedora on his head. As he walked towards the pantry he noticed a disheveled man in the corner, curled up like a cat who had just been out in the rain. It was Clive. Roberto gave Clive a nudge with his foot. Clive mumbled something and awoke.

"Morning Clive, just leave my cash in my office when you get the chance." Clive put on his glasses and grunted at Roberto. It was plain to see that Roberto was getting on his nerves. All of the effort he had put in to organise the race event had not been appreciated. When would Roberto take him seriously and show him some gratitude? Not any time soon it would seem as Roberto laughed with BlackWidow and pointed in Clive's direction. Clive wiped a tear from his dirty cheek and began to tidy the room.

Clive felt a loafer digging him the ribs.

"Morning Clive, just leave my cash in my office when you get the chance" came the jovial noise of Roberto_Carlos. Clive was sick of him and his fat mouth. He had spent the entire night bragging how he was the best "Horner" (horse-owner) much to the delight of BlackWidow. Clive put on his glasses and grunted at Roberto. This drew laughter from Roberto and BlackWidow who Clive assumed was in the kitchen. He felt a small tear creeping down his cheek but he quickly brushed it away and set about getting the room in order. 

After several minutes, he had straightened things out enough that it appeared respectable. He straightened his bow tie and stepped over the prostrate form of HandsomeRob, sighed as Roberto_Carlos climbed on to the HQ Bar and dangled little Roberto over the disheveled form of Numbers4Glory giving BlackWidow the thumbs up while he did, and promptly headed back to his own office.

His assistant, known as FlyingPig on account of his pointed ears and penchant for jumping off the swing in the HQ grounds, was waiting for him.

"Morning Sir!" He grunted.

"Morning Pig, how did we do?" Clive said slumping into his chair. FlyingPig handed him the financial report on the race.

Owner Payouts

Roberto_Carlos owner of Sexy In Slanties - 1st Place - $1,500,000

Vladimir owner of Nobody's Refreshing Me - 2nd Place - $500,000

Numbers4Glory owner of Not Another District Comp - 3rd Place - $220,000

BADWOLF owner of Send Me A Screenshot - Participant - $40,000

Tyrion owner of Pointless LHM - Participant - $40,000

HandsomeRob owner of Falure - Participant - $40,000

Sonrisa owner of HOWTHAT - Participant - $40,000

HarryMorgan owner of BG Wacking's Boring - Participant - $40,000

Pocket owner of Top Of The 60 Second List - Participant - $40,000  

Winning Bets

Tyrion - 5 Credits e/w on Not Another District Comp - Payout of 13.75 Credits

HarryMorgan - $250,000 e/w on Not Another District Comp - Payout of $562,500

"Not too bad then" said Clive, leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes.

"No. Could have been worse if Nobody's Refreshing Me had won" Pig mused "although at least Roberto_Carlos wouldn't have won then" he said retrieving the paper from Clive's desk and filing it away. 

"AH!" Cried Clive covering his ears "don't remind me."

(For anyone curious on how the race was established, I've tried to explain as clearly as possible what was done and at what point here: http://mafiareturns.com/comm/thread/405827/tpass/41c7a6577a421677f76279b5cc67123e#7432914. If you're interested in another race, please let me know.)