Bottom Times 

Issue 1

Mar. 23

Rhyme Without Reason

By: MadNess

Have we all ran out of ideas? Have we stooped so low that in order to be entertained we go about the ways of standing on a street corner battling with lyrics?

The good old days of intelligence and pure thought process has been killed in my eyes. When the most interesting part of hitting the streets is to listen to Leaders and members alike talking about who's mom causes who's instrument to burn is surely a sign that things have spiraled out of control. This coming from the same people, who state they are constantly to busy to come up with some kind of activity that would benefit our society. Yet they have time to speak nonsense not related to our line of work whatsoever. 

How it is allowed to happen is simply baffling to me. I just hope those who have found time to rhyme and shine show their wordplay in something more useful or interesting then riddling in public. 

I'm not jealous at all, I don't care who looks cooler by flinging words in attempt to sound like Edgar Allan Poe after popping pills and sipping sizzurp. 

Find the time to benefit not Rhyme. 

Being a leader in your class makes you look more like an ass. 

Especially when you show no interest in others work, yet find the time to to use wordplay that would cause me to rather watch Billy twerk. 

Oh shoot, maybe I should have joined. Maybe now I will finally get a shot at being a leader. 

Quickies

By: HornyToad

HornyToad here today for the first edition of my quickies. Nothing like getting in and out with satisfying results. 

Bottoms Up!

"Let's see if this Wiggling champ has what it takes to make a difference. Here's a quickie for you, bottoms down. The man hasn't shown much promise besides his rants about sexually satisfaction."

Lack Of Experience

"Do I really have to point out the Irony in this? Here's a quickie for you, maybe the lack of experience isn't a result of leadership, but you in own attempt to cause chaos and draw attention. Turn that leaf over already, we've been desperately waiting."

Fabulous Manhattan

"Jeddy is making his best attempt to make is fabulous in a city already fabulous in it's own right. Here's a quickie for you, the walls don't have to be painted with the rainbow to make yourself known. This isn't a cover of a cereal box, it's the mafia. If your skipping through the streets in a tutu, it's not the attention you want."

PizzaTheHuts death

"The man has been dead forever yet people seem to still speak about his self cannibalism. Here's a quickie for you, if the streets weren't littered with rhyming gangsters and broken funding companies maybe we'd have something better to speak about."

How you lost your clothes? How about I took them

"Cross-Hair forgot her clothes at my apartment then suddenly developed amnesia. How was that quickie for you?"

Poll Central

By: PollHoe

Want to Advertise your business? What better way then to have them spoke about in a community paper! For a rate of $50,000 your business will be visited, promoted, and ranked by a star rating. Get more visits, get more popular. Drop WiggleBottom a line for information. 

I spy

By: Stalker

I have been spying on local Mobsters as of late. Some of which you may have some interest in and some not so much. Regardless I think what I have witnessed may spark a bit of interest to say the least. 

I Spied Tweety: Seen walking through central park looking lost. Confused as to what she was doing it intrigued me more so I jumped in a bush about 10 feet away. When suddenly I heard her say, "I tink I saw a putty tat."

As I looked around I saw no putty tat. I did however see a pussy cat. Was a cute pussy that was. 

I Spied Maple: Seen undressing I can tell you one thing, sweet. Just like you would assume Maple would be like. I would say she is just as tasty, but I wanted to live. So I went and played hopscotch with CookieZoombie instead.

I Spied Fred: He turned to me giving me a glare, frozen I didn't know what to do. It's not fun being spotted when your a stalker. So I simply yelled Dinosaur and the man ran. After that, I heard he was at the local whore house with Wilma making Bam Bams. What the fuck is wrong with these people?

I Spied Myself: I couldn't turn away, I'm just to damn sexy. 

Black Bottom Blues

By: TrainWreck

So we have all witnessed another contest fall apart before our eyes. Lets be honest with one another here. Supreme wasn't wanted within the District among-st the community. We can all say that in a sense he buried himself with his own actions and reasoning for committing them. It was apparent even if he succeeded that the man was going to be a loose cannon. I imagine that even with winning the competition he would have been shot on sight. It was inevitable, but the problem should be addressed. Did we as a community put this mobster in a position of failure? Rules were made, rules were broken. Regardless of his future after the the competition was to end, if he made it without being shot in a means in which the competition rules allowed that is, there was outside interference that much is apparent. What does this show?

Competitions will never be fairly played, that witness statement was recovered and hidden by someone, so it was obvious he was wanted dead by a powerful force. If not we would have surely seen his killer lying next to him. 

However, this is the Mafia, there is never fairness, so to think so is just blasphemy. If anyone who considers joining a blood shedding competition under the assumption they are protected by rules is in for a rude awakening. We have seen it before, we will continue to see it in the future with every attempt at the joke of filling a district. 

Where does that leave Black Bottom now? Starscream taking over, a disciple of JakeLuciano himself may he rest in peace. Pure power move which of course cannot be faulted. It's a smart move to have him there, yet, is it really? What's to say he's not shot with no witness statement emerging, no speech of why it happened in which everyone demands on every leaders death. A right move, and probably something that should have taken place to begin with rather then another failed attempt at a competition.

When will we learn that these attempts to bring interest to society are never what they seem and to this day have always proven to be the burial grounds of hope inspired mobsters?

Hopefully there will be a band at the funerals, with guitar created sounds playing the Black Bottom blues. 

I wanted to share the first edition with everyone to give an example of how it will work. I was amazed by the entries that came in so quick that I figured it will be smart to publish the issue quickly. 

Granted there will be much more to come in further papers I can promise you this, however as questions have come in on what I will edit or what I will leave out that I wanted to show that nothing is kept from being published. Unless it's the following: I WILL NOT post anything that is directly attacking someone in a disrespectful manner. Toilet work will remain in the toilet. 

I will publish people's work that walk the line, dark humor is not turned down if I can see the humor in it. I represent the freedom of speech and will uphold it. 

I hope this give's some insight on how it will work and I look forward in working with everyone that has an interest in doing so. 

I will also pay 100k to those who want to have their work published so it doesn't go without reward. 

Enjoy!

Chief Editor, 

~Wiggles~

Let's take a brief moment and talk about the brilliance that is Mr. "MadNess", a pseudonym concocted of one part hypocrisy and two parts cowardice. The hypocrisy comes in the content of your primary article, claiming that "[t]he good old days of intelligence and pure thought process [have] been killed," (ironically featuring a grammatical error which I usually allow to pass, but in this context I think is quite fitting to attract attention). Yet, when I look back upon those who have stepped forward to contend their thoughts when I try to provide discussions of higher intellectual quality, I am met with silence. So perhaps before you consider pointing the finger of classlessness at my employer because the Streets haven't given you enough material to maintain your "interest," you get off your apathetic dungheap of an ass and contribute some yourself.

At least when Defy, WhereWasI, and others met to contend their thoughts in rhyming fashion, they didn't hide behind false names. But you, hiding your name out of either fear or embarrassment of this article, put your gutless nonsense on display so as to escape any consequence of its piss-poor quality or lack of legitimacy in content. From a pulpit of pusillanimity you spew disrespect at a man who, unlike some of today's leaders, is unafraid to approach even a common thug in the Streets. It, I presume, amused Defy to have such a competition in the Streets, and entertained him for an evening; because he had the capacity to create his own entertainment in the Streets rather than being of such enormous apathy to expect that from all others in this world.

Perhaps rather than bitch and moan that one corner of our Streets is occupied by a few individuals actually enjoying their time in colloquial exchange, you could actually find a corner of your own to provide your type of entertainment. Or perhaps, WiggleBottom, this lump of garbage which you've deemed necessary to grace your paper's front page is your version of entertainment, which you so cowardly express to be lacking in the Streets. Yet, at its core, it is exactly what Defy and others were doing the other night: flinging common insults. At least when Defy did it, he had the fucking balls to put his own name behind his words.

As for the "How it is allowed to happen is simply baffling to me," comment, I'm unsurprised that you're baffled by even the most basic use of language and how it is exchanged between people. You seem to be of such base intellect that it no longer surprises me why you're so angry: you can't keep up with them! And out of self-frustration and an unwillingness to simply accept your lack of mental processing speed, you plead to the masses that such behavior is unbecoming of a crew-leader, when the publisher of this shit, a freshly-authed crewleader himself, does the exact same fucking thing not a day later.

I hope you come to terms with your idiocy and elitism soon, because if you target my boss again I will not hesitate to rip you to fucking shreds.

So Mr/Mrs Madness whoever you are because I take 20 minutes out of my time to have a bit of fun on the streets I am a shit leader because I take some time to joke around and enjoy my time I am not fit for a leadership role? How about the countless hours I spend working on here making sure my members are taken care of taught properly and busting my ass off day in and day out.

You judge me without knowing anything about myself or the organization I run you see at the end of the day after I have fulfilled my duties and most of my members have gone to sleep I like to relieve a little stress and joke around. (OOC) We are not robots at the end of the day here to click buttons and bark orders we are here to enjoy our time at the end of the day that's why we play the game.

Now if you would like to put your big boy/girl pants on and talk to me without a hidden name and show your true identity by all means come talk to me until then you're words mean nothing as you clearly have to hide behind a name which is classless.

I may not get along with Melis but atleast she can speak her mind without hiding behind something and for that I respect her way more than I ever will you though her and I have not gotten along to well in the past.

I bid you gooday

5050LilTwin picks up a poorly made news paper it looked like a homeless mans blanket

Them haters making us famous!! Hahahaha!!

5050 Shakes his head as he throws the newspaper in the trash can

Chews on a carrot, and snickers.

"Well Doc. Seems you have a well written paper here. Satire is something that sometimes comes across as insulting. I however can tell your intentions were pure. I'd like to see this embraced, rather than avoided like Pepe Le Pew."

Tosses the leafy green part of the carrot away, and smacks his lips.

"I for one cannot wait to read next weeks installment, Mac."

Or perhaps, WiggleBottom, this lump of garbage which you've deemed necessary to grace your paper's front page is your version of entertainment, which you so cowardly express to be lacking in the Streets.

"First off, I admire your emotional connection that involved an article within the paper. Secondly, what I chose to lead off the paper with has nothing to do with what I felt was material to lead off a paper. I'm non biased to every article, hell one of them even considered my auth a waste of space in a sense. Now I don't mind you explaining the disagreement with specifics. That is what they were doing to begin with if I'm not mistaken, disagreeing with something they witnessed. However, I would prefer that you not bring an opinion I have not expressed into it. You don't know what I express is lacking in the streets, mainly because I have never said what is lacking in the streets. Now the purpose of this was so people can express their opinions and some of the people are well known. They have made their names in numerous debates before. The mystery of the author is what makes a paper interesting. Their persona prevents such retaliation as you have obviously shown from coming to them. Now whether I disagree with an article or not is not in question. I made an oath that all articles handed to me within the guidelines shall be used, and so they shall. Just refrain from calling me out is all I ask. There is no ill will just a matter of opinion by others. Should I freak out and jump off a bridge because a said individual pretty much stated I'm worthless? Nope, it's an opinion. They didn't name drop, they brought a conversation to light, there were other leaders that participated in the speech such as WWI  that it could have been directed toward. One of the most controversial men of our times when it comes to debate didn't make it a point to come freak out over an article. Had it been a personal attack that had no substance I would have never published it. Sorry you felt like it was out of line, but I will hold my word true to publishing whatever people contribute."

Was a good read there Wiggle's and to whoever the people were that submitted there articles.  I really enjoyed Poll Central, I did my voting and am very interested to see the results in the next issue.

Wiggle, I respect your interpretation of journalistic or editorial integrity, but the piece in question is an opinion. Opinions are not grounded in facts or theories, but by our personal biases. These biases provide a context and value for our opinions, like when an economist provides his opinions on the economic state of the country or a factory manager provides their thoughts on how factories are run. What's missing? An identity. I don't know if these words are from anyone possessing intellect, or simply someone who drunkenly fell through the window of your printing press room and handed you scribbled insults written on a napkin from the bar. But that identity provides the value of the opinion; and without it the opinion is worthless. Your "newspaper" has been reduced to a common tabloid. Had you been providing some revelation of facts, I would concede that "sources need not be revealed", though I would contend that the mafia works differently than the American freedom of speech (but that discussion is for another time).

In the absence of facts and an identity to couple with the opinion, I concluded this to be an editorial piece. Editorial pieces are written by, you guessed it, the editor. However, since I knew you would deny you wrote the words, I still held you accountable for putting your name on this document which features them. If you want to print opinions, I advise you either accept accountability for these words and actually take some time to read the pieces before printing them, or print the names of the authors so they can be held accountable. Printing words without any accountability is just cowardly nonsense, and dangerous if you provoke the wrong people.

I have no quarrel with you printing such absurdities (as in, I'll not make an attempt on your life), but just know when you attach your name to something that disrespects my boss, you're going to get an earful.

CookieZombie quickly glances the Bottom Times. Just before he throws it away, he catches his name on the news. As he reads the part concerning him, many questions are raised inside his head.

Who is that stalker guy? When did we play hopscotch? I've played hopscotch with too many people the last week, this won't get me anywhere.

This is bad, i don't want that kind of leaks.

I'd better find some new hopscotch partners.

As he makes his way to his cookie shop, he throws the Bottom Times in the nearest trash can.

Putting my name on it without showing intent is one thing, however I'm pretty sure I made it perfectly clear the purpose of my paper. The facts presented are not facts? So there was no activity in the street that had people Rhyming as Madness states?

I'm not one to question his facts or not. However, while looking at it over I don't see anything that needed facts to back his/her opinion. 

He addressed a conversation held publicly with his own opinion. What do you think authors do in papers? Facts or no facts, are they not persuaded by their own opinion?

Give two authors a task by looking at a pile of shit, have them write about how it arrived there with the facts that it is indeed a pile of shit, and see if they are identical. Everyone is persuaded by their own train of thought. 

Much like you defending your boss after I have spoke with him and agreeing alongside one another that there were no ill will intended on my behalf outside of publishing but it being your opinion that matters to defend him still not knowing the facts behind it?

Now we can go back and forth with word play all day long, and if you want me to put my "Name" on it I'll gladly do so. It's my paper, I hold all responsibility that comes with it. Why? Simply because I have never backed down from anything I have brought to public, and your right if I have the nerve to back my word by giving people an opportunity to express one's opinion, facts or no facts, then so be it. 

Whether you fire your weapon or not, the fact you even think I considered the option of you acting in aggression toward me is laughable. You seem to have a bit of intelligence yourself, or at least in the means you use your words. So I would assume you'd be smarter then that. 

Your words were viewed and respected, but if you think your going to intimidate me with your "opinions," your attempt to reassure me you won't fire upon me, all in defense of your boss (who as I've stated that in between the two of us have made amends) then think otherwise. 

Damn if a rap battle could cause this much stir in the mafia world, you know these streets are a killing machine.

WhereWasI sighs,

It was a nice read Mr. Bottom. Ironically top notch from a man with Bottom in his name. To the man who wrote the article, I really hope you were speaking to me because that would give me quite the laugh, a troll intending to troll a troll, honestly hilarious. My efforts in that conversation were of the trolling variety and your use of the Poe reference makes me believe I was an intended butt of your petty comments which in fact proves you're incapable of commenting on the lack of intelligence in others. Bravo, kind sir. Well struck from the kind of mind that picks a name as original and telling as MadNess. If the comments were intended my way, there's a person I don't care to involve that can inform you that poem took me all of 2 minutes to write and I've also been discouraged from writing by about half of the freaking community of late, so I don't avoid writing for a lack of time or effort... I do it to appease my army of angry butt hurt trolls who haven't moved on from me poking at concepts they've loved their entire lives, or calling them or one of their friends stupid.

WhereWasI turns to Solon,

You're using that thesaurus a bit too much. The use of a word such as pusillanimity is far beyond your average reader and demonstrates you're either stretching to sound intelligent or clearly incapable of reading the average language capability surrounding you. Maybe it was intentional, but as someone who did intentionally upscale his public vocabulary to force tutor the masses on dense thought I truly doubt it. I'm picking on you because you broke WhereWasI's Golden Rule... don't use my name without my permission. I don't care who you are, or what you think but I and I alone will be the one to defend my name and if you make the mistake of breaking this rule you'll hear my blunt opinion of your stance. The fact is you never actually defended myself as much as attempted to insult the writer and editor in the name of defending your leader so I'll have to ask you why you felt the need to include my name at all? Was it to provide a more unified looking front? Seems like a sad claim for false nobility to me, but hey, who am I to ask questions about someone's intent who's using my name as part of a cause for tossing insults? Next time you wanna sound smart, don't focus on the wording as much as your transparency, brownie points are directly linked to how well you can hide the fact you're going for them.

WhereWasI turns to a Defy,

It's just a random troll mate, let it be. This one doesn't even have the stones to show their face so why give them the courtesy of showing any emotion or giving them any attention? You're above that, we all slip from time to time but you're still above that and I hope you agree trolls don't deserve the time or reaction they live for.

WhereWasI finally turns to WiggleBottom,

You know by now not to use my name, friend. I'll leave it be this once because another brought it in but please don't use or defend my name because I won't leave it be any more. I'm a big boy and trust me when I say I can handle myself, nor shall I let another use my name for something I don't believe as he has and I would've eventually gotten around to telling him WhereWasI doesn't play nice or like it when others pointlessly use his name.

Hey WhereWasI cool story bro...

Thanks [insert name here] for saying [overly generic insult]. You're the coolest when you use other people's ideas because nobody uses them quite like you.

Pffft^^ fucking nerd!!

I always enjoy a good read before I start my day. This definitely makes my day. It has all the ingredients of a good paper. Informative, intriguing and makes it's readers want for more. I'm looking forward to the next issue of this paper.

I made a mistake, I am sorry WhereWasI I thought you were making an insults to the freestyles. You didn't deserve any of it im sorry.