Thank you George on taking up the reigns of our Deceased Friend Rock Papers Scissors I like many others need to be kept updated on the Biscuit Crisis this with JohnnyNoName being trapped in his HQ by Hordes of Hungry fatties trying to eat him has me waiting with baited Breath.

Have you found a reason as to why there is no Biscuits? This Tidbit is costing me many a sleepless night.

Zack had just finished applying his sixth base coat of Hawaiian Tropics Sun Oil. Something a young whipper snapper from around the corner had mentioned had caught the attention of his bronze ears. The word 'biscuit' was like an alert going off in his sub-conscious. Zack was up like a shot and made his way towards the lad. 

After hearing his tales of birds, fish and some other cheeky analogy, he thought it would be prudent to offer his services...

"I know a man who could help you here. My 'friend' A.C (Albert Clifford) Slater can whip up a mean batch of chocolate digestives. For a small fee, I could arrange for the delivery of these biscuits each and every week during your GF meeting?"

Zack flexed his triceps over his head to stretch out, noticing that Cassi was watching on with her tongue almost falling out of her mouth...

how can you trust a man who is that BLONDE?!?!? it's like gold, they are trying to devalue gold.

Clever Threads Names - Number 1 Masturbatory Aid among Crewleaders

As individuals, we all have different little things that get our pulses racing in the bedroom. These can be seemingly innocuous things like a fleeting glance from a woman on a bus, the sight of a man in uniform or even a fully erect penis thrust into your face. Whatever it is that gets you hot under the collar, one of the things that make us all so special is the fact that we are all unique, because the apple of one man's eye might be the turd in the gutter of another.

That is, unless you're a crewleader.

Recent studies have shown that whilst the general population get their titillation from a variety of sources, crewleaders almost exclusively get sexual gratification from cleverly name street threads. Research has further indicated that if they feature hilarious originality in world play like "Polefather" (instead of "Godfather") or "Carrotfather" (also instead of Godfather, clever right?) chance of orgasm in either sex increases by up to 4000%.

We approached reputed Godfather of Old City, Philly, Gimli, for comment and he had this to say:

"We've all been there. You're walking down the street, minding your own business when you catch someone in a snazzy suit out of the corner of your eye. Already your heart starts racing and the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, but you wait and listen, knowing something else will be standing in the near future too. It'll get even better soon, you just fucking know it. So you approach, and the sound of your footsteps is drowned out by the relentless smashing of your heart in your chest. You're so fucking excited, hoping and praying that sooner or later, maybe, just maybe they are going to open their delicious, luscious mouths and say a little piece of word play that'll just make you...oh...oh my...yes! You know what it'll do don't you? You dirty little scamp. Yeah, I bet you fucking do."

- Gimli, Old City, PH.

These groundbreaking results have been cited by numerous sources as an explanation as to why it takes so long for some crewleaders to make takedown explanation threads. It is now believed, rather than them just being really lazy or incompetent, they are simply just too randy with anticipation of a cleverly worded title and can't keep their hands out of their trousers long enough to write one.

Citizens are advised to stay indoors and lock their windows after the next big war or risk insemination from horny Godfathers. Authorities have assured the concerned populous that they will line the streets with their ugliest officers in the hope of stemming the tide and protecting those more pretty than themselves. 

We will keep you appraised of any further developments.