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Adventures of Dog THE SERIES Started by: Buddy on Jul 05, '14 06:38

Its tough being a dog, sometimes you just want to piss everywhere and eat a few dozen roses that were meant for your owners newest wife. You don't actually mean to mess up so much - it just happens, why do they have to get so angry when their new Persian rug is torn to shreds... didn't they ask for it just because they left me alone in a gigantic house? I contemplate these things a lot, why my families never work out for me. I've been in a few now, most of them were nice, one even had an older lady who would constantly forget she had just fed me, I really liked her... but they all have one thing in common; they end up hating me in the end. Luckily for me I'm a god damn cute dog and young too, just young enough that people will still pick me from the other suckers at the pound. Just young enough to stay alive.

Young... but not lucky. At least not this time, he walked past me at first and little did I know had he kept walking he would have made the best decision of my entire life. He didn't. At least not when his daughter noticed me. She was cute enough, and nice, I mean, everyone is nice to me. At least at first. Then they're boring. That or they end up yelling and as we all know, yelling isn't very nice. I mean nobody told me that the gold fish weren't for eating and the toilet wasn't for drinking. No. I always find out the hard way. This little girl though, she saw something in me that every other kid sees in me, those big eyes of mine, they're like a giant arrow pointing to every person to come pick me up. Especially the kids, and I hate kids...

"Womp, womp womp womp! Womp womp! Womp! He's so cute womp womp womp can I have him daddy? womp womp womp!!! womp womp womp womp cute womp!" 

"Womp womp... womp womp womp womp. Womp womp. Sure, whateva ya want womp womp."

The lady comes over to pick me up and sets me down beside the girl who in turn decides that now everyone should get to hold me, I can barely breathe the way this little snot grabs me up. Doesn't she know dogs need air, too? Sigh. This is going to be another one of those families. The ones who never leave me alone to sleep. I don't enjoy those families. The ride home was fun... I think? I can't really remember. Time is blurry after that, the man wasn't very nice. He didn't even wait for me to do anything wrong before the yelling begun. Then came the hitting and you see, a dog can handle a lot of things, but I wasn't going to handle that. You could call it a reflex, but I'd call it biting his finger clean off. As that's kind of exactly what I did. It didn't even taste good.

"Womp womp! Fuckin' dead you womp womp womp womp! Fuck... womp."

I didn't know what he was saying exactly, but I knew it couldn't be good. Especially not with his daughter and wife screaming and yelling in the background, I stood up and decided to take off, and right as I did I heard the bang. The loudest bang I'd ever heard in my entire life, even louder than the time those crazy fireworks went off and messed up my ears for days, or uh, minutes. Could have been either, I guess. I kept running and running from the home, it getting further and further away from me, until I could no longer hear anything. 

Then I fell asleep. Being a dog is nice like that, you can never really remember what happened five minutes ago. Right as I had fallen into a deep sleep, I heard the sound of another person, and this time it was one I could understand perfectly. It never happens this way, usually I take a few words here and there that I picked up from habit, but never this clear. Never.

"Buddy! Is that you Buddy?! I've been looking for you all over, boy. The greatest mafia dog this side of the Atlantic, and you're staying right behind a dumpster. Buddy, boy. Can you even hear me?!"

It all came flooding back to me, everything I had forgotten. The entire reason I was hopping from family to family in the first place... it wasn't because of my insatiable hunger for cats or my killing the family gerbil - it was because I was in the mafia once. Long ago, the very first dog to make it amongst the ranks. A pioneer of sorts. The first thing on four legs to rob a bank and steal a purse all in the same day, it was something of legend. Something unforgettable, at least unless you have my memory. Speaking of which, I had forgot the man who was standing in front of me for a moment, at least until he started talking again, this time a little bit louder as to try and catch my attention.

"Buddy, are you awake boy? I have a job for you. If you want it, something only a dog could do. You might not make it out alive, but you're used to that. Aren't you, boy? I remember reading about the four-legged phenom who killed two mobsters in one night and then had sex with their bitches. I never thought I'd meet him in person, let alone offer him a job. So, what do you say boy, you in?"

Still unwavered by his pleas for help, a wonderful aroma then began to choke my nose. I couldn't quite place it until I looked up from my slumber to see it in all of its glory. A small piece of meat lay before me. A small. piece. of. glorious. meat. My tail began to wag without my consent as I jumped up and ate it all without any hesitation. The man had finally caught my full attention. Well played.

"There's more where that came from boy, so what do you say? Will you take the job?"

I stared at the meat hanging from the man's hand, and then remembered what had happened to my new family. I could never go back there, and I could never live on the streets; I'm far too pampered for that. How bad could one job be? I'm sure it would be easy, but you know what they say... its tough being a dog.

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9 A.M - Some random location... also I smell bacon???

Everything was going perfectly to plan, at least so far. I was working with three bipedals and a dashingly good looking chipmunk who we had stolen from a laboratory. Three eyes, but I could gaze into all of them for hours and don't get me started on the food they were feeding us, it was wonderful. I'd never seen so much beef in one place since the time I accidentally walked onto that porn shoot... Anyways, where was I? Oh yeah, the bomb is about to go off and we were all about to die.

"Buddy, where the fuck are you... you dumb dog. This isn't how this was supposed to go down, where are you? I guess he won't miss if I take this gold... buddy, woo hoo. You here boy? Buddy... haha. Dumb fucking mutt. Never working with a fucking animal again."

I watched him from afar, but I dared not get close, luckily for me I had noticed the bomb a few minutes ago or else I would have died too; it was shoved deep inside one of the bags of gold we had just taken, but seeing as how I'm a dog and all, I couldn't help but see the blinking light deep within the package of riches. The other few seemed safe enough and so I dragged them away from the other, laying behind them to keep myself safe from the blast, I thought about warning the guy, giving him a few barks to get him away, but did I really want to? He wasn't a very nice man. No, I think I'll let him find out on his own.

"What the hell is th..."

The bang was louder than anything I'd heard before, louder than the fireworks, louder than the bang I'd heard at the home, probably louder even than both of them combined. The sweeper had nothing on these sounds - and I wasn't about to look and see what had happened to my crew, I grabbed the gold I was safely burrowed behind and begun to drag it. Maybe this would be enough to appease the people I were working for, or at the very least enough for me to hide from them for the time being. It was supposed to go so much easier than this, just go into the building and take the five super heavy bags to another location. That's all. Sounded painfully easy to me, but then again, I'm a dog.

The three guys took it a little bit more serious than that though, they had guns, lots of them, masks too, and some weird new accents they were trying out for some reason. I didn't really understand all of the fuss, all we were doing was a... well, I can't remember what it was called, but they've all been so easy so far. I run past everyone and drag a few bags out of a giant room, it was always so simple for me. Everyone else however had other ideas on just how hard it would be. Suckers. This time though was obviously different, the people inside of the building who would usually drop to the ground, this time they had guns and masks too; they were meaner and more angry than the usual marks and they weren't afraid to fight back. 

"You come into my fuckin' home and try to steal my fuckin' money? You mother fuckers. Kill every last one of them, even the dog and that weird fucking squirrel on his back. Now!"

The rest was a blur, I ran faster than I'd ever ran before. I could feel the bullets whizzing past my head and then I heard the thump, it was chipmunk. One of the bullets went clean through his third eye, but I couldn't waste any time feeling sorry for myself and my new best friend; I had to keep moving. I found the room with the bags and started to move them as fast as I could out of the building - bodies falling left and right, bullets nearly taking me out at every turn. A man had me cornered at one point, and I wasn't sure if it was the fact they killed my friend, or assumed she were a squirrel, but this man did not meet a very kind end.

After I tied all five of the bags together, I went on my way, I figured the three guys I were working with had either died or survived and would be looking for me soon; so why not get the hell away as fast as I could? Then... the bomb... then... the boom. It happened what felt like hours later, but it was probably more like twenty minutes, and now I was walking. Dragging four bags across a place I'd never been before, looking for people who I had no idea what they looked like, who probably wanted me dead at this point anyways. Sigh. Its tough being a dog.

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The days ran on forever and the nights even longer, if it weren't for my illustrious hair I probably still wouldn't be alive... or maybe I would? I honestly have no idea how long I've been walking. Being a dog and all, you know how it is. The gold bags were heavy, too heavy for me to carry all of them, I unwrapped two at first and then eventually a third, by the end I wasn't sure if I could even drag the one I had left. It felt like it were enough to make the people who had hired me happy, but I couldn't be too sure. I had absolutely no idea who they were or what they wanted. All I knew is the people in this business were always angry and mean, which wasn't too bad for me as all I had to do was widen my eyes a bit and even the hardest man got a little soft.

My eyes this time however might not be enough. I had thought about chipmunk in my time walking, probably a lot more than I should have thought about her. Her three glowing eyes gleaming, she was always talking about the wondrous radioactive goo which birthed here and the parents in big white coats that took care of her. Sigh. I hope she found peace somewhere, but those thoughts are far too heavy for a dog, no, all I wanted to think about was where I'd find my next meal. Then I saw the deer.

Its head was slightly perked up, but it hadn't seen me yet. I licked my lips and attempted to slowly work my way around it, but the funny thing is, being a dog and all, being sneaky wasn't exactly my strong suit. Maybe it were the fact that I hadn't showered in months or that I was barking wildly as I ran directly at it; but for some reason or another it noticed me and started taking flight. Deer move a lot faster than one would think, and I didn't want to run too far away from the gold... damn, the gold. Where the hell did I leave it? I searched for hours, but the lack of a scent mixed with the whole starving thing caused me to fall asleep midway through my search. This is when the voices talked to me.

"Buddy, what are you doing, buddy? You've never given up before. Why now? When people used to say "Hey, that's a dog. He can't join the Mafia, this isn't right." you never took it at face value and continued sticking up those slums. When people would go "This mutt can't use a gun, it doesn't have opposable thumbs!" did you lay down to pout? Hell no, you ripped open a few throats and they never questioned your murdering prowess again. Buddy, get the fuck up."

"I SAID GET THE FUCK UP YOU DUMB DOG."

The yelling woke me up quickly, a man with a rifle, he looked just as pissed off as every other human had lately and he was coming straight for me. I mustered up all the strength I could and took flight from the area, hearing a few of those damn bangs again I finally put two and two together, the sounds at the house... someone died, but who? I couldn't worry about that right now, as I were seconds from joining that person in the land of the dead, and I didn't plan on going there any time soon. Luckily a dog's legs are quicker than a drunk man with a beer belly big enough to feed an entire pack of wolves... mmmm... fat... no, no... I quickly got rid of the notion of eating the man and continued on my way. I hated how human's tasted anyways.

Once I had escaped the man, I knew I had to continue moving. I had to keep my mind off of my hunger and on to something more productive like making my way out of this hellhole. I had no idea where I was, but there were certainly enough wildlife around to sate my hunger, that is if I knew how to hunt. Nothing ever comes easy. I was way too well taken care of, had far too much love in my life, and never had to slum it like this before. Sucks to be me, I guess. After a few... uh... well, after the sun went down and came up once or twice I finally saw a small road. I finally found the one bastion of hope in this land of hopelessness. 

"Woof!"

With no gold, no friends, no food, and nowhere to go I continued my way to a vast wilderness called New York City, maybe I would find something here to save my life. Odds are though, all I'd find is the end of the road. Its tough being a dog.

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There were more lights than I was used to, and more people too, not to mention all of the smells and sights, I would be distracted by one thing and then another - more bright - distraction would appear seconds later. I nearly passed out from spinning around so many times just to attempt to take it all in; New York City, I finally had made it and I wasn't sure if this was good or bad and I was even less sure if I would make it out alive. Walking down one of the many winding roads I looked for something to eat, surely there would be something out there I could feast upon. Maybe a cat, or hell, at this point I would even settle for one of those rats I used to see scrambling about the sewers. Mmm. Rat.

My mind was quickly taken off of rats when I heard a loud sound coming down the winding road, there were lights so bright I couldn't see anything anymore and then a halting screech that nearly caused all of my hair to stand up on end. I wasn't sure at first what the hulking beast was until I calmed down a bit... it was a car. I hadn't seen a lot of those were I had came from and this one was larger and louder than the ones I was used to, it was so unique that it scared the shit out of me and so I decided to do the one thing I was best at as I lurched back and took off without much thought as to why. I'd fill in the blanks later, or not.

No, instead I decided to sleep. Finding a nice little patch of dirt behind one of the many building I decided to get some much needed rest, I'd figure out what to eat when I woke up, for now, sleep was clearly more important. Then the loud car reared right behind me closing up the only escape - my ears perked up as two men jumped out and both ran directly after me. I knew something was wrong the second I noticed they were dressed how humans dress when they're about to do something bad - masks covering their faces and guns held firmly in their grip. This would not end well for me...

"Get that fuckin' dog, his luck ran out today."

"Get him with what?"

"Your fucking gun."

"Wait, we're killing the dog... but..."

"but nothing, you'll fucking shoot this pile of shit or I'll turn you dead when I'm finished with him. Bosses orders, and you wouldn't want me to tell the boss you didn't listen to his direct orda' now do you?"

"No.. no... okay, here puppy, puppy... we just want to say hello. That's a good boy, aren't ya?"

"Just fucking shoot it, Joe. Fuck."

"Wait, don't say my name. It might understand."

"Its a fucking... hey, wait, where'd it go?"

I ran as quickly as my four legs would take me, zooming straight past them as they argued over who would take the shot, I knew coming here, to this city, was a dumb idea. This is the place I had heard about, the place where all the mobsters went - and those are the people who don't like me too much right now. Humans are fickle things, they love you one day and then they want you dead the very next, I heard the car coming directly for me as I ducked down another alley, and zipped through a few homes. Anything I could do to distance myself from that damn death trap of a machine, I did. I barely paid attention to where I was going, which probably explained why the next part happened the way it did.

BOOM.

I fell.

It felt like it were happening forever, my body flailing in the air, I wasn't exactly sure how it happened nor did I really care as right now all I could think of was "WOOOOOOOOOOF." which coincidentally is exactly what I was screaming out loud too. I was sure this was my end, and if it weren't that car would surely show up and murder me soon enough anyways. I had so many things I had yet to do in life, so many fire hydrants I hadn't pissed on and so many couches I hadn't torn open. Life had ended too quickly and there was nothing I could d-

THWAP.

Was I dead? Was this what doggy heaven looked like? I was afraid to open my eyes, but ever so slowly I managed and as my vision finally snapped back into place, I realized something amazing; something had broken my fall. I quickly fought my way up from all of the fluff I had graciously fallen onto and surveyed the land to notice something even tenfold more perfect - what I had fallen on, the thing which saved my life, were bags and bags of baked goods. I sniffed around just to verify what I already knew as tears begun to fall down my eyes. I wasn't going to die today, no, not today. Today I feasted like a king. 

Tomorrow however... tomorrow wouldn't be so lucky, because the fact of the matter is, no matter what anyone tells you and what this world has taught me countless times, is its tough being a dog.

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Throughout time there have been many terrible ideas, many which have shown the folly of man and others which have done damage that has yet to be repaired. The ideas all started with the best of intentions, intentions just like mine... Call it my lack of intuition thanks to the size of my puppy-sized brain, or even just the fact that I never really understood when enough was enough. This, my friends, was the folly of dog.

I should have stopped at five, hell, even at ten maybe I would still be able to walk without feeling as if my entire body was about to burst. I heard once that chocolate wasn't good for dogs, but why did nobody ever talk about the dangers of puff pastries? The taste though... oh... that wondrous taste which hopefully never leaves the back of my throat. Every time I lick my lips I still get a glorious berry-filled aftertaste, the sort of thing that makes you almost think suicide by baked goods is worth it. That is until I had to run yet again. Humans never know when to stop, it seems. 

They had me surrounded this time and seeing as how I was filled to the brim with cherry filling I didn't exactly have the mobility to make my grand escape yet again. This sounded like it would be the last time I ever barked and so I did what anyone would do when put in a predicament this hairy and I begun to clean myself - I'm sure they would understand. My downstairs tasted like strawberries for the moment and I wanted my end to be as perfect as it could possibly be. They circled around me and aimed their guns for my head, or at least whatever they could see of it seeing as how my snout was being covered by half of my leg, I was really going to town on that thing.

"Hey, buddy. Stop fucking licking yourself, you have a guest..."

The voice was the man's who I had heard a while ago, the first time was when he had reminded me of who I was. In that alley which I had slept so soundly in, a kind of sleep I hadn't had since I accepted his offer. My ears perked up and I left my bits alone for a few minutes. I begun to wag my tail in a last-ditch attempt to make him find me too cute to kill. I wasn't sure it was working until he put his hand into his pocket and pulled out what I was imaging would be the gun that finally ended my life, but instead it was just a piece of paper. 

"We're extending to you an offer, an offer that you will do one last job for us. A job that only a dog of your certain skill-set can do, on this paper is all of the details. Every last minute one. You will accept this offer and me and my associates will leave you alone to get to it. You will work alone, and you will have five days to complete. I would wish you good luck, but I'm sure you don't need it."

The man dropped the card in front of me and walks off, the angrier men follow closely behind. Once it hits the ground, I turn it over with my snout and give it a good read - apparently there is a dog show being hosted in Chicago this weekend. Some rich fool who thinks he can invite a bunch of pampered pups into his home and not have one of them secretly working for the mafia. The job seems easy enough, I go in, sneak into his room, trash everything, and then leave. I don't even have to steal. Just send a message he won't soon forget. I'm good at sending messages, really good. One time an owner attempted to leave me alone for what felt like an eternity, I pissed so much in those five terrible hours that they were going to consider it one of the great lakes. Safe to say I didn't stay with him for much longer than that.

Whatever, he should have known, and I should have known too, nothing is ever as easy as it looks. Nothing ever ends up being as black and white as the fine print the card was printed in. There's always a problem and I always end up in trouble in the end and this time wouldn't be any different. Fuck. Its tough being a dog.

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"Look at that one, its not even wearing a bowtie. Hmph."

"Who owns it? It probably doesn't even own a country club membership. I've got four poodles and you don't see any of mine looking like that, if anything the owner should be strung up and shot as per contest rules."

"Now, now. We all know that rule was taken away after the police found out about the poor we were keeping in the basement. Apparently cleaning up trash is illegal these days. We have to look good now, at least until the police stop checking in regularly. Sigh. I miss the good old days."

"But still... its wearing blue, blue doesn't go with orange at all. Who dressed this dog?"

I stared at the wall and thought to myself, thought about what those humans standing over there all prim and proper might have been talking about, and then I thought about how upset I would probably be if I could understand fully what they're saying. I knew I wouldn't like it though, especially this talk of having poop in the basement, at least that's what he thought they had said. Why are these people allowed to poop on the floor!? Every time I did, my owners would complain ad nauseam. It just didn't seem very fair, but right now I had way too much to think about than what these people were talking about. I was dressed in my finest attire and wearing my most beloved bowtie one of my first owners had bought me, she was one of the nice ones, too bad death has a way of breaking people up. 

Shuffling my paws I look up and notice the event is about to start, which is my cue to sneak off to the master room and mess it all up real good. My specialty. I walk past the gossiping men and women as quickly as I possibly can and up the stairs, I overhear a few more conversations, but luckily enough none of them hear me as I finally reach my destination. I roll a few times just for show and then enter the room before noticing my first problem - its already a complete mess. Perhaps he doesn't enjoy putting things away, or his cleaner was sick and couldn't do their job for a few weeks. Whatever the problem, it was making this process a lot more confusing than it had to be. I walked around for a few minutes and then had a revelation which was brought upon when I noticed the small marble waterfall off to the corner of the room...

After a few minutes of relieving myself, I decided this would be the best time to make my escape, I set my bowtie onto the nice black turd I had recently created. I figured it would be a nice calling card, and I doubted the lady who gave it to me would miss it much, besides, I had noticed a lot of people laughing at it and I felt kind of vain. So what?! 

"That dog... where is that dog? The one with the colorful clothes?"

"The dog with colorful clothes, you say? I don't know. I believe I saw him just a few minutes ago walking up the stairs."

"Why would anyone let him up the stairs?!"

"Well I thought he had to go to the bathroom."

"Why would a dog go upstairs to use the bathroom? Its a dog."

"Oh... well, yeah."

"Someone find that dog! NOW!"

Just as I was about to make my daring escape the footsteps started, they got louder and louder as the seconds went by.I tried to move but my body just wouldn't let me and at the moment the door swung open I left one last surprise on the floor for the guests. At first nobody moved, least of all me, they all circled and stared and I knew if I hadn't moved soon something terrible was going to happen. My muscles felt stuck together, but I finally ripped myself from my terror and begun walking backwards slowly. The master of the house finally had pushed past the large crowd that had gathered and now stood only inches from me.

"What..."

Then it happened, the last possible thing which I thought could happen at this point in time. I should have known better though, I should have known absolutely anything was a possibility at this point. I should have known there was no safe place in this entire world anymore, especially not for me. Not for poor ole Buddy. Maybe it were the people who hired me, or even the police. Hell, at this point in my life it could have been anyone, all of the humans seemed to want me dead and I still wasn't even exactly sure why. 

BOOOOOOOM.

RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

How come every time I entered a home people started shooting? They had broken down the door and before anyone could ask any questions the bullets started flying - absolutely nobody was sure what was going on, least of all myself. The bullets broke me from being frozen in place and I was finally able to think rationally again - at least as rational as a dog could. I bit the man in the ass and then ran for the window, breaking through it I wasn't exactly sure what was going to happen from this series of events and at the moment I couldn't really care enough to understand why I did it in the first place. I fell, again. It felt like everything kept happening over and over again without any real reason as to why, it felt like nothing really had a point to it, but maybe that was the point. Who knows? I'm far too scared right now to have such deep thoughts.

Maybe I had thought I would land in a pool or fall onto another bag that would break my fall, or maybe I was hoping I would hit the ground with such an impact that I would die and finally be taken away from this miserable life I had seemed to get myself into. I wasn't really sure of anything right now, and as I hit the ground my mind shut down anyways. Was it finally the end? No. Of course not, I couldn't be that lucky. It turned back on a few moments later as I looked around and tried to gather my thoughts. I was surely not dead, but my legs wouldn't work and the pain I felt was nothing I had ever felt before. Then my brain shut down again.

"Is he okay? He looks dead..."

"He isn't dead, must be one of the dogs from the fashion show or whatever the fuck it was. Poor guy. Didn't know there would be dogs here... the boss just said there'd be money. Lots of it." 

"The boss seems to be upset lately. Did you hear his daughter ran away? After he killed his..."

"Don't fucking talk about that. Just shut up and walk away before I have to put a bullet into you."

"Bu.."

Bang.

"Eh. I warned him. It'll be okay, little guy. I'll drop you off at a vet or something. Fuck, I didn't want to kill any animals today. They just told me it'd be some stupid fucking rich pricks."

"Hey, sir! Antonio wants you, he's on the phone."

"Alright, listen. Put this dog with all the other injured ones, we're taking them to some sorta animal center. I don't wanna hear anything about it. We're not letting dogs die becaus..."

That was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep all the way, I wasn't exactly sure of everything they said but I knew I would be okay and I guess that made me happy. I guess it was for the best. People always say cats have nine lives, but it feels like I have those fuckers beat by at least twenty. Being alive today wouldn't guarantee I'd be alive tomorrow, though. Its too damn tough being a dog.

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​As I find myself looking back on all of my recent endeavors, I realize all the mistakes I had so brazenly made... so many things which could have been avoided had I just paid more attention. The shot. The death. The man behind the dumpster. It was all so simple and yet I had ignored it at every turn - you see, sometimes a man denies the things right in front of his face to the point that they no longer exist, and I guess the same can be said for a dog. At least this one. They stitched me up and sent me on my way, they didn't put me into a pound or even shove any invasive trackers under my skin; all the horror stories I had heard about the vet and nothing, nothing at all. I waited and waited to be plucked up and shoved into a box so small that my hair stuck out the sides, yet it never came. Maybe it was because of the man who brought us here, the man who told them to set me back out onto the streets, the one who probably wanted me to die but didn't have the heart to do it himself and so hoped some rabid raccoon would come by and finish the job for him.

...Or maybe I'm just lucky like that. 

I laid for hours, actual hours this time, not the minutes which feel like hours that I usually endure, but painful hour upon hour I sat there and just waited. I wasn't exactly sure for what, but I knew if I waited long enough I would either succumb to the pain or have something come and put a bullet between my furry eyes, and I wasn't sure which one I would rather have. Then the bird begun dropping down upon me, like something straight from a biblical story, tens upon tens of the terrible creatures all swarming above me like gnats. I could hear their beaks clicking together, waiting for me to die so they could have a wonderful puppy feast. This was not the way I had intended to go, no, I was supposed to survive. I was supposed to be the super mafia dog that would rule all of the land with my iron paw and create a legacy unlike any dog has ever seen. 

Using all of my might I lurched forward at an attempt to move, I had to show these damned birds that I wasn't going to just lay there as they waited for their next meal. Surely there were plenty of worms around for them to have their next morning snack, why me? That's when I realized what time it was, morning. I had always hated mornings and this only added to the list, but it also meant something else entirely, I still had time to make this all right. The rich man had a lot of fancy things in his room, but none more fancy than the tiny shiny egg he had kept near his desk, it was so damned shiny that I couldn't help but take it with me. I'll spare you the details of how I exactly managed to stow it away, but I'll give you a hint - my next shit is going to be rather unpleasant. 

A few painful minutes later...

My body still ached all over, but I knew now that I at least had something to trade for my life. Surely this would be worth something to the men who most assuredly want me dead. It had to. This was my only chance! Having a new lease on life, my depression quickly subsided and I was able to muster just enough fervor to let out a howl loud enough to scatter every last one of those damned birds. I gave off an approving smile and then trotted away slowly but surely. What was my plan? I wasn't exactly sure. Then it all reclicked, the epiphany I had earlier was set back into my tiny puppy-sized brain and I remembered everything. The girl, I had to find the girl. She was the key to finding out what happened in that house that day,  the day I ran away and set in motion this whole series of unfortunate events. I waddled down a few streets and cobbled down another. Where could she be? I remembered even more of what I had forgotten thanks to those birds and my attention span, oh my, this new new memory wasn't a good one.

but, I'll spare you those details for now, because that very moment of remembrance is also the moment I got hit by the car. See? I told you... its tough being a dog. 

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