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Fresh Pup of Bel-Air (Also I own Philly now) Started by: Buddy on Jul 25, '14 21:44

Philadelphia...

Leaders of MR...

Members of this glorious community...

"We need to all have a talk, about this city which we all hold so dear, a city which currently has no leaders, but I have luckily found a solution which everyone can most likely get behind and agree with. A solution with which if any person has a single complaint or problem with, should be stamped out, as they're clearly not progressive and kind-hearted enough to be part of this thing of ours. 

Buddy stops for a second and begins to walk back and forth, his tail wagging and his body moving about excitedly, who could hate a creature this beautiful and smart?! He lets out a woof and then jumps back up into the crowd so they can all get a new look at the newest, most glorious leader.

"Now, I will not need a crew. I will not need an HQ. Hell, I won't even need a single human member. All I ask is for one million dollars from every leader as to pay for the neutering and spaying which will be required by all of the animals which I shall get together. For a while now, us cats and dogs, monkeys and crocodiles, rabbits and squirrels - we've been sitting in the quiet just waiting for the perfect time to take our spot in the mafia. The perfect time to turn ourselves into a serious contender."

A few Bald Eagles fly from the distance as an American Flag drops down behind Buddy just before he clears his throat so he can continue to speak, a few fireworks shoot off and one hits a pigeon but nobody really cares because fuck pigeons. Buddy stands upright as best as he can, using his hind legs to force himself into an illusion of standing as all of the other animals which now have flocked around. He looks proudly into the distance as he waits for the clapping and hollering and meowing to subside. 

"This is not a declaration of war, nor is it a begging for anything. We will make our own way, we will build our own things, and we will create our own strengths. We ask for no help or hate, all we ask is to be respected and allowed to make our roost in the city of Philadelphia. Oh, and yeah, that one million from every leader is still in effect. Woof!"

The animals circle around him and lift him up in a wondrous moment of pride as they all begin to shout his name, "Buddy. Buddy. Buddy..." it continues for a while as he waits for the bipedals to get themselves situated to the idea that they are now no longer at the top of the food chain, at least not in Philadelphia. 

"Buddy! Animals can't be in the Mafia! You're not even from Ital-"

Before the man can finish heckling, he is grabbed up by two rather large Gorillas and dragged in the crowd of animals. His screams soon die out as Buddy licks his snout and wags his tail - happy with what just took place. The animals break up the crowd and reveal the man to now be sticky with feathers now adorning his body. He does not look very pleased.

"Anyone who does not wish to see me rule, will not be met with death. No, murdering for no reason is only for humans and those bastard dolphins. Us more sophisticated animals will simply tar and feather every unappreciative human and show them what it is like to walk this earth as a creature of the wilds."

The mans eyes light up as he stands and walks over to Buddy, a single tear trails down his eyes but it does not seem one born of hatred but rather of a new-found acceptance. He begins to smile and hugs the dog.

"I was once lost, but now I am indeed found. I accept your kind, Buddy. I was a mean jackass who cared too much, but now I'm really happy and nice. See?! I'm smiling!"

Buddy and the human both jump in unison as all of the animals and humans begin to dance, the happiness fills up the entire city of Philadelphia the second he takes over. The Mafia is finally fun again and its all thanks to a little pup named Buddy. He sits back and puts on some badass glasses which he just bought for this very occasion. Today, was indeed, a good day. Woof.

 
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I honestly cannot think of a better way to spend a million dollars.
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Buddy looks at his new-found desk in his wonderful small box in Philadelphia, the box is adorned with lots of crayon drawings, most of which read "MAFIA ONLY" and one particular "FUK U", which to be fair, is probably from the geese, they've never been really good with knowing how to spell... Buddy sits on the toilet bowl which was taped to a more sturdy box and calls it his throne and from his throne he awaits for the first of the good news to come.

"Sir... Buddy, sir. Sir you have some mail, sir. Looks like there's money in it, sir. Sir are you gonna read it, sir?"

Buddy opens the note and isn't very surprised at what he sees...

Jul 25, 23:00:31 Someone has sent you $1,000,000 - they have also left a note, the note reads:

"Dear Buddy,

You are a quite wise and already wonderful leader, I know you will do great and never fail at anything you ever do mostly because you're so tough and cool and I like you a lot. You're also manly. Let this money spare one of the many Crew Leaders, I will let you decide which one you decide to let live. Please be merciful, new glorious leader Buddy.

PS: Damn. You're really cool, like... wow.

Love,

Your newest #1 fan.

After reading the note he smiles to himself knowing that he has already begun a wonderful thing, surely now that other people know it is safe to pay for their leaders lives they will assuredly all rush to do so. He puts the letter under his throne and closes his eyes to take a nap, after all, even a king of the Mafia needs his rest.

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lronSight slowly sneaks up on a monkey in the crowd. He was holding a hubcap and screeching pointlessly the entire time. lronSight draws his gun, puts it to the back of the monkey's head and pulls the trigger. He then bends down, picks up the hubcap and goes about his business occasionally muttering to himself,

"Stupid freaking hubcap stealing monkeys..."

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