Achilles walks out into the street and does something dramatic to grab the crowds attention.

"So things have been quite exciting as of late, there's plenty going on, plenty being spoken about. The streets are booming and since my speech a week and a bit ago it's definitely caused a stir. I've had a few people come to me confused about the hit on my head and so I thought I'd read a few extracts from my diary to help those who are a little out of the loop to understand what I've been through the past week and a bit.

12th September -

Dear Diary, I made a speech last night, some people liked it, others didn't. Rumour has it the Gods no longer favour me though. Squishy called me a douche and said I was greedy. All I did was insult a few hundred people and ask for potential members to give me all their money. Is that so bad? Romwulf stayed in bed all day again, he's a lazy prick. I should shoot him, I wish I could find a decent reason to do it though. Latitude seemed to be around a lot without actually doing anything useful. Just like his daddy, he's about as useful as sttubgibekili's pee pee.

13th September -

Dear Diary, people are still out in the street speaking about my speech. Some guy called chocolope turned up and said some stuff, nobody seemed to listen though. I think I spotted him getting on a short bus to Hollywood afterwards. Poor chap. Romwulf rose from his slumber and came out to the street to say a few words, they seemed to make sense. He's still a useless prick though. On another note, I managed to get a few new guys to join me today. They seem like a decent bunch, except that Nikita_Khrushchev, he looks like a sneaky Russian! We got talking and he told me his favourite flavour ice cream is mint chocolate chip, which is amazing because that's my favourite too. I like him now.

14th September -

Dear Diary, Squishy is still not happy, he called me a douche again and gave us all a lesson on how to run a crew. What a champ. I told him to become a mortal and come at me brah. Rumour has it he has and has come into an obscene amount of money with the intention of putting a hit on my head. I went to sleep and woke up to a reasonably priced hit on my Right Hand Romwulf's head, $25,000,000. Not a bad price. Romwulf seems to be a bit more active and has been seen in the street walking around telling people off and defending me. He is so adorable. Not that adorable though, I decided to shoot him and take the $25,000,000 for myself. Now I can buy some more mint chocolate chip ice cream for myself and Nikita. Nikita told me later on over ice cream that he's glad Romwulf's dead, we both had a laugh at that. Whatsername came to me today and told me Squishy is still planning this hit on my head, he's asked all the leaders if they want the shot, apparently nobody is willing to take him up on his offer though, most seem to think he's being a silly Sally.

On a separate note, Heel, son of Romwulf arrived in my family. He seems to be a lot more useful than his father, so much so I decide to make him my new Right Hand. Like his daddy, he defends my stance on selfish members in the street. Some Zephyra woman was out in the street today, she kept making noise and screaming for people to listen to her. I need to speak to Drexler, maybe if he gives her some attention she'll stop creating such a scene.

Latitude also has a hit on his head I'm told. I asked him if I could shoot him, he replied with a "Huh, what, hoozah?" Clearly, he's been getting high on his own supply again. I think about shooting him anyway but it's like shooting a pet dog. I just can't do it, man. I gave him a stroke on his head and left him to his crack pipe. I go to bed tonight wondering when this hit will go up.

15th September - 

Dear Diary, today was a sad day. Some cowardly fuckhole shot Latitude, but what was sad was that the electric tripped in the night and the ice cream melted. Gutted. Some thug came upto me today and demanded I apologise for insulting everyone or else. I apologised for being so fucking awesome. Apparently that wasn't what he meant. Shortly after, my guy Edutital came to find me in my bar The Tipping Point (Yes, free advertising) and told me a fairly large hit had been put on my head, $200,000,000 to be precise. After him, several hundred other individuals came to me letting me know the news also. Oh and Don Whatsername visited the bar as well, she informed me The Bronx were behind me and would be keeping a watchful eye, shortly after Godfather Jeddy came to see me too. He said a few words of encouragement, was he Irish? Was he Canadian? Who really knew? I wonder if I'll wake up tomorrow or if a stranger in the night will come to collect their prize.

16th September -

Dear Diary, I woke up, I woke up! I'm aliveeeeeeee! Today was kind of dull to be honest. I spent the day inside arranging my rubber stamp collection. Heel went out to the streets and told a few more people about themselves. He came back and told me that Zephyra woman is still lurking around trying to get people's attention. Poor girl. Speaking of poor girls, @Judas_Priest arrived in my family today, she seems like a pleasant lady. Not bad looking either.

17th September - 

Dear Diary, apparently Judas isn't a girl, despite myself and many other mistaking her or errr, him for one. It's lucky I didn't get handsy! I mean that damn long hair threw me. Anyway, I went by the bar today, it was pretty busy. Finn- and -Oculus- came in along with a few other faces and they had fun with the T.O.M.. I went for a quiet walk through the Bronx between serving customers, although it wasn't completely quiet, some guy called AlexTurner shot at me, by the time I'd spun round to see my attacker he was already lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood and faeces. Apparently he had shot himself afterwards and left behind his family and a ton of confused bodyguards. His family managed to stay safe, I'm not sure the bodyguards were as lucky.

18th September -

Dear Diary, today I spent the day shouting at my members, they didn't tribute the target I had set. Damn asshats, how dare they? No, not really. Today we had a party, apparently it was Perses birthday, so Authed and KingSizeSlim hired some strippers. It's the last time I ask those pricks to do anything though, a load of firemen turned up and started getting their kits off. I didn't want it to go to waste though so I called up a few of the gals, BlackBetty, Whatsername & Curtis, I gave @TheMountain a call too. I figured this would be right up his street, the pervert. I'll go to bed tonight wondering if anyone else wants to take a pop at me.

19th September -

Dear Diary, today was another dull day well, that was until Mr_Kuklinskunt tried to shoot me. Well I assume it was an attempt on my life, he only managed to kill 2 spuds and a tomato at a grocers that belonged to Cantillon across the road. By the time I'd managed to find out who it was, poor Kuku had already croked it. I returned to the HQ to chill for the night, Heel sung me a lullaby last night, perhaps he'll do the same tonight?

22nd September -

Dear Diary, I'm sorry to have neglected you for a few days. Myself, Heel and a few of the chaps went out for munchies after discovering the uses of Marijuana, but we got lost and ended up in Vegas. Somehow Kyubey, Cantillon and Jono ended up with us too. It was a great few days although some chap called Joseph_Ligambi kept asking us all if we wanted to be his associates, we quickly waved him and his troop of thugs away though. It was a good time out there but Jono the drunkard kept getting us thrown out of bars when offering to pay the strippers in hubcaps. Meanwhile Kyubey and Cantillon were too busy arguing over which one of them we're going to take Jono home to notice that the strippers were pickpocketing them and the rest of us had to pay off Jono's tab. That pissant managed to run up a fucken huge bill. We ended up stranded for a couple nights but luckily after organising a job we managed to raise the funds to get ourselves back.

On a separate note it's been a week since the hit went up and I'm still alive. Hoorah! I wonder how long I'll be alive for? One things for certain, life's more exciting right now."

@Judas_Priest arrived in my family today, she seems like a pleasant lady. Not bad looking either.

And that's where everyone stopped listening. 

22nd September -

Dear Diary, I guess a guy can't get away with wearing a leather crop top and pantyhose these days. It has only came to my attention that people think I'm female after secretly peaking at Achilles diary that he and others thought I was. I'm only figuring out now why I was getting so much male attention in the bars and coffee shops. I think I may have to seek out a new image. I might ask Achilles to lend me some of Romwulfs hit money for a new wardrobe. I wonder how the late Romwulf would feel about that.

Curtis listened to his friend reading from his diary. He laughed and for a moment, stopped dwelling on the pointlessness of the bigger picture. He walked over to Achilles and handed him the half bottle of whiskey he had taken from The Tipping Point just an hour before.

"Here man, take it... What?"

Achilles looked at the bottle with an appropriate level of suspicion and then at Curtis with an appropriate level of resignation. Curtis smiled and went on undeterred.

"I did enjoy listening to your diary. I had wondered about that Russian cat myself. I'm glad he's on the level. I look forward you remaining alive longer so we can get some more of it. That is of course if the legions of powerful and high ranking conspirators that Kuku keeps warning us about, can continue to remain as utterly non existent as they have. Good work man."

Curtis slapped his friend on the back and then became acutely aware that he had willingly surrendered his 'in-hand' liquor supply. Suppressing his panic he sloped off as calmly as he could in search of more.

It was no surprise to Heel, to find himself turning up late to the party. It had been happening to him an awful lot lately, especially since he had started running with Achilles and his crew. Part of his brain rationalised it as only the natural consequence of him having to spend all of his time running the crew in Achilles absence, who conversely spent all of his time alternating between piques of incredible joy when he received a mail off Whatersname and hours of terrible lows spent scribbling new ways to get her to notice him in his little diary when he didn't. Apparently, his latest effort had been antagonising Lord Squishington of Squishington Manor into forking out for a massive hit on his head and it was working a treat; Heel couldn't remember a day when he hadn't spotted Whatername's fine penmanship among the pile as thumbed through the morning mail. Incidentally, he couldn't recall a time when he hadn't also seen the crayon scrawled mark PantiesBeDroppin' in there either, but all those had been addressed to JudasPriest, so Heel didn't open them. He knew better than to come between PantiesBeDroppin' and a lady of his choosing. 

So, here he was, late to the party and saved from forcing himself through the crowd of onlookers (how else could you explain them not being there to listen? ho hum) to stand before his boss.

"What are you doing, Boss?" Hell asked as he looked over at Achilles, hunched over, one hand covering his face, the other clutching his diary.

"What?" Achilles said, startled, looking up and only seeing Heel for the first time. Heel made a mental note as to the red rings around Achilles' eyes; a no-mail-off-Whatersname evening it was then. He braced himself. "What the fuck are you doing out of the HQ, you little pissant?"

"I just thought I would come and find you, Boss." Heel cooed softly. He had danced this dance too many times not to know the steps by now. "No associates have been kicked lately and the little guy certainly hasn't been targeted anywhere near enough, so we need you back at the helm." Heel let that sit for a second, before letting the other shoe drop. "Authed is even saying we should start recruiting again..."

The sentence hung in the air for even less time than it took a Kuku statement to be disproved, and instantly Achilles was up on his feet. He shoved his diary roughly back into his pocket and wiped a sleeve across his eyes. 

"That cheeky fucker. What an ungrateful fucking dickbag. Take these fucking little bin dippers into my HQ?" Achilles said pushing the nearest Goomba (or anyone below Made Man really, they were all worthless to Achilles after all) on his arse. "Has he lost his fucking mind?!"

Heel didn't hear the rest of Achilles rant as they made their way back, but he was certain it was highly derogatory and almost certainly an attack on everyone in some way, so they should definitely keep renewing the hit on him. That associate-hating piece of shit.

I read the diary entries Achilles, thank you for sharing your thoughts on your week. 

I must say you have had quite interesting days within the pages at hand. To have such a large hit on your head you seem to find clarity in your own city and walking the streets well. That's good. Some people or most people if they were in these predicaments I'm sure would have just swallowed a bullet by now. 

I'm just looking outside the box. Live Long and Die for what you feel and think, regardless of what people think or say.

As you said:

On a separate note it's been a week since the hit went up and I'm still alive. Hoorah! I wonder how long I'll be alive for? One things for certain, life's more exciting right now."

I can agree with that quote for sure.