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A girl needs a new wardrobe - (Competition) Started by: Kelly_Kapowski on Nov 25, '14 20:44

It was was a fine, sunny afternoon. As the young woman flounced along the boulevard a sudden gust of wind caught her hair, throwing her dark locks backwards, glinting in the sunlight.  Never before had you seen anything quite so resplendent and as your gaze followed her down the street you noticed her pinning notices to buildings, cars and foliage as she went about her business......

 

You make your way over the closest notice and begin to read:

 

I need a new wardrobe.

The tailors around here just don't cut it like they used to.  The fabric they use is dour, of poor quality and the seamstresses, well, they have seen better days.

The pleats on my skirt are worn and stained from constant, unsolicited advances from Batiatus; always muttering something about his seed being upon me.  But you know, a girl can't pass up a bit of attention every now and then, maybe one day he will be MADE and the light will shine on him in a slightly more endearing way.

I digress though, 

I come to you with a proposal, citizens of America.

I will grace the hand of the tailor that comes up with the best new suit for me with 5 credit notes, nice and easy to pass up for cold hard cash down at the Marketplace, along with granting you a unique ability to pickpocket more regularly and a little nod on how your citywide progress is going for 60 days.

For arguments sake, I will name the latter two "Perks".  So that is 5 credit notes, a Pickpocket perk and an Achievement perk to the best suit, aka 1st place.

Second and third best suits will receive 1 credit note and 2 perks.

If at any time I use your suit (even if you didn't win), I will send you 1 credit note.  This is limited to one credit note per suit.

There are two conditions:

  1. Your suit must contain a verbose, descriptive narrative of me wearing said suit and (possibly) engaging in lewd acts with Batiatus.  If there is no narrative, I will not consider the suit.
  2. You may only provide 1 suit for entry, feel free to submit as many as you want, but I will ask you to choose one to be considered in the final judging.

I am really looking forward to a brand new wardrobe.  Please don't let me down 'Murica.

 

~Kelly_Kapowski

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The lovely Kelly_Kapowski has a thirst for fashion. Good Batiatus will see it fucking quenched
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I know a really good tailor, although I'll have to convince him to come out of retirement for you. He's retired the tailoring job to pursue a life of crime so he doesn't have as much time to spend tailoring anymore. Although with the potential rewards I may be able to convince him to come out of the woodwork's and get to designing.

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Perhaps you should focus more on your studies than your fashion? I mean you've been in high school what, twenty-five years?

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Firstly, I will adress the responses of the good mafie folk, first and foremost, the enigma of a Wise Guy that is.........Batiatus 

The lovely Kelly_Kapowski has a thirst for fashion. Good Batiatus will see it fucking quenched.

I look forward to this, your constant advances have given me little reason to consider your intentions as true thus far.......

I know a really good tailor, although I'll have to convince him to come out of retirement for you. He's retired the tailoring job to pursue a life of crime so he doesn't have as much time to spend tailoring anymore. Although with the potential rewards I may be able to convince him to come out of the woodwork's and get to designing.

Louis-Man, by all means, bring him out of retirement........please; After all, how can I look my best for Batiatus without some new attire, he is VERY hard to please....

Perhaps you should focus more on your studies than your fashion? I mean you've been in high school what, twenty-five years?

I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about Hermione.  Also, abandoned much??? <4

 

So yeah, in summary,

 

Are these streets really unfrequented so much so that no-one will help a, somewhat ditzy, girl out?

 

Maybe I was not generous enough with my original prize structure?

 

So I will increase it, 2 fold.  We are all intelligent human beings right, we can all do simple mathematical equations?  Good, I wont explain it in Laymans terms for you.

 

xoxox

 

~Kelly

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Esteemed men and women of the Mafia, BEHOLD good Batiatus's offering to Kelly_Kaposki, one to accompany her savage beauty, one to make the Gods themselves spill fucking seed!

Suit

Woven with the finest silk in all of Rome, and tailored by seamstress whores of reputation, I have designed garb that not only compliments Kelly's heavenly features, but fucking EXTENUATES them!; her lips, her supple breasts, and all the moist pleasures below. A fiery red to draw not only ire and envy from other dominas of her elevated station, but the lust and eye of men both noble and common. I feel my own resolve stiffening at the thought. A black but revealing top to show her navel, one worthy of eating grapes. Marvel at the earrings made of the most exquisite jewels. Good Batiatus would request he be given the honor of putting them in her ears, using mouth as the instrument to see the deed fucking completed! Other women of prominence will be regarded as common slags in your company. Hail Batiatus!  May Kelly's beauty live on as legend and may it be my gift that sees it fucking so!

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A black but revealing top to show her navel, one worthy of eating grapes.

A navel worthy of eating grapes from. Apologies, my tongue fails me at the sight of such exquisite beauty.

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Why do you even keep cats?

TinyTina asked La Piere Frufru as he was busy making the last finishing touches on the dress Tina had ordered for her Boss lady, Kelly. There was no response from Piere so Tina poked the cat in the stomach again. 

Aren’t they just tiny little psychos. Murderous tiny psychos. Do you ever worry about them killing you while you sleep? Look at this thing, it looks like it’s going to murder me right now. As soon as I turn my back it’ll pounce and claw me to death. First my eyes and then the rest of me. Drag my intestines to it’s secret nest in the back, save some for later.

Again, there was no answer from Piere. Instead of poking the cat in front of her, she instead narrowed her eyes at it’s eyes. 

You don’t look plump enough to eat. Run off and get fat!

Tina said to the cat and then scooted it off the chair. Once it had fled the room, Tina took it’s spot. She chewed on her finger nails as she waited ever so patiently…nervously for Piere. This was one of those defining moments in her life. If she succeeded on bringing the angel known as Kelly, Tina would be allowed to keep her place in The Loop. If not, she’d be shipped off to Africa. AFRICA. What the shit was she suppose to do there? Of all places, Kelly threatened Africa. Well, that didn’t actually happen. 

Kelly was a kind and loving angel. This is why TinyTina liked to watch her sleep. Liked to smell Kelly’s hair as she slept. Liked to sit on the bed next to her and watch Kelly’s (magnificent) chest raise and lower with every breath she took. Tina’s favorite part was jotting down the things Kelly said as she slept in a notebook she kept with her at all times. Most of the things Kelly said were about that scum bag Batiatus. He wasn’t even a made man! The nerve of him, trying to court Tina’s Kelly!

However, the other night had been different. Kelly muttered something about zebras. Zebra’s lived in Africa. Tina had written this down. Then, potato salad Batiatus. Tina didn’t write that part down. The less record of this BathSalts guy the better. Tina leaned down into Kelly’s chest and took a big whiff of Kelly smell. Upon rising from the heavenly dive, Kelly muttered Tina’s name. Tina quickly scurried out of Kelly’s bed in fear of her angel catching Tina’s guilty pleasure. Tina found a private spot downstairs in the broom closet and read over her notes from the night. Africa, TinyTina, lack of participation in dressing her boss. 

Tina had indeed blown the project off for a week. She felt a bit bad about that, but now shit was getting serious. Seriously serious. Tina would have to find a dress for Kelly Angel and quickly. That’s why Tina was presently at Piere’s French Dress Imports. That’s why he was now handing her a dress bag.

"Did you scare off my cat again?"

He asked her as he twirled his mustache with his finger.

I ate it! 

Tina replied without skipping a beat. She pretend to twirl her own evil mustache as she chuckled.

"TinyTina, you’re dress."

Piere handed her the dress bag thing. Tina took it from him.

Sir Caption Frufru it’s been an honor.

Piere scoffed at Tina.

"It’s Captain and I told you not to call me that name! It’s not even mine!!!!"

He shouted at her as she left his shop. Tina clutched the dress to herself as if it were the last life jacket on a sinking ship filled with millions of people about to die. It was hers and she’d bring it to the angel named Kelly. Tina’s angel. Kelly would be so proud of her. Tina adventured on down the sidewalk to Kelly’s favorite corner where she could present her gift. When Tina arrived she cleared her throat.

My angel! She exclaimed. I have come to present you with the most fabulous dress of all fabulous dresses in the whole entire world! The whole entire country! No! The whole entire universe!!

Tina got down on one knee and kissed the rings upon Kelly’s hands. She stood back up and opened the dress bag, exposing the most beautifulist gown any person had ever seen.

As you can see, I have brought you the most beautifulist gown any person has ever seen. It was crafted by the Sir Captain Piere in his workshop of wonders, candy and sometimes children. He told me it will fit and flatter you in all the right places. If it doesn’t you let your home girl know….Tina pointed at herself….and I’ll murder him with a hatchet. 

Tina smiled and handed the dress to Kelly. 

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Good Batiatus amazes me with his taste.  With a little cajoling I may be tempted to become a staunch advocate of the gods smiling favourably upon his battered rectum for once and allowing Don Gravity to push him along to the heady days of being fucking MADE MAN.

That said and done, I am loving the choice of lingerie, does it not look delectable alongside my gorgeous hair?  An exquisite offering indeed.

 

Maybe I will wear this suit tomorrow, who knows..........

 

TinyTina though, my fearless LHM and occasional RHM has really raised the bar though good Batiatus, she even gave me a lovely name badge; What a splendid story for my memoirs.

This suit shall be paraded now. 

 

A girl needs more than two new suits though.  Come on 'Murica..........

 

(10 credit notes and 4 perks to the winner by the way.........)

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Back at their headquarters in Philadelphia, Amy was listening to music and dancing around, cleaning up after all the damn trolls that had somehow invaded gotten a spot in their family. Someone had to do it, and damned if she was going to live in a mess. Next thing she knew, Batiatus burst through the door, waving his hands about and going off on what seemed like another tirade. Turning down her music, Amy approached the frazzled-looking man. 

"What's going on?" Amy asked, crossing her arms and waiting for another outlandish, but always amusing, story.

"This! This is what's going on!" Batiatus replied, thrusting a picture of the fabulous Kelly Kapowski in her face. "I have had the finest silks in all the land woven for this magnificent creature and she did not put it immediately on! I implore you Amy, what more can I do to impress a lady such as this, as if the magnificence of Batiatus is not enough?!"

"Hot damn," she muttered, looking at the picture of Kelly. How the heck had she not seen this woman before? Pushing the confused Batiatus along, she sat down at her sewing table. She wasn't sure where to start really, she had never made a suit before. The most Amy had done was repair the incessant holes in the clothing the members in her crew got daily while stealing old women's purses and robbing banks. Her face lit up as she thought of an idea. Amy set to work, going out and gathering the materials before pouring hours into crafting a suit deserving of such a goddess. 

After finishing, she rapped on Batiatus' door. "You're going to want to see this," she grinned. They hopped in Amy's car and off they went to Chicago. When they arrived, Amy fished the dress bag out of the back and headed up the steps to Kelly's HQ with her number one fan at her side. Amy knocked on the door and waited, giving Batiatus a reassuring smile. When the door opened, they both gasped unconsciously as they looked at Kelly. She looked as amazing as ever. 

Gathering herself, Amy reached out her hand and introduced herself. "It's quite a pleasure to meet you, Kelly. I've heard many wonderful things about you. A little birdy," Amy glanced at Batiatus, "told me you were looking for a new outfit. I think I have just the thing. Here, please, try it on!" Amy handed her the bag, stepping inside as Kelly went to try on her new dress.  

Emerging from what they could only guess as Kelly's room, Amy's eyes widened. Kelly looked hotter than she'd even thought capable. "Can you... do a little turn?" she managed, trying not to stumble over her words as they took in her new outfit. Amy glanced at Batiatus to gauge his reaction, barely able to take her eyes off Kelly. She burst into giggles as she saw him and promptly reached over and pushed his jaw back up. Seeing him speechless was just not something that Amy was used to.

"I'll just... leave you two lovebirds alone now," Amy winked. Turning to go, she muttered to herself, "Dat ass though..." 

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Ted had always thought of himself as an avid photographer, ever since finding a small camera in the back of a van he was disposing of for a friend. It was nearly half the size of the older cameras, he could almost wrap his hands all the way around it, which made for much quicker picture taking. Walking through the woods for a moment he noticed a wonderfully still tit, and he couldn't help but smile wide; he hadn't seen one this big in months!

He grabbed the camera from his pants belt and quickly snapped a picture, but 'quickly' was apparently not fast enough to catch the glorious creature before it tired of waiting. As it took flight and left the frame, the flash finally came-- minutes later, of course. Ted sighed and walked home sad. There would be no tit for him today, if only he could say he wasn't used to such a thing. Finally making the long trek home, he walked up to his developing room and the process began.

A while later they were finally done, he wasn't sure exactly how long it took, but the drugs and pornographic magazines sure helped the time pass by quickly. He looked at the many pictures he had taken and couldn't help but feel bad, there was nothing of worth in any of them. Some weird horse creature with a stupid horn, a tiny green man holding a pot of gold, and some idiot with a satchel of toys. All useless. He began to throw away the pictures one by one before he noticed one that especially caught his eye, the dumb bird flying away may have been a blessing in disguise.

"This is beautiful..." Grabbing up the picture he rushed from his home and down to where Kelly was holding some sort of competition, after scribbling on the picture for a few moments he thrust it towards the lady, he was more than sure he had found himself a winner.

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Kelly pokes her head around the corner and drops a quick wolf whistle at AmyPond and chucks a dollar at Ted........

 

Just a quick update guys.  I will be judging this on Thursday.  So, if you are still working on my new suit, you have until then to get your entry sorted out.

 

Thanks!

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I think before good Batiatus makes a suit for someone else, he should get help with his own. I tried to save him from his dumb suit a couple days ago, he responded with keeping his shit suit just the way it is. Someone please help change his mind!
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Cyanide stared a little bit at the woman,Kelly_Kapowski. Was she going to participate?

 

Maybe later.. 

She slowly walked off

 

Weeks later

 

She put thought into it again

"Maybe it could be a little bit of practice for my tailoring skills?" She thought to herself.

Well,She might as well...

A few days later,She had finally put together a outfit.

It wasn't her best,As she was just a novice,But it would do.

 

She went off with the dress and tried to look for Kelly,She had almost given up until she saw the same woman in the same location as before,She ran up to her.

 

"Hello,You don't even know me but I think I've heard of you. Kelly_Kapowski,Isn't it? The leader of The Kapowski's?" She asked before speaking again,Not even waiting for a answer

"How rude of me,I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Cyanide." She said again before handing her the dress

"This is for your contest,It may not be the best but I'm no professional." She added in

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Kelly steps out into the cold, winter, Chicago air and takes a deep breath........

 

I apologise profusely for my attire, the cold weather doesn't really lend itself to me flouncing around these cold streets in my underwear today.  However, I have more important things to discuss.

While the turnout from tailors was bad, to say the least, I have decided upon our three winners:

 

1st place - AmyPond.  DAT ASS INDEED.

2nd place - Cyanide.  I look so goddamn gorgeous in this outfit I could almost molest myself when I parade it in front of the mirror.

3rd place - Batiatus.  Slutty, but not quite to the slutty standards I expected of you.

Special mention - Ted.  I am not sure what you are doing to me, but it felt good, so you get a special mention.

 

I will process your payments shortly guys, thank you ever so much for the lovely new clothes.

 

Kelly flicks her long brown locks backs and after giving the crowd a fleeting glance, vanishes back into the HQ.....

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Cyanide, I dropped you a mail by your grave, hopefully your kin will get it.

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