JustDed wearily made his way to the park bench where he always took his first afternoon nap, put down his ice cream cone in his special holder that he got for his 80th birthday and struggled to climb up to the bench.  He slowly stood up, joints creaking and grunts farting away from his mouth, cursing his old age, cursing the damn kids of today for not helping him up, and just cursing for the hell of it.

He started to take his flask out of his pocket, put and back and reached back in to his pocket and took out a small round box.  He reached in, grabbed his teeth, fit them in his mouth and then reach back, grabbed the flask, held it high up in the air and began to speak.

Hey.... HEY! I'M TALKING TO YOU!

YEAH, YOU!

I want to raise a toast, to a man among men, to a GIANT among Lilliputians., to one of the greatest who walk the streets today.

This man came from nothing (still some say he is nothing) and pulled himself up by his suspenders.  He ducked and wove his way between the fire of the bullets and the violence of the men who came after him, and yet, he survived.  He persisted.  He left them behind as he rose in the ranks.

Today, or was it yesterday, (who the hell cares, I can't remember what color underwear I put on this morning), he reached the Penultimate position he had hoped for, striven for and spent countless months with as much inactively as possible.

He took a deep breath, coughed out a lung, and picked up his flask higher.

TODAY, HE IS A DON.

GOOMBA's and Babes, I give you....

ME, Just Me, JustDed.

*Obscure applauds frantically and congratulates JustDed*

Truly a success to be celebrated!

Congratulations, Don JustDed!

Twisted Fate retrieves his whisky from under his cloak and begins to pour...

Jesus Christ, are you still living?

Just kidding old bean, I'm so very proud of you. Very few can sit idly in a crew(s) through multiple wars and rank to don. My grandfather spoke most highly of you and always thought you were bang on. I can't say I disagree from our short conversations. It's nice to see you rewarded for all of your....hard work.

Bloody hell I didn't know you were still around these shores JustDed. I thought you were.. well.. Just Dead.

Awesome to see that you made it all the way to Don! A most noble achievement. Many congratualations from me! I know that you worked extemely er.. hard for this!

Didn't JustDed just die? No? I'm sorry what?  Don?  You're plugging my sprockets!  Well congratulations to JustDed then.  Good job!

Didn't JustDed just die? No? I'm sorry what?  Don?  You're plugging my sprockets!  Well congratulations to JustDed then.  Good job!

Honestly,  how in earth could JustDed die, after all, I am just ded!