Jonestown was sitting with some hop heads, listening to some groovy tunes on the wireless.  He appreciated their taste in music, and found it funny when they said "far out."  He liked their music but he didn't care for their tobacco mix.  It made him feel kinda jaded and sometimes he'd laugh and his mind wasn't on business.  Out of the corner of his eye, Jonestown spots a guy who owes him money.  He motions he over and listens as he explains he's short on money but has some files that might be of interest.  Jonestown takes them and goes into the back room where he can read in peace...

CORONERS REPORT - FED/1702/1

Name of Victim:  Martin_Vondalf_Leon

Age: Not known

Cause of Death:  Single bullet wound to the head

Particulars of death:  Mr Leon was found dead at home.  

Clues:  Weapon was found at scene.  Wound consistent with self inflicted gun shot.  A note in his diary said that he feared for "his ass" and was depressed.

Motives:  Some speculation that Mr Leon was considered handsome by his alleged employer and that this caused him some concern.  It seems beyond doubt that Mr Leon was involved in organised crime.

Conclusion:  Mr Leon took his own life.  Officers may well question the alleged crime boss Batiatus about the fears noted in Mr Leon's diary.

CORONERS REPORT - FED/1702/2

Name of Victim:  FBN Officer Columbo

Age: 30

Cause of Death:  Single bullet wound to the head

Particulars of death:  Columbo's body was found in a deserted alleyway in Brooklyn, New York.  He appears to have been murdered where he was found.  

Clues:  No sign of a struggle, no sign of robbery.  Columbo wsa suspected of working for mob bosses in Brooklyn and of illicit drug deals of behalf of suspected FBN double agent Jim Howe

Motives:  This appears to be a tragic case of a law enforcement officer turning to crime and paying a heavy price for it.  This was a gangland murder carried out in a district of New  York controlled by a ruthless group of career criminals.

Conclusion:  Inquiries are ongoing but as of yet no arrests have been made.  We conclude that Columbo was no longer making money for his mob boss and was killed for this reason.

CORONERS REPORT - FED/1702/3

Name of Victim:  WhereWasI

Age:  30

Cause of Death:  Single bullet wound to the head.

Particulars of death:  Body was found in an alleyway in the Suburbs, Chicago.  Death was due to a bullet wound, but there was a large wrench inserted almost fully into Mr WWI's anus.  Interestingly, the coroner reported that underneath his suit, Mr WWI was wearing a pair of French ladies panties, suspenders and belt, garter and tiny little girl socks.  Witnesses reported that when WWI was on his way, he shaved his legs and plucked his eyebrows.  Another witness noted him "going to the Apollo - you should've seen him Go, Go, Go."  Above each finger on his right hand, WWI had a letter tattooed.  When the hand made a fist, the four fingers spelled out KUKU.  In his briefcase were a number of extremely lengthy written statements that were, mostly, incoherent.  

Clues:  As noted above, WWI appears to have been a deviant who had altered his appearance drastically.  His transvestism wasn't apparent to those who he was involved with organised crime with, but they did wonder why he always had a glove on his right hand.  One witness, who didn't want to be named, said that they thought it was maybe because he was constantly writing drivel so his hand hurt.  When the witness was told about the KUKU tattoo, he said that Mr WWI often became aroused when a certain Mr Richard Kukulinski was mentioned and "maybe he had his name tattooed on his hand so he could see it as he beat himself off."  Officers are unable to verify if this was indeed the case.  

Other mob sources have noted that Mr WWI was very outspoken and had recently started several arguments with individuals who were far more intelligent than him.   These sources have noted that Mr WWI worked for a very powerful organised crime figure who would not allow any ill discipline.

Motives:  Mr WWI annoyed basically everyone across of this cities of this land at some point of another.  He frequently attacked people with his wrench.  It is now known that he inserted this into himself.  It is not known why he did this.  It seems that despite his strange sartorial ways and emulation of ladies, Mr WWI was the victim of a well organised and orchestrated mob execution.

Conclusion:  Mr WWI had many enemies and few friends.  Even the owners of the ladies fashion boutiques that he spent freely in weren't sad to see him go.  Said one "him and that wrench, and he wouldn't shut up."   Law enforcement have recently been informed that Mr WWI has a son who is following in his father's footsteps.  He is a size 12 and likes to use coconut butter to keep his legs silky smooth.

Respect for the dead is important, one might think... Grave pissing was once considered an abomination, on no matter who the person was, given their sins in life. But the rectal insertion of a wrench as well as other implications... ?

Standards of respect have truly slipped then. 

MrSpikeS, are you suggesting that I was disrespectful?  Please don't shoot the messenger - I was merely passing on what precious information I had with my brethren.

I would strongly suggest respect for the dead, especially from my home city be observed. I will say no more on the topic and shouldn't need to.

How is this guy not dead?  Things sure have changed since the days of my maker. Beep. I remember people dying for bullshit like this.

Goodnight Brian.

Even if you yourself are only a messenger, I feel such documents are best kept in private, rather than shouted through the streets for all to hear. What is done is done. It IS disrespectful to go on bragging about the loss of a precious life though. I do not imagine yours will last much longer.

​Curtis returns from the funeral parlor. 

"This kind of behavior will not be tolerated under my watch. I don't care what people's feelings may be toward anyone, once they are dead they shall not be abused. Dress it up however you like, it will not be permitted.

This was a sad decision for Brian, he clearly had a lot of talent. Should his next of kind wish to work in New York, I'm sure there will be a place for them to get a start."

*listens* 

"That right that there, is how a respectable mafiso takes care of business." 

*offers a respectful nod to GF Curtis*

I applaud the fashion in which this was dealt with Godfather Curtis. I did wish to comment prior to this as it was a slightly touchy subject but I am glad to see the way in which it was dealt with.

Dana smiles widely at a semifamiliar face

"Mr Caffrey, a pleasure Sir, My mother spoke well of your ancestors and was deeply in their debt for the things they taught her. I wanted to give a semi-public nod of thanks and acknowledgement for that old debt. Should you or your family find yourselves in need of anything, do please feel free to get in touch. Thank you Sir, for seeming to be the honorable man that my family has known your family for, and the things you and your forefathers passed down."

With that Dana takes her leave surrounded by only the warm spring breeze, having given her guards the day off.