Snakes were not a thing that Maria commonly had to deal with, thank fuck. Although her usual reaction to unpleasant animal invasions of her home - such as spiders - was to alert Kelly_Kapowski by way of a high pitched shriek followed by lots of pointing and shouts of, "JUST KAPOWSKI IT", snakes were a personal specialty for Maria.

You see, she had no time for them. None whatsover. And she preferred to deal with them for herself. A hard smack over the head with a shovel tended to see most snakes off, and she wasn't one for missing out on the opportunity to twat something over the head with a shovel. It gave her an enormous sense of satisfaction, as it happened. And besides, if she called Kelly to deal with snake issues, she knew well and good that Kelly would only shriek until Aliens came running and finally put an end to the matter, before complaining of developing headaches.

So, that morning, when she spotted a snake slithering in the long grass of her front yard - she wasn't much of a gardener -, Maria picked up a shovel from the garden shed and dispatched it with a look of grim satisfaction and one hell of a fucking clatter. 

It got her thinking, however. Snakes liked to pretend to be something they weren't, liked to go unnoticed, liked to position themselves tactically in order to carry out their strikes. Snakes, basically, fought dirty. A snake didn't give a shit who or what was harmed in order for their own goals to be met. A snake would think of nothing only than it's own welfare. And that was fine, but, Maria couldn't help but think that she was about sick of dealing with people who seemed to only be going out to cause damage. 

Pulling out her well worn silver pistol, she fired a shot directly into the back of the snake. A statement of intent. 

"I'm fucking sick of these snakes in the fucking grass. It's time things got dealt with. Faster, bloodier, harder. Fucking snakes."

Shaking her head, she pulled her hat further down her ears, shoved the pistol back in her pocket, and wandered off to do Maria-ish things, like nap and chase butterflies.

Reading about snakes in the grass, Luigi remembered an old story his grandfather in Palermo had once told him.

It was an old wives tale from Italy. Luigi loved it and recounted it with great fondness........

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Long long ago a dirt poor woman longed for her very own child. One day, she saw a tiny little snake in the tall grass and she realized that

even snakes had children. Seeing her longing and sad eyes the little snake offered to be hers. The poor woman happily raised the snake as

her own son. When the snake had grown up to be a young adult it wanted to marry, and not to another snake but to the king's daughter of

course! The mother went to ask for her son to marry the king's daughter and the king said that the snake should have her if he could turn

all the fruit in the royal orchard into gold coins. The snake told his mother to gather up all the pits she could find and sow them in the

orchard. And when the pits sprang up and grew into trees overnight, all the fruits were gold.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The king then demanded that the walls and paths of his royal palace be turned into precious stones. The snake had his mother gather

up pottery and told her to throw it at the walls and paths. When they shattered they transformed the surfaces, making them glitter with the

radiance of many brilliant gems. The king then demanded that the castle be turned to solid gold. To accomplish this incredible feat the snake

had his mother rub the walls with an herb, a powerful herb which transformed them into solid shining gold.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The king told his daughter, Maria Bella, that he had tried to put off this suitor but failed. Maria Bella said that she would obey her father.

The snake came in a chariot of gold, drawn by unicorns. Everyone in the royal court ran off in fright, but Maria Bella stood her ground.

The snake took her into a room, where he shed his skin and became a handsome young man. The king, fearing that his daughter was being

eaten alive, looked through the keyhole. Seeing that the snake shed his skin he grabbed the snake skin and burned it. The handsome young

man yelled that the king was a bumbling idiot, turned into a miraculous white dove, and flew off towards the mountains.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maria Bella set out in search of him. She met a fox and traveled with it. In the morning as the princess remarked on the wondrous sounds of

the local birds, the fox told her their songs would sound even better if she knew what the birds were saying. The fox told the princess that a

prince had once been cursed to take a snake's form. He told her a remarkable tale. That the curse lasted for seven years, and near the end

of this time, the prince had fallen in love with and married a beautiful and rich princess. Unfortunately this snake had his skin burned to a

crisp, and he had struck his head while fleeing. He was now in the care of doctors somewhere deep in the mountains. The fox then told her

that the blood of the birds could cure him, and he caught some of them for her. Then he told her that his fox blood was also needed. the

princess persuaded the fox to go with her and killed him when it was time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The princess Maria Bella went to her husband's dirt poor mother and promised to cure the prince if he would marry her. The king had seen

how in love his daughter was and agreed to the marriage. She cured him with the fox and bird blood. Unfortunately the prince refused to

marry her because he had already pledged himself to another woman. The princess, pleased, revealed that she was that woman and they

married and lived happily ever after...............................

The End - Not all snakes are bad.............

A weary eyed Kelly stepped out on to the porch after being awoken by all the commotion in the front yard.  The commotion was normal, Maria was well known for her loud demeanour and in that respect the noise had been no surprise.  She scanned the garden quickly and fixated her eyes on the now still but bloody mess on the lawn.  A quick glance to the side confirmed her worst fears, Maria, idling back into the house, shovel in hand, covered in blood presumably from the inanimate serpent laying prone on the grass.

A Snake in the grass! My oh my.  There's something you don't see every day.

She exclaimed and snapped her fingers loudly.  Guido, looking a little worse for wear immediately appeared from inside the Buick in the drive, bottle of scotch in one hand, revolver in the other; To her surprise, Aliens appeared from the passenger door and she couldn't help wondering to herself what kind of debauchery had taken place in her vehicle the previous evening.  The strange grey man was known to have no particular preferences when it came to such matters but Guido?  Really?  She sighed and shrugged before turning towards her trusty driver.

Ah, another one of those nights eh chap?  Do a girl a favour, clean this mess up while I try to explain to Maria that there are more peaceful ways to dispose of such annoyances!

After loitering for a moment to make sure the two drunkards had actually paid attention Kelly sidled back into the house to find a dishevelled and slightly upset Maria scrubbing away the blood at the kitchen sink.  She let out a deep sigh and motioned for Maria to take a seat.  Fixating her eyes into Maria's she began to speak.

Come on now littlun, how many times have we been through this, a snake in the grass is my responsibility, I know how to deal with them in a calm and effective manner, without leaving behind the gargantuan mess you always seem to create in sheer panic.  The shovel is really an unnecessary evil and the gun really should suffice leaving far less of a mess for poor Guido and Aliens to clean up.  I know I am incredibly difficult to wake up once I have passed over into the other life for the night but you and I both know that there are ways to interrupt my slumber.

Kelly let out a quick chuckle and gave Maria a sly wink from across the table.  Grabbing the half empty bourbon bottle on the table she poured herself and Maria a large glass and took a hearty mouthful before continuing.

That said and done though, those snakes in the grass, a damn annoyance, there seems to have been a lot of them around lately, or maybe it was just the same one?  You got it though, that snake isn't going to be bothering anybody anymore.  We can only hope that others now don't show their faces to query the demise of their kin.  Wishful thinking I know but perhaps we will be surprised.  Perhaps your display of unfettered distaste for them will somewhat put them off.  We can only hope!

Kelly laughed and tossing her hair back raised her glass.

Snakes in the Grass indeed!  Guido will have it's lifeless corpse removed soon, you get yourself to bed and dream of prettier things!