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Sunday Church Service (Pt.1) Started by: Reverend_Al_Sharpton on Mar 22, '15 18:57

Right now you're probably thinking to yourself..."Why am I even here"...but in your mind you know why you're here...you know why your soul drove your body here...you know that healing is a refreshing glass of faith. Everyone at some put in their life has faced a crossroad, it's the decisions you make at the crossroads that will determine if you shift things into gear, or end up in a broken down state on the side of the road. And I know just like you know, this is your crossroad.

A older man walks forward holding a microphone. The mans name was Deacon Willie Davis. Deacon Davis was known best for singing the Blues, in Memphis, back in his younger days at the local juke joints. But just like Rev. Al, Deacon Davis had left the night life behind to serve the will of the Lord. Deacon Davis' knees had become weakened over the years, probably from many years walking the Memphis and Chicago streets as a well known pimp named Slick Willie. It was always said that Deacon Davis had a way with the ladies, and you could tell it was true every time he leaned over and whispered sweet nothings in one of Mother Board members ear...the smile that followed, always lets up know Deacon Davis had a way with words. Just as he had a way with words, when he opened his mouth to sing, he had a way of making you feel the spirit.

Deacon Davis, sitting on the front row in the pulpit, began to sing...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNqHNZoMa5U

While Deacon Davis sang the opening hymn, Rev. Al came walking from the back study, wearing a bright colored pastors robe, with his shiny rings sparkling from the bright lights of the churches large chandeliers...Rev. Al stood at the podium and awaited Deacon Davis to finish the hymn.

Rev. Al stared out at his congregation, taking a look at each face. Rev. Al scanned the pulpit and motioned for Brother Lucius to step over and tap Brother Al_Capone on the arm...it had been a long night of drinking and women for Brother Capone, but Rev. Al had a faith in Brother Capone like none other. Rev knew he was a good man and Rev knew one day he would change him into a great, God serving man.

Rev. Al snapped back to his senses, just as Deacon Davis finished his song

Sermon

Praise the Lord saints. (Small claps) I said PRAISE THE LORD SAINTS! (Rev. Al repeated followed by a large round of applause)

Today is such a glorious day. Such a wonderful, glory filled day. First off I'd like to thank everyone in attendance here at the New Mount Olive Church of Deliverance Divine Tabernacle Outreach Baptist Church of Seven Day Evangelist, without you none of my monies (clears throat) Excuse me...I mean none of this would be possible. (long pause)

Today brothers and sisters I'd like to discuss "God's Gifts, Share Them, With The Anointed"... yes yes yes-yes-yes....Again I say "God Gifts"...(pause)..."Share Them"....(pause)..."With The Anointed", Awwwwwww yea yea yea-yea-yea, we gon have church up in here this morning saints!

Now some of you my asssskkkkss..."Who......is the anointed?"...Well I came to tell you today that GOD...(Rev yells the word God)...chooses his ANOINTED.

I remember back when I was selling ass...(clears throat)...Excuse me...Back when I was running wild in the hoe houses. Back when I was selling the dope...(crowd says, "Yea")...Dancing and smoking the reefa at the juke joint...(crowd says, "Yea")...Breaking in folks house...(crowd says, "Yea")...I used to look at my peers and say "Turn Down For What"...(crowd says, "Yea")...But GOD (Rev yells God)...God tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Wild Al you turning up to much"..."Wild Al you going up on a Tuesday, when ya need to be going to church on a Sunday"..."Wild Al you started from the bottom now you here"! It was a humbling experience, God spoke to me, little ole me...the man that was LOST, the man that was CREEPING in ya back door when you was heading out the front...LITTLE OLE ME (Rev yelled)

It was at that point I was anointed and chosen to share Gods word!

Rev Al pulled out his bible and encouraged the crowd to do the same saying,

Turn your bibles to 2 Corinthians 9:7....(Rev Al waited as he heard the pages turning)

Read with me, and it says, "Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, [so let him give]; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver."

So brother and sisters, what I've come to tell you today is GIVE...(Rev yells, Give)...Some of you are looking at me like "Rev. Al how do I give God his money? I cant see nor hear him"...Well people, you give God his money through tithes, offerings and donations to the church. We don't accept checks or money orders, but you all can wire the monies straight to my account. 10% of all hard earnings should go toward the church and helping it continued to build a solid foundation for God and his people.

Rev Al wipes the sweat from his forehead with his handkerchief

I'd like to thank those who have already been sending money over the past weeks. Later this week I'll be posting the "Tithing List" so that we may recognize and acknowledge those who follow Rev. Al's...(clears throat)...Excuse me, those who follow God's word.

Rev. Al signals for the ushers to come forward with the collection plates

Cody and _Fratto_ grab their baskets and began to pass them thru the aisles

Rev. Al then says,

Same time, same place, next week, right here, for Sunday Service!

The Doors Of The Church Are Open...

Report Post Tips: 2 / Total: $120,000 Tip

Rev. Al nods over at his fellow clergy Father_Teq and thanks him for his large contribution to the church

 

Mar 22, 19:02:02 Father_TeQ has tipped you $100,000 for your post.

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It was just a sow, rehearsed, planned out and executed, a simple thing for a church seeking prophets, if only the fools had known that. He had been given the 'task' the 'word of god, to help bring his people together' and he passed the word around of the new church. He of course never mentioned the headquarters below the church, or the things that went on there. 

 

" YEA!" 

He shouted, louder than everyone, people will believe something, all they needed was a little push, a little sign that this would help, after that, this would be easier. It was the perfect place to be, who would thing that the church was the mafia, in league with it maybe, but never would they expect it. He didn't believe  when the reverend told him that this would be easier. The man had taken him off the streets, taught him the ways of the underground world, and made him learn the bible, and here he sat at the front seats, a servant of god. 

 

He watched the crowds pass by, he was the first to 'donate' more than any one would expect, he saw the shame of their faces as they dug deeper into their pockets to help erase the guilt. 

 

A great sermon, a great scheme and most of all, great prophets! 

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For a second, Al was in Bermuda. He could see where the golden sand met the sea. Palm trees, as far as the eye could see. He was drinking a piña colada, heavy on the rum. He looked up at the sun, glaring in the sky, and was surprised to discover it wasn't a sun at all, but the face of Deacon Willie Davis. The deacon sang a hymn from the sky, and as he sang, the sound of sloshing waves behind Al's eyeballs quickly transformed back into thudding pulses of a headache that couldn't be beat. His nap now over, Al was in church, not Bermuda.

His employer, friend, associate-in-faith, the Reverend Al Sharpton, shone brightly from the pulpit, delivering his sermon in brightly coloured robes. He looked to be in fine spirits today, our Reverend, Al thought to himself, as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. He had the look of a man with the spirit of God shining through him like an expensive ruby ring. And it was true the Reverend had a taste for the finer things in life, but would God want a servant so faithful to him, a disciple so dedicated, to live devoid of comfort? Al traced the sign of the cross across his torso, briefly bumping his hand over the pack of cigarettes in his front pocket. 

Al coughed, a cruel reflex that instantly reminded him of the dryness of his mouth and the heaviness of his head, and once again leaned back in his seat as collection plates began to circulate. A tiny grin flashed across his face as he remembered having to clean out some brass-balled young turk for pinching a little bit more out than he was putting in. The church don't donate to you, paisan, Al had told him. He chuckled, softly. The sermon was over now and Al got up and walked over to the side of the pulpit, where the Reverend greeted churchgoers. 

"A sermon as good as any I've heard, Reverend", Capone told Sharpton with a husky tone to his voice, "Very righteous, brother. You don't mind if I step outside for a smoke though, do you, chief? Everything alright in here, nobody's nose in the money bowls, er," Al coughed, "collection plates? Have I ever got a thirst, you know. Long night." 

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Business was better than usual. Vandlgat, being jetlag'd due to the flight in from the Virgin Islands, concluded that he was in need of some.....revival.

Walking the streets of Las Vegas, he heard joyful music and clapping emanating from what looked like a church. Moving closer, Vandlgat saw a sign that read: New Mount Olive Church of Deliverance Divine Tabernacle Outreach Baptist Church of Seven Day Evangelist

Instantly, Vandlgat goes to the open doors of the church, taking off his hat and dropping some coins in the tithing box on his way in.

He follows the usher to his seating as the Reverend speaks on "God's Gifts and Share Them."

Vandlgat stands with the masses, listening to the gospels, and begins to feel the spirit of the holy presence.

Filled with jubilation, Vandlgat goes on to buy several 'desert front properties' and attempts to re-sell them, door to door......................

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Rev. Al continues to greet the visitors...Al notices Lucius in the crowd helping to collect the money. Al looks over at Lucius and nods. Things were running smooth. Rev. Al knew that the people would listen to his words and understand that this was his calling. This was his mission. He was not here to harm the people, but heal the people.

Rev. Al turns to Brother Al_Capone and nods saying,

Things are running smoothly brother. I think Las Vegas is the place where we can change the world.

Rev. Al than reached out to shake the next visitor hand when felt a envelope being slide between his fingers. Rev. Al looked inside the envelope only to see,

Mar 22, 21:03:11 Vandlgat has tipped you $20,000 for your post.

Rev. Al shuck Brother Vandlgat's hand and said

I saw you in the back enjoying the sermon. I see the Lord has put it in your heart to bless the church. I'll make sure you're added to the Tithing List to acknowledge your great contribution. 

Rev. Al leaned in to hug Brother Vandlgat and whispered in his ear

We got the best coke prices in the city and my Women's Ministry will make sure you're well taken care of upon your arrivals here in this fine city.

Rev. Al then released his grasp from Brother Vandlgat and said out loud

We hope to see more of you here in Las Vegas brother! Hope to see you at service next week brother!

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Helping with the "collection plate" Fratto notices the guy at the far end on the last row didn't contribute to the church.  He didn't looked like he belonged in the church.  Fratto grabs the cheap skate by the collar and drags him by the coat area near the entrance so the mass wouldn't see.  The people in the last row started hearing what sounded like a man getting a beating.   Heads in the last row were turning towards the front entrance.  It was a good thing Rev. Al's voice was so loud and powerful because if it wasn't the whole church would of heard the beat down and they would have then for sure, notice a man appearing out from the coat area with blood dripping from his nostrils mouth and chin walking back to his seat.  

Fratto holds the collection plate for the beaten man who sat back down.  The man reaches in his coat pocket and pulls out his wallet.  He looks opens his wallet and then looks up at Fratto who was standing over him with a scowl.  The man tossed his entire wallet on the plate.  Fratto smiles and looks genuinely happy now.

Fratto, a short stalky man standing about 5'4 was short but he was nothing to fool about with.  Be made his way up to the Reverend and hands him the plate and turns half wag between the mass and Rev Al.

Rev. Al, I'm pleased to say that my entire row donated!  And praise the good lower they were so so generous!  Look, someone even donated their entire wallet!  I thank you new comer in the far back!  Praise lord!

The choir starts singing and the whole church is dancing and feeling the spirit entering them.  Fratto cracks a secret slight smile knowing we're practically robbing these poor schmucks blind.

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Tobacco wafted off Al's clothes as he slipped back inside the church. He walked past Fratto, busy doing the Lord's work in the nave, and found a solitary pillar to lean against and watch the proceedings.

While outside, he'd called an old associate, Fat Ralphie Bucco, who had some sway with a guy at the city clerk's office. Bucco had helped Al push a health permit through just a few days earlier and was now finishing persuading a fella to put a stamp on the business license and get the crew's coffeeshop, #tscosp, open. The names on the paperwork never led to Sharpton or Capone. Much of the business they did was better left as disconnected from the church as possible. To put it plainly, Capone wasn't hired for his piety, and neither were fellas like Fratto or Lucius. 

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DarthVader was in the area taking care of a few business matters when the force lead him to some one who was well on the path to the dark side, DarthVader thought it would be interesting to see who this fella is so he set out to find him. It didn't take long to find this man residing in the New Mount Olive Church of Deliverance Divine Tabernacle Outreach Baptist Church of Seven Day Evangelist

He entered the church intime to hear a man by the name of Decon Davis sing a hymn....

The force lead DarthVader to one man in particular Reverend_Al_Sharpton. He laughed and thought of the notion, everyone knows there is only one real religion!

 Pastafarian! DarthVader thought of the verse for a moment as it rung true in his heart.

He boiled for your sins
Our pasta 

Who art in colander 
Draining be your noodles. 

Thy noodle come
Thy sauce be yum
On top some grated Parmesan.

Give us this day 
Our garlic bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those
Who trample on our lawns.
And lead us not into
Vegetarianism.
But deliver us some pizza.
For thine is the meatball.
The noodle, and the sauce.
Forever and ever. 
-R'AMEN!-

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Business at the church wasn't restricted to Sundays and people continued to come in and out seeking the Lord, the Reverend, and the Holy Fratto, recently passed from his duel with now-deceased Los Angeles businessman Percival. You were always prepared to lose men while moving into new rackets but seein' them go for foolish reasons really boiled Al's blood. 

There was a veritable shopping list of things to do with a new business, and it's never made easier when it's in a new city too. Capone had traveled across the entire country, coast to coast if California wasn’t hidden away past the desert, to be here. Hell of a lot more cacti than Manhattan, that was for sure. He'd jumped right into it, though, and just a couple days earlier the gangster been greasing palms at the city clerk’s office to make sure the coffeeshop paperwork didn’t spend too long in the processing pile. 

Capone couldn't exactly call himself a man of culture but he knew enough to not sound out of his depths at a luncheon with a Summerlin city councilman and the deputy chief of police. This wasn't high society and they weren't exploring the finer points of laissez-faire economics. For the most part, Al kept the jokes flowing until intelligent conversation was an afterthought, and by the time the councillor reached his fifth highball and moved into impersonations of different races, it was time for the bill to make its way to the table. The city rep. wasn't a tolerant man, but he'd pull a couple strings if the family needed him to. "Lunch is on the Church, fellas". That much was understood. 

Al returned to the church to see that DarthVader, one of the latest LA suits, had made a visit. He sang an ode to a pasta god, a tune not unfamiliar to the slightly portly Alphonse. He could remember many a time staring down at mama's pasta caponata thanking the very deity Vader sang to today. But this was not a church of spaghetti, it was a house of worship and tithing. Could Al be angry at a man who worshipped pasta? No, not truthfully. He knew this deep inside. 

"Vader," he started, "as much as I respect your beliefs, a house of God can only tolerate so much blasphemy, and I'll be honest with you, we're pushing the line a little tight already."

He winked and gave the man a friendly pat on the shoulder. 

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Vader took notice to Al_Capone and chuckled at the statement, knowing that the dark side truly had a grip on these men in such a "Holly" place it made Vader laugh. Vader headed out of the church, he will definitely be paying attention to how the dark side works its wonders here.

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I'm sure not all of us are religious, but I wouldn't come into a church to openly mock the religion and services of others. Although, of course, the Reverend might be concerned more with his purse than with his salvation.

What is this 'dark side' you speak of? Is it like you have a black and white side of your family?

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Vader, brother...I see the spirit has brought you in! What a glorious day! What a joyful day! I too was apart of the dark side, robbing churches (clears throat) Excuse me...I mean corner stores. Slapping hoes who couldn't get they act right. Yea those where the days, but I found a new foundation, a new circumstancial opportunistic revolutionary mandate. It was the church!
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Now then, please take your gear, your quiver and your bow, and go out to the field and hunt game for me; and prepare a savory dish for me such as I love, and bring it to me that I may eat, so that my soul may bless you before


Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.


Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentfull
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