Dark it was, being night-time and all. 'Twas how Awesome liked it. He could sneak around the city, unnoticed, like a ninja. And everyone knows that ninjas are awesome. They can fly and phase through walls and kill you before your dad even has a chance to get your mum drunk on bootleg booze and lie his way into her knickers. True story. How cool is that? It's why Awesome wants to be one. To be cool. But, sadly, he was but a mere criminal. But awesomely mere, obviously.

Tonight he was feeling especially awake. Probably because he'd been hibernating for the first part of the summer. He does that when it starts to get sunny. Hibernate. He has this inexplicable worry that extended exposure to Sol's golden rays might in some way harm his health. Which wouldn't be a good thing. No, not at all. Awesome likes to be healthy. It allows him to better sneak around the city, unnoticed, like a ninja. Which is cool.

He'd started his day like any other. A short trip to the local store. A quick and efficient robbery, complete with the standard beat-the-owner-about-the-head-with-a-large-sack-of-potatoes. You would have thought by now that the poor old man would have learned to phone the police. Or at the very least refuse Awesome entry. But he did neither. And never had. Perhaps it was because he was in love with Awesome, as so many are. Or perhaps it was because of the being-beaten-about-the-head-with-a-large-sack-of-potatoes. Muddles the head up a wee bit. Makes you forget stuff. Like being robbed. And being beaten about the head with a large sack of potatoes. C'est la vie.

But enough of the foreign tongue. Back to the scene: Awesome, sneaking about the city. Unnoticed. Like a ninja, like. He had to catch up on all that stuff on which he'd left to be caught up. Because of the hibernating, see? He'd already robbed someone. And beaten someone up. The next thing he had to do is make someone deaded. Either by shooting them in the face or by setting them on fire or by pushing them into the sea and watching them drown. You know, his usual modus operandi. But without any of that foreign malarkey. Oh, and then he'd have to get some naive young girl drunk on bootleg booze and lie his way into her knickers. No day is complete without a spot of a manipulative lechery.

So there he was. Or is. Sneaking about the city, unnoticed, like a ninja. And he was stalking someone. Oh, yes. A very special someone. The very special soon-to-be-deaded someone. She was young. Maybe 19. Or 19 and a month. Awesome couldn't be sure. He supposed he could ask her. But that wouldn't be very ninja-esque. He'd have to do it without her knowing. It's the best way. It's the ninja way. And so stalk her he did. Quiet. And silent. And without a noise. And then, with a loud crash and a bang and a wallop, he walked into a bin. It was dark. He couldn't see. Can't blame him, really.

"Ow. Damn. Crap. That hurt. Sad face," Awesome cried. But not with tears. Not the sad kind of cry. The shouting kind of cry.

The young girl turned. "'Ey! 'Oo's there?"

"Oh, um, nobody. You're just hearing things," Awesome replied, trying to be all cunning. And poorly so.

The young girl seemed to perk up on hearing his voice. It was a man's voice. But not very threatening. Perfect for her.

"Come on, handsome. Show yourself. No need to hide from me," she purred. "I'd love a bi' o' company. It's dark, and I'm all alone an' frigh'ened. A gentlemen like you should make sure I get home to bed all nice and safe."

Awesome stepped out from the shadows and took a closer look at her. She wasn't wearing much. Clothes-wise. She wore a lot of make-up, though. Perhaps to balance out the feng shui, or something foreign. She was smiling at him. Seductively. And this gave Awesome a thought. Perhaps he could kill two birds with one stone here. Finish the day off with a metaphorical threesome. And so he took her home, gave her AIDs, and left that malicious little disease to do all the nasty work for him.