The Amphitheater stage by the river is closed off for the evening to most events. The place is heavily guarded by large goons wearing pinstriped suits. However, because of your connections, you have received a special invitation to tonight's event...The Second Annual Swine Awards Presentation Ceremony.

Next to the side of the stage, Butt Ox is giving a severe beating to the caterer...

"You fucking idiot! How hard is it to get beluga caviar! I SAID BELUGA CAVIAR, NOT THIS CHEAP SHIT! BELUGA, MOTHERFUCKER, BELUGA!"

Butt Ox continues kicking the poor man in the ribs, then sees people begin to file through the doorway and so he walks up on stage...

"Ahem...is this mike working? Good evening friends, associates, and people I do not like. Welcome to the Second Annual Swine Awards! Before we get started with the festivities, I should remind those of you about how our winners were chosen. Receiving a Swine Award is the best recognition a mobster can receive for the hard work he or she does. That is because the the winners are chosen by me and only me, but are based on the objective opinions of others. I listen to the opinions of the nominators and decide who makes the best argument for their nominee, then I toss out the nominations that were absolute shit, and of the remaining nominations I narrow it down to the best of the best."

"Since the rest of you are retarded, only I am qualified to render this service. Therefore, if you receive a Swine Award, you can rest assured that you have reached the pinnacle of your profession, and more specifically, your position in life, whether it be Boss, Right Hand Man, Hitman, Street Speaker, Asshat, or Fucktard.  Everyone has their calling in life."

So, let's get on with the presentation, shall we?

A drumroll is heard offstage...

"The winner for Best Crewleader goes to...Marietta!"

Here is what some of the nominators had to say:

For best crewleader, I would like to nominate Marietta. Over the course of her life she has produced an unrivaled legacy of excellence in the streets, even if recent events have somewhat sapped her time. But in her prime, which lasted many months, she produced two of the greatest papers these streets have ever seen while repeatedly making intelligent contributions to various discussions, as well as detailing her other exploits.

And...

By far the very best CL my family line has ever served.
Her leading capacities, her personality, her sense of humor but most of all her capabilities of inspiring people, make her deserving this title.

And...

Needless to say, her relentless spirit has led Detroit from humble beginnings to the fine city we see today. Through countless months we have seen her not only stick by those who work for her, but do it in a respectable manner. Rarely will you see this woman speak a word of stupidity, her speeches are always well thought out and cover valid points.

"Now, quantity of votes is irrelevant at The Swine Awards, but I could not ignore the sheer volume of nominations Ms. Rossi received. Although some of the nominations referred to her as a hooker, most were quite endearing."

"Receiving an Honorable Mention is...Brick Pollitt! Here is what one nominator had to say:"

The guy just understood what Cosa Nostra was about, the values it held, and how to go about your business. A wise head and a good street speaker, this place would be a miles better off if he was the benchmark for CLs. In fact, this place seems to be so far in the other direction at certain times, that his "traditional style" seemed almost original.

"Congratulations to Marietta and to Mr. Pollitt, Pig rest his soul."

"Moving along, the category of best Right Hand Man/Woman! To be seriously considered for the Swine Award in this category, a nominee had to be a significant figure in his or her family, to such an extent that they were practically interchangeable with the CL."

"The winner of Best RHM is...Jono!"

I would like to nominate Jono for this award. I can think of no one who has done a better job of supporting their Boss in such a variety of ways. While many RHM/RHW excel in a single area, Jono has pledged the entirety of his versatile gifts to supporting his ScipitaRourke. To her credit, Godmother Rourke has allowed this man to flourish beside her.

"Receiving an Honorable Mention for this category is Benjamin Button. Here is what the nominator had to say about the deceased Mr. Button:"

I didn't serve under him but from afar it looked like he was definitely interchangeable with his crew leader at the time (Hypno). It was Benjamin that seemed to be the public face of their family, and I always liked the way he conducted himself.

"Moving right along, an award that is near and dear to me. The Swine Award for Hitman of the Year! Many of you cretins thought this meant several things other than what a hitman really is. Some ignorant twat even mentioned something about speed. A hitman must be loyal to his Boss, brave in the face of danger, defend his family fiercely and with no thought of his own well-being, and intelligent in knowing when to pull the trigger and when to resist. I would be hard pressed to give this to anyone besides myself, but luckily I received the best nomination, anyhow. So......"

The Award for Hitman of the Year goes to....Butt Ox!

Butt Ox was the muscle behind New York and no one dared cross him. It is because of his strength and the leadership of Thomas Rourke that New York became what it is today. Nobody can question his skill with a gun or doubt his ability to hit the big shot.

And...

I haven't actually been closely enough involved lately to know for sure, but this nomination is based solely on the number of wars NY have been through recently, and knowing how Butt_Ox's family likes to take these situations into his control.

"I will accept this award, but I totally deny the implication that I have ever murdered anyone. It is categorically false. I am an honest, decent businessman."

"Receiving an Honorable Mention for this category is, once again, Benjamin Button! Wow, he is pretty popular for a dead guy! Here is what his nominator had to say..."

Benjamin_Button, who served Hypno in Las Vegas many years ago. In addition to racking up a very respectable number of kills, the seriousness with which he treated his deadly work both inspired confidence and respect in his associates and fear in his enemies.

"Now comes the Award for Best Orator! It is a category which I, and many others, consider most prestigious. There were several nominations and nominees for this category, and many people had difficulty choosing just one. It was also a difficult choice for me, but after careful consideration, a choice was made..."

The Award for Best Orator on the streets goes to...Tallien!

There are a few that could be nominated here, but I'm opting for Tallien. He's always clear, concise and generally speaks sense. He's always honest, but delivers well in the streets even when walking the tightrope of disrespecting higher ranks. Not to mention the fact he's one of a small band that fully understands the ins and outs of this place. His posts have been quite refreshing in the last few months. Someone with a clue.

"Congratulations, Tallien. Honorable Mentions go to my great grandpappy, Flying Pig, and to Awesome. Here is what their nominators had to say..."

Flying Pig: This guy always made me look forward to his next edition of 'As the Pig Sees It'. It was always a must read for all of us around here - always telling the truth, no matter who he was taking about.

Awesome: His extreme intelligence leaves many people sitting on their asses with their thumbs stuck in their mouths, wondering what it was exactly he had just said. Not only does he speak with a confidence and air of supremacy, his stories and speeches are quite often both entertaining and instructional.

"Congratulations to all three of you. The streets are a better place because of your efforts!"

"Now is the moment most of you have probably been waiting for. This is where it gets interesting! Get out your mud and prepare to sling it, because now we are moving on the categories of Worst Crewleader, Asshat of the Year, and Fucktard of the Year!"

The Swine Award for Worst CL of the Year goes to...Gina Zagaria!

"Here is what her critics had to say..."

She had no clue as to what she was doing. Didn't communicate to her crew very well at all, and seeing as how this will be anonymous, simply giving LHM to someone who she had no prior conversation with and just blindly handing it out is to me a lack of thought on her part. She did not know how to make a decision, other than the wrong one, and was not good at playing politics with other crews. Telling your members to basically, and in her exact words, to 'member whore' shows just how much she actually cared about being a Captain, or lack thereof. So all in all, everything that makes up a bad CL she either did or was going to do. She gets my nomination again, again and again.

"And..."

That Chicago leader Gina i think it was, it took her 3weeks to get a BG all the while she was Extremely Rich. If i was a City leader i would of killed her to teach her a lesson.

"Congrats, Gina, or should we say 'condolences'? Anyhoo, at least they remembered your name. That's more than can be said for 90% of the worthless pieces of shit to grace a bold suit."

"There were several nominations for this category, so let's add a few Honorable Mentions just to make it more fun, shall we? Get ready to kick these lame-o's in the ribs! Honorable Mentions go to...FridgeRevenge, LouisGato, and Tie!"

FridgeRevenge: He repeatedly fucked up and, in the end, destroyed at least one of his families for no reason other than he was bored and moving on to other business (I believe). What more is there to say?

LouisGato: It's been a while so I can't comment with pinpoint accuracy, I just remember him being a CL who should have been killed many times but was afforded the luxury of time and not being punished for his inadequacies by the Detroit umbrella. From the odd ridiculous street comment, to setting his taxes to high levels (apparently), to lots of family IA shots, I think I remember just being continually annoyed that he was still alive at the time.

Tie: The bastard thinks he can leave me, a second rate moron, in charge of his family for weeks at a time! I mean come on! It's a recipe for disaster! I have a tendency for doing stupid things whilst I am intoxicated (this being one of them), plus (OOC) I have University to deal with! Not high school! I don't have time to be here! :( Even though I make time for it.
On a side note, he has hippy like hair, has strawberry shaped genitalia, hangs around the mall, and thinks he is a gangster, when in fact he is just a nerd. A NERD!!!

"Splendid! Thank you all for your nominations for Worst Crewleader. I could probably add 100 more to those, but that is not my job here. All I do is separate the good arguments from the bad. Let this be a lesson to all of you! Do not take on the responsibility of being a crewleader until and unless you are up to the task! Just as great crewleaders are remembered, the awful ones are remembered, too - for the wrong reasons!"

"Moving along to the next category..."

"Fucktard of the Year is a special category. It often goes to a very eager, albeit clueless, mafioso. Please keep in mind that the Fucktard category is not awarded to someone who has been a bad mafioso, but merely a clueless person, despite several tools at their disposal to learn the errors of their ways."

The Swine Award for Fucktard of the Year goes to...Telkin!

How can someone who has been here so long show so little understanding? He's like a goldfish.

"A goldfish, indeed, but if not for people like that, who would we poke fun at? Congratulations on your Award, Telkin. I'm sure your descendants would be proud.

Butt Ox sees the audience getting restless...

"It's almost over folks, just one category left. Without any further delay, the award for Asshat of the Year! The Asshat of the Year is not a moron, like the fucktard, but basically someone who is incredibly fucking annoying generation after generation."

The Swine Award for Asshat of the Year goes to...Chuckie!

Sneaking into an HQ as a LH and killing/demoting all the top rankers is most definitely enough to nominate this f*ck for this title.

"Ahhh...can you feel the love, folks? Bless the asshats. We all need a villain in our lives. Or, as has been said somewhere before, we all need to point our fingers at someone and say 'That's the bad guy!'. Congrats, Chuckie, may your descendants continue in their asshat ways."

"Well, folks, that is all for this year's Swine Awards! I would like to congratulate all the winners of this year's awards. It is truly an honor to be selected by your peers and then surviving a filtering process through my discriminating judgment."

"Now get the fuck out."

Lorrie stands and listens to Don But_Oxx,

congratulations to the winners, and thank you sir for handing out such prestigious awards.

Lorrie gives a little clap and then waits for the next person to begin.

Fayth sits next to lorrie and claps also

Congratulations on your award boss maybe you may win next year as well. Congratulations to the rest of the winners as well I bet most of you are proud of your achievements.

Congratulations to the winners and the runner ups. 

TimberRattlesnake claps as well.

Congratulations boss, also to the rest of the winners. Well deserved.

Well I didn't get Asshat of the Year, so I guess I must be doing something right...

Well... What can I say. It came as a shock. However, without the right people to lead and the right woman to serve. I could not have done what I have been nominated to be.

Thank you to anyone that nominated me. Special thanks goes to Don Butt_Ox for holding these awards.

Awesome takes a bow after hearing of his honourable mention.

My "extreme intelligence"? Wow. That nominator is awesome.

DeathKnight_JR then stands up...

Congratulations to the Winners and Nominees!What a good job, Don Butt_Ox.

Lil Wayne starts to claps after few seconds he stops.

"Congratulations to all the winners and the runner ups"

Congratulations to all, especially my boss Marietta.  Well deserved!!

Congratulations to all, especially my godmother Marietta.  Well deserved!!

Congratulations to all, especially my godmother Marietta.  Well deserved!!

Bruiser rises out of his seat clapping his hands vigorously thinking to himself, "I do love these ceremonies.  Don Butt Ox puts on one hell of an awards ceremony."

*clapping hands* "Bravo, Bravo!"  "Congratulations to all winners, and runners up!"

"Congratulations to you Don Butt Ox for a successful evening!"

Thank you for the recognition, Godfather.

~T~

Gazes at all the faces around him, feeling extremely small compared to everyone he didn't know.

Good show, and congrats to all the winners.

--Prophet-- Stand up and clap

Congratulation to the winners you all deserve it.

Is there a Swine award for most disgustingly unproductive Don? 

I'd at least get shortlisted for that one. 

Direct competion with Die_Clause I suspect.

~T~

That is like competition.

~T~