Shogun (RHM) was taking a lovely stroll down 8 mile road, taking in the wonderful scenery in that part of the Motor City. All the homeless bums and tweakers and other filth were his favorite people to watch. It reminded him just how important he was. He revelled in the fact that he was higher- nay - better than these foul folks. 

He was in glorious form that day; he was wearing his best lavender suit with his nine most favorite "RHM" pins. His Fedora was tilted to the left awkwardly, but it really completed his outfit. And Everyone knew how important it was that important people dressed well these days. Having a good tailor was almost a requirement to gaining a hand position in the mafia to begin with. He walked with a swagger, his chest puffed out to better display his pins, so that all would know how important he was.

Suddenly a middle aged crackwhore came up to him, begging for money and food, pleading with him for his help. He sneered down his long nose at her with a grimace of disdain on his face. He looked as if he had just had a big whiff of zlatan's underpants. (But that wasn't the case, as no one has ever smelled those tighty-whities and lived to tell the tale.) He spat on the ground in front of her.

"Away with you, slimeball! Can you not see who i am???"

He pointed to his biggest and shiniest RHM badge and puffed his chest out even further. He now appeared to have very large breasts, much like Lucrezia (who is actually a dude.). 

"I am Shogun! RHM of The Dynasty. I can't be associating with filth like you, I have a reputation to uphold!"

One of his bodyguards stepped forward and pushed the tweaker out of his way, she fell to the street and lie there, a pile of rags. Shogun tossed his business card on top of her and chuckled as he and his entourage continued their way down the road.

At long last he arrived at the street corner in Downtown where Detroit mafiosi usually made their speeches. He stepped out in front of a relatively small crowd and puffed his chest out even further, which was saying something, as it now appeared as though he had polio and couldn't stand straight. But it was important that everyone knew how important he was, spine problems be damned.

"Salutations, my fellow criminals! My name is Shogun. I am the Right hand man (otherwise referred to as RHM) of Zlatan's The Dynasty of Corktown Detroit. I was wondering if I could have five minutes of your time to make a small announcement. My friend and mentor WiggleFanGirl4Lyfe (who is also actually a dude.) has urged me to come forward and declare myself to you all."

He smiled politely out at the crowd, and leaned up against a lamp post respectfully. He learned the art of the respectful lean from a very respectful lad he met in Las Vegas. 

"As you may or may not know, I am Shogun, Right Hand Man of the Dynasty. I have done my best to make sure everyone is aware of this fact, but apparently not everyone is privy to this little golden nugget of important information. Which is troubling to me, because it is very important that every knows that I am important. It is my number one priority to make sure that my status is well known to all. I've plastered myself with tattoos and pins and all sorts of accessories to make it abundantly clear how important I am."

"Just how important am I, you may ask? Well let me break it down for you. I am not quite as important as Pine, DoctorBoom, SpikeS or Zlatan. These men are leaders of criminal organizations. However my importance far exceeds men like MrOwl (who is actually a woman), Sprechstallmeister, and BigHurt, who are but lowly Left Hand Men of(Otherwise referred to as LHM) families."

"Hopefully I have cleared things up for some of you, as my mailbox has lately been flooded with inquiries about my status and level of importance in our world. As I previously stated, it is important that you all know that I am important. I am very self conscious and have little confidence in myself, so rather than letting my actions or words show you how important I am, I would prefer to plaster it all over my suit. But I guess this technically counts as an action, and it certainly is words. I guess that just makes me more important than the other important people who, like myself, have tried to make it abundantly clear just how important they are in the form of suits, tattoos, and the like."  

"In summary, I would like to remind you that I am Shogun, RHM to zlatan of Corktown, Detroit. I would like to thank you for allowing me to completely waste five (or ten if you're slow like Pine and have to have an assistant re-read the entire speech to you) minutes of your evening. I assure you your presence here has done wonders for my self confidence and has reassured me that you are well aware of just how important I am. I urge you to take my business card, and keep me in mind should you ever need someone of importance in any situation."

SHOGUN

RHM OF

The Dynasty

Corktown, DT

Organized Crimes                                                                 Drug Deals                                                                         Contract Hits

He placed a stack of the cards on a soapbox and puffed his chest out one last time, lingering for a few seconds to make sure everyone could clearly see his pins. And then he walked off with a prideful strut, clearly satisfied with his importance.

On the contrary, my good sir, I have had several mails and tips informing me of just the opposite. They found it to be hilarious and understand the joke, which you either must not, or have simply not found to be funny. Everyone has a different sense of humor, and perhaps I have not tickled yours tonight. 

Or maybe your grapes are a tad sour because you contributed to my speech in a small manner. 

It's okay, little snail, I respectfully respect you and your opinion.

As for your cute little condescending street presence tidbit, I assure you that while I myself have not been all that active to date, my line has a long history of being very vocal on these streets, and I have every intent of continuing that excellent family tradition. Please do not lump me in with our recent crop of silent but deadly leaders and hands.

Not bad but "Fuck Honesty" was a better satirical speech.