You've just woken up, your wife already left the bed... she is probably making you breakfast... you're so blessed with a wife like her. What did you really do to deserve her you wonder sometimes... cause let's be honest... it's not your looks. 

You get up out of bed and in the hallway already smell the sense of bacon, pancakes and eggs. When you sit down at the breakfast counter you fold open the newspaper and directly notice a headline "The mobster 1926's quiz"... what is this you wonder? It says to go straight to page 4. You turn over the newspaper to page 4 and see the WHOLE page filled with questions.... You continue reading...

Are you a though guy? A pussy? A lazy cow? A money maker? Yeah you say now you're a though guy  ... but we are not so sure about that yet!  Time for a little personality test, comrade. 

We're giving you 10 questions, all that can answered with either A, B, C or D. With us so far? Don't worry, if you're not sure about the order of these letters, it's not an IQ test. We never expect a mobster to be that smart anyway.... being able to count to 10 will help though.  

1. What is your favourite murder weapon?
A. I don’t kill people
B. My bare hands
C. Ice pick
D. Gun

2. The store owner of your local 7/11 refuses to pay… what do you do?
A. Meh, let’s check in again tomorrow.
B. Grab a baseball bat and smash his windows. 
C. Break all 10 of his fingers and then make him pay you in the amound owed in quarters next week. One by one….. 
D. Lean heavy on him by intimidating him to hurt his family if he doesn’t bring the amount owed at your headquarters tomorrow.

3. Your godfather informs you that you’re not kicking up enough… he says it politely but you know consequences are severe if he thinks you’re holding out on him… what do you do?
A. Tell him business is rough, you’re barely making a living for yourself.
B. Nod and tell him you’ll fix it, time to grab more old ladies purses.
C. Murder the prostitutes working for other crime families and steal their money.
D. Hire an accountant and set up a fixed lottery.

4. The feds are leaning heavy on you…. They’re informing you they’re doing a tax invasion investigation….
A. Well, best pay my taxes then.
B. You grab the head of one of the feds and smash it against the wall. What did you say smuck?!
C. You invite the feds inside and offer them a cup of tea whilst they go through the books… you then put rat poison in their tea and watch the slowly die.
D. You offer the fella’s a deal, something to keep them happy and something keep you happy. No need for things to get ugly right?!

5. Whats your favourite colour?
A. Lavender
B. Maroon
C. Black
D. Red

6. An earner steals your purse, filled with 5000 dollars. That’s right FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS. What do you do?
A. He can keep it! What do I care?
B. Fuck that punk, I mug his face!
C. First I am going to fucking MUG him and then when he thinks I’m done with him, I’m going to shoot him!
D. Tell the smart ass to pay you back double or else he’s going to suffer… bad.

7. For a while now somebody has been stealth shooting your boss his bodyguards, you guys are struggling to figure out who it is. Whats your plan of action?!
A. What plan of action? It’s not my bodyguards that are being shot at.
B. I’ll stay close to the boss for a while, no fuck will come close when I’m around.
C. I’ll kill everyone in a 1 mile radius that looks dodgy. Better save than sorry!
D. Time to set up a system and monitor those registered coming into the city and at what times. Will need to recruit some good people with vision, but we’ll get him. For now, I buy the boss a bodyguard as a present. 

8. There’s a war going on and you’re assigned to kill a goomba… but you have a 600+ gun, FUCK! What do you do?
A. Goomba is much easier, won’t be able to run that fast. I kill it.
B. Fucking goomba, low ass piece of shit. Fuck that, I shoot the right hand man boss! Success!
C. Is my hitsquadleader retarded? Someone needs to end his suffering. I shoot the hitsquadleader.
D. Damn, not the target you had wanted but it could be a prowacker and there for a really important shot. You kill the goomba. 

9. You won 8 million dollars in the casino of a godfather from another city, he wants his money back… he says you cheated! 
A. Damn, I got caught… let’s pay back.
B. Fucking asshole how did he find out? I will smash the security in the face next time. You pay up.
C. MY MONEY NOW. Fuck him and fuck his city.  Next time you go there, instead of playing you’ll just rob him.
D. You didn’t cheat but you decide 9 million is not worth getting on bad terms with the godfather over. You send him back 10 million. For his troubles and a better “cheat” recognition system… 

10.Your mistress is whining and sulking you’re not spending too much time with her. She’s threatening to call your wife if you don’t give her more attention.
A. You buy her a pony, there… go horse riding
B. You smack her around a bit, nothing too bad but just so she knows who is boss.
C. You kill her, you got 99 problems but this bitch ain’t one.
D. You send her some roses and take her out for dinner, then change your phonenumber. If she keeps this shit up… it won’t end well for her.

Finished? Not bad... only took you like hours.... now it's time to count how many times you've answered A, B, C and D! Fill in your results below and post your results (here)! In 1 weeks’ time we will publish the meaning of the answers on page 4! So make sure to submit your entry below before the 3rd of July!  We at the redaction will award extra A's, B's, C's and D's for the answers you gave on the 3 bonus questions.   OOC DISCLAIMER.  

Name: 

Number of A's:
Number of B's:
Number of C's:
Number of D's:

Bonus question 1; after which famous mobster of the prohibition era do you take after the most and why?... to make it easier for you... here's a list! 

Bonus question 2; so why is your wife with you?

Bonus question 3; what do you see in this image?

MEGA BONUS QUESTION 4:
Please note that this quiz is brought to you entirely free, however, Penquin… has an igloo issue. Would you like to donate towards Penquins Igloo issue? Visit the Wall of Fame today! You can donate multiple times! As much as you want! As often as you want!
So, are you donating towards the Penquin’s Wall of Fame event, how much?: $........

Thank you for participating in the Mobster Quiz! Have an amazing day! 

And remember all fishies to Penquin! 

"This looks quite fun now. Let's see...."

Grabs a pencil and scratches a few numbers down.

Name: ChaosSpike

Number of A's:0
Number of B's:2
Number of C's:3
Number of D's:5

Bonus Question 1 :Joe Adonis he didn't screw around and always made sure he looked top notch.

Bonus Question 2 :Because I bought her a pony.

Bonus Question 3:The guy off the pringles can.

Bonus Question 4:777 seems like a lucky number.

Well that was fun maybe I should have taken that seriously hmm.....Owell!

Name: DeadlySpikeS

Number of A's:0
Number of B's:1
Number of C's:3
Number of D's:6

Bonus question 1; Arnold Rothstein, Jew. 

Bonus question 2; Come on. Look at me. 

Bonus question 3; A burning skull flying across the sky. 

MEGA BONUS QUESTION 4:  $6969

:P

Ah, how much I do like finding stuff like that in my morning newspaper! Goes really well with bacon too, blessed be my awesome wifey for providing me with all this delicious food. I should check what she's up to, may be it's time for some steamy, sweaty, nasty all out... but I should do the quiz first.

After tallying the results, Kpacumup reads thru the answers again to make sure he has it all correct:

Number of A's: 9
Number of B's:
Number of C's:
Number of D's: 1

Bonus question 1:  Joe Adonis! He has the name of the Greek God of beauty and desire, he must have been dreamy!

Bonus question 2: I think she really likes the way I snore while I sleep, I have been complimented many times that it sounds just like the purring of a little kitty, if not even better!

Bonus question 3: A bunny snuggling with a puppy cuddling with a panda hugging a little tiny slow loris! Aww....

MEGA BONUS QUESTION 4: I think sending a few of my intimate personal photos would do nicely. Money comes and goes, the privilege of having my beauty immortalized is forever!

There! I can't wait to find what it says about my personality, after all I am such a vicious, blood-thirsty and mass-murdering fella!

Quiz time!? YAY!

Ziva grabs a hubcap and a knife and begins to carve in her answers:

1. What is your favourite murder weapon?
E. A hubcap. A few hard thumps and they stop twitching eventually. It takes forever to clean the blood off though.

2. The store owner of your local 7/11 refuses to pay… what do you do?
E. Steal everything to the total of the amount owed.. then all the rest for insurance. Throw a party for your crew, complete with a bonfire on aisle two. You can even toast a few marshmallows! 

3. Your godfather informs you that you’re not kicking up enough… he says it politely but you know consequences are severe if he thinks you’re holding out on him… what do you do?
E. Nod, sigh, and promise to give him back his hubcaps by morning, nicely polished.

4. The feds are leaning heavy on you…. They’re informing you they’re doing a tax invasion investigation….
E. Laugh derisively, steal all the hubcaps on their cars and one of their hats, before inviting them to the 7/11 party and slipping them a few hundred dollars each. 

5. Whats your favourite colour?
E. Red.

6. An earner steals your purse, filled with 5000 dollars. That’s right FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS. What do you do?
E. Stick him in a broom cupboard in the HQ, and set all associates on 12 hour shifts of singing "a million bottles of beer on the wall" until they reach 0.

7. For a while now somebody has been stealth shooting your boss his bodyguards, you guys are struggling to figure out who it is. Whats your plan of action?!
E. Suggest an inter city staring competition to be held at a local cafe. Watch and see who shoots who's bodyguards while everyone concentrates. 

8. There’s a war going on and you’re assigned to kill a goomba… but you have a 600+ gun, FUCK! What do you do?
E. Do as you're told, war is rarely a good time to argue. Take your shoot, then keep everyone nicely entertained.

9. You won 8 million dollars in the casino of a godfather from another city, he wants his money back… he says you cheated! 
E. Demand a tribute of hubcaps in apology for his insults!

10.Your mistress is whining and sulking you’re not spending too much time with her. She’s threatening to call your wife if you don’t give her more attention.
E. Buy her a pony and snuggle her lots. I gots 99 problems, but a sad Penquin ain't one!

Bonus one: None, I am a strong, independent woman and I don't need no lessons off no man!

Bonus two: Screw the wife, Penquin is with my cause I'm a sexy laddddddy!

Bonus three: What the wall of anyone who tries to steal my fort will look like after I throw a hubcap at their face!

Bonus four: I just gave her a pony! But I guess I can make her a little donation too....

Ziva feels the need to tack a disclaimer onto the end of her answers.

Disclaimer: The writing of my answers, which contained plentiful E's, was not fuelled by any consumption of E, nor of any other substance. Drugs are bad, mmkay? 

Owing to a little confusion over my answer to question five in a coffee shop conversation, I also feel the need to add, for reference for everybody who does not realise how very obvious this point is, the red I refer to in option E, has glittery bits and sparkles.

I definitely, absolutely, one hundred percent did not skip over option D. 

DEFINITELY NOT.

Name: Cheshire

Number of A's: 0
Number of B's: 2
Number of C's: 3
Number of D's: 5

Bonus Question 1: I'm not really sure to be honest.
Bonus Question 2: Wife? Pssh this cat doesn't want to be tied down.
Bonus Question 3: A little kitten, aw how cute.
Mega Bonus Question 4: $13 sounds good, it's my favorite number.

Name : Dexter

Number of A's:0
Number of B's:2
Number of C's:2
Number of D's:6

Bonus one: Charlie "Lucky" Luciano he was smart and diplomatic yet created the most brutal hitsquad the mafia had ever seen

Bonus two: Who doesn't want to feel up on these six pack abs.

Bonus three: Random things i cannot makeout i am high as fuck 

MegaBonus: $6969 

Seeing an opportunity to excel in an academic field, Eric retrieved a finely crafted mont blanc pen, acquired from Goldberg's Jewellers, Chicago, and slipped on a pair of stylish spectacles that, if this is even possible, extenuated the sheer handsomeness and beauty of his gallic features. Unfortunately, his suave image was ruined as he childishly stuck out his tongue as he concentrated on filling in his answers.

1. What is your favourite murder weapon?
E. My feet. I am extremely agile and I have powerful thighs, if I experience any problems I will leap into the air like a salmon and extend my foot with the force of a piston engine directly into my victim's face. Their face.

2. The store owner of your local 7/11 refuses to pay… what do you do?
E. I will intimidate them into making me a partner in the store. I will then burn the store to the ground for the insurance mo

3. Your godfather informs you that you’re not kicking up enough… he says it politely but you know consequences are severe if he thinks you’re holding out on him… what do you do?
D. Hire an accountant and set up a fixed lottery; whilst simultaneously investing money gained from dead hookers, old ladies purses, and an illict insurance scam.

4. The feds are leaning heavy on you…. They’re informing you they’re doing a tax invasion investigation….
E. I demand to know the answer to the question 'Where the fuck is my accountant from two minutes ago?'. Further action will be taken when I find him. An escape to my native France is not out of the question.

5. Whats your favourite colour?
E. Sacre Bleu!

6. An earner steals your purse, filled with 5000 dollars. That’s right FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS. What do you do?
E. I will mug him out of principle for daring to touch a made guy without permission. The 5 grand he can keep to pay for surgical reconstruction of his wife's vagina after she's spent a night with this Gallic love machine. (Props to anyone who gets the reference I'm making)

7. For a while now somebody has been stealth shooting your boss his bodyguards, you guys are struggling to figure out who it is. Whats your plan of action?!
D. Time to set up a system and monitor those registered coming into the city and at what times. Will need to recruit some good people with vision, but we’ll get him. For now, I strenuously suggest that my Boss takes on FlouryTortoise as a personal BG. This is definitely because I want her to remain safe and not because I want FlouryTortoise to suffer an undignified end

8. There’s a war going on and you’re assigned to kill a goomba… but you have a 600+ gun, FUCK! What do you do?
D. Damn, not the target you had wanted but it could be a prowacker and there for a really important shot. You kill the goomba. WITH MY FEET OF STEEL.

9. You won 8 million dollars in the casino of a godfather from another city, he wants his money back… he says you cheated! 
E. I craft a new identity as 'Jethro Q. Walrustitty' and move to Montana.

10.Your mistress is whining and sulking you’re not spending too much time with her. She’s threatening to call your wife if you don’t give her more attention.
E. I buy myself a pony and tell the gal in no uncertain terms: 'shut up woman, get on my horse'

Bonus Question 1: Curly 'Murray' Humphreys A non Italian who roses to the innermost circles of the Chicago Mob. He was the 'anti' Capone and preferred to be anonymous and work in the shadows; and yet he was the man who masterminded many of the Outfit's schemes and even the first person to come up with the legal defence of using the 5th amendment by saying 'I refuse to answer the prosecution's question on the grounds that I may incriminate myself'. He even impressed and became friends with FBI agents assigned to his surveillance.  At one time, knowing his office was bugged, he began a meeting by declaring - in the style of radio host - 'Good afternoon to our listeners - and welcome to the weekly chicago mob meeting. We hope you have fun!' This guy was fascinating, if you don't know his story - make an effort to learn it.

Bonus Question 2: My wife isn't with me, she's back at home cleaning the stain off my brand new carpet in question 3.

Bonus Question 3: It's a stain on my brand new carpet.

Bonus Question 4: I'm a classy gent, I shall keep my donation private!

Zmeika yawns as she begins reading the survey, as she reads she begins wondering to herself "Why am I reading this when I could be eating bacon? bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon...wait a second...where the hell am I?" She shrugs her shoulders and decides to keep her gun close while she finishes the survey. In the margins she begins jotting down her results.

Number of As: 2

Number of Bs: 3

Number of Cs: 2

Number of Ds: 3

She giggles to herself as she reads "arsenic, bullshit, cesium" what a weird combo, but then she gets stumped on "Ds"...she'll get back to that later. She continues to read the questions

Bonus question 1; after which famous mobster of the prohibition era do you take after the most and why?... to make it easier for you... here's a list! 

'What kind of list is that?' Zmeika thinks to herself. " I am alllll woman, these are all men. Chauvinistic pigs! I should be added to that list!" She makes a note to pay the editor a visit. Moving on...

Bonus question 2; so why is your wife with you?

"What wife? This survey is clearly geared for men, why am I still reading this?" 

Bonus question 3; what do you see in this image?

Zmeika stares at the picture on the page, and all she sees is zombies and blood splatters. Strange. 

As she reaches the last question she is hit with the realization that not only is it a survey for men, it's trying to squeeze money out of her! With a flimsy excuse like igloos for penguins?!?! Outraged, she throws the magazine on the table, startles the housewife preparing breakfast by grabbing a handful of bacon and runs out the door.

Archer notices the sign. looks at it, reads it.

What the shit? How bad can it be?

Name-Archer, Sterling Archer

A's: 0

B's: 0

C's: 2

D's: 8

Bonus 1: Jack "legs" Diamond cause he escaped death several times and im always escaping death with the risk of the Mobster Life.

Bonus 2: She isnt. She Is making me dinner and getting me a beer

Bonus 3: Nothing...I got nothing...ink

Bonus 55k

Name: KittieCapone

A's: 1

B's: 3

C's: 1

D's: 4

1. Al "Scarface" Capone: Because he did horrible things but also fed the poor. 

2. I bought her a fucking pony. 

3. WHO THE FUCK SPILLED MY COFFEE? 

4. If you teach a penguin to fish it will east for a day, if you wait, I'm fucking this up. 

Penquin looks at all the surveys that have been handed in so far. Woooo this is going very very well! Check you awesome guys out.
I especially love the creativity some of you lot put in. All the's E's! Got to love them E's! E's E's E's. 

If you haven't taken the quiz yet and you feel your answer should be E. Or you like to eleborate on why you chose a specific letter, do feel free to do so! It will give us more insight into your brain. DATA. DATA. DATA. (No penquins are not incog aliens.) 

The wall of fame soon will need more frames! I don't mind, I don't mind. Bigger igloo for the Penquin huzzah!

A little rumour from the coffeeshops... Frank_Sinatra took the quiz and had only C's! I wonder if he's scared to post his results in.... pock pock ... oh wait thats a chicken sound.

Anyyyways, keep those submissions coming guys! 

Also, if anyone has any input in the mobster persionality of Ziva and Cantona feel free to share.
What kind of mobster choses only E's? Even better what kind of mobster STILL choses E, even if the answer is D?

1. What is your favourite murder weapon?
E. A thumb-tack, cause it takes finesse to kill with a thumb-tack.

2. The store owner of your local 7/11 refuses to pay… what do you do?
E. Brandish my shiny thumb-tack menacingly until he buckles under the pressure and pays what he owes.

3. Your godfather informs you that you’re not kicking up enough… he says it politely but you know consequences are severe if he thinks you’re holding out on him… what do you do?
E. Send him a lifetime supply of thumbtacks.

4. The feds are leaning heavy on you…. They’re informing you they’re doing a tax invasion investigation….
E. Invite them to have a seat....on poison tipped thumbtacks....problem solved.

5. Whats your favourite colour?
E. Shiny....wait. Is shiny a color? Of course it is.

6. An earner steals your purse, filled with 5000 dollars. That’s right FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS. What do you do?
E. Insert thumbtacks under his nails, then take back my money, and his for interest.

7. For a while now somebody has been stealth shooting your boss his bodyguards, you guys are struggling to figure out who it is. Whats your plan of action?!
E. Have your Boss and his bodyguards to wait in a park while you surround it with a trail of thumbtacks. Instruct the bodyguards to shoot in the direction of a painful yelp.

8. There’s a war going on and you’re assigned to kill a goomba… but you have a 600+ gun, FUCK! What do you do?
E. Kill him with a thumbtack (did you see that coming?), and save the bullet for the more important targets.

9. You won 8 million dollars in the casino of a godfather from another city, he wants his money back… he says you cheated! 
E. Not possible, since I never gamble. Ever.....really......trust me. Seriously, I'll bet you right now that I have never gambled. Oh wait...

10.Your mistress is whining and sulking you’re not spending too much time with her. She’s threatening to call your wife if you don’t give her more attention.
E. Sweet! Threesome!

Bonus question 1; after which famous mobster of the prohibition era do you take after the most and why?... to make it easier for you... here's a list! 
Charles "Lucky" Luciano : because I heard he had a secret thumbtack collection.

Bonus question 2; so why is your wife with you?
Because what I have between my legs does NOT resemble a thumbtack.

Bonus question 3; what do you see in this image?
Seriously....blood-spattered thumbtacks...what else?

MEGA BONUS QUESTION 4:
 $200,000.00 Cause that's how I roll.

I pity the people who picked E. It is the most common letter in the English language, aren't you guys a bit original?

Name: Marc_Jamieson

A's: 1

B's: 0

C's: 0

D's: 9 (seriously I think there is something wrong here...)

Bonus Questions

1. Antonio Cottone-He was a peacemaker, known for his generosity, and goddamn could he smuggle heroin

2. She's not, I'm the one who got stuffed in a van by Cash and Duke and forced to wear a maids dress, heels and fishnets. Lets never speak of this again

3. A rollerskating alligator, A diplodocus with a club, and a zombie laying on the ground listening to worms.

4. A one of a kind picture of Jono's left nipple