Dan had been overseeing the storage of his latest delivery of booze and by overseeing, it meant drinking the majority of it. After all what good was a crew bar without a crew? Dan decided it wouldn't be wasted and decided now was a good time to get high on his own supply. Dan reflected a little on how the headquarters was empty, he didn't mind too much but he was sure to see an early grave without having anyone to serve all this alcohol to.

Suddenly an idea struck Dan, he'd make an announcement outlining what it was The Danglies could offer the minions of the world.

Dan began writing a short statement.

The Danglies

Introduction

With The Loop opening it's books to me and The_XX allowing me to operate here within the North Side district it might be beneficial for you all to get to know what it is we here at The Danglies will attempt to implement within this thing of ours and why joining this crew would be beneficial to your health.

Firstly, it's important to know that I welcome anyone, from any background and any crew (Ask your leader about the Associate Movement Project). Providing you're not a complete fucking idiot, you should expect to live a long and bullet free life.

Secondly, I won't accept slackers. I have 30 spaces but if you expect to idle here then piss off and join someone else. I don't care if you're a chum or a bum, the same applies. I don't want to have people here that aren't going to work hard to keep their spot in this family. I have ample space but the standards I'll be setting are high, so I expect everyone to be on the same page.

Thirdly, I'm in no rush to fill my crew. I'm not in need of money so there's no great need for a recruitment drive, the only way I will recruit is if people approach me. The old way, so to speak. With this in mind, it means that while I do expect people to donate, the majority of the money will go back into the crew.

Background

After starting out in Vegas and being the Right Hand for the formidable United family, ran by Godfather Chairman Disorder, I was asked to spend some time over in Chicago, ensuring that the Chicago Outfit was running smoothly. With this I spent some time as the Right Hand of Monsters Inc, under Godfather Chairman MonsterHair. Having no desires to run my own family, I remained there for some time and oversaw the cities hitters and shitters. After a series of unfortunate of situations, I had a long fall from grace and subsequently was demoted to the rank of Goomba and soon after landed myself in Mayor Jail. While there, discussions were had and it was decided it would be best for all parties if I began running my own outfit so that I couldn't fuck it up for anyone else and well, here we are. I needn't explain how great, witty and powerful I am. That will be revealed soon enough if it hasn't done so already.

What to expect

Within my family, I expect only hard workers, or "Top Grafters" as I like to call them. If you're not working hard then you're not welcome. I'm fed up of seeing people being carried and staying alive because they drop by their leaders office once every couple weeks. I won't accept that. I also expect those in my family to donate generously, however the money that's donated will go back into the family, or at least the majority of it will. You won't find me to be unkind and regular credit giveaways will also feature within the Headquarters, as well as free booze. Because we all need free booze. Hitting the rank of Made Man will be no walk in the park and you will find that within this family we have a large focus on Made Men and the respect that rank deserves. I will touch on the perks of being a Made Man a little later.

Organised crimes will be mostly family orientated as well as with the district and extended city if we're struggling to find extra guys to fill the spots needed. In extreme circumstances, we may request the help of outsiders from other cities.

Mostly though, this will be a fun family and I will attempt to leave my mark with each member in my family and hopefully teach them how to approach this life and get the most out of it.

Made Man

I won't lie, this will be difficult to achieve. After all, this is the ultimate rank that you can reach, it means you're untouchable. People within my family will live by my rules and my approaches to life, meaning if you're a Made Man then you carry a lot of weight within this world. I am one of the most vocal members of this thing of ours, I am strongly linked to both of the most powerful families within this thing of ours and I am protected by a long line of fully trained bodyguards. That carries enough weight that should one of mine be slighted then I would fully expect them to respond as they see fit. Being a Made Man will allow you to make your own decisions for the most part, without much hand holding, after all you've earned that right. I expect anyone holding this position within my family to be sound of mind with a good knowledge of this thing of ours and an ability to use initiative. A lot of people measure their members by how much they earn for them, within my crew I expect every member to earn me a fair amount of cash but I also expect them to be well learned in the ways of the mobster, that is how I will measure you.

Being a Made Man will bring it's own perks, a long with being able to make some of your own decisions when it comes to handing out punishments to people who have slighted you, you will also receive additional health benefits such as bodyguard protection and free dental. This will be funded by the family pot, so if we are seeing a decent amount raised then you will be better protected. You get out what you put in, it's really that simple. As well as this you'll also be welcomed into the inner circle of the North Side mob. Which in itself brings it's own perks. Information is one of the greatest things within this thing of ours, here you'll be privy to much that the rest of the world isn't.

Protection

Only those who I give the nod to will be allowed protection. This is important should you wish to join my family. If you place more importance on yourself than on the family, you're not welcome here. Any money that could be spent on your own bodyguards should be put into the family fund instead and if I deem it necessary I will allow you to buy protection with money provided from the family fund. The reasons behind this is as I have touched upon, no one person except the leader is bigger than the family and even with myself, I don't place more importance on myself than any of my members, the only thing being that without me you wouldn't have the benefits of being in my crew and thus be unable to reap the benefits that it brings being here. With this in mind, it's a family and I will decide who's worth protecting that extra amount.

Forts will also be coming from the family fund, I suspect my status alone should protect you but in the event it doesn't, then the family fund will be there to ensure the forts to The Danglies Headquarters are Insanely Well Fortified.

So to summarise, if you want to work on your own bodyguards, this isn't the family for you. I will state who is protected and who isn't. Think about that before approaching me to join this family as if this isn't heeded, I will put an end to your bodyguards for you.

Recruitment

There are a few things that in particular I am looking for. One is a bookie and someone who knows how to run a gambling operation. Another is someone well knowledgeable in the arts of hitting. I'm also looking for someone who is confident enough to come out to the streets on a regular basis and give their opinions on topics that arise out here in the street, as well as raise their own street discussions. The latter two of these I will be expecting to teach mobsters within my family how to do the things they specialise in and all of them will be well compensated for their time and effort.

As I have mentioned, I won't be approaching anyone to join my family. I'm a Made Man, I won't be mixing it up with mere thugs unless they are working directly for me or unless I'm called out by some little ratbag here in the street or elsewhere. People will need to approach me or people who have the ability to hand out invitations within my family.

I will allow anyone from any family to come and join me, so if you're with DangerousDave out in Delaware City, providing you smooth the transition over with him, you'll be able to join The Danglies.

To Summarise

Being in The Danglies requires commitment, a certain lack of morals and plenty of hard work. As well as a crude sense of humour, of course. I will make your experience here as fun as can be, as well as trying to teach you a thing or two along the way.

So if you think this is the family for you, show me the first step in your commitment and approach me about an invite.

- DanGleeballs

Leader of The Danglies

Firstly, it's important to know that I welcome anyone, from any background and any crew (Ask your leader about the Associate Movement Project). Providing you're not a complete fucking idiot, you should expect to live a long and bullet free life.

Lololol

I applaud you for the absolute gems that are littered through this however the above nearly made me fall off my horse.

Kudos to you, it's been a while since people rode horses around here.

From an outside perspective, I've had my doubts about you, signore... dangleballs? Through mob mentality and face-value facts, it's easy to see how the wrong impression can be made. Regardless of the truths or history which exist, assumptions and ignorance are no excuse for holding thoughts of disdain toward someone.  Even so, the past is the past, what has been done has been dealt with. 

Appearances like this ignite a hopeful confidence in me that you have the drive and ambition to make a noticeable impact, attributes which there can never be an abundance of. Business is business, and it is your duty to nurture and protect yours as you see fit. 

I will be watching with keen curiosity and wish you good luck. 

I do wish best of luck to your new crew, Mr. Gleeballs. It is an interesting and prestigious thing you are offering, by being in your crew. It will be interesting to see who steps up to the plate here and takes you on your offer.

Excuse me. Gleeballs. Not Dangleballs. Good job I held back on the comment about crew leaders with elongated body parts. 

Disorder listened to the announcement from old Gleeballs and smiled.

"Hello, my widely misunderstood friend. I must say this is good to see. Not just because of the face value of it but more importantly because it shows the wider public a very important side of you. A side which your very public escapades often leave hidden behind closed doors."

He turned to the bemused and amused gathering.

"Seriously. I appreciate you all may only see the Hollywood highlights. The drunk. The prisoner. The abrasive verbal combatant. The self-righteous public face. But that isn't a complete picture. Its an aspect of a man with strength of conviction and the self awareness of his place in this thing. A man without phony humility or apology for his position. Is that really such a bad thing? I think not. Sure, he comes over as harsh but like many people, he will just react to what is put in front of him.

There is a reason this man has been trusted enough by two Godfathers to be their right hand. That his lineage has held esteemed positions and been a focal point of council for a large group of influential mobsters. The values laid out here are a very good window into the real values the man and his family have always held and aspired to. Anyone who has been family to him would attest to this. Sure, he's flawed and often offensive but hey, he's a mobster, not a magistrate. 

As with so many things, looking at the person as entirely one thing or another is almost never accurate. So look at the whole picture. He's not just an abusive drunken gunman, or a guy who's not been afraid to have very public arguments with people. He's also a deeply considered mobster and very thoughtful to those he cares about. And believe me, he cares about his family."

Disorder looked around at some of the faces.

"He's also a funny fucker. And really, in this life of bloody murder and exploitation, laughter is very important." 

Yes, I'm sure the person on the receiving end of his harassment thinks he's positively hilarious. I'm sure that person was just dying with laughter when he shot them in the face for no reason other then pure spite. Heh, see what I did there?

Come on Disorder. You really want to come out here acting like this asshat is a real stand up guy? He didn't even have the human decency to apologize, he still maintains he did nothing wrong. The Gods punished him unfairly.  Any one who believes Mr. Gleeballs is anything but a steaming pile of shit needs to question their own morals.

Careful, Disorder, if I wasn't so arrogant you might cause me to blush.

So I've received many messages on this and for the most part they all seem to be saying the same thing; "Well done but this won't take off".

If that's the case, so be it. I won't change my standards though and I plan to see this out. I could die a very lonely and alcohol fueled life, I may only get two members but whatever happens, I've put my cards on the table and I've played a hand. Not everyone who takes the opportunity to be a crew leader can say that.

I'm here for a good time not a long time, so let us see how this all pans out.