Your Cordally Envited To A Party By Bachelor, please come thank you!!!

His apartment was dimly lit, a few strange noises emitted from the bathroom as he slammed the door shut and sauntered over to the wide open window; staring outside he looked down at the city of Vegas with a smile. There would be one of the grandest parties in the history of the world and it would all happen here, unadulterated fun would exist within the city for if only a day.

Vnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

His second bathroom began to act up as well, quickly rushing over he slammed shut the door and turned all seven locks. Whew that was a close one, he thought to himself and also to the entire group of people reading his thoughts right now, you fucking magical beings, you, why aren't you using these powers for something less pointless? 

"Bachelor, Bachelor! These invitations, they're... perfect.", a rather small man said while cutting off the fourth wall breaking going on here, his pudgy fingers getting a brown substance all over the entire layer of cards -- picking them up he placed them into his pocket and nodded, his job was to get these out to the masses and as quickly as possible.

"Don't forget to make sure every Godfather receives one, this is to be the greatest part of them all!"

Once more nodding rather excitingly, the man waddled his way out the door and was promptly hit by a car only a few moments later; Bachelor would have been traumatized had he not already shut the door behind him, a rather important habit of his that he had ever since the growths began to appear in his bathrooms. Speaking of which, he grabbed his spray and made his way into the shower, quickly releasing a flurry of dangerous toxins into the room as he cleaned himself promptly; he had to be ready for his big day!

His head spun and he wasn't sure if were from the excitement or the mixture of bleach and other such chemicals he had mixed together to max the room more habitable, but either way, it was rather annoying. There were only two days until his party and he had to make sure his apartment was ready! Quickly rushing over to the middle of the room, he kicked wildly at all of the things that adorned the floor with its mishmash of odors and shapes. 

After everything was now beneath the couch and carpet, it all looked perfect.

"I do wonder where my ward is, he's never gone this late. Oh well, must have gotten lost in the sewers again, I really do need to update the map I drew for him. Crayons do tend to smear...."

Frowning for a moment he quickly forgot about the young man in question as a new thought popped into his head, he would need decorations and a lot of them! Working his way down to the local party shop, he sadly came to the quick realization that it was closed; and just as he nearly gave up entirely he saw something gleaming in the corner of his eye. 

Balloons! IT WAS PERFECT!

A group of small children were having what looked to be a birthday party, this would be easy. He was a hardened man of the mafia and they were a couple of teenagers and older men and women, quickly doing the heist of the century he escaped with seven popped balloons and a ripped in half teddy bear.

The Day of The Party

It was all ready, pieces of bear fluff all over the floor, popped balloons taped to the walls, and the awkward sounds of the damned making a rather lovely ballad from his bathrooms. Now all he had to do was wait, he was sure that any second now people would make their way into his home and begin to enjoy his tasty... wait, he forgot the food.

"Ah, fuck... and where is my boy?!", everything was going poorly. Did no one want to visit him? Was he truly not as important as he believed himself to be? No. Of course not, that's so stupid. There had to be an explanation, and as he went into his fridge and pulled out his vintage ham that he had been soaking in juices for the last two years and a rather ripe brick of the finest American cheese, he would have to find a new way to bring the party to him.

PARTY AT MY PLACE

Using up the paint he had left over from his last paint fight party, he drew an invitation onto the side of his apartment complex; surely his landlord wouldn't mind. It was all coming together, finally. 

"Time for some fun."

Now for the waiting game.