This one is really meant to be in the middle. It’s no praise to anyone. No complaint to anyone. There’s no high to celebrate or no low that ignites this. This is just it. I am not drunk nor emotionally driven. This is me walking past a mirror.

Who am I? I once said I am the sum of my friends. I find my identity in those with whom I share life in this world. I’d enjoy living with them. I’d die with them if necessary. I once promoted a certain attitude that I believed in. I killed those who seemed not to. I never got angry with those who didn’t see things the way I did. There’s been friction, but that in itself had never been a problem. Friction is perhaps the core of our society, and that’s what makes this interesting.

Well, until now.
Regardless of regime. Regardless of rebels. I just now kissed my wife goodbye, because I had a job to do in this life. And when I was standing out on the sidewalk, I wondered what it was that made me come out there. And I found no reason. A routine was happening for no reason at all. The money, the shallow interactions, the half-assed debates, the… the… the mainly nothingness. There’s really nothing that ties me to this place. Anymore. I’ll recognise the good of those who crossed path with me, both rivals and friends. But well, even that, for me, has been diminished to zero.

I’ve been pretty much absent in recent weeks, and from the generation that lives on our streets since the federal government took down a powerful administration, I appear to be tracked actively because I’m more active than others of my age. I turned out to be the winner of an earnings competition because I donated a few million out of sense of responsibility to my crewleader and family. I remember recent dark days, that led to intervention by city hall that have pretty much been ignored by both leadership and the rebels that existed in those days.
 

Stepping out on this sidewalk, I’ll be honest that I wonder why I’m even out here. I don’t want to be given success. I don’t need friends. But I need the adventure of this place. I need people who challenge me in what I think and say. I need people who need me. I need people who hate me. I need ideas to criticize. I need a platform to put forth ideas, where other can criticise. I don’t expect this place to be the place I want it to be. But I want it to offer me something I expect it to offer. And it doesn’t. It simply doesn’t.

I’m happy Disorder’s reign is finished. But perhaps by removing identities like him, this world only leaves what allowed Disorder to be powerful: a group of identity-less mafioso.

This is just the experience of a single man though.
I want to compliment my Godfather Diogenis. I actually appreciate some of the efforts he put forth to try and keep things interesting, regardless of their success. But other than that and the general appreciation I have for my crewleader, there’s nothing that keeps me motivated to be here.

This is in no way an attack to someone’s address. This is no damning of anyone. This is just me being out of sync with the world that this currently is. This is me waving the white flag. I give up, but I’m unsure to which battle. I recognise the loss of what I desire, but I have no idea if there is someone who wins by this. Even though there are obvious people, with obvious attitudes, that I disagree with. I really have no clue if they win, as they never really confronted me. To some extent they never were my enemies. The enemies were those who didn’t care. Those who were ignorant. Those who let be. Those who are today.

I am a Made Man. I won’t escape a debate. I don’t mind being proven wrong. I don’t mind to respectfully disagree. I will be here for the weekend to debate. For those who want. Than I am gone. My kin could well likely be here once, when those who I cherish convince me of joining them. But as things are now. This life really is a nuisance that I could do without.

That’s me changing in comparison with what this is.
Thatś not a bad thing. This is what it is, because the majority wants it to be like this.