“So … you want to join this thing of ours?”  Lucy looked at the young boy next to her.  His voice barely a man’s, dressed as the mobsters he was so in awe of. 

He nodded eagerly, his sandy brown hair bouncing in the wind.  He was devouring the chocolate bar she’d given him and enjoying the moment of downtime between her and Frank’s various activities here in the city of Dublin, Ireland. 

“And you want me to mentor you?”  She asked arching her eyebrow, she hoped the boy would say yes as the kid was really growing on her.  He reminded her of a much younger version of herself.  Alone in the world and so naïve to the truths of this thing of ours. 

“You or one of them… I’d swear on the green book in a heartbeat Miss Lucy.  Be like you Grand-da one day, a hero.” Aiden said with a mouth full of chocolate.

Lucy hated that word though, she’d said it often enough at Aiden’s age.  “A hero?”

“Men like him, they are gonna win Irish freedom from the English!”

Lucy nodded thoughtfully.  “Alright.  I’ll teach you.  I’ll teach you everything I know.”

“How use a gun?  For real?”

Lucy smiled remembering his poor attempt at a hold up with a non-functioning derringer.  “Yea, that too.”

“Can we start right now?”  The boy asked shoving the last of his chocolate in his mouth and letting the wrapper flitter down to the ground from their place sitting on the rooftop of the Old Maid’s Inn.

“Okay.”  Lucy said in a weary voice as she looked off to the setting sun.  For a moment she remembered another sunset, not too dissimilar from this one – half a world away and a lifetime ago.  “It’s not going to be easy.”

“I can do it Lucky.”

“What I’m going to say is going to upset you.”

“No, it won’t.  I’m tough.  Nothing you could ever say is going to make me upset.”

Lucy took a deep breath, “Alright.”  She exhaled.  “I’m going to die.”

The words hung in the air for a long time.  Heavy between them as the sun slowly sunk into the horizon of the city’s skyline casting long foreboding shadows.  Below them on the street, men with torches lit the street lamps.

“Are you sick?”  He asked.

Lucy shook her head no.  “The first truth in this thing of ours, if you’re going to live this life is this Aiden:  you WILL die.  You will die before your appointed time.  You will likely die in pain.  You will probably die alone or surrounded by men and women who hate you and want to damn you to the pit of hell.”
 

“You will be hunted down… like a dog.  No matter your family, how powerful they or you are, no matter your titles or the number or skill of your bodyguards – you will fail.  You will fail and everything you built in this life, it will fall to nothing as people forget it as quickly as they forgot you… just another name on the obituaries and once your friends have said their platitudes, and the young mobsters have dug up your grave to steal your things – once all of your loyal bodyguards have been horribly murdered… only then will you finally rest in peace.”

“And, even that won’t be as you want it to be… a few days, a week or two maybe, and no one will come to your grave again.  Whatever they accuse you of, whatever sin you committed or your enemies invented to justify your death – your friends and family won’t risk being associated with it.  And so – in death – know that there are no hero mobsters.  There is only oblivion and you will face it alone Aiden.  I won’t be there, Frank won’t be there and none of the friends or family you make before then will be there.  As alone as you’ve felt these past weeks without your mother… it’s worse than that.”

Aiden’s face was a mask of hurt, “Frank and I wouldn’t ever let that happen to you Lucky.”

“You and Frank don’t get a say.  Death in this thing of ours, it doesn’t work that way.  Death happens when you’re elbow deep in the good stuff.  Death happens before you achieve that thing you always wanted to do.  You go to bed one night, or off to work, and then you come back to this thing of ours and the things you do here every day… and you don’t find your friends.  Or you do… but they’re all dead before you.”  Lucy could still see the bodies of The Faceless Men as she fled Philly in utter terror, their accusing eyes staring blankly at her as she went in shame to the very people who had murdered all those she loved so dearly.

“As much as love keeps us going, it makes the reality of death all that much more terrifying.  Aiden, if it were me alone, as it was before I met Frank – well, I’d walk confident and without fear.  What did I have to lose that mattered before I met you and Frank … or had my daughter?  My family, like you, was gone.  I thought I had nothing to worry about in choosing the life of a Mafioso.  But, that’s the thing… if you live life at all, then Death becomes your worst nightmare.”

“No heroics.  Just a quiet message.  You’re dead.  Game over.”  She shakes her head.  “Stories lie to us about death Aiden, but I won’ lie to you.  There’s nothing exciting about death.  Nothing exciting about running for your life for hours and hours long past the time you normally would sleep… afraid that if you close your eyes for one second or miss taking that flight by one minute, that you’ll never see the dawn.”

Aiden folded his hands in his lap and looked down at the ground.  “If being Mafioso is so bad… why then, Lucy, why do you do it?  Wouldn’t someone who doesn’t want to experience the pain of losing all that, so suddenly and painfully, just avoid being a mobster to begin with?”

“For some, that’s the smartest thing to do.  They come, they see this thing of ours doesn’t bring them joy.  There are a million other careers and identities out there that one could take part in which don’t include the promise of death… but our thing – this twisted and dark thing of ours – it is ALL about death.”

“I thought it was about money … or power…”

Lucy chuckled.  “Your thoughts are shared by a lot of mobsters I know.  They naïvely believe that this thing of ours is about honoring one’s family and respecting our individual quest to build up money and a family of our own; but that’s the sucker’s trap.  That’s the long con that we use to build up our ranks.  That’s how we make sure there is always a steady supply of soldiers for our wars.  I suppose some Godfathers have probably thought themselves to be good or noble in some way – loving their families in their own way… but when chips are down, the truth is we all do what we can for one thing.  It’s not money, or power, or family… it’s death.”

Aiden narrowed his eyes, “I don’t understand Lucky.  That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Preventing deaths of those we love but mostly ourselves.  Controlling and mastering death so that we can bring it down upon anyone who gets so powerful they could threaten the people and things we hold dear… but mostly ourselves.  Remember what I said about being alone in this world?  It’s really true.”

“What about Frank?”  Aiden said softly.

Lucy smiled warmly as she looked at the boy.  “I love Frank.  I think I would die for Frank… but most likely when someone comes for Frank, and I know they will, I won’t be there.  It’s a rare person who faces death with someone by their side in this thing of ours.  It’s built that way.  Built to make sure that when it’s decided that today is your day… that no one and nothing has the power to save you.”

“You start out caring about businesses and money and making friends… but soon it’s about the money, so that you can have bodyguards and the ability to hunt enemies or fly out of a city on a moment’s notice in a private jet because… well, if you live long enough, you will have enemies no matter how kind or gracious you were in life.”

“And then… it’s only about survival.  You’re so angry and afraid that life itself isn’t fun anymore.  You see lies and conspiracy in everything said to you and everything not being said.  You rage at your enemies and recall ‘the good old days’ because you can still remember those early years of your time in this thing of ours and what fun life seemed to be before all you thought about was death… death of your enemies and how to avoid your own.”

“That’s… horrible Lucky.”  Aiden touched her hand with his own.

She took his hand and squeezed it.  “The real struggle is knowing that your ‘good old days’ … these times you’re having with Frank and I right now… that they’re horrible for us.”

Aiden looked hurt. 

“Not because of you sweetie, you’re one of the lights in the dark… but what I mean is this, there will always be older men and women who lived during your ‘good old days’ and didn’t think they were so good at all.  They were raging at the machine in those times while you were laughing and making money with your fellow goombas.”

“It’s a horrible lie that there is or was ever any honor among thieves and murderers.  If you’re a mobster – you’re here for one thing.  Death.  You’re here to bring death… and to avoid it.  Eventually you’re going to make a mistake and even if you don’t – even if you’re the hero that everyone loves, you’re going to die and if you can’t accept that as being the CORE of what we do in this thing of ours; you should get out now Aiden.”

“Don’t believe the lie that there is some great community of mobsters all getting along and making money side by side… that Eden doesn’t exist, never did, and never will.  This thing of ours isn’t meant to be peaceful.  This, is war.  It’s always war.  Training and preparing for death… and to avoid it for as long as possible and from the moment you enter our world – your death is coming for you.” 

Lucy leaned over and whispered to Aiden.  “If you listen hard enough, you can hear the horseman’s footfalls just behind you even as you think about staying in this thing of ours.  Death is right behind you.  It could happen tonight.  It could happen tomorrow… or maybe you’ll be one of those freaks of nature like my Grandpa – maybe you live so long that no one you loved is there to plan your funeral and young men and women will call you a hero while you rot, alone, above the ground.”

Aiden had tears in his eyes.  “Why Lucky?  Why wouldn’t you leave?  You and Frank could run away with Katy and never go back!”

Lucy reached over and wiped Aiden’s tears with her thumb.  “I told you that you wouldn’t like what I had to say.”  She whispered, she could smell Frank’s cigar in the night air.  He was listening to her talk to the boy. 

Aiden threw his arms around her and she held him tight in return.  “I don’t want you to die Lucy.”  He called her by her name rather than the nickname which the Mob had given her.  It made her smile.  She kissed the top of his head.

“That brings me to lesson two, and this one is shorter but more important.”  She brushed his hair with her fingers, it was still soft, like that of a very young child.  “So, tuck this one away in your heart Aiden.  Do hear me?  Because regardless of whether or not you stay in this thing of ours… this lesson will serve you all the days that God has made.  Are you ready for it?”

Aiden sniffled, clearly unaware that Frank was watching or he wouldn’t have shown himself to be so weak – Lucy swore the boy was bent on making Frank think he was a grown man and not a little boy at all.  Aiden nodded.

“It’s not about what you build in this life.  Buildings crumble, businesses fail.  Families even die.  I don’t live this life because of what I’m making for tomorrow.  I’m not living for tomorrow.  I stopped doing that when I met Frank.”

Aiden’s large brown eyes seemed to swallow up all the light of the moon as he listened to her intently.

“When I knew that I loved him so much that… that I could become the monsters I described to you; I knew I could either leave the Mob and run away from this thing of ours or I could welcome death.  Instead of running from it, I could acknowledge it the way you acknowledge anything in life that looms dangerously over you and your journey.  Instead of worrying how I make it until tomorrow… I try to focus on today.  I live in the moment.”

“Did I have fun today?  Did I laugh?  Did I love and was I loved?  All the money and titles and bodyguards… all the crews and cities and power … it doesn’t matter shit in the end.  So why?  Why worry about any of it?  I think the best any of us can do is enjoy what we’re doing today.  Laugh as loud as we can, love as passionately as possible, and do all that we do with a zeal that will leave people talking about us long after our funerals are over.”

“If I enjoy my life in this thing of ours every single day – if I truly LIVE before I die, then death isn’t a thing to be feared.  It’s just the start of a whole new adventure.  I’m not afraid of dying and you shouldn’t be either Aiden.  What lays beyond this life is another chance to grow and learn and make new friends and new love.  Yes, the treasures of this life will be lost to you and there will be pain felt by those who you leave behind… but what beauty there is in that!”

“Imagine that day where even your enemies come to your casket and say – this, this was one of the good ones.  This thing of ours is lessened by their loss.  It was damn shame we had to put him in his grave today – but it wasn’t personal.  It was just business.  And they’ll know that you knew that too.  Just as I know it.  Just as Frank and all the other good mobsters know.”

“In this thing of ours, there aren’t innocent victims.  If you chose this life – you chose that death.  And you don’t get to say when or how your time here ends… you only can decide what you do while you’re here.  So… think about that for a bit.  Why you want to be one of us.  Why you’d want to take part in what we do.  Can you watch those you love die that way?  Can you bury them knowing that this is part of what you chose as a life?  And when your time comes… will your final hours and moments be spent scrambling and cursing this thing of ours?  Or will you be laying plans for what lays beyond this life excitedly?”

Lucy hugs Aiden.  “I know which it will be for me.  I hope you can say the same Aiden because you’re great already… and time will only make you better as a man, and as a human being.  Promise me that you won’t let the drive to avoid death keep you from enjoying life … even if you do choose to take part in this thing of ours.  Okay?”

“Time for bed kid.”  Frank spoke up at the window and helped both Lucy and Aiden back inside.  Frank kissed Lucy’s cheek.  She suspected he’d have a thing or two to say about her words to Aiden but right now he just looked at her as if he was proud of how she was helping the boy.  He was looking at her like a man who would be a good father very soon.  Committed to living for today, Lucy put that thought aside and ruffled Aiden’s hair once more before he left the room and then she turned her attentions to her new husband.  Tonight, she was going to practice that love passionately part… because tomorrow was not a promise in this thing of ours.