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Billy's Depot | Started by: BillyMays on Aug 11, '10 04:37 |
Unpacking and stocking the final box, his store was complete: The all tan brick establishment that proudly displayed Billy Mays' face on its large marquis along with the store's name, Billy's Depot, was lit brighter than all establishments near the area; not bigger than your local grocery store, the parking lot welcomed its first customer, an elderly man. Going back into the store and making sure every facet of the store was up to his standards, he finally gave a relieved sigh; Finally, his dream was completed, Billy thought. The products were freshly stocked: Everything from Mighty Putty, the Awesome Auger and buckets of OxyClean to an endless variety of Cinco products on one large aisle. This wasn't just a business, this was his true calling. A sign proudly displayed the week's specials, but as the customer walked in, Billy began his pitch.
Billy's Custom Colt 1911 - 3 payments of $39.99
HAVE A DOMESTIC DISPUTE AND YOU LEFT THE KNIFE WITH A FRIEND? WANT TO MAKE YOUR POINT KNOWN LOUD AND CLEAR? THEN YOU NEED BILLY'S CUSTOM COLT 1911, THE SEMI-AUTOMATIC PISTOL THAT KNOWS HOW TO GET THE JOB DONE WHILE YOU GET TO HAVE SOME FUN. SHOOT A .45 CALIBER ROUND INTO AN ENEMY'S KNEE AND WATCH THEM CRY TO THE SKY WHILE YOU GET YOUR JOLLIES OFF. THE COLT 1911 IS CUSTOMIZED WITH A HAIRPIN TRIGGER, A MIRROR FINISH AND A CUSTOM DECAL OF ME, BILLY MAYS, ON THE PISTOL GRIP. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE EXCEPT A BODY IN THE MARSHES! AND REMEMBER, KIDS, ONE IN THE BRAIN TO MAKE THEM LAME, TWO IN THE HEAD AND YOU KNOW THEY'RE DEAD, GUARANTEED TO GIVE YOU SATISFACTION OR YOUR MONEY BACK!*"
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Deidre passes by Billy's Depot a couple of times before deciding to duck in to cool off for awhile. She wanders around looking at this and that until something of interest catches her eye. It is small and dangerous looking, and just what Deidre is looking for.
"Excuse me, Sir? Would you bring that switch blade out so I can have a better look at it please?" Deidre waits patiently for him to come and take it out of the case. It is so beautiful and appropriate for her needs. |
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Reply by: Deidre at Aug 12, '10 15:53 | |
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Billy took the knife from its glass container and opened the box - lo and behold, a knife carved from one block of hard iron, elegantly grooved and featuring several switches. |
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Reply by: BillyMays at Aug 12, '10 19:56 | |
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Cherokee walks into the depot and prepares his ears to be bombarded by the massive yet somehow erotic voice of the legend, BILLYMAYS. |
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Reply by: Cherokee at Aug 12, '10 21:09 | |
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Remembering the man he had pitched the Louisville Slugger to, Billy's eyes lit up at the prospect of another deal. |
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Reply by: BillyMays at Aug 12, '10 22:52 | |
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Minimum $20,000