Hello my fellow mafia bretheren and sistren,

I come to you today with a question regarding the current crop of leaders.  Now mind you, this is mostly a rhetorical question and before I even ask I'm sure the answer is (or should be) a resounding 'no', but I'm curious if there are any leaders out there actually worth working for?  And by 'worth working for' I mean not total fucking losers?  And spare me your unfunny responses to my question.  It's a legit question, one you wish you had the nerve to ask in a public forum yourself but lack the courage or balls to inquire yourself.  But maybe you should have done what I'm doing right now rather than being stuck in the position you are in now.... having joined a joke crew after receiving a lackadaisical half-assed generic form-letter under the guise of recruitment from some illiterate sponsor, and the next thing you know you're stuck in the crew you're in now saying to yourself "Dear God why am I in this crew with this goddam loser?"  The thought of suicide/retirement is your first waking thought each day, the thought of facing the day having no choice than to be subservant to an idiot who will most likely lead you directly to death with his or hers poor decision making or lousy leadership skills really tempting you to end it all.  And maybe you should, as you are mostly likely a loser too.

But if there is a leader out there worth pledging loyalty who is it?  And why?  I ask why because I'll need specific examples.  One can't expect me to go solely by your opinion, which is most likely utterly worthless and based on nothing more than you wanting to say something kind about your leader, you sickening ass-kisser.  But I am genuinely curious.  I'm a hard worker and would be a positive addition to any outfit so all opinions will be taken into consideration.  But let's face it there's some really cringe individuals in this mafia and I'd rather fucking die than be associated with one of them.  I wouldn't be able to look myself in the eye with any self respect if I had to wear the crew pins many of you wear on your suits.  You should be ashamed of yourself and we are all ashamed for you. Trust me I'm not trying to be in the same position as you all, with people being ashamed of me.

I'd be glad to discuss this privately with any of you if you are not comfortable disclosing truths in a public forum such as this street corner, and I look forward to working alongside people worth working alongside of.  Any suggestions to join a crew led by a person generally made fun of my the large majority of the mafia will be ignored.

Thanks in advance and be safe out there my friends.

“Good Afternoon Melvin ,” Frankie offered her hand to her fellow Mafioso and shook it.  “Nice to meet you – I’m Frankie Messina.  I just wanted to take a moment to tell you that I really appreciated the level of moxy it took for you to come into the street and do some due diligence in considering the right place for your talents in this thing of ours.”

“My mentor, LuckyLucy, she used to be a Don up in Chicago.  She told me about how many contacts she had a day with new people and how many of those never bothered reaching back to her, or just expected to be welcomed into her organization as an associate just because they asked for it.  Damn shame really because she was a busy woman... as all Don’s should be.  With 30 or so people looking to you for leadership, to keep ties with other families peaceful and strong, and then just the daily grind of what we do in this thing of ours – it can be real annoying to take the time to write up an original message to a new goomba and have them blow you off.”

Frankie looked thoughtful and nodded to herself, “I think that’s why most people lead with a form letter of sorts... weeds out the people who aren’t sticking around and such.  You know a lot of folks come to our shores for a day or two and never come back.  I think, if you haven’t been a Don before, you might not realize how many new people a day you can end up talking to.  If you spend a ton of time on writing original content for each new gangster (most of whom ever get back to you), you’re not putting that time into the good of the made men and women beneath you.”

“Now, I gotta admit, your initial comments really throw me.  First you state the question is rhetorical and then you tell us that the question is serious; but you also noted that you want to be spared any unfunny responses... I feel like the question hidden in all your attempts at dark humor and scathing observations of those who your ancestors have worked for in the past – is important!  Hell, it’s one my mentor LuckyLucy wished ever gangster asked before joining up with a crew:  is this place worth my time, is the leader worthy my respect, and is the mission of this group align with my own personal goals in this thing of ours?”

“Sadly, most people don’t do the footwork necessary.  They join the first group that asks, or they sign up with an old friend and hope that works out... but if said friend leaves or dies – where does that leave them?”

“And why do they do that – just sign up with any old group or follow a friend?  I think it’s because a fair number of gangsters aren’t invested into this thing of ours – they figure they’re going to die too soon; so why care about what happens beyond the immediate moment in life?  Or they want to grow and become leaders themselves, but to what end?  Do they know what being a leader looks like or what goals they have in being a leader?  What’s the point – why do they want it?  If it’s just to say they got there, how good of a leader can they really be?”

“Way I see it, a title without purpose is hollow and a crew without a mission is just a place everyone is hanging out until the inevitable end comes.  And so, in this regard... you may be right.  There probably have been a fair number of leaders who haven’t been worth the title in this thing of ours.”

“However, that’s only my opinion on what makes a good leader and a good crew... not everyone wants or needs their leaders to be actively engaged, with a mission/purpose, to feel like their crew is the RIGHT one for them.  So, what are you looking for in a proper crew leader?  From reading your post I can deduce that you’re hoping to find a leader who would make good decisions and lead effectively ... sadly, in a world such as ours where the political landscape is always in flux, good decision making can seem one way only to prove to be another.  Unless you’ve got psychic abilities and plenty of cash to burn it can be incredibly hard to lead a crew to anything but death (especially since we all eventually die in this thing of ours.)”

“Here’s a great example... I knew a crew leader who was once warned about his impending death at the hands of a powerful Godfather and his allies.  But what could said crew leader really do about that?  He was later ridiculed for ‘not having heeded the warning’ that he was given... but charging head long at the man who was going to kill him would have been suicide.  And with no place to run ... what else can be done but keep your head down and keep building alliances (which take time) in hopes of having more friends standing behind you, than guns in front of you?”

“It’s pretty easy to judge crew leaders who fail as ‘bad leaders’ or ‘poor decision makers’ when you’re ancestors have died along side them... it’s a fuck-ton harder once you’ve worn the mantle yourself and actually see how tough it is.”

“Day to day you might have 3-5 hours, if you’re lucky, to be active in this thing of ours.  As a leader you need to make those hours stretch between working your own skills and talents, building group morale, problem solving, appeasing other leaders who have taken issue with your people, recruitment, and then also war preparations which include reaching out and building new alliances and gathering intel on what people are doing and to whom.”

“The subtleties of Leadership in this thing of ours are far more involved than just collecting taxes and hanging out at the crew HQ knocking back a few cold ones... or, it should be.  All that to say – it falls to the wise guy to find his home.  You can wait around for a good leader to write you a really cool and original invite with all the details of why his/her crew is the best for you... but at the end of the day, it’s you who makes the call to pledge your life to that person/crew.”

“If you’re gonna die for this person/crew... take time to get to know them.  If they send you a form letter, don’t get pissed... write back.  Ask questions.  Get to know them.  Talk to their Right and Left hand.  Hell talk to the lowest guy in their crew and ask THEM what they think about their leader.  Shoot straight with people and tell them you’ve had ancestors die a lot lately and you’re hoping to have a solid go at being around for a bit.  Ask what they’re doing to ensure that you are.  Ask what resources they offer to teach their members.  Ask what perks they offer to those who are made and above.  Ask what tax rates they charge and what that money goes to.  Ask how you get moved up in the ranks.  Ask if they share their financial data and what they do to encourage crew activity, so their HQ isn’t a silent tomb.”

“Again, I want to thank you for taking time to come to the streets and ask people about where you can find a leader worth following.  I hope you find the perfect place for you – one that will give you a long life in this thing of ours.  Personally, I’m going to work on writing up a resource for gangsters who are new to our shores about how one tracks down a crew worth a damn.  LuckyLucy’s brother Don Capazzo wrote one about recruitment ... but I think maybe there should be a complimentary instructional for those who are hunting for a home.  So... yea, thanks for the idea.”

Frankie tipped her hat respectfully, “Stay safe out there.”

Melvin tips his hat to Frankie-Messina

I appreciate the words.  Thanks for taking the time.  I was just kidding about the leaders anyways.  I'm sure they are all great.

Hey you know what I'm going to do?  I'm going to give you $200,000.  For no reason.  Just to show you the caliber of mobster you are speaking to right now.  You don't see other mobsters coming out to the streets and handing people money for no reason like I am doing.  That's because they don't operate on the same level as I do.  We all need to up our game around here.  Also I was just kidding about the recruiters too by the way, they all rule.

Melvin reaches into his pocket and hands $200,000 to Frankie-Messina.  Some on-lookers see this transaction and comment to themselves that there is obviously a new, more evolved breed of gangster walking among us commonfolk.

Frankie, never one to look a gift horse in the mouth accepts the $200,000 with a little confusion and a smile.  Melvin definitely was right, it wasn't often she saw someone giving out money in the streets for information shared... though she had done it a few times herself for those who had proven very funny, creative, or brilliant.  It was rather like leaving a tip in a hat to someone who was sitting on a street corner, after all.

His words certainly indicated more of his dark humor and sarcasm, but hey, everyone was entitled to have their own point of view and he certainly compensated her quite well for her time and input.  So, who was she to complain about his opinions?  Besides, maybe one day they would work together and there was no point in being hateful.  In this thing of ours situations sometimes turned on a dime and who was high today could be low tomorrow (and vice versa.)  It was always a very good policy to be respectful to everyone, no matter their rank and whether you agreed with them or  not.

"Oh, thank you."  She said politely.  "Have a good day!"  And went on her way.

You're very welcome.  A rather underwhelming display of gratitude for such a generous and unexpected gift I have to say.  She said "Oh, thank you", as if I had just given her the time as opposed to 200 grand.  This is an insult I will not soon forget.

Just kidding actually I wasn't insulted at all.  Being insulted is cringe.  It's time we all move past being insulted in this new year.  In fact, just to prove how not insulted I am, I will be sending another $100,000 to Frankie-Messina.  Besides we are are in the organized crime business, not the thanking business.  Right? 

Melvin flags down a young paperboy on a bicycle and hands him an envelope with $100,000 in it and instructs him to drop it off at Frankie-Messina's house.  The paperboy says he would be happy to do it.  Melvin thanks the boy and gives him an envelope for the paperboy to keep for himself for his troubles..  There is $3,000,000 in that envelope.

Anyways, the jobs out there are dismal.  There is hardly any work out there to do.  I have rented a roadside motel room on the outskirts of town and hung a giant paper on the wall of my motel room.  On this paper I will be ranking the crewleaders in order of coolest to least cool and will base my decision on what crew to join from that.  Aside from "coolest", which will be obvious by what crew I end up joining, I will be keeping all other results, especially the person who gets picked as "Least cool" to myself as my intent is not to hurt anyone's feelings.

Melvin heads to the business district in search of a pen shop to buy a pen for his chart.