Death had contemplated this for several days. It wasn't the usual course of action for a mobster, well it wasn't the usual course of action for anyone. But there comes a time in a man's life, or in an Alien superfiend's life where he starts to look beyond the here and now, and look at the bigger, long term picture. For Death, this was one such moment. Whilst not the path he would have chose, thus far it had been good to him, it was perhaps time to give something back.

Gliding through the alley in search of a suitable vessel, Death spied one of the local vagrants rumaging through a garbage can out the back of the Manc Lion Pub. Silently approaching Death spoke as he pushed his hand into the back of the man's head.

Come with me my fffriend, I have need of your ssservicess!

The man repeated the last 2 words as his eyes rolled into the back of his head and the life force drained from his body, his complexion becoming sallow and gaunt. Death had learned that people here where afraid of him, both from how he looked and how he spoke. Whist he had not used this particular trick in ages, it would today he hoped, prove most useful.

The two emerged from the alley and took up position on the street, Death and his life size mannequin. Although Death began to speak, the mannequin took over within a few words


Greetingsss my fellow mafiossso... I have come here today to make you an offer many of you will find hard to refuse. As many of you will know I am one of the few master Pickpockets stalking our streets. And whilst most don't begrudge the loss of $5,000 here and there, it has made me quite wealth over the last 300 or so victims. So today I have decided to give something back to the community that has been so generous to me. I have reading up on some of your legends, and I came across a man called Robin Hood, who stole from the rich and gave to the poor. I propose to do exactly the same thing.

Over the next week I will pick an average of 70 pockets, and earn a potential $350,000. I wish to give this handsome figure to one enterprising Associate member of this thing of ours. I have only 3 stipulations to entering a claim for the money.

1) You must be an associate member of a family... IE you must be between the ranks of Petty Thief and Wise Guy and have a sponsor.

2) You can not be Rich or Extremely Rich. Remember I steal from the rich so that rules you out. This includes assets. If I see you are well protected then you will not qualify.

3) You must come here and tell me why you deserve my money. What hardluck story makes you more deserving of my ill-gotten gains than the next schlub.

That is all the stipulations I have. So starting at 7am today I will keep a record of all the money I steal and in 7 days I will award that money to one deserving individual. Whose it gonna be?

Mr Death you scare me, please stay out of my head. Moving on, really good idea. It’s about time some one comes up with something that shows a little initiative.

You really are one freaky man/alien thingy, however Robin Hood had his trusty bow and arrow, this i can be of service with. I am a pole, tie some wire to both ends and you have yourself a ready made bow. Don’t answer me right away think on it.

Mr Death,
It saddens me to know that the countless times my pockets have had your greasy hands within them, to know that with the money you have taken from me, has been spent on nothing more than a mere attempt to proclaim yourself as our dear hero Robin Hood.

Over time, you will steal from me again, and yes, again and again, but to have my body violated by such horror of a man only to know that he is stealing from me to give to some no good associate from another city? - I can't say I would be supporting it.

I am of course just pulling your testicles, I sort of like the idea, it's nice to see the more advanced Mafioso helping the young not so advanced.

*Runs off to ask his boss for a demotion

JudgeDeath took $5000 from you.

And so the horror begins!!

I vote it goes to my mother, she owes me pocket money!

Alas Space Pole, I have no need for a bow, I wouldn't even know what to do with it. As for you Mr Assassin, that is most magnamimous of you to say, albeit in a back handed way. However you did not suffer alone, two hours in and 2 pockets picked and already a health 10k in the pot.

Louie_Bruno kneels down in front of the Judge, hat in hands, displaying sad puppy dog eyes as weepy violin music plays in the background...

"Oh Mr. JudgeDeath, please have pity on me. I know you are omnipotent but fair, and I can only hope you are sympathetic towards my plight. I have been pickpocketed unmercilessly over the last few days as I am but a lowly earner. And yet, try as I might, I have had no luck returning the favor. I am no master of the slight of hand such as yourself. And my youngest child needs an expensive surgery, or she might not make it. And my house and car have been repossessed! Please sir, I beseech you to have mercy. If you decide to donate that money to me, I promise I will give a protion of it to charity! Oh, the humanity of it all!"

Louie's shoulders shake as his body is wracked by uncontrollable sobbing...

*looks over at Louie before approaching him

Evening sir, It's very unfortunate that it isn't me trying to proclaim myself as Robin Hood, otherwise, your very heart felt and loving act towards yourself and your poor little child would most definitely force myself to leave you be, but of course, JudgeDeath has no morals, money is money to him, I was saw him rob his own granny while she laid on her death bed, some people have mersey, Mr death isn't one of them, although he might come out here and pretend he is, we all know it isn't true.

What a wonderful image of me you have SmilingAssassin, however youare wrong. My Grandmother was dead before I was born, so I never had the displeasure of knowing her, or the pleasure of judging her. However surely if she were dying then robbing her is of no consequence as she wouldn't need the money?

Death and his Mannequin turn to face Louie_Bruno, a smile tugging at the grimmace that Death called his mouth.

Bravo Mr Bruno, a more self-deprecating and self-effacing effort I have rarely seen. You really have gotten into the swing of things and set the bar high. I wonder if anyone has a sadder tale to tell?

Wonderful indeed Mr Death, but however, I was unaware that the elderly dying lady wasn't your grandmother, so for that I apologize.
It was indeed be very pointless stealing from a dying person, they wouldn't need the money anyway, correct, but perhaps the money was let to her family and not you? that my friend, is a motive to steal.

Biff looks at the creepy looking monster or whatever it is , and his toy human.

Now Mr. Death please tell me it wasnt you who's been raiding my pockets in the last few days.

Biff points to him and at first was about to threaten the Monster, but realizes this so called Robin hood will most likely not be moved by a threat of any sorts.

Mr. Death I have an Idea, why not one day when you're not stealing from the rich , we have some cookies and milk.

And you cant prehaps teach me some of you're tricks of the trade?

Alabama gives a warm smile to her familiar assailant

Well, nice to see all that money you've managed to pick from me will go to good use. A very nice idea Judge. Though now that you've announced your plans I dare say many of your victims will be visiting their banks more often than not to ensure your palms are left empty when visiting their pockets!

Worry not, creepy old alien being. My pockets will continue to stay loaded, for I fear no aliens.

Death looks from Biff to Alabama and back again, his rapidly decomposing mannequin mimics the actions as rivulets of aqueous humor run down its cadaverous face.

Mr Biff, I'm afraid I do not know you, and a quick check of my mental records reveals I have not been in your pockets... however I am a great believer in thold adage of hands on experience. So if you would like me to show you my craft then I am more than happy to do so. I do try, as much as possible, to limit my craft to those who have no public declarati0on of being anti Pick pocketing. Alas,i don't always get it right, after all, I'm only inhuman.

As for your Mrs Alabama, I trust your husband is keeping well? As the only person to have every successfully picked my pocket, I thank you for your commendation and public support of my little initiative. I will endeavour to find my way into your pockets at least once this week.

Clarence is indeed well, thanks for asking!

It would appear you have already found your way to my money today, unless some other stealthy little so and so has managed to find where I hide my cash!

I shall endeavour to pick your pocket straight back if I do catch you in the act, so no flying away from me this time!

It wasn't me I assure you, I have yet to pass by you today, seems we have a young pretender to the crown of greatest Pickpocket. However I am in New Orleans if you wish to chance your arm.

Well I've had a few enquiries, and after 2 days, the current prize fund stands at $76,646 with 5 days of pick pocketing to go... alas we have but one entrant, so unless you want Louie_Bruno to walk away with the cash unchallenged, then tell me why you deserve my hard stolen money over him... it really is that simple.

Death looks around surprised at the lack of interest from the general associate populace, in his day he'd have snapped the hand of someone for 50k let alone $350k

1 Enquiry? Thats astounding. I would have thought there would be much more money hungry mafioso out there.

A midget appears on the street playing the world's smallest violin whilst riding a unicycle. A suited man appears next to said midget and clears his throat

Dear JudgeDeath,

I come to you asking for the money you've gathered to be passed my way. Why, I hear you ask. Well, let me explain why...............

You see JudgeDeath, there was a poor, dirty, mangy puppy on the street but it turns out he requires an enormous amount of cash to look after him. He only eats the finest steaks, drinks the best champagne money can buy and also apparently this poor, cute, defenceless puppy also seems to have what can only be described as a Blackjack addiction. 

Another midget appears playing an even smaller violin riding a unicycle with a sad miniature monkey on his shoulder

You see JudgeDeath, the puppy can't be left alone and I have no choice but to accompany him to the finest restaurants in town, eat the finest steaks with him, drink the finest wine, gamble on Blackjack. The lifestyle, as you can imagine, is tearing me up inside. I would much rather stay home with a nice book in front of the fire but think of that poor little dog out in the rain, wandering to the casino by himself. Sitting alone at the Blackjack table, smoking fine Cuban cigars. 

I beg you JudgeDeath, send me the money. If not for me, for the puppy. 

Note: Said puppy may or may not be a figment of my imagination.

A wonderful story Soulcatcher, and sure to give you a good chance at winning if it weren't for one small detail... You are my associate and as such benefit from my magnanimous nature on a daily basis. I'm sure there would be some folks who would talk behind my back if I were to award my own associate the prize, which incidentally now stands at $124,971, it would be higher but alas a certain Alabama felt the need to rob some of the money back.

Unfortunately though, we still only have one entrant, not much of a competition when there are no competitors...

I believe, that I should be awarded the prize.

Youll ask why, and I'll simply say, because my pockets are untouchable, thats why!