FakeManCP stood in front of the mirror checking out his clothing for the big night.  He made sure to wear his pants with the velcro zipper. Smiling, FakeManCP spoke to his reflection in the mirror...

"Mrs Augustus likes to have easy access just in case she gets hungry in the movie theater.  Wouldn't want to disappoint her!"

Getting into his old Model T, FakeManCP drove over to the Augustus residence and pulled in the driveway.  He went up to the door and knocked.  Little Augustus answered the door.  He looked like he had been crying...

FakeManCP: "Hey...what's wrong, champ?"

Augustus: "I don't think my mommy is coming home from her other date. The guy she left with is sitting right in front of the house in his car, but my mom isn't in the car with him!"

FakeManCP smirked to himself. This wasn't the first time that he showed up for his date to find Mrs Augustus occupied with another client...

FakeManCP: "Don't worry, little guy. I'm sure she will pop up soon enough."

Just as he spoke those words, Mrs Augustus popped her head up inside the car sitting in front of the house.  She wiped off her chin and exited the vehicle, taking three dollars from the driver who sped off laughing...

FakeManCP:  "See? There she is! She must have dropped something on the floor of the car."

Little Augustus stopped crying for the moment and watched his mom walk up the path towards the house.  When she got to the front step, she lashed out across Augustus' face with a fierce backhand...

Mrs Augustus: " I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STAY IN THE HOUSE YOU LITTLE BASTARD!!!"

Little Augustus ran crying to his cage that he was forced to stay in when he was bad...

FakeManCP: "What's up, bitch? Did you find someone to watch the little shit tonight?

Mrs Augustus: "What? Ummm...yeah...I was going to call his father to come watch him.  I'll get right on that, as soon as I figure out who he is!"

The two share a laugh and depart in FakeManCP's Model T, leaving the young Augustus home alone, crying in his cage...

Driving to their date destination...

FakeManCP: "There's a good movie playing at the Adult Theater downtown.  It's called "Backdoor Hoes 13".  Supposed to be short and right to the point. I figured we would go there."

Mrs Augustus: "But daddy, I've already seen that four times this week alone!"

FakeManCP becomes angry and punches Mrs Augustus in the eye...

FakeManCP: "Bitch! I work all week to take you to a movie and you don't even appreciate it!  Fine. Let's just go to that alleyway over there and get this over with."

FakeManCP pulls into the alleyway and turns off the car.  Before he can even put it in Park, Mrs Augustus is diving face first towards the velcro zipper...

FakeManCP: "I knew there was a reason I put up with your stupid ass."

** BOM CHICKA WAH WAH **

** FAST FORWARD TO THE DRIVE HOME **

As FakeManCP pulls up to the house, Mrs Augustus begins talking about what a wonderful time she had and how she can't wait for their next appointment...

FakeManCP pulls in front of the house as she blabs on and on...

Mrs Augustus: "Aren't you going to pull into the driveway?"

FakeManCP becomes enraged and jumps out of the car.  He runs to the other side, opens the door, and pulls out Mrs Augustus by her arm, kicking her in the ass as she runs off quickly towards her house...

FakeManCP: "Bitch! Be lucky I drove you home. Cheap ass ho."

FakeManCP throws a handful of dimes and nickels at his lovely date, then drives away into the sunset...

THE END

Wow...

I'm speechless. And its not often I can say that.

Such a fine gentlman you are, FakeManCP! I wish Clarence would take me to the movies!

I know, right? Some women just don't realize how lucky they have it.  I'm sure there are many women out there who would appreciate a night at the movies.

Hey now she is my main squeeze. She is worth more than a handful of nickles and dimes. 

Well I guess it will have to do though. If we can keep her satisfied i'll have to hire more help.

If you want to pay her more than a handful of nickels and dimes, that's you're prerogative.  As for me, I'm not going to waste too much money on someone who can be easily replaced by a vacuum cleaner.

oh poor Mrs Augustus, and I was reading Mio padre's diaries about his conversations with Augustus and how he was saying how respectful, straight, religious woman, Augustus said she was... No one can be trusted these days anymore...

Yells at Mrs. Augustus

You slut!

And she use to to such a "SAINTLY MOTHER " type

Fakeman, I am disapointed. I thought you was a man with class, that is no way to treat a women, have some respect shes just trying to make her money.

Shakes his head in shame.

Correction: She's just trying to make MY money.  Bitch better have my money.

Sighs.

How much does she owe you?

Ninety percent of everything she makes, plus a free hummer on Sundays.

She can't complain then...I mean atleast she is getting 10% and a free hummer on Sundays.

I'll give you $10,000 then you got to leave her alone?

Looks towards FakeManCP for a answer

What about the free hummer? Are you going to give me that, too?

You drive a hard deal. Your hummer will be outside your house in a few days.

Walks over to his car and grabs a bag with the $10,000 in it.

Throws the bag at FakeMan.

Take it and leave.

Thanks for the cash, but I prefer to get my hummers indoors.  I'm not an exhibitionist, and I don't want to attract too much attention, you know.

Do what you want with the hummer. Im just saying it will be outside your house, thats it.

Oh, and the hummer won't be from Mrs Augustus. And i will send a replacment round to your house.

Pfft, I treat girls the way I want. Its called owning a woman.