The Fucking News: Issue 1

by Wagner
 

Introduction

Well, fuck me, Issue 2 wasn't due out this soon, but one of our interviewees had an interesting reaction, so we are rushing ahead and publishing Part One of our interview.

Interview With a Prominent Member of This Thing of Ours - KateLogan

Presented in an edited format, we will publish the segments left out here, as they have nothing to do with this narrative arc.

The Fucking News words are in bold KateLogan's are In Italics

I want to talk about Street presence. Describe what your thoughts on the Streets of today compared with past years and which speakers have you or do you rate.

KateLogan

I don't think anything would argue that it's the same now as it was a decade ago. Many bloodlines still around have tired of repeating the same discussions. That being said, I think that people have a tendency to romanticize the past. There are good things out there in the recent past.

In other words, we tend to remember the highlights of yesterday and compare them to the "ordinary" of today

I think it depends on what you're looking for. In my opinion, the very best street speakers are able to launch discussions that pull in a wide audience with lots of participation.  

So by your definition, the worst are those that don't pull in a wide audience and have no discussion?

KateLogan

Not necessarily- different types of street speeches have different aims

If you're trying to say that a story is not necessarily as engaging as a debate or a newspaper, I certainly agree with you.

What are the aims of your recent speeches?

KateLogan

There's room on the streets, I think, for more than one type of writing

Depending on how you use the term, I haven't technically made any "speeches". If you're referring to the recent stories going around about me, they are there to provide my character more depth,  Building character, to some people, is an essential part of business here. It may not be everyone's preference- but I don't demand that they need to change their preferences to suit my own.

It seems that Brand and later ReBrand were out to get you. Why do you think that is?

KateLogan

I'm really not sure. It certainly seemed like he measured success in the streets differently than I did, so perhaps that was the motivation. I haven't given Brand that much thought, but I do think that many people lacked appreciation for his skills at satire, based on what I saw.

Do you have any idea why he might have been out to get me?

I'm not even sure that he was. He seemed intent of shaking the Streets up and making money.

You are from a very prominent bloodline. Have you ever been successfully extorted?

KateLogan

Thank you. And, as far as I'm aware, I haven't been extorted.

... unless this interview is going to a very interesting place?

No. We have heard that a prominent crewleader was extorted out of millions of dollars last night

KateLogan

I haven't heard that. How'd it happen?

We are working on the story at the moment.

KateLogan

Ah, well I'll be certain to read your next edition then.

But, if you visit ReBrand's grave, you will see he was shot dead for attempted extortion

What did you think of this edition of The Fucking News?

KateLogan

I strongly disagree with some of your statements, such as "KateLogan, you are really shit at street speeches", but I always like seeing newspapers out in the streets. My bloodline has run multiple newspapers in the past, so it's nice to see that particular contribution present.

Also, as far as I'm aware I haven't made people literally shoot themselves?

We have information that suggests that this is the case

Thoughts on Teq?

His street presence, I mean.

KateLogan

Well, I can't say that I can offer a definitive opinion, since I almost certainly don't have the whole picture. It's certainly a name I'm familiar with and one that I remember making some very positive contributions.

He was, presumably is, still, bisexual

But that's not really got anything to do with anything

KateLogan

Does that have something to do with his street presence?

No.  It's just quite interesting.  Tell us about your bloodline history.  Start at the beginning

KateLogan

I think personal history is generally less interesting than a more objective view.

Anything in particular you'd like to know? And any particular reason why?

It might be good for you to give me more of a focus. I might just start rambling and make you want to shoot yourself.

I've recently heard that there is a very real risk of that happening

We're reporters, willing to take the risk

KateLogan

Brave of you!

Embedded journalist extraordinaire.

Yes.  Shoot.  Not literally, metaphorically.

Go

KateLogan

My bloodline has been around this place for quite a long time, although there were some large gaps along the way. I originally showed up way back about 15 years ago, although that was for a very short about of time. The first notable member of my bloodline was known as Keats. I learned from some of the very best early on. When the new country opened up, another ancestor named Keats made his way over. My most successful ancestor was known as Kates, who was Godmother of New Orleans. Others, such as MacLeod, Crawford, Valjean, AlexanderHamilton, and MalcolmShepard made impacts of varying degrees. The two that people would be most familiar with from recent memory are probably Kathryn and KateLogan, whose name I share.

Did you successfully resist shooting yourself after that one?

It wasn't me or anyone close to me that shot themselves

can we continue this tomorrow?

POSTSCRIPT 

And that was that, we said goodbye and arranged to pick up the interview today.  Except, there was no more tomorrows for KateLogan.  She shot herself in the head.

And not that we like to gloat, in doing so, she proved us correct.  People do listen to her speak and then shoot themselves, in this case, tragically, she shot herself.

The Fucking News isn't afraid to make predictions and, so far, 100% of them are true.

SOME ADVERTS - BECAUSE YOU TIPS ARE SO SHIT I HAVE TO WHORE MYSELF

🥊 Contenders Wanted 🥊
$1,000,000 guaranteed prize purse to winning competitor EVERY match.  On site betting for every match!  Come see what all the excitement is about and, if you think you got what it takes, get in the ring today.  Contact: Messina-Shaggs Promotions For Details
 

🏡 Ready To Make Your Move? 🏭
Want a home or business that will be the envy of every other man on the block?  Are YOU ready to experience TRUE luxury in this thing of ours?  We've got what you're looking for - businesses and homes w/ motion picture tours! 

View Our Listings by stopping in to:  Seattle Luxury Realty Inc.
 

🍺🍀 Buy Our Drinks & We Tip YOU! 🍀🥂
Through the end of January celebrate the new year at Brennan's Cellars in Las Vegas.  Anyone visiting January 25th through the end of the month, and buys one drink of their choice, will be tipped by our bartender!  That's right, you buy the beer and WE tip YOU!  Come on by and grab a pint or glass of one of our vintage wines at Brennan's Cellars.
 

CORRECTION

This is, of course, Issue 2 of The Fucking News

I would love to have seen the time stamp on how long it took Kate to answer.

She answered fairly promptly to all questions.  There were more things discussed, but I'll publish them later