The night was a stormy symphony of rolling thunder; the screaming winds echoing like ghostly orchestral strings across the enclosed landing of the Black's colonial gothic house. It was the perfect kind of night for Sully to be home alone, his heart wailing much like the winds as he prepared yet another syringe to dull the screaming ache. Jackie's things lay in a scattered heap around his office. Her favourite blouse clutched tightly in one fist. Tonight, he thought, would finally be the night that his sweet relief would last. Tonight nothing could shake him from his... 

Sully's ears perked as the ravaging thunder seemed to change pitch... a hollow echo replacing the reverberating crack. No matter. The whole house could come down around him and he wouldn't care much. There was enough heroin in this last, final syringe to make sure of tha... there it was again. Hollow and repetitive. Thunder didn't usually come in threes. Sully shook his head, pressing the soft silk of Jackie's shirt to his raw cheek as the echoing continued. 

BANG BANG BANG... BANG BANG BANG... 

Sully tried his hardest to ignore the infernal noise, but finally, something about it caught his attention beyond disregard. Thunder definitely didn't sound like 'shave and a haircut'. Someone was at the door. Likely Frankie or Tony... meddlesome as they were these days. Sully cursed under his breath, tossing the needle aside with wild-eyed rage as he made his way downstairs to the small landing. Even if he wanted to... he could never ignore Jackie's family in an hour of need. He was Frankie's right hand, after all. And besides all that, it would be too much a disgrace to his Jackie's precious memory. ...But he didn't have to be happy about it! 

"What is it this time,"  he barked into the pitch black cover his stoop; wrenching the door open with a guttural groan, absolutely positive Frankie and/or Tony awaited him. Much to his surprise, he wasn't met with Frankie's patronizing tone at all. Instead, a pathetic whimper reached his ears from the bottom step of the landing. 

Matty sat in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the steps, clearly having taken ANOTHER spill down his stairs; eyes beyond bloodshot and waves plastered like slithering snakes around her face and shoulders. Her diaphanous floral print tea dress was nearly translucent. One shoe missing altogether, the other lying - waterlogged - at the top of the stairs. There was no car in sight. and from the look of her socks, she'd walked all the way here... in the rain no less. It was quite a sight... especially considering the night he'd already had. 

The blank, glassy look in her seafoam coloured eyes told him it had been an equally long night for her, as her shoulders shook uncontrollably. She didn't move to get up. She didn't even seem to notice he'd stepped outside, as she twisted to recover a stained and tatter doll... tossed aside in her tumbling back away from the door. She half-stretched, half-crawled to where it had landed. Her left hand making a tell-tale metallic click against the smoothe stone walkway. Whimpering softly, she clutched the small, stuffed toy to her chest; water squelching out as she crossed her arms over it, revealing an antique style Mexican revolver clutched in her left hand. 

Sully froze for a minute. Was Matty left-handed? He couldn't remember. "M... Matty...." he called out softly, crouching down to meet her eye level from the top of the stairs. Hearing her name seemed to snap her to attention. But the confused look on her face told him she wasn't ALL there yet. Blinking up at him and then down at the pistol, she blushed and shook her head emphatically, a soft shuttering whimper escaping her chest. "I'm sorry," she sniffled uncontrollably. "I... I didn't know where else to goooo..." the word pitched up with an uncontrollable whine as her chest tightened around lungs. "I tried the tower... it was dark... and the stupid goat ate my flowers. And I went to the meadows. But that was just stupid. And I went to the ce...cemetery... but.... but..." a heaving sob wracked all the words out of Matty's body as she crumpled in onto herself, rocking with the weight of loss and grief. The handle of the pistol pressed tightly against her temple as she held her head in her hands as best she could. 

Inhaling softly, she whimpered, "hooo.... hoo... oooooh..... I'm sorry." She looked up to him, her wide, wet eyes begging for something that neither of them could put a real word on. "I can't be at home. There's belladonna at home. And mugwort, and wormwood. And passion flower. And apples ... and... and... peeeaaaches,"  again her voiced pitched up with the strain of a heavy meaning he might not understand (they all make poison).

"Please... help me?" her very soul begged it of him as she stared up at him helplessly, drowning in the rain and the grief, "Please, Sullivan." 

His name was like a prayer on her lips, hanging in the air with a needful ring that sliced through his heart like a cold razor blade. "Ayúdame..."

Sullivan choked on the air he sucked in as she begged and pleaded for his help. Not that he didn't care to give it, and not that he didn't want to, but was he really the best person to help someone contemplating suicide? Or at the least poisoning themselves dangerously? His house was possibly no better than hers! Hell, his poisons were already in their concentrated forms and ready for injection. Maybe if he just kept her out of his study she'd be fine.

-WHAT THE HELL SULLIVAN! YOU CAN'T LET HER INSIDE! SHE'LL RUIN THE WHOLE NIGHT YOU HAD PLANNED! HOW CAN YOU REST IF YOU'RE WATCHING SOMEONE ELSE!?-

The demons in his head screamed at him as he fought for what -HE- wanted to do, and not what the suffocating misery enjoyed. Shoving the thoughts and voices to the back of his head, he jumped from stoop over the flight of steps and slipped himself into a running slide to Matty's side. His first instinct, take the gun calmly from her and stuff it into his own pocket. It was to nice to leave it outside, but he didn't want it in her hands for certain. Soon as she was out of immediate harms way, he wrapped his arms around her and stood, lifting her up and carrying her through the large, double door entrance (even if one door stayed always locked). The Wolf's Head knocker on the door banging as the door slammed shut startled Matty and made her flail just a bit in his arms. Sully, almost dropping the poor, sodden woman, tugged her to him tighter and leaned back against the door so he wouldn't fall.

"It's okay, Matty. It's just the door. Calm down, it's okay. You're here, you're safe." He placed his head against hers, closing his eyes for a moment. The two stayed where they were, Sullivan against the door, and Matty cradled in his arms like a child.

"Let's get you a hot bath, and some dry clothes, yeah?" Sully suggested before pushing off the door and moving toward the guest room. Matty didn't really say much one way or the other. She remained glued to him, clutching onto his white shirt and soaking him as well. The house grew colder as they moved through it, Sullivan having had no need for the heaters in the guest quarters. Now he wished he'd have not shrugged off lighting the heater on that side of the house.

"Sorry about the cold... I'll get the heater going but it may take a bit for the house itself to warm up. I wasn't expecting company." He offered a chuckle as both of them started to shiver, hoping to get a small smile from her, but it was to no avail. Matty simply clung to him like he was her last hope at survival. Sadly enough, it was perhaps the exact same for each of them. A last ditch effort for some modicum of happiness.

Shoving open one of the doors on the hall, Sully finally lowered Matty to her feet. "And heeerrrreee we go... Our guest quarters. If you'd like to undress, I will start your bath." He turned his back moved into the adjoined room. From there Matty could here clanging as he kicked some piping. "C'mon now!" he yelled before chuckling... "Yeeess... YEEEEEEHEEEHEEEESSS! Burn mother fucker! GET HOT! THAT'S how daddy likes it!" A loud *BONG*ing and *CLANG*ing sound followed... Sully poked his head out and seemed all business, which seemed NOTHING like what just happened in the bathroom, "Sorry, heater's a bitch. Doesn't work unless you talk dirty to it and smack it around a bit." Before she could say anything, or even change the befuddled look on her face, he vanished behind the door again to the sound of running water. "No, no. No no no! YES, no... yes?" He chuckled again... "Yeeeeeaaaaaaasssss... That will do fine."

"MATTY!" Sully yelled. "C'mon on, water's hot! Room will be too in a bit!"

Matty was numb. Not the kind of needle-induced numb that Sully liked... but the emotionally drained, sob your heart out once a year kind of numb. Silently, she slipped out of her sopping clothes; letting them slid to the floor with a squelching plop... flinching and whimpering with each of the loud, echoing bangs. Even though she knew it was just Sully, her emotional state, mixed with the cause of her upset made it difficult to regulate her auditory responses. It sounded too much like...  ...where was her gun? 

"No, no, no, no!" she heard Sully plead from the bathroom. And she choked on a strangled whimper; her mind slipping back in time a few years as she fought to keep her tenuous grasp on her current reality. The cold stung her damp skin, eliciting goose pimples over every inch of her. But it helped her stay here... now. Clinging to herself, Matty glanced around the room; shifting uncomfortably as she shivered against the cold air in the dusty room. One arm crossed modestly over her chest, gripping her shoulder. 

"MATTY!"  Sully called from the adjoining room, and the poor thing nearly jumped out of her skin. Somewhere in the farthest reaches of her brain, her thinking mind stirred ever so slightly... but not enough to really care. Hers was just a body, and he'd surely seen plenty. Hell, she was even COLD for the moment. Detached and indifferent, Matty shuffled into the bathroom and tiptoed over to the claw-footed ivory bathtub; a small snerk escaping her. She was used to a tin trough. 

Sully was considerate enough to have his back turned. And part of her appreciated that as she sank down into the neck-deep water... veritably melting as her aching muscles relaxed. Drawing her knees up, she hugged them to her chest; reaching out with dripping fingers to take his hand. The full weight of what she'd asked of him was just beginning to set in. The fact that he hadn't hesitated... hadn't even flinched causing her to blow bubbles as she sighed heavily. The resultant giggle, breathing some small crumb of life back into her. 

"I've never had a real bathtub before,"  she said softly, filling the empty space with sound, "Or running hot water."  She rested her cheek on one knee,  "We had to boil it if we wanted a hot bath." She used the past tense... but if she'd NEVER had it, reason would lead him to believe she still did. Her thumb drew circles on his skin as her fingers snaked needily into his. "This is really nice... Thank you.  I'm sure you had much better things to do with your time tonight. I'm sorry." 

She was quiet for a long moment, not quite sure where to go from here. Part of her wanted to explain, though she knew she didn't have to. Part of her wanted to let him get on with his evening... she could probably take care of herself well enough knowing that - at the VERY least - she'd NEVER be able to bring him any more grief or loss. How selfish was that? Another part of her really wanted him to stay... even despite the fact that she was naked and entirely vulnerable. That thought struck her like ten tons of cocaine bricks. She was ENTIRELY vulnerable... and she'd let herself be without a single second thought. That NEVER happened. Not since... 

Tugging his hand gently, she coaxed him into turning around juuuust enough so that she could meet his gaze. "It's Jules' birthday..." was all she managed to croak out before tears stole down her cheeks again, "She should be eight years old today." She gave a shuttering sigh, sending bubbles skipping across the surface of her bathwater with an empty, forlorn smile. "She'd have LOVED a real bathtub..." Matty glanced up at him, not sure if his back was turned or not, "And I really do think she would have loved you." Matty sort of smiled... in that sad way that people do when they remember something about someone they once loved,  "Black was her favourtie colour." 

He'd told himself he wouldn't steal a glance, even swore to Jacqueline that he wouldn't, but as Matty's hand found his Sullivan straightened just a bit. He didn't turn yet, but he allowed her hand to snake into his and held it. She continued to speak, and he smiled. He was happy she'd actually saved him from himself for the evening. Someone needed too...

"I truthfully wasn't that busy. I was just going to sit in the study and read until I passed out..."

The voice in his head IMMEDIATELY screamed at him, his shoulders shrugging as he pulled his head low, eyes squeezing shut to try and block out the noise...

-WHY did you tell her about the study? The whole idea was to keep her OUT of there, dumbass! Now she's gonna go in there and get into the heroin and kill herself! What kind of friend ARE YOU! A murdering, careless, piece of SHIT is what you are, Sullivan Black! She's going to die, on your floor, convulsing in her own feces and vomit.-

His teeth ground together a bit before Matty tugged his hand, not even seeming to notice him arguing with himself in silence. Sullivan carefully turned toward her, making sure to not take a look at anything he shouldn't, ever remaining modest and respectful. Though upon noticing her knees pulled to her chest, he happily smiled and turned to face her completely. Her voice seemed to drown out those that would chastise and berate him. Her's was, while sad, calm.

As she explained herself, his smile faded, his lips tugging down and his eyes searching through her crystal tears. "I didn't realize that was today, Matty... I'm so sorry. Eight, hmm? Oh what joy it would be to be eight again." He chuckled. "Fewer worries for sure." He sighed and knelt beside the tub. Her words bringing a big smile to his face.

"You really think so? I wish I could have met her." He chuckled at black being Jules' favortie colour. At least he -might- have done something right.

Before he even thought about it, he pulled his hand away from hers and rolled the sleeves higher and above his elbow, the dark bruises and puncture marks telling Maddy his troubles. He didn't seem to even think about them though as he reached for a washrag to dip in the water and scrub her back... It wasn't until she caught his wrist and looked at the crook of his elbow, then into his bright blues which all of a sudden seemed darker and sullen. He shrugged his wrist free as he broke the gaze, dipping the rag into the water and starting to scrub.

"Please... Not now. Tonight I -need- to take care of you."

Matty twisted slightly to rest her forehead against his; her nose lightly bumping his ring as she gently nuzzled him in that affectionate way she always did. "I don't know what you're talking about, Mijo,"  she said, her breath sweet and exotic against his lips. Pulling back to meet his crystal gaze with an understanding look, she turned back to rest her chin on her knees. "Eres más precioso de lo que crees, Sullivan," she whispered into the empty, warming air of the bathroom. Again his name dripped off her tongue with a heavy, lingering ring... like Spanish honey on her lips. 

He felt her chest heave and shutter a little as he tenderly cared for her. "Forgive me. No one ever takes care of me. It's always been the other way around. Helping other people..." Matty breathed a heavy sigh, pushing through her pain. Talking to him helped... and if he needed this... then who was she to withhold it from him. "It's how I make up for not being able to help Juliette." The delicate name rolled off her tongue with a soft shushing sound... lighter and prettier than he was used to hearing it. Matty caught his gaze briefly... giving him plenty of time to react as she crossed one arm over her chest and leaned back. She knew he'd be arguing with himself over their situation, no doubt... and she'd not push to make it worse without due cause. Crossing her legs she stretched out just far enough to reveal a long, grazing gunshot scar arching from her left hip. It was almost pretty... with the odd way it framed and accentuated her feminine curves... but he knew the meaning of it made it a far less beautiful thing. 

"Three years ago today," Matty whispered pushing back against the faucet to help herself sit up again... giving him some reprieve from her bare form, now slowly warming. The gekko tattooed atop the outside of her left foot leapt out of the water as she slipped, nearly disappearing completely under the water. Surprisingly, she didn't flail. Legs crossed and toes pointed daintily, she simply held her breath rather than relinquishing the grip shielding his gaze from her bare chest. She actually laughed as Sully helped her sit up again, soaked wavelets framing her face as she sputtered. "I'm really NOT  trying to drown, myself. I promise," a sheepish smile... a real one... flashed across her features as a pale flush crept from her cheeks slowly down her chest, "For once I have too much to live for." 

Her teeth flashed brightly from behind her dark lips as she chuckled. "Wash my hair?" she asked matter-of-factly, casting a shy glance over her shoulder. "Jules always LOVED it when I washed her hair. And books. She LOVED books. But she never wanted me to read them to her. She always wanted to do that herself." Matty prattled as Sully moved around the tub, letting him do whatever he needed to distract himself. "I'd give anything if she could have met you. You're the only m............... " 

Silence. 

Long. Awkward. Silence. 

"You would understand her." Matty finished abruptly, turning her face away from him into the crook of her arm. 

Matty squinched her eyes together tightly, pressing her lips hard against her forearm as every alarm, bell, and berating voice coalesced in her brain at once. 

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING??! YOU CAN'T FUCKING SAY SHIT LIKE THAT, YOU IDIOT! HE JUST LOST HIS WIFE! HE'S GOT PLENTY OF HIS OWN TROUBLES AND HERE YOU ARE NAKED IN HIS BATHTUB BEGGING HIM TO WASH YOUR HAIR?! MARCO WAS RIGHT! YOU'RE A FUCKING WHORE! A SHAMELESS, WORTHLESS, FILTHY FUCKING WHORE! LOOK AROUND YOU! A MAN LIKE HIM COULD NEVER WANT A WHORE LIKE YOU! YOU'RE DIRT. JUST A STAIN ON HIS DOORMAT! HA! MATTY!!!

Silent, shameful tears stole down Matty's cheeks as she tried to fight the thoughts away. It wasn't working. 

DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN SAVE HIM? YOU COULDN'T EVEN SAVE YOUR OWN DAUGHTER. YOU LET. HER. DIE. ...ON HER BIRTHDAY! YOU COULD NEVER SAVE ANYONE. YOU'RE JUST A DOORMAT. THAT'S HOW MARCO TREATED YOU... WHICH IS WHY JULES IS DEAD. 

Silently Matty reminded herself that this is why she was here. Wiping the tears from her face with a wet hand she turned back to Sully with a defeated, empty smirk. "I'm really sorry. This must be awful for you. I... really didn't mean to be inconsiderate." 

Sparkling tears welled in the seasalted eyes,  "Do you think she'd be mad?" A pathetic, trembling quiver crept into Matty's voice as she stared up at Sullivan with an expression of pure regret and remorse.  "I couldn't stand for you to think she'd be mad..." It was barely a whisper. Hardly audible over the heater as it chugged away to warm the space. 

It was, quite possibly, the worst thing Matty could have said... but it mattered to her. And she hoped that somehow, that would mean something to him... even if it hurt. "Te quiero demasiado para que pienses," she whispered, even softer than before.

Sully smiled and dipped the washrag into the water, scrubbing over Matty's back again. "I'll gladly wash your hair. Just lean forward and relax."

He cupped his hands dipped them in to the water, then poured the water over her head. "Is the water hot enough? Or should I heat it more?" He continued, until her hair was completely soaked. The content sigh from her let him know it was plenty warm for her tastes. And according to her comments from before, it could have probably been cold and still been better than most baths she'd had... He frowned and the look of his face drew long and saddened at the thought of her having to endure such hardship while he'd had it easy in comparison. Though her happy sigh made him smile again. At least he could bring some peace and warmth to her life right now, and that was equally as rewarding for himself.

"I'm sure Jules is happy you're here and not alone on this day... And trust me, Jackie wouldn't be mad at this. She's the type of person that would have pulled you in here herself and had me wash your hair, do your makeup, and make you feel beautiful on a day like this."

He chuckled as he put soap in her hair, beginning to scrub and massage her scalp with his hands. Soap lathered up and suds covered Matty's head as Sully continued with his washing, running his hands down her long hair and massaging her neck.

"I'm glad you think I would have understood Jules... What was she like?"

He dipped his hands in the water and cupped them, pulling it to wash the soap out before she could answer...

"Close your eyes and mouth!" He chuckled as he splashed the water over her head, repeating the action a few times to get all of the soap. Matty sputtered a bit as she cleared her mouth before playfully scowling over her shoulder at him, her hair matted on her head and over her face.

Sully simply set back, resting his elbows on the tub's edge, the corners of his lips pulled up in an impish grin, his head lowering a bit with his eyes remaining on her. At that moment, he truly looked as dangerously alluring as Matty assumed he could be... A look that she was sure had seduced Jacqueline before her, along with many others unknown...

Matty rested her chin on her knees, sighing softly as Sully ran his fingers gently through her long hair. It comforted her greatly to know that his Jackqueline wouldn't be upset at her presence, as his tender touch slowly massaged away all of her lingering tension and worries. It was truly a moment of sweet reprieve. "I'm just not going to think about why you're so good at this," she teased him, her voice soft and low as she melted into his palms. 

 -"What was she like?"- the question pricked her brain in an unsettling way. Truth be told, it was hard for her to remember what Jules was REALLY like. After so many years in mourning, it seemed like all that was left was a memory of a memory. If it weren't for the small gold locket... now hanging on the bathroom doorknob... she feared she might even forget her face. It seemed absurd... for a mother to forget her own child. And it was absolutely untrue, but the fear plagued her nonetheless. "Honestly, she was a lot like Y........." 

Matty gasped and sputtered as water cascaded down her cheeks, filling her mouth and clouding her vision. Sully laughed, as she sputtered, never skipping a beat as he rinsed her long locks clean. As he leaned back, she tried to shoot a playful, grouchy glance over her shoulder. But the scowl was shrouded by her snaking waves as they dripped down her face and neck. Reaching up with both hands, she shoved her bangs out of her face; smoothing it down over her shoulders, confident that with her back turned loosening the chokehold on her chest wouldn't matter... completely oblivious to large mirror standing in the far corner. 

Vision clear and tresses tamed, she twisted to replay the playful scowl, freezing halfway around. A soft, disbelieving pant shook itself from her chest, like a gasp of air after being punched, as she stared at him.... bewitched by his mesmerizing stare and devilish smile.  For a brief moment, she was speechless. Everything in her... every word, every thought, every BREATH... stilled to a beholden stop.  "Ave Maria..." she finally managed in an awestruck whisper, swallowing hard. "Pray for us sinners,"  She chuckled ever so softly, mentally making the sign of the cross. The light flush that had only just begun to fade from her cheeks deepened to an undeniable crimson, spreading down and disappearing beneath her crossed arms as she tried to hold herself together. 

The voices in her head screamed and shrieked... WHORE! But as Sully's brow arched and his smile grew wide, the dangerous glint in his beguiling blue eyes silenced ANY thought she might have had. Dipping her shoulders low beneath the surface of the water, she iiiiinched closer to the edge of the tub; her lithe fingers finding their grip between his resting elbows as she drew herself as close to him as she dared. Chest cradled tightly against the side of the tub and dripping waves leaving translucent spots on his white dress shirt, she hovered there - stormy green eyes like seafoam tossed on violent ocean waves as she argued with herself. A soft sigh escaped her as she resigned herself to this eternal torment; her breath like sweet honeysuckle and warm cinnamon on his lips... as intoxicating as his smile. 

If ever La Sirena existed in the world of men, surely it was in Matty's sea-green eyes as she clung to the edge of the tub like a Neried to the ship of some ancient, tragic hero. 

Sharp teeth sank into the tender flesh of her supple lips as she stared at him, frozen in time with wordless torment and inexplicable yearning etched deeply into the faint lines around her eyes. "I should... probably... get dressed and go home," she whispered softly. "I'm in no shape to... spare you... from my bad decisions."  She didn't want to leave. It was clear on her face, and in the way she inched ever so slightly closer to him. He was like an oasis in the desert... a sweet mirage wavering just in the distance... just out of her reach.  He was like breaking the surface of deep water with the unshakable knowing that salvation will only be found at the lightless bottom. Like sweet, curative poison that heals or kills depending on the dosage. She wanted nothing more than to lose herself to him, surrender to the hell and high water that surrounded her in this exquisite purgatory. 

But her hesitation spoke empathetic volumes about her compassion and concern for him. She would push no farther; the slick porcelain and high back of the tub separating them like their own personal great wall of China... less than an inch of sacred, incorruptible space between their beating hearts, that felt forever haunted and possessed by the holy spirits of the dead. 

"I'm... sorry," Matty whispered in barely a whisper, unable to pry her eyes from his pale lips as she chewed hers nervously. "I can't help but think... If I died tomorrow... you would be my one regret." She was close enough that every syllable whispered softly against his skin like baby's breath and philadelphus blossoms. 

Leaning forward, she pressed her damp cheek to his with a resigned sigh, nuzzling him gently. "Promise me you won't ever let me die without a single kiss... Just one? For the ages?" 

She hovered there for a moment more, terrified to pull away for fear of his expression. There it was. She was a horrible friend. "Think of it as my last will and testament," she laughed softly, moving to turn away from him so she didn't have to face the look in his eyes... whatever it might be. Part of her feared he'd hate her. That would be horrible. Another part hoped... and feared... that he might feel the same. Even a little. But she thought to have that knowledge, and no courage to act on it might even be worse. So she didn't look as she turned her face away, hands sliding along the edge of the tub as she tried to slide away without revealing more of herself than she already had. 

It was an awkward chuckle, but Sullivan simply could -not- help himself when she froze with a gasp, stunned by his gaze. It wasn't often the mortician was able to steal away someone's breath... Too soon? The thought crossed Sully's mind, and he faltered for a split second, thinking of he and Jackie's last kiss, but quickly he pushed the sadness from his mind. Even though it was their last kiss, he could always be happy that Jacqueline died getting what she wanted and needed; comfort, and unconditional love, and more than anything... HIS touch and embrace.

And it was back, the wicked grin that caused Matty to ask for prayers, that same sinister smile that drew her ever closer like a ship to a siren's song, until her body crashed softly against the porcelain barrier between them.

Their gaze lingered as her teeth dug into the soft flesh of her own lip...

"I should... probably... get dressed and go home..." she uttered softly.

Her lips quivered as she squirmed ever so slightly before continuing to talk, admitting her regrets and her 'last will and testament'. She wouldn't turn and face him, and he could sense the fear. Sullivan felt his cheeks burn, knowing he felt the same way even if it felt so -terribly- wrong.

---Do it!--- one voice screamed. ---Don't you fucking DARE disgrace your wife! It's barely been two months! What would Jacqueline think?!--- a second berated him. ---Go on... Kiss the girl!--- again first voice chided on. ---Before you -MISS- the girl, Sullivan. You weak, pathetic, yellow-bellied prick!--- the first continued.

He closed his eyes, unable to drown them out. He couldn't even hear Matty barely start to move away. One voice, however, spoke softly and tenderly to him. It wasn't like the others... Even in it's soft nature, it drown out the rest of the words as if this voice was the only one that mattered.

---"Be happy... I will always be with you, but you -have- to be happy. I'll always love you, and it hurts me to see you torture yourself -THINKING- that you're honoring me somehow. Sully, my dear, precious Sully... Please, don't let what I've brought to help you slip away..."--- The voice faded, leaving streams of fallen tears rolling off of his cheeks. For the first time in a long while, there was silence... His mind was clear and at ease.

His eyes shot open, noticing (just how very little) Matty had begun to slide herself away... (Had time slowed as Jackie had spoken to him?) Sullivan's hand shot out and caught Matty just under the chin gently, stopping her motion and turning her back to him. Before she even had a chance to react his lips pressed and sealed to hers, his hand guiding her up to a standing position before letting go and wrapping his arms around her completely. If it was going to be one time for the record book, it was going to be a good one.

Matty practically flailed at first, before melting into the embrace, not even fully realizing what was going on until he pulled away... Their gaze met, and Sullivan choked.

"I~..." He stopped dead in his tracks, his lip retreating into the clamp of his own teeth before he tried again...

"I'm sorry... I. I probably shouldn't have done that right now... you're vulnerable, I'm fucked up... I jus-... Something ju-... FUCK... I swear Jackie tol-" Matty shut him up by pressing her lips back to his...

Matty nearly tripped over herself trying to get OUT of the tub as she stopped his words with another kiss. Her arms snaked around his neck, one leg sliding up around his waist as she tiptoed up to catch his mouth; her soft curves fitting almost too well into the hard angles of his long form. Sully gripped her thigh firmly as he pulled her closer... as if that was possible. And the two were thoughtlessly lost for a moment longer as everything that had been melted away... for one beautiful, brief moment. 

"Please don't apologize," Matty smiled without moving. "I've said it a million times. You never have to apologize."  She kissed him again for good measure... in case she never got another chance. Lowering herself to flat feet, she pressed her cheek to his chest as she hugged herself tightly to him.  "I believe you. Remember how I got here," it wasn't a question. 

Pulling away ever so slightly, Matty looked up at him with a hopeless devotion, "I'm ALWAYS vulnerable around you, Sullivan. I'm always going to be. But that doesn't mean that you've taken advantage of me any more than I have you." Sneaking back closer to him, she nuzzled down into his neck so she didn't have to watch his expression as she continued,"Lo siento, Cariño Mio. I'm sorry, My Darling," she translated the familiar pet name for him,  "I know you're grieving. I know this is fucked up and confusing. And I'm so sorry. But..." 

Matty kissed his neck gently...  not seductively, more tender. "No Sabe... There's something about you, my love. You're like sunshine, and rain in the desert, and oxygen. And I know that it's not fair for me to say... but... I can sleep on days I see you. And I actually like eating again... And... when I think about the future... I smile. For the first time since I can remember, I smile. And... I know that I'm not her and I'll never BE her. But I can't help but think that... one day... when it's no longer shocking to wake up and remember that she's not there every morning... I'd give anything to wake up next to you. Sometime. And I'd be ever so grateful to just be there for you... through everything. Even the ugly and the heartwrenching... and the late nights and the dark mornings... and the withdrawal and the hangovers... and everything. I desperately want to share everything with you... If you'd have me." 

Matty finally took a breath and peeled herself away from him, her teeth grating into the soft skin of her bottom lip as she stole a glance into his sky blue eyes. "But even if I never get that chance... I want you to know that I'll be forever grateful just to have you as a dear friend...." Swallowing hard she forced a terrified smile,  "Because I think I kinda love you a little." 

There. 

She was the single worst person in the entire fucking world... but there it was. 

Suddenly Matty was EXTREMELY aware of the warm air on her skin, his soft hands around her waist, the silk of his shirt and the hard mother of pearl buttons pressed against her stomach. "I'm sorry," she apologized, turning to shield him from her bareness... part of her praying he wouldn't let her go even as she moved away.  "I'll leave... if you want..."

As if he could read her mind and heard Matty's prayers, Sullivan pulled her back against him after she had turned. Both hands snaked over her front, coming to rest as they joined on her stomach. His lips pressed against her neck and held on tightly, his fingers desperately gripping at her bare skin like he was scared to let go.

"Don't..." was all Sullivan could manage, his eyes red and puffy while his cheeks glistened in what light was allowed over his shadow-struck face.

Laying his chin on her shoulder made him smile, even if he sniffled which probably made her think he was crying. His voice was as smooth as ever, though...

"Please don't leave me tonight. I'm a danger to myself, and with your gun, you may be as well... Not to mention it's absolutely pouring outside. You should stay. I'll make us some hot tea and then we can rest beside the fir-..." he trailed off.

The fireplace was in the study... The study was where he'd been when she arrived... He hadn't cleaned the study yet... She could NOT see the heroin and extra syringes lying scattered across his desk. She already had seen enough with the tell-tale marks on his arm, she didn't need to know how bad he had gotten.

She shifted and looked up at his face perched on her shoulder with a smile, kissing his nose and making him chuckle.

"Sorry. Realized that I absolutely -must- put some business away in the study before we can sit at the fireplace. A few things an associate should not see. Again, I'm sorry... Need to know for family only..." He kissed her cheek and finally let her go.

"We already know you fit in Jackie's clothes. I'm fairly certain there are some of her nightgowns in the closet here. She absolutely -adored- the bathtub in this room... My other is a bit more shallow and has a small leak in the drain plug so it never stays full enough. Anyway, she kept her slips, gowns, and robes in this room. Feel free, whatever is in there she won't be needing anymore."

As he said it, Matty turned and looked at him, half expecting a saddened look on his face, but he was simply matter-of-fact about it, smiling even... Perhaps she had finally gotten through a bit and started to thaw the frozen soul that had buried itself inside of him.

Taking a few steps back, Sullivan kept his eyes glued to hers, ever the gentleman, even as she stood there baring all for him to see while she studied his mannerisms. He finally broke the gaze by closing his eyes and bowing his head.

"Dry off, dress comfortably, and join me in the study. I'll have hot tea on the way and more wood on the fire. Just knock before entering and make sure I've finished putting away all the family matters."

With that he spun and headed for the door... As he left Matty yelled out to him.

"SLEEVES ROLLED UP?!" It was more a beckoning statement then a question, but he nodded with a wave before vanishing beyond the threshold, his footfalls echoing down the hallway until she heard a door close softly.

Sully sighed once the door clicked shut. "What the fuck..." he whispered out softly before shaking his head. His lips curled upward as he started to laugh, until he was smiling wide. Something he hadn't earnestly done since Jackie's death. Before taking a step and cleaning the room, he looked to the ceiling and nodded...

"I love you Jacqueline. Rest well. Thank you for sending someone that will understand me. You were and will continue to always be a part of my world and my memories... I miss you, but you're free to go now. Thank you..." He blew a kiss and winked at the roof. "Until we meet again, my beloved."

With that, Sully set to tidying up the room and, by the time Matty joined him, there would be hot tea and tiny, little tea cups with saucers on a tray, awaiting her arrival. The fire warm and inviting, Sully sitting on the floor and staring into the mesmerizing flames as they burned and melted away the ice that had formed around him.

Matty knocked lightly and snuck into the room a little while later, wrapped in a stunning red peignoir set, her signature golden locket nestled safely in the hollow of her chest. The soft silk whispered across the hardwood floor of the office as she made her way over to the fire. Sully, lost in thought, did a double take as she walked in; his eyes tracing the easily discernable lines of her slight form beneath the gossamer fabric. Lace drew his eye up the warm, soft skin of her abdomen as a high slit played peekaboo with one thigh. 

He'd never seen this one before. Had it been in the closet? Why hadn't Jackie ever worn it? The wheels in Sully's head spun visibly as he looked her over, and Matty couldn't help but smirk as she sank down behind him onto the plush rug by the fire. Draping her arms around him, she kissed his neck and then his cheek lightly with a soft giggle. "Of course you'd have REAL teacups,"  she teased, her fingers trailing up the bare skin of his arms as she began lightly massaging his shoulders. 

It was a kind, affectionate gesture. Even despite their earlier "moment" and the obvious ambience, Matty was kind and loving rather than overtly sensual. Something in the way she handled him was almost motherly... in that caring way that usually only a wife will touch her husband. Intimate, but not sexy.  "Thank you," she whispered softly, nuzzling him with her cheek as she expertly worked out the knots and long-held tension in his neck and shoulders. They both knew she didn't have to say what for. 

When her delicate fingers grew tired, Matty turned to her tea... sipping with a soft, melting sigh as her eyelids fluttered closed.  Earl Grey... her favourite. "You know, a sprinkling of cornflower petals would brighten this to absolute perfection." She smiled at him over the rim of the cup. She loved tea.  "And just so you know..." her eyes faltered toward the fire for a moment,  "It's not loaded." She smiled sheepishly as she slipped the locket from around her neck.  "I only keep it because... it was... well, because of Jules," the locket popped open with a soft click as Matty pressed it carefully into his palm... a tiny lock of hair and a small picture tucked lovingly inside. "I've never shown anyone her picture. But... since you can't meet her... I thought maybe this was second best?" 

Juliette looked amazingly like a miniature Jacquline, smiling up at him from some long-lost childhood. He'd never known Jackie as a child... and he'd never have a chance to know what their daughter might've looked like. But, if there was ever an inkling of an idea... this fading remnant of Matty's daughter was it. 

Moving to his side, Matty curled up against his shoulder, tucking herself neatly into the crook of his arm as she stared into the warm and roaring fire. They were both silent for a long while, simply enjoying the other's company before Matty tore her eyes from the flames and turned them shyly on his flushed cheeks, "Sully..." her voice trailed off softly, "Can I keep you?" 

Sully chuckled and nodded. "Sure. As long as I can keep you as well." He leaned his head against hers as they sat there, drinking their tea and staring off into the fire. It was like a picture perfect ending to a wonderful date to someone looking in from the outside... Of course, the two of them new it was a much darker fate than most that had brought them together. Nonetheless, together they were.

They sat in silence, simply enjoying the presence of the other as they sipped their tea, both of them nodding off as they finished their cups. Matty lowered herself to lay her head in his lap and closed her eyes, his hand slowly brushing her hair behind her ear, again and again.

Sullivan sat there, just between sleep and awake, watching Matty fade back and forth between herself and Jacqueline. His smile continued to creep wider until Matty let out a soft snort as she snored and rolled over. Sullivan chuckled lightly and slowly turned, attempting to not disturb her as he grabbed a pillow from his chair behind him. She stirred, and he froze, over and over again until he finally had freed himself and her head lay upon the soft pillow, comfortably sleeping.

Pulling one leg up to use as an arm rest, Sully leaned his head back into the chair and closed his eyes. He wanted to play his piano... It was the first in a long time that he'd WANTED to... But sleep drug him away instead and he chose to allow it -this- time...

Maybe he would finally play for Matty...Through the mourning's light...