GrapeJelly clears his throat in preperation to speak in front of the growing crowd. He places his box down and raises a sheet of paper.

I am here today to release my review of two of our worlds Casino establishments.

The Regular Everyday Normal Casino of Detroit

as well as

All Roads Lead to Rome of Chicago

I will start my review with the chicago casino as it was the casino I visited first.

Decor: *****

The casino on the outside is a sham. You wouldn't even know it was there, which as it turns out is the goal. The inside is a different story. It is very clear that this casino is taking in some serious cash and putting it back into the establishment.

Each blackjack table has the finest felt, the crispest cards, and the most comfortable leather bar stool you've ever sat on.

The Roulette tables are something to call home about. I'm not completly sure what it is but the casino management told me that each ball used is made of "Ivory" and each wheel of pure gold. How it turns? I'm not sure.

The craps table was slightly disappointing. It was not as crap as the name would lead you to beleive. It was in fact, the greatest craps table I've ever played on. The dice were also Ivory. The felt was leopard skin. It is rumored that the collecting pole used by the staff is made of dinasaur bones, I could not comfirm this with the owner.

Management: *****

The owner of the casino was very helpful and informative. He personally showed me around the casino. During my tour he gave me some insight about his passion for his business as well as for the community.

The thing about gambling is moderation for the gamblers themselves. We had a small hiccup in the first weekend we opened... We actually went bankrupt pretty quick! So we stocked up the reserves and never had trouble since. Now you come to Chicago you try your hand at a few hands of blackjack and may end up a few hundred thousand up. But with gamblers... It's hard to give up on the huge payout. -Roman

He also gave me a behind the scenes look at the background information they have on the men and women working at the casino, only the finest!

Winning-ness(player): *

 I played a few rounds/hands at each game. I did not find any luck at any of these games. I actually lost a large amount of money. Here are the results.

I started out on craps with a good note. Put 10k on don't pass. 9 was set. A seven came and I was up 20k!

Up next was the slots. I spent about 5k before I got sick of losing. +15k so far.

I sat down at blackjack and put 10k on one hand. Dealer shows a 10. I show a 2 and a 3. Hit a 9, 14 total. Hit a 2, 16 total. Hit a k, 26 total (bust) +5k total

Roulette is my game! I'm a lucky guy. Not today though. 10k on lucky number 7 20 times. Didn't work for me. In the red for 195k on this day.
When I asked Roman, the owner of the casino, how it was that the casino took in so much money? Perhaps weighted dice? His response was:

Does seem to pull in a good amount of money, wouldn't feel right revealing trade secrets!

Overall: 11/15

Now onto Detroit for their review.

Decor:  **

After visiting the chicago casino this place just didn't seem to do it for me. Everything was average. To me, it seemed as if they weren't trying to make anything special for the players. On a good note, it was very clean. Everything seemed in place and well kept. When I spoke to Lauren about why this was it seemed as if the fact they were a new business they didn't yet have the revenue to expand or put money back into the business.

Management: *****

Lauren, the owner of the business, is as nice and welcoming as they come. She also gave me a personal tour. Introducing me to each dealer and employee personally. It seemed as if each person was inviting you into their home as their guest. I can only say positive things about Lauren as well as all of the employees of her business.

Winning-ness(player): *****

I started off on the slots. I broke even after about half an hour of playing.

Roulette table is always my game. I'm lucky! Yet again, I put my money on lucky number 7. After 4 rolls it came! I'm a 200k winner! What more do I have to say, I left with a lot of money and a smile.

Overall: 12/15

I had a wonderful time at each establishment and will be back again many times. I'd advise those who have not been to these places to visit ASAP! A wonderful experience that I wont forget.

It's good that a comprehensive review of casinos is being released.  What about the competitions that are routinely hosted?  or were?

I'm not sure what competitions you are referring to. I'm just here to tell everyone about the experiences I had at these paticular establishments. Sorry I can't help you any further.

Teobaldo puts out his cigarette and brings a seat from the coffee shop near by, and sits down listening to the magnificent kiss ass speech, he takes a breath as GrapeJelly talks, he seems to be touched with the words, looking up the sky, as if he was in love, but he wasn't thinking of his lover/fiancee/wife, he was thinking and imagining the one and only one casino of Chicago "All Roads lead to Rome" casino, suddenly waking up off his dream by a horn of a car passing by, he turns to GrapeJelly.

I have been to that Chicago casino you are talking about, but I never seen half what you are describing here, may be they forward me to their shitty gambling area because they know I am already addicted and it doesn't matter how nice looking the place is for me to gamble and waste my money. Probably they are keeping that to attract new gamblers.

Teobaldo shrugs

Or may be I am mistaken and that's the New York casino I am thinking of, that Underdog runs. Oh, nevermind me it seems like you didn't even mention it, may be you never knew there's one, or you hate dogs. To be honest If I don't raise dogs I would hate them as well, the cunts would bite you, chase you, scare your children and snitch your drugs to the police. Fuck them.

I like the way you described the AMAZING casino of Chicago run by Godfather ROMAN, too much ass kissing for me to handle, but Life goes on.

Teobaldo.

Maybe you should read his last statement. He says he is describing his experiences at the casino's he has been to. Did it occur to you that he maybe hasn't been to NY's casino?

GrapeJelly has no need to kiss Roman's ass, so please don't go around making wild accusations about one of my Capo's. Not a good idea.

pulls up in his luxury vehicle onto the block. Mr. Jackson escorts Vincent-Bennito up to the crowd of people and takes his place by his side.

I have never been to detriot or its casino. But after hearing what you have to say about it, im going to have to take a road trip. I think it was a very good review. It got me interested. I think you deserve respect, as does everyone. Ignore the haters...you did nothing wrong.

Vincent-Bennito is escorted back to his waiting luxury vehicle by Mr. Jackson.

Seeing a small group of gamblers huddled around eachother, Diego makes his way from the coffeeshop to the other side of the street.  As he approaches, he listens to GrapeJelly give his tales to two of our great cities' casinos. In doing so, he hears an angry man spouting off about asses and some sort of kissing. He goes to quiet the man, as he would like to hear the reviews, but notices this man in particular is a connected-guy, and a LHM for one of the great families in New York.

It's quite obvious Teobaldo that you have lost alot of money to this Chicago casino. Why else would you be so bitter this early in the morning? Not that I can blame you though...I haven't had much luck myself hitting the tables in that particular city. As far as the New York casino, like the others have already suggested, maybe he hasn't visited yet.  Perhaps, you've been there? If so, I wouldn't mind hearing your own reviews. With all due respect, I'm an admitted gambleholic myself, and your ranting about "ass kissing" is really a buzz-kill for this discussion. But like I said, I would feel bitter myself.  Let's just head back to New York and rob a few post offices, and then hit up the NY casino. Surely we must have better luck in our home city ;)

Good day Don Cruel, No sir, I wouldn't neglect the probability of him not visiting the New York casino, run by the dogs, but the fact is New York is one of the most criminally active cities, if it wasn't the most active one. Based upon that fact I have guessed that your capo have been there at least ONCE, him being a casino visitor I would say he had visited it, but again another fact would be he was afraid of THE DOGS and didn't enter the casino. Once again Life goes on.

Diego, I just landed from Italy, it was morning 7 hour before it's morning here in the states, so technically it wasn't morning for me. To be fair, I haven't played in any casino's for a while, last I played in Chicago's casino I had $500,000 profit in my pockets on my way out, but what can I say, Gambling runs through my veins, something I inherited from my great great great grandfather. I wasn't being bitter, but I was stating the fact that was bloody obvious to anyone hearing the speech.

I like the way you described the AMAZING casino of Chicago run by Godfather ROMAN, too much ass kissing for me to handle, but Life goes on.

Reply by: Teobaldo at Sep 16, '10 10:35

Ass kissing? If GrapeJelly had been kissing the ass of Godfather Roman, would he not have rated "All Roads Lead to Rome" above "The Regular Everyday Normal Casino"? As it is my understanding from hearing the reviews, that is not the case. Here, allow me to repeat:

Overall: 11/15 For Chicago

Overall: 12/15 for Detroit

Seems to me like he is not kissing ass in Chicago, as he rated Detroit over them. Hmm.

As for the fact that he did not review New York's casino, I echo what Don Cruel said, perhaps he had not yet visited the casino in New York. Alas, laying accusations of a respected member of Las Vegas, is not appreciated.

Not being appreciated and not being a good idea are two different things. Perhaps someone could clarify for me which is more appropriate in this particular situation.

I may have taken some time off from specific areas in our business but let me be very clear about one thing, I have not forgotten how things work.

vincent-bennito pulls up in his luxury vehicle and is escorted back to the crowd yet again by his head of security MR. Jackson and the rest of his gaurds

I think all thats being said is there should be a certian level of respect here that isn't being given by certian members of this thing of ours.

"...I was stating the fact that was bloody obvious to anyone hearing the speech."

Diego raises an eyebrow

I respect your opinion Teobaldo, but I couldn't possibly disagree more...

Godfather TheDean. Maybe i was a bit hesitant in stating that Teobaldo's words were not a good idea. But maybe not. I see how it could have been taken as a threat, but that was not my intention. If that is how it is being percieved then i apologise for that. This outburst from Teobaldo just hit a nerve, it was really not called for.

Perhaps not being appreciated would be best to be used in this situation.

GrapeJelly slowly stands up shaking.

I never thought my opinion would cause so much controversy, if I had known I would of considered not saying it. Thank you everyone for your kinds words of me. It touches my heart to see the people I love the most so adamatly standing up for me, I would do the same for you. Thank you.

I feel as if I have some clearing up to do.

"I am here today to release my review of two of our worlds Casino establishments."

"I had a wonderful time at each establishment and will be back again many times. I'd advise those who have not been to these places to visit ASAP! A wonderful experience that I wont forget."

I am truly sorry to the establishment in NY. I myself have no graced it. Therefor I did not waste anyones time by trying to lie and claim I have seen its magnificence. With that, I invite anyone that has seen and played there to add to my thoughts of casino reviews. It would make the topic that much more complete. Thank you for your time.

Respect. GrapeJelly