There had been no sleeping for days, time past as it always had and yet the Archon sat like a rusted memorial serving as a warning to all about the dangers of hubris. You see, he had a glorious vision, the kind that one has only once in their lives if at all; it would have ushered in a new age for all and would be one of those things that really makes it all pop, you know? He was all about the five tenants of being what you'd call an entrepreneur -- and he'd tell you what they were, so long as you paid him for the pleasure. Yet this was different, it wasn't a mere hustle and definitely not a swindle, there was nary a profit to be made at all, in fact. Something unlike most of the ventures he had gotten himself involved in over the many years.

"Yeah, move it over there. No. Wait, over here. Yeah. Perfect."

Maybe being a little too literal on the statue metaphor, he had one erected of himself. It had only cost a small fortune, but money was no object when it came to pride.  The circles around his ever so slightly closing eyelids painted the picture of a beaten down man, but his demeanor was anything but, as he jumped all around jittery as ever.

"So you have the first payments, yeah?"

"Of course I do.", hurling cash onto the floor for no particular reason outside of showmanship he twisted a smile on his face before maneuvering himself behind the statue as if to inspect every last inch of the impeccable creation. This was only the first step in his plan, the next was to dip it into solid gold itself. All he had to do was find the gold, and the rest would work itself out in the end... or so he thought, something that seemed so simple would prove to be anything but.

As the men picked up the money and scurried off from the site, he began searching for the perfect slab. He figured it would only need to be about a ton or two, and then he would call down his friend at the morgue who would melt it for him in the cremation chambers. As you can see, he had it figured out quite brilliantly. Nothing could go wrong, but yet everything would find a way.

Booomf Booomf Booomf

The sound was a peculiar one that he hadn't heard before, so he did what any inquisitive mind would do and hid behind his locked door until it quieted down a bit and then he sprung into action. Making his way over to where he had first heard the noise, that's where he spotted a small nugget of what appeared to be solid gold or an extremely unhealthy shit; taking a bite to confirm one or the other, he found his answer with a partially chipped tooth. Gold!

That was all he needed to confirm his suspicions. Someone knew about his plans and they were trying to help; if only he could do a bit more investigatory work before proceeding, but there was no time at all and he had to make his great adventure come a bit sooner than he would have liked. Following the trail of what seemed to be an endless supply of the shiny metal, the Archon came across a weird looking establishment with a lot of charisma -- if charisma was code for crack cocaine and hookers -- it was the type of place he would normally love to visit, but on this occasion he was a bit perplexed. Why would this place have these kinds of riches? 

That's when it hit him. A baseball bat, to be exact. He was out cold and there looked to be no help in sight. It was a trap, as he should have probably expected, but that's maybe asking too much from the man who tried to invent slug soup. Waking up in what felt to be a trash bin he started questioning his life choices, mostly because of how quickly he was able to identify the inside of a trash bin.

"Anyone there?" 

Of course, no one answered, as that'd be way too easy. 

"Well... shit... if anyone can hear me, open this up. Maybe? I'll pay you in a gold nugget. Promise."

He had lost the golden nugget, but they didn't know that. If only he could undo everything that had just happened, he would never do anything bad again for the most part, depending on your moral compass and what you believe is right or wrong, because honestly there's a lot of different views on morality out there, so, eh, point is, he really wanted out... and that's when the idea hit him.

One...

Two...

Pushing up against the side of the bin as hard as possible he was finally able to push it down onto its side, and that's when the fun started because apparently he had been placed on some sort of hill which caused quite the tumble and a lesson in gravity that he'd not soon forget and as it smacked against the ground one last time, he was spit out of the can as if it was rejecting him from its bowels. Landing precariously on his ass, the Archon at first didn't even notice what he had landed on, just that it hurt quite magnificently. 

So. Much. Gold.

"I can retire now... fuck, all of my dreams. I can become the hiking skiing surfer that I've always known I could be, all I need to do is take it all! All of it! Yes! Yes!"

Shoveling as much as he could carry into his pockets, the Archon noted the area in his mind and then evacuated as quickly as possible from the place just in case the people who placed him there would return. That's when he came to the stark realization that he had no idea where he was nor could he keep his pants up properly with all of this weight inside of them. Fuck.

Things were about to get a lot more complicated...