Issue 5

Oh-Em-G! So much has happened within the last week! It has been brought to my attention that one of my longtime rival papers, Ghetto Gospel, has quit the newspaper business. I mean, what can I say, it's not fit for everyone. Much respect to you, and I hope you prosper in whatever else you decide to do. But with that, ofcourse....an old paper comes back. I will talk more on that later on in the issue. LET THE PAPER BEGIN!

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Now I See Why He's Smiling.

TheSmilingAssasin was given the nod to set up his own HQ. His family name is "The Gigante Family". I have known this guy for a little while now, and all I can say is congratulations. Find him at the coffee shop on 53rd street called #TGF. I had a chance to sit down and interview him, check it out:

P: How are you?

S: I'm very good thank you, how are you?

P: We are not here about me, stay on task. Why are you always smiling? It's a bit annoying.

S: I'm sorry it annoys you, but I'm a happy guy. A man that doesn't smile, dies young.

P: A man that smiles too much, has something stuck up his ass. Whats the most embarassing thing you have done?

S: Probably waking up the morning next to TheDean after a big night out. He swears nothing happened, but I'm not sure.

P: Did he touch you....there? *Points to His Crotch*

S: *No Comment*

P: If you were not in this "life of ours" what would you be?

S: It's hard to say really, this life is the only life I know and haven't really needed to think about a different path, but I think I would probably be in the line of work with animals, like a vet or something, I like animals.

P: I can tell by the way you carry yourself like an animal! You look a mess! Ok...now stop staring at my boobs!

S: Cover yourself up and I won't be so tempted!, they are nice.

P: Well, I must admit, they are pretty nice....Don't look at them! GRAB THEM!

S: *Does nothing*

P: Ok, this interview was a complete diasaster. Is there anything else you would like to tell the readers?

S: Team Gigante!

P: Really? You can talk about my boobs but you can't grab them?!!?!? Ugh! Bye!

Ha, Thanks Smiling for the interview. It was fun. The offer is still up if you want to grab my boobs.

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In The Blink Of An Eye.

Such a great opportunity given to such a great man, and his life was cut short. -Gene_Hunt was just recently given the key to the city of Las Vegas by TheDean. You could tell that this man was excited by the way he walked down the street. He always had a smile on his face, just so bubbily. So he had packed up his family, The Manc Lions, (Which By the way, I was a PROUD member of) and moved over to Las Vegas. Now, moving to a a vacant city on your own, with no protection, just you and your family is a challenge within itself. But I could not think of a better man that this opportunity could have been graced upon. So, we are just settling in, haveing a few drinks, doing Coacine, just having a good time. When all of a sudden we hear gun shots!!! We all begin to take cover and pull out our guns, we had no idea what was going on. I quickly tried to svae some of my Cocaine when I look over the table and see.....I see....Gene dead. Tears begin to roll down my eyes. WHY?!? Once the news got out about Gene, the hunt was on. Everyone was looking around for the man responsible for killing Gene. Hours later we found out who it was....

ClarenceWarley.

Now, I understand this may be breaking news to some of you, as no one has come into the streets telling exactly what happened. REMEMBER: You heard it here first. Why? Why would he shoot Gene? Was it out of jealousy? Did he take one of your hoes? Are you jealous because he has a bigger penis? I mean, what could it have possibly been!??!?! Well, long story short, ClarenceWarley was killed, which left 2 families without a leader. *Sighs* Gratiously, There was a Las vegas & Chicago Protection Order, which saved little ol' me!!!! PRISCILLA! So I can give you guys the news and shit like that. Anyways....Rest In Peace Gene, you will forever be missed. Oh the many good things you had in store for Las Vegas were cut short, in the blink of an eye.

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Death Tax!

The Death Tax is back bitchesss!!!!! Now, what is the Death Tax?

If a crew leader wants to shoot his own members in Las Vegas, Los Angeles, St Louis or New York then they can. If a mobster wants to shoot someone with MIA tattooed on their forehead than that is their right. However if anyone wants to shoot anything else in any of the cities above then they must have paid the tax. Davy has said $350,000 per family per city is appropriate, call it $1,250,000 if they want to shoot in all four cities. If the crew leader doesn't want to pay for it then its $100,000 per person per city.

There ya have it. The Death Tax! Smart business move on New Yorks side. Let's just hope they don't put a tax on Cocaine. I WOULD GO BROKE!!!!!!!!

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Speaking Of Cocaine.

Here is an update on The Priscilla Fund - which gives money to Priscilla for Cocaine.

825,051

Yay! I love it! Keep sending your money!!!!!!!

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The Results Are In!

Last issue, I touched on the topic that was annoying the fuck out of me, Rogue. It was the hottest topic of that week, so I had to talk about it. But anyways, I started a poll asking the public, why they thought people went "Rogue". Here are the results: (in order from first place to last place).

1. 35.29% - Seeking revenge for father/mother.
2. 29.41% - They caught an STD from their leader.
3. 23.53% - Just bored with life.
4. 11.76% - Jealous they aren't ranked higher.

Now, I personally think it is because of the STD's, but the public voted, and they agreed that people "Rogue" in revenge of their ancestors. BOO! I still say an STD has something to do with it. I also asked a kin of a person who has went "Rogue" to contact me, I didn't get any responses, except for this one, which I thought was extremly HILARIOUS!

Prescilla u r a bitch! I h8 u and I hate ur paper! I hope u die! And I hope u catch an STD u dirty tramp! Fuck U!

Haha, I have another fan. Love you too honey boo!!!!! *Muah*

- If you have any fan mail that you would like to send to Priscilla, mail it Here

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Is Priscilla Going To Quit?

I have recieved numerous mails asking me "How do I feel about The Mafia Tribune returning" and shit like that. I have ignored ALL messages unitl now. Here is what I have to say about it:

Kudos to them. It is nice to FINALLY have a challenge. The fact that a mass mail was sent to EVERY single person walking the street also gives them an advantage. It's an old ass paper, so ofcourse, old ass people will want to go back to reading it. It seems to me as if the Gods have something to do with this paper. Mass Mail, Fair? Mmm, I wouldn't go that far. There is even a God with the name of TribuneEditor. Haha. But am I going to bitch and moan about it? No! Am I going to quit Priscilla Press? HELL MOTHA FUCKINNN NOO! Something that Priscilla Press offers, that The Tribune doesn't is....time. It will never take you an hour to read my paper. 5 minutes at most. We are all busy people, and I'm sure we have better things to do than sit and read a damn newspaper. But on the other hand, one advantage that I have over The Tribune is that everyone can read it. With a glitch in the distributing of The Tribune, only a certain number of people can read it, which is good for me! Less people read their paper, more people read mines. I understand that they have a large following, but I will NEVER give up. So here is a statement to the editors at The Tribune: GAME ON!

That is all.

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Whore House.

Such a great business!!! A sweet young lady recently approached me, asking me if I could advertise her business in my newspaper. I quickly said ofcouse! I love the fact that people are attempting to bring the Business District back to life. I asked her, well...what is this business. She said...."It's a Whore House....but classy". Hahahahaha! A classy whore house? I have to see about this! Has anyone ever heard of a "Classy Whore House"? Ofcourse not! That's why this business is sooo unique! Your weiner will not fall off if you go to this place, and they have the most beautiful girls to pick from. They have:

Blonde Hair. Brown Hair. Fire Crotchs. Big Boobs. Little Boobs. Big Butt. Medium Butts. No Butts. Men. Women. Dogs! (No, just kidding about the dogs!!!!) Any possible combination (Except for dogs, that's just...WRONG!) is at your disposal. So, please go visit this smart young girls business.

Her name is BellaCiCii and her business is Los Angeles. Here is a Map. Go visit and have lots of sex!!!!!!!!! Thank you.

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Detroit.

I Yi Yi! Detroit has han eventful day. The death of MichaelLaMotta and Lauren shocked the world. Alot of people were afraid of a war breaking out, but this was simply a Detroit issue. Ragnarok came into the streets to let the public know exactly why those to events happened. Long story short, attitude. Attiude got them killed.

We are all mafiosos, and we all have our days where we are complete bitches. But we can only be bitches to those who will take our shit. Ragnarok had enough and acted upon it. It's always sad to see Crew Leaders fall, but...this is the life we have chosen. Rest In Peace to both Michael and Lauren.

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Viva Las Vegas!

TheDean has taken no time in rebuilding the city of Las Vegas. With the trajic death of Gene Hunt, 2 new men have been given auth. Falcao and GaylordFocker. I quickly rambled to get a statement from both of these men, and they kindly responded.

I asked Gaylord, "How do you feel You and Falcao will do in Las Vegas? Would you say you two have good chemistry?"

He responded "Of course! The Dean wouldn't send off to another city two people that didn't get along. Our bloodlines have known each other and worked together several times with nothing but good memories. I am very excited to be sharing the city with him."

I asked Falcao the same question, he responded "Gaylord and I will bring prosperty to Vegas. We will take over for the late -Gene_Hunt and we will do it for his memory! Gaylord and I have great chemistry, our forefathers have worked together in the past."

Well, it looks like they have had sexual intercourse in the past, and should get along VERY well. Good luck to both of you men. I am excited to see you guys re-build Las Vegas. Hopefully, your lives wont be cut short like Gene's.

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The End.

Another edition of Priscilla Press is finished. Leave comments telling me what you think. Times are rough, and I need all the support possible. Even if you think it's shitty, let me know. Also visit BellaCiCii's whore house. And donate to my Cocaine addiction.

Oh, and before I go. If you have any topics that you would like Priscilla Press to talk about, mail me. It just might make it in the next issue.

Later you slut bags! :)

*sneaks up behind Priscilla and grabs her left boob
Wow...that is awesome..just like a imagined it would be like!

Once again a great paper, great read and perfect boob..errr..layout.

Magua comes out of his HQ walking about the streets, he notices a newspaper stand and walks up to it and grabs a copy. Magua notices as he begins to read that his favorite Whore House had hit the big paper. Magua begins to laugh as grabs for his peace pipe. As magua begins to take his matches out and light his pipe he begins to speak in an excited voice...

I must admit, Bella's house is a great place to go. It has the most entertaining women you will ever see on the west coast! I must say it's a great upcoming business for any women who are interested in becoming apart of the family out there at the house as well!

I even remember the bartenders out there pour your drinks strong, and us natives love our drinks strong!

Magua takes the copy of the paper to run and show his friend Bella in excitement, a few nearby natives grab the peace pipe he has forgotten behind and begins to follow in his path...

I saved your life

Gave you a nice room in the HQ to stay in, even gave you soap for when you showered and not even a mention...

Probley a good thing tbh.

Keep up the dedication and good to see you wont burn out quick like other papers have in the past.

i love this, i didnt even know what happened with worley til now.

I definitely need to read this to stay on top of whats going on.

Melis glares at TheSmilingAssassin.

Where's my smile?

Laughing to no one but herself she continues reading all the issues she's missed.

Wow, not even a bit of death could get me mentioned first.

But still a good read.

After tossing away the latest issue of Priscilla Press McDermott walks off.

I'll stick to the Mafia Tribune.

Am I going to quit Priscilla Press? HELL MOTHA FUCKINNN NOO!

You go girl! A pleasure as always...actually thinking about sponsoring your coke addiction to read this.

Lolz.
Reply by: Priscilla at Sep 27, '10 16:24

You ask for people to leave feedback, but I didn't really give a reason. See I like wit and humor from such wit. I will not sit here and say I'm a better writer or tell you to stop publishing. Hell, I more than likely will not stop reading. I enjoy your effort, even applaud it.

So there you have it. You took the time to read it and I took the time to give you a valid response. Plus I've always enjoyed the bloodline of Gwarble, Grin or whatever it is that you know him by decimate his competition. I wish you good luck and good fortune.

I enjoyed your paper.

very well written Priscilla. It was very to the point yet highly entertaining.

I personaly am glad the death tax is back. I know this may now be old news, but I thought I would mention that :)

Moussa laughs

I really enjoyed reading your paper, its far from The Mafia Tribune, but it entertains me easily.

Nice work and keep it up.

this is one of the better paper i've read on MR it funny yet it awlays tells a story

Another great paper, it's short, funny and gives the same news as the tribune in half the words. Keep up the great work.