You walk up to the nearest library as you are looking for a political book you see a plain brown cover book that you discover by opening that it is a diary you decide to read on:

THE CLOWN DIARY

Hello,

If you are reading this diary it is because you are curious of what it is like to be a clown.  Being a clown is not just some creepy job, it is a lifestyle.  You don't just go home to a wife and kids, cook dinner and relax. No you are born with a talent some say.  I say it is hiding yourself.  Both my mother and father were clowns and would preform everyday at different carnivals around different cities.  While they were preforming they would leave me at home crying, hungry and dirty.  As I grew older I was in and out of foster care due to my parents neglect.  This is when I began to isolate myself within my own body.  Depression became no stranger to me.  I remember staying in my room for weeks straight barely eating.  One day my foster father came to my room and told me to come and eat with the family. When I denied his offer I was punished, no not time out a bad beating with a paddle.  I decided to run away from my foster parents home and try to find my biological parents. I traveled from carnival to carnival looking for them.  At the carnival I attended in Wisconsin I ran into a Clown that reminded me a lot of my father.  He told me his wife had died and the carnival was all he had left.  After telling the man that my parents were clowns he asked me one question, Why do you want to be a clown?  My response was simple because my parents were.  I guess that was not the answer he was looking for, he told me a clown is a mask from reality. A clown will protect your feelings and allow you to express them without anybody knowing.  Hearing this opened my eyes and the man gave me my first clown mask and 20$ to get to the next carnival in North Dakota.  

Behind this mask I feel free, I feel like I am someone who is good. I feel I am someone who helps people laugh and helps others enjoy the life they were given.  Once in North Dakota I began preforming daily.  I found the carnival right for me.  I spent my time alone in my tent wondering if I will ever find my parents.  Then one day the family I thought I had at the carnival left North  Dakota and me with it.  This was the ultimate betrayal.  With them gone and no money I didn't know what to do so I wandered.  I was teased by the locals when they saw me and harassed by the police if they saw me, I had no one.

Somehow during my wandering life I ran into people who thought like me, One by one we were adding to our group.  After about a dozen people we were able to save our money up and head to Seattle where there was a huge crowd for carnivals.  I would always wander alone though thanks to the depression.  I wandered across a RV located deep in the woods on the outskirts of Seattle.  I called it home and I would wander to it everyday after I was done preforming.  My mask never came off, I practiced when I got home and even slept as a clown.  This is when the teasing began, the very people I had thought were there for me knew something about my biological parents I didn't.  I was told my father forced my mother to leave me behind and when she wanted to come back for me he killed her. He said it would make me a stronger person.  I was also told by one of the older carneys that had been around for awhile that I was wearing the mask he killed her in.

How could that be? Yes you guessed it the man who sent me away again was my father!  I ran back to my RV and attempted suicide by Shotgun but all it managed to do was take my jaw off and immobilize my speech.  All I do now is try to stay in my RV and practice preforming for when I decide to come out.  I will bottle my feelings until I have a crowd to preform for. So when you see me there is a reason behind this mask! There is a human behind this mask! But nobody will ever see that will they?

-TWIST