|
There sat ten easels, veiled by a thick, velvet black cloth, separated in the middle by Syriana. A light hovered over each of them - almost eager to reveal the contents they had beneath them. As if it was something out of a magic show, Syriana clapped his hands together before a microphone came down from an unknown source on the stage. Grabbing the microphone, he began.
Ah, people. Different races, different creeds, different personalities. In the world of the mafia, you'd expect to see more or less the same thing. Not true. What separates us from most criminal enterprises is our unusual amount of creativity, sense of community - and, for those of you who dispute the use of community, get over it - it is a community, whether you like it or not. Different ideologies, bred hand in hand with the infamous coffee shops, these individuals have made their mark one way or another - whether it be by turning the tables in a war thought lost, HQ wacking each and every one of his fellow members by sneaking up to them and smothering them, or carving their path to success by being one of the fortunate leaders to be referred to as a Godfather - or Godmother. Pairing in all of these differences - I thought it'd be an interesting venue to unleash - at least, in my opinion, the ten different classes of people that I've come to notice in my bloodline's long, long history, as well as in my own lifetime. Let's begin, shall we?
He walked to his right, stopping at the last sign at the end of the stage. Pulling back the black veil that covered it, it revealed only two words.
The Face
"Ah, one of the oldest characters in the book - The Face. Often in this line of work for the social aspect, these intelligent characters are renowned for their oratory skills, preferring to use words over bullets and generally being held in high regard for their ability to recount their past exploits as if they were happening before their eyes - However, they are not well known in the trade as being very handy with their firearm."
Moving to the next sign in place, he lifted the veil that covered it to reveal another name.
The Quintessential Mobster
"While the name may fool you, these individuals are not very common. Rarely missing an opportunity to screw over their fellow criminals, these men and women have their eyes set on two things - money and power. Always an ally of opportunity, they will almost always side with people whom they deem advantageous - and disregard them when their usefulness evaporates. Or kill them. Mixed with their wit, oratory skills, and keen (but inferior to The Serial Killer) prowess for gunplay, they will almost always grab on to power and will have a pitbull's hold on it until they are put out of their misery."
He moved on to the next veil, lifting it up to reveal the next name.
The Humanitarian
"Often one of the more overlooked characters, these cheerleaders of the Mafia are infamous for their incredibly high correspondence rate, and their seemingly endless hunger for the inside of other people's pockets. Almost always neglects, shuns or otherwise ignores their firearm, they instead opt to spend their time wriggling their hands into other men and women's pockets, most likely while writing another letter. They also seem to have an innate ability at making money - a very prized attribute."
Syriana continued to move to his left, revealing the next sign in succession.
The Town Crier
"Ah, the Town Crier! These individuals have, in recent history, been slimmed dramatically from the Gods near-zero tolerance attitude towards them. These individuals, if seen, exhibit characteristics of a conspiracy theorist. While often successful, their downfall almost inevitably is caused by their increasing paranoia at both the Gods and the Mafia in general. Did a relative die of a gun malfunction? Rigged. Did Godfather B display enormous amounts of wealth? Cheating. Did Striphe make several million dollars on blackjack? Blackjack answers. Rarely seen in the coffee shops, because they are more often than not banished."
Moving to the halfway point, he took a breath before revealing the next sign.
The Social Catalyst
"These individuals, often overrated and lauded more than they're worth, are, for the most part, lazy individuals who have over time developed vast amounts of connections with people; often found at the "elite" of a crew's structure without doing any actual work, their lives are defined by their myriads of inside jokes, borderline disrespectful jabbing and humorous street appearances, which will most likely refer to the aforementioned myriad of inside jokes that they keep amongst themselves. While their environment dictates their mood, they are more often than not cynical."
Moving to the next sign, he unveiled it to his surprise - almost certain it was the second to the last. Regardless, he gave his monologue.
The Serial Killer
"Ah, the serial killer! This specimen is known for contributing little, if ever, to the streets other than their main line of work - dead bodies. Frequently member measuring with their fellow serial killers of the same family, their sole purpose is to take as many lives as possible. They may share similar attributes to The Social Catalyst. To take their gun is to take their only reason for being in this world, and to give them a job that includes an ounce of contribution to the streets is to give them death, or close to it. Their definition of "creative juices" isn't exactly the way most of us picture it.
Moving to the next sign, he unlifted a veil for the seventh time.
The Drama Llama
"Ah, the Drama Llama.. always carrying the world's smallest violin with them, these individuals have suffered more pain than you can possibly fathom suffering.. ever. While sharing some of the same traits with The Humanitarian, these characters will more often than not take issues far too seriously than they actually are, will blow things out of proportion, and riddle their calling card with cryptic, emotional text that the more caring mafioso can't help but sit and wonder to, as well as take the implications of ignoring a mail far, far too seriously. Usually sharing the inside joke aspect of the social catalyst, their circle of friends may shift incredibly over very short notices as various rifts develop - because if you don't agree with them, you're wrong. You'll likely only realize this after they ragequit out of the coffeeshops, however."
Seeing the final three signs left, he gave a sigh of relief before pulling down #8.
The Hardass
"Known far and wide as being the forerunner of Mafia theory, these individuals live and breathe off of tearing members down in the streets, segueing into their diatribe that reveals the vast, unparalleled amount of skill that only they have experienced - and because you haven't, you are always wrong. Combining the oratory skills of The Face with most aspects of The Quintessential Mobster, these individuals are prized for their take no shit attitude, and will most likely find themselves at the top of the food chain, and are also prized for being one of the more enjoyable kills of the trade because of their unparalleled arrogance."
Moving on to #9, he pulled down the veil to reveal one of his more favored characters, The Diplomat.
The Diplomat
Known for their bright, cheery attitude, impeccable linguistics, creativity, and oratory skills that rival The Face, these individuals are well known for their originality; Making few enemies on their path to power, more often than not meeting The Quintessential Mobster on the other end of the road, these characters will frequently find success. However, they struggle with naivety and more often than not despise ideological differences.
Moving to the tenth and final sign, he gave a sigh of relief before speaking.
"And now, the final piece to this puzzle - someone I'm sure we're all familiar with, but overlook to the extreme - I give you.. The Foreigner."
He unveiled the sign before continuing.
"The most neglected group, characteristics of The Foreigner include numbers in their title, frequently yelling TO THE POINT WHERE YOU FLY INTO A BLIND RAGE AT THE VAST AMOUNT OF YELLING, poor linguistics, audacious arrogance, and a pension for "mo' money n hoz" as well as "pttin a cap in dat ass". Often holding the shortest lifespan, it is nearly impossible for these individuals to advance - although very rare exceptions are known."
With that said, I'd like to ask people who bothered through this demonstration: Where do you fit in? Are you a mix of two characters? Can you create your own niche? Where do you believe you fall in the grand scheme of things?
Curiosity drove me to this spectacle - and that curiosity also makes me wonder where most of us consider themselves in their own worlds. |
